Bitty is a southern boy and as a southern girl let me tell you there are things he does that make the rest of SMH go “Ummm….what?”
He says stuff that makes literal ZERO sense to the rest of the team. Mostly southern phrases etc. LIKE, “That boy is about of useless as tits on a bull.” or if it’s raining but the sun is out Bits just says, “Devil must be beatin’ his wife.” Everyone is confused as shit.
“Oh my goodness I want Chick-fil-a. BUT IT’S SUNDAY.”
Holster going,” Hey Bits can you hand me a coke?” and Bitty responding with, “Sure, which kind do you want? We’ve got sprite, mtn dew, dr. pepper…” BC in the south every soda is a coke.
“Y’all know what I miss the most about Georgia? Cheerwine. And Duke’s Mayo. You northerners keep using that hellman’s stuff or miracle whip and let me tell you. IT. IS .NOT. MAYONNAISE.”
“IT’S SO HOT! Summer is the WORST” “Ransom, It’s like, 70 degrees. It gets up to like 115+ in Georgia. And it’s not even humid! You hush your mouth.”
The first time Bitty goes to Stop & Shop with one of the guys from SMH he tells them to grab a buggy on their way in and said member stares at him for a second, “What’s a buggy?” “Oh for goodness sake. A shopping cart! We need a shopping cart!”
Bitty’s drunk at a kegster when he suddenly shouts, “WHO WANTS TO PLAY CORNHOLE?!”
It’s New Years so of course Bitty’s making black eyed peas, collards, cornbread, ham, and a pineapple upside down cake. “It’s for luck.”
Bitty will be checking Facebook and be like, “Oh bless his heart.” Chowder notices him fretting over the phone so he asks what’s up “Oh it’s just one of my friend from high school’s dad.” and Chowder, being the precious person that he is, responds with, “Oh no. What happened? Is he ok?” Bitty just shakes his head, “He’s done went and fell out of the deer stand. Again. Broke his arm and bruised his pride. You think he would’ve learned his lesson after the same thing happened last huntin’ season”
Jack’s all dressed up in a suit or something, he has a meeting with the Falcs, “What are you all gussied up for?”
“Look at what all I got up at the outlet mall!!”
Rans/Holster/Bitty share a bathroom so I reckon this has happened at least once: “Neither of y’all go in the bathroom! I’m fixin’ to shower” to which Holster responds, “What was that Bits? What are you fixing?” Bitty hollers from his room, arm full of clothes, “I’m fixin’ to shower!” Ransom chimes in, “I didn’t know the shower was broken!” At this point Bitty is getting frustrated,“Oh for the love of Pete! You Yankees.” He speaks slowly and pronounces each word carefully, “I am going to go take a shower so please do not go and hog the bathroom.”
“So I was talking to Momma and APPARENTLY Mrs. Jones, the one that lives down the road, was rude as all get out.” “Really? What’d she do?” Bitty just throws his hands up, “Momma and Coach were drivin’ back to the house and Mrs. Jones was driving in the opposite direction so of course Momma waves at her. AND SHE DIDN’T WAVE BACK.”
I know for a FACT that at some point Bits makes a pitcher of sweet tea, puts it in the fridge, and the boys/Lardo finds it. “What’s this?” “Oh, it’s just some tea. You want some?” So Bitty pours them a glass and approximately 2 seconds later “WHAT IS THIS? IT’S LIKE SYRUP! Bits this isn’t tea! It’s diabetes in a cup!”
“Just rub some bacon grease on it.”
“Don’t you dare pour that coffee out! I can use it for gravy!”
“You know what food I miss? Fried pickles. No, wait, HUSHPUPPIES. I’d kill for some right now.”
So, yesterday I went out to eat for the first time in a long while and, as per tradition, I played with my food. Only, this time I snapped a picture and shared it. For WeirdArtisticReasons. Its only tag was #Foodart.
[ Those fries have contrapposto, ok. ]
Anyway, a few hours later, this professional chef re-tweets my picture with some new tags.
Which, okay. Sure. #Foodie maybe?? #FridayFeeling okay. But #Chef????
Just when i’m only casually wondering why this is a thing, other chefs and food people and I don’t know what that dude is there start sharing it.
[ Who even are you? ]
And it’s then that I notice that some of these people are treating this #FoodArt as a chef creation. As in: This is how the food arrived at the table, prepared by the chef.
Instead of just me sticking my leftovers on a toothpick and slicing up my pickle because i’m bored. Which is what it is.