friendship is top secret

we have been friends for five weeks
the first time she steals a guy from me.
she doesn’t mean to. she does it accidentally,
just by being around him. it is the first time
someone mentions how similar we are. it is
neither the last nor the most painful. i keep
holding myself back from saying, “i get it, okay,
she’s like a version of me but better
in every single
i smile instead. i pretend i take it as
a compliment. we grow up together
like this.

we are sitting in the dark and
someone asks “at what age did you
leave behind your childhood toys”
and i look at her before shrugging a little and
replying “probably around five” because
i want to sound like i’m older and more mature
than she is but
she blushes a little and admits “actually i
brought a teddy bear to college” and
everyone in the room makes a little cooing
sound like they think she’s just the absolute
cutest and i don’t sigh because i’m
happy she’s fitting in

we are sitting in the cafeteria and she’s
sitting back, drinking only black tea. when she
leaves the room, i get up and slip on a wet
paper towel. i hit the ground along with my lunch. nobody
helps me. i have bruises on my palms. a
few weeks later her hands shake so badly
her mug breaks on the floor and at least
six people jump from their chairs, over four
of them boys. she looks ready to cry. i am
not mad at her. she has bad hands. they’re
always cold and they forget to hold things.
of course people are helping.

she moves far away one day and the
inside of me is still filled with something
between awe and jealousy but since she’s
gone i keep thinking that this is my chance
to remake myself but whenever i look for clues
on who to be, pictures of her show up in my
brainstem and one day
she makes the mistake of coming over to
my house when i throw a party and the guy i like
falls for her instantly, effortlessly
while i spend my night with my head in the toilet
bowl, puking.

later she curls up next to my bed and
asks me how i’m doing, i tell her “shut up, i’m
sleeping” and she falls silent and i hate her but
it’s not her fault, is it, nothing really is

she texts me four days later. apologizes. says she
knows she’s been a fuck-up and a burden from day
one, says she knows i am jealous of her but doesn’t
know what to do about it, says she doesn’t get why
people even give a shit. she tries to explain in clunky
letters that she’s always thought herself to be
the failure, that she’s just as jealous even if she’s
less open about it. i swallow her words like punches and
take a second to remember

it’s not her fault, is it? the only person i really hate is
the person i’ve become. she reminds me of someone
genuine, someone i once

—  “There’s this girl who I’ve known forever and we were always compared but no matter how hard I tried, she was always the one came out on top." /// r.i.d | inkskinned

Maintaining Equestria’s safety is always a challenge, especially when it involves multiple countries. Not only are there future threats, but ones from the past, ones that can threaten the sanity of even @ask-crackpot (Awesome but discontinued ask blog). If neutralization is necessary, @peacekeeperangel (mod blog), then we have a great many means at our disposal. But even @susie-queen-of-the-vampireponies deserves better than being treated like a trophy.


Tyler and Josh are goals af 😯😍


We are glad to be of assistance, @nlrhighcommand-blog (RP blog), in providing services with all our tools at our disposal. Yes, @theaussieblue (empty?) this includes that which may be considered a threat were it not for maintained control.

(( Books poster by the very awesome @ottercha0s (commission info) and family portrait by the very awesome @littlerubyrue (commission info) ))


The investigation was never mine, @ask-patient1274 (awesome story blog). But there is much to be learned about Westwood’s past, @quirkiverse (mod blog). And despite him viewing me as a foal sitter @askrustynail (mixed drink blog), @gbscientist (mod blog) is correct in that I worry for his mental health.

(( Family portrait by the very awesome @littlerubyrue (commission info) ))


Never fear, Miss Emerald (draw blog), GB (draw blog), and Stalky (reblog blog), we are quite capable of tracking down the suspects. Thank you, Commander (draw blog) and you will find the relevant report is enclosed (Night Vanguard, draw blog). You can rest, Questioner (NSFW reblog blog), the dangerous Wild Card (PG-13 voice blog of awesome) was captured non-lethally.

(( Cameos of FireBug (draw blog) and Dream Baker (draw blog). Also: what ScreeeChooom sounds like ))