I could physically feel you losing interest in me. Our 3 a.m. conversations had turned into 3 minute chats. Everything was surface level, and it absolutely broke my heart because I wanted nothing more than to have you back in my life. I felt like screaming at you to just Speak to me, but I knew it was futile. Sometimes no matter how much two people want to make it work, it’s not meant to happen.
Losing a Friend Hurts so Much// a Excerpts From a Book I’ll Never Write
There are 365 days in a year
And you and I both know from many unfortunate personal experiences,
That not all of those days will be good.
For some, the majority of those days will be a breeze
For others, each day will be a trial.
The world is a difficult place.
The world is an interesting place.
I am here to give you a few reminders
To keep up with this trying world we live in.
1. Follow your own heart and dreams. Don’t ever let anyone else tell you what you can or can’t do.
2. If you want something enough, you will find a way to make it happen.
3. You will meet people who hate you, and you will meet people who love you, and you will meet people who you think love you. Don’t be fooled. Some people are just passing by in your story called life. They’re there to teach you something, so always be aware.
4. Always remember that bad things and situations you don’t like will end. It may take minutes, hours, days, or years, but never forget that they will end eventually. You can get through anything.
5. You are your own person, not anyone else’s. Don’t let people take control of you and change your beautiful self.
6. The people in your life who make you giggle and smile in the darkest of times are ones you need to keep with you forever. There is always the potential for hard times, and you’ll need someone to cheer you on.
7. You do not have to live up to any standards or expectations. Family and peers and society are constantly telling us that we have to be a certain way, or else we aren’t good enough. Tune out of that thinking and just be yourself. That’s the best thing you can be.
8. Don’t be afraid to step outside of your comfort zone. Being out of the box can bring on so many amazing new opportunities you never even thought existed.
9. A lot is going to happen to you during your lifetime, so let yourself feel anything and everything. Always feel as much as you can. It makes you experience things at a higher level and you can say, “Yes I know this feeling. I’ve been here before.”
10. A good cry cleanses the heart and mind and soul.
11. Appreciate the small things. They can teach you to love and be at peace with everything around you.
12. It’s okay to take a break from everyday duties once in a while.
13. Travel whenever possible, it opens the mind. Go on adventures in new places and learn about the world. You will come back a new person.
14. Get up the courage to talk to strangers. That’s how you meet people. Who knows, the next person you meet could end up being your new best friend.
15. Stand in the rain and breathe in the wide open air and absorb everything you can about the earth.
16. Long walks are something that can clear the mind and resolve many issues.
17. It’s okay to lay in bed with a book all day.
18. Look out the window and watch the snow silently fall. It’s one of the most peaceful and relaxing things you can do.
19. Remember that everyone is living their very own life with their own problems, so always be kind and respect others.
20. Keep and open mind and listen to people’s thoughts. You might discover more than you think.
21. You are not defined by your weight or skin color or career or the number of friends you have or your grades in school or your decisions. You are so much more than that.
22. Everyone makes mistakes in life, so don’t judge a person based on their decisions.
23. Keep your own limits and morals. Don’t give them up for anyone.
24. Live a little. Be spontaneous and experience all that you possibly can.
25. Aim to live a life that you will be proud of and content with when you’re 90 years old.
26. Things in life will tear you down, but time heals everything.
27. Rumors don’t help anyone. Don’t start or spread them.
28. Your soulmate is out there in the world searching for you too. Don’t lose hope. You’ll find each other one day.
29. Treat yourself once in a while.
30. Random acts of kindness can make someone’s day and it can make you feel good too.
31. You’re going to have to work if you want to live a truly happy life. Don’t cheat or make someone else do the work for you. That will only make an unfulfilled and empty life for you in the end.
32. Be proud of everything you do.
33. Self love never hurt anyone.
34. Find things to look forward to. It will keep you excited and more hopeful for the bright future.
35. Leave a piece of you in every place you go and with every person you meet.
36. Always listen to people. Everyone just wants to be heard and understood and feel like they matter to someone.
37. Do what is best for you in the long run, even if it hurts at first.
38. Love with all your heart and soul at every opportunity.
39. Never settle for less. You deserve the best and whatever makes you truly happy.
40. Don’t feel bad if someone doesn’t like you. It’s their loss because they won’t get to experience your magnificent presence.
41. Never fear love. Love can make you grow and blossom and teach you so much. Don’t fear it, but proceed with caution. Broken hearts will heal with time, but they are never fun.
42. Dancing silly to your favorite songs will guarantee some giggles and smiles.
43. Always sing in the shower, and when you’re home alone, sing as loud as you can.
44. Put effort into everything you do. It makes it all worthwhile and you feel better about it in the end. You can reflect and say “Look at this. I’m proud.”
45. Exercise makes you feel good and you’ll feel accomplished too. Try it sometime.
46. You are beautiful exactly how you are. Don’t deny yourself of your own loveliness.
47. You may not be perfect, because no one is, but you’re hella radiant, which is near perfection.
48. To grow as a person and expand your mind and soul, learn at least one new thing everyday.
49. Don’t beat yourself up about things you have no control over.
50. Happiness is not a goal or a point on a map. It is a state of being that everyone deserves.
Now my friend, I hope you can carry these things with you in your heart
Because every time you are down
You can always get back up.
Every time you are afraid
The fear won’t last forever.
This world and the people in it may knock you down
But you need to keep getting back up.
You have to.
Live, live, live.
Live your dream life. Make things happen.
It will be hard and it may seem hopeless and pointless sometimes,
But just remember that things really do get better.
The world is a difficult place.
The world is a beautiful place.
But only if you believe it to be.
My friend texted me late one night and was wondering 10 reasons to keep living. This is what I told her.
sometimes nights will feel cold and empty when there’s no reason for it. live for these nights. embrace them. dance in them. do what you need to feel complete again, make tea, watch movies, write poetry and wear your prettiest pajamas. and when they are over, rejoice because you made yourself feel whole again. you did that. live for the nights in which you heal yourself.
words have more power than you think. they can save you. you need to live to see these beautiful words that will come, and sometimes they’ll come to you in the form of songs or poetry or texts or even the words that come out of your own mouth. live for these words.
there’s no such thing as a stupid reason to stay alive. think of these reasons and hold onto them. you want to see the finale of your favorite show? you want to wait for that clothes order to arrive? you want to play your entire volleyball season? and when those little things to look forward to run out, find more. live for the tiny things that make you happy.
being “something” is easier than you think. passions come across when you’re not even expecting them. you love morning tea? live for those morning cups of tea. buy a teapot, get yourself a ton of flavors of tea. try every flavor of tea known to humankind. make your own tea. open a tea shop. make a tea kettle. live for your passions.
boredom is a dangerous thing. I know sometimes you want to lay in bed and do nothing, and sometimes that helps but more often it doesn’t. a lot of the time staying busy will be the only thing that will help. find those little distractions and live for them. they may seem like chores or busywork but you’ll grow to love them, I promise. paint your nails, try a ton of hairstyles, go through all your drawers and throw out old stuff, do 100 sit ups, spend an hour looking through all your music and create a master playlist of your favorite stuff, research things you’ve always wondered like ‘why do cats have whiskers’, look up motivational videos, watch interviews of your favorite band. you’ll feel productive. do anything to keep your hands and mind busy. live for being busy.
self-love is hard to achieve and it’s a lot of work but it’s so wonderful. learn to love yourself. stop rejecting compliments, accept them and maybe you’ll finally come to see them as true. self-love isn’t thinking that you’re perfect, it’s knowing that you’re human and beautiful and you have more prettiness in you than flaws. it’s also knowing that yes, you are beautiful on the outside in your own unique way, but you are more beautiful on the inside than anything. make it your mission to finally recognize that you are a good soccer player, that you have really pretty colored hair, that you are your own worst critic and you are full of stardust and fairy kisses and you can conquer the entire world. live for loving yourself.
people are not as fragile as you think. you keep watering yourself down and you’re receiving watered down love. it won’t hurt them if you show your entire self in all it’s glory. it won’t hurt them to tell them what you really think. you are full of comets, stars, galaxies that they should be dying to see. show who you truly are. and if people are too fragile to handle it? leave them. if they can’t handle the complete version of you, the you that makes you happiest, the you you’re not ashamed of, then they don’t deserve you. live for being yourself.
we are a flawed, broken people. life doesn’t have a meaning. the universe will end someday. people get sad and hurt every day. these are all things that are true, sad, but true. sometimes we just need to acknowledge that things are true, let ourselves feel what we feel, and move on. live for acknowledgement. but also…
we are a flawed, broken people but that makes us all the more beautiful. life doesn’t have a meaning but you can make one for yourself. the universe will end someday so we should make it as beautiful as we can before it leaves. people get sad and hurt every day but they get better. live for positivity, live for knowing that you’ll be okay.
once in a while it will seem like nothing is going right. it may seem that way right now. but remember that you always, always have someone, in good times and in bad. even if everyone else abandons you, I’ll be here. I will stand by you in your brightest days and your darkest days, in my stormy skies and in my sunshiny afternoons. I will be a shoulder for you to lean on, I will do my best to make you happy when I can and help you when you’re sad. live for the people that love you and make you happy. live for me, and the countless other people that want you to keep walking this beautiful earth. live because there is so much left to see, live because there is too much left to do. live because one day, you’ll be sitting at your kitchen table with sunlight streaming through the window at just the right angle with a cup of coffee and a gentle smile on your face, and you’ll have a wonderful job and a beautiful family and friends that love you with their entire hearts, and you’ll be so, so glad that you stayed alive to witness that very moment.
This is life. People will screw you over. You’ll fight with your family. You’ll witness things that will change you forever. You’ll blame new lovers for things old lovers did. You’ll lose best friends you thought would always be there. You’ll come to realise that everyone has a past. You’ll cry, you’ll laugh, and you’ll embarrass yourself. But then, you’ll find your very own moment where none of that matters, where you can sit back and realise that crap happens to the people who can handle it and that this is who you are, and that no one should want to change you, including yourself.
“We were doing, like, a photo thing when I found out about Chester. And the first - for hours, I was in disbelief. I didn’t believe anybody, what anybody had to say about anything. And, fast forward, you know, you go through a whole rollercoaster of things. And eventually, I realized that one of the things that always helps me get through something is actually, not only listening to music but actually playing music. And I sat down - I don’t think at the time when I did this, I don’t think I had even had the courage to, like, listen to our music yet, like I hadn’t even listened to one of our songs yet. But I sat down in my studio and I wrote something. And it was about eight days after, and I want to share it with you guys tonight if that’s okay.” - Mike introducing “Looking For An Answer” at “Linkin Park & Friends Celebrate Life in Honor of Chester Bennington” Hollywood Bowl, CA 27.10.2017
Also since I’m at it: I don’t have time for people who hate Gotham’s Edward for shooting Penguin like… what was he supposed to do? What would you rather have happened? He realizes that Oswald’s selfishness was “for love” and jumps on his dick? Would you, personally, have forgiven someone you trusted with your life, who murdered (premeditated, and killed with malice aforethought AND, even though Ed doesn’t know this, knew that it would greatly effect you to lose this person and even /planned/ to take advantage of that vulnerability in advance) the person you love, a person who accepted your past and represented a better future for you? Give me a break, he had it coming.
Mother’s Day is coming up and this is just my small reminder to please not assume everyone still has their mother because going through Mother’s Day without your mom is already hard enough and we don’t need it to be made harder by the people who come up to us asking about what we’re planning for our moms or giving us ideas for how to make our moms happy on that day etc.
Friendly reminder that you don’t have the right to a person just because they’re famous. You don’t have the right to a person just because youre a fan. If you think you do, you can’t call yourself a fan.
They are people. They do not exist solely for you and your fantasies. They have lives, friends, family. They have good days and bad. They get angry, they get upset. They’re people. Treat them as such.
She wanted to be everywhere; to taste the universe one bit at a time and to fly with the wind and sing with the rain. She wanted to go somewhere where windows looked out on big streets full of tiny people instead of empty roads lined with sleepy houses. She wanted to see the world through her own lens; to look at her life and not wait for someone to set her free from her cage, but to pick the lock herself.