friends of kitty

11 Things

@mllekaren tagged me for the 11 things about me post

1) I’m nearly drunk. Which is about the only way you’ll get me to divulge what I consider to be personal knowledge. Thank the lord for spell check. 

2) I have a baggie tucked away with the claw leavings and dropped whiskers of my dear kitty friend, Brigit, just in case cloning actually becomes affordable in my lifetime, and we can maybe zap out the physical deformations that led to her early death, so me and her sister clone can have the long life she never got. 

3) My absolute greatest fear is pregnancy and labor. I just can’t accept what amounts to a parasite inside me. I have huge control issues. A thing inside me I can not control? No fucking thank you. And labor? I will show weakness. Again. No fucking thank you. 

4) I was a part of the influx of heroin in my town ages ago. It hasn’t gotten better since my time. Someone I introduced to it got arrested and hung himself in jail. That soul is on me. 

5) I’ve said for years and years there is something broken inside me. I don’t understand “happy”. I do not do it well. I wish I did but I don’t get it. The other day while driving the thought hit me. “I am relentlessly and perpetually dissatisfied”. 

6) I could probably live off of sushi, nachos and mutter paneer until the end of time. 

7) I wrote a book when I was 8. It did not get published but it did get some encouraging rejection letters. 

8) Jesus fuck! 11! 

9)  I have no idea what my sexuality is. There are so many terms today. Where the hell do I fit in? I like men. I like boobs. I love girl kisses. I like rock hard shoulders and full alert dicks. I am weirded right the fuck out by vaginas, including my own.  So …  ??  I dunno. Wanna make out? 

10) Duuuuuuude, Rub my feet and I am yours forever. 

11) I had a pony when I was 4. Once, I was a princess. 

Monday 8:27am
I woke up with you on my mind.
You called me babe last night —
my heart is still pounding.

Tuesday 10:53pm
Today I realized we won’t work.
What we are is hurting her.
And I think she matters more to me than you do.

Wednesday 11:52pm
I broke things off with you today.
She barely said a word.
I’ve never regretted anything more than this.

Thursday 4:03pm
I shouldn’t have sent that message.
You shouldn’t have been so okay with receiving it.

Friday 9:57pm
I almost messaged you today.
I didn’t.

Saturday 8:49pm
I’m walking around town in search of alcohol.
They say that liquor numbs the pain of having a broken heart.
I want to put that to the test.

Sunday 2:32am
I heard you texted a girl you’ve never spoken to before.
I wonder if it’s because you’re trying to replace me.
I can’t help but wish you weren’t.
I thought I was irreplaceable.

—  a week with you on my mind, c.j.n.