Dear Kimberly Kimbo Burgertower,

When you wake up this morning you’ll be a year older and you can finally & legally eat space brownies while hanging out by the Varkenssluis. I know you smoke pot, and being a /loose/ European that you once claimed to be, you probably are also an expensive escort who only eats caviar and take Visa for payment. But it’s ok because you can draw and you draw really well.

Sometimes you can be a grammar Nazi when you feel like it and it scares me because my fic is full of HAHAHA and ORLY, and if you were my editor I would run away from you and rather feeding myself to an alligator than facing your cruel judgment. But then again, it’s okay because you challenged me and made me want to write better.

Your brother is so hot and the last time we talked you said your mom likes me so if you like me as much as she does, I don’t mind being adopted by your family, or better yet, be your sister in law.

If not, that’s fine too, because if I was your family I don’t think I can be freely making fun of your Junho-stanning style. I never understand how you never wanted to do bad things to Junho, quoting you “I want to be friends with him”. Like, WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT? That’s why on your next birthday I will be sending you estrogen pills; they’re expensive but that’s why I’m taking an extra part-time job right now. Yes, kimbo…just for you. You better love me.

Last but not least, you know we suspected that you watch ghei porn and now that I remember what you said last year, the first time we started chatting:

I am convinced that you do no matter how hard you deny it. Just like Eminem said, I love the way you lie lulz (oh, and the answer is JUNSU, Kim…Junsu is the straight one.)

So I hope you had a great, marvelous day and an amazing year to come. You know we love you and how trolly you are. I love your face and legs too, no homo, and I hope someday you will release that ballet video of yours where you were the bumblebee. 

Say hello to Robin, ok? I’m always single for him keukeukeu