When your boyfriend or girlfriend asks if you are okay..
Don’t lie to them. If y'all are in love, tell them what’s bothering you. They care. It’s okay to be vulnerable with them. Don’t tell them “yes, I’m okay” and you’re not, because then you’ll be mad at them for not understanding your hurt when YOU HAVEN’T EVEN EXPLAINED IT to them. People can’t read minds. Give them the chance to listen, give them the chance to understand. Let them love you, communication is key.
I’m sorry I have goals I actually want to achieve, I’m sorry that I love people you think I have no chance with, I’m sorry that I actually put myself first and have enough self respect to know when to walk away. Sometimes I guess you forget that and my reminders aren’t always friendly.
Advice on Getting to Know INFPs (like, REALLY getting to know them, like on a deeply platonic or romantic level) Part One
from the perspective of an INFP: yours truly, Anika Ashbourne.
-INFPs are “idea people”. We’d much rather not talk about the football game or bland politics or it is what it is. No, let’s talk about art and potential and possibilities and theories of the universe and favorite books and why this and how that and why not and what if. Stereotypically, we’re wide-eyed innocent children in the bodies of adults who have our head too far in the clouds to ever come down. While that’s quite an exaggeration, we are very imaginative and abstract in our thinking. We love love love new ideas, new concepts, new things to be obsessed with. Because INFPs are constantly on the lookout for, as I like to call them, “things that click”. A puzzle piece falls into place. A door unlocks, and you’re the key, and suddenly you’re our new favorite person in the world and please don’t go away because you mean very much to me for helping me develop myself or my ambitions further. Advice: to connect with an INFP, don’t be a dull-ass, ordinary, out-of-all-the-things-we-could-talk-about-you-choose-to-talk-about-this?! kind of people.
-We can tell what you’re trying to do. Just saying. If you’re trying to impress an INFP, they know. If you’re trying to bring down an INFP, they know. If you’re lying to an INFP, they know. If you’re pushing down your emotions in front of an INFP… Oh god, they know. The thing is, we won’t usually let you know that we know, but we know. We can sense it. We have a way of reading people subconsciously. The thing is, we’re so conscious of how we do things and how different our ways of doing things are from other people’s ways, we start to pick up on exactly how each kind of person tends to do things and what the signs are that they’re doing the thing. We do all this without realizing we’re analyzing you, and it gives us a grip on what we think of you. Advice: be real and as honest as you can to INFPs. Don’t try to trick us, because we’re hard to deceive and you’ll lose all our trust and respect at once. Instead, be sincere and show us you’re worth getting to know, too– which isn’t that hard if you’re being genuine, because we like to really know people, too.
-INFPs are reserved. Yes, we’re the quiet ones in the corner with our notebooks or the kid that never shuts up when they’re talking to friends but never opens their mouth around other people, but it’s more than that. We’re reserved. It takes a while to really get to know an INFP. Some say we’re even more reserved than the INFJs or INTs. This is because we’re open to pain, we let it sting us when it comes and let our emotions flood us so we can taste the tides, but we’d rather avoid it when we can. An INFP that’s been hurt a lot in the past- and, warning, most INFPs have been- is less likely to want to get hurt in the future unless they really believe is worth it. Yes, we’re afraid to get hurt. We are not afraid you’ll hurt us, we are just afraid of the flood that, you have to admit, is sure to come again if you really deeply connect with someone. So we defend ourselves with layers. Hundreds and hundreds of layers, and the longer you stay with us, the more time you spend with us, the more we begin to trust you… those layers peel off. And you’ll know because that’s when we’re incredibly silly around you and fearless in expressing our ideas and we will defend you from every evil thing that comes your way at whatever the personal cost. Until then, we tend to appear as the shy butterfly flittering around on its own, a little ways away from the others. Advice: be patient and be persistent, and earn our trust by being a person we can feel comfortable and happy around.
-INFPs feel everything at an overwhelmingly deep level… or almost not at all. If you hurt us, you’ve either destroyed us for a while or you’ve only chipped a crack in the layered walls of our castle. If you make us happy, we’re basically either tempted to kiss you and be close to you forever and all eternity and return the favor, or we simply appreciate it and move on. In the overwhelming sense, we will remember it for the rest of our lives and we’ll write about it and sing about it and make art about it and let it fuel is in our quests, or we’ve already forgotten it. Advice: I just hope you realize what you’re doing will either have a very long-term affect or no affect at all. If you’re not sure, you can always ask. INFPs are very willing to help you out, especially if it means further developing our own self or yourself, and you can always always just ask them if what you’ve done is good or bad or nothing. And if it’s bad, apologize ASAP and talk to them about it. If it’s good, well done and keep it up!
When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time. People know themselves much better than you do. That’s why it’s important to stop expecting them to be something other than who they are.