Yard Trolls Tho {TVD 1x03 Review}

Hi all! Welcome to the third review of TVD season 1. Considering that I haven’t like sat down to watch a full episode of the past seasons of TVD in a few years and my memory might not be the greatest I think I will start with my usual disclaimer: I will write my thoughts in real time so if I make a mistake at the beginning of this post, it will be corrected by the end. There will be anti-Damon and anti-Delena sentiments (I’m only mentioning these two because it’s the beginning of the series), and in light of recent events I feel the need to say that there may be some anti-Jenna sentiments too. I will probably bring up other shows and call attention to misogynoir, racism, anti-blackness etc. Ready? Let’s go. 

Tumblr deleted my numbering for some reason but it’s 2:20 am so I will fix it tmr.

I remember when I saw this scene — when Caroline tries to leave the room after Damon bit her, on YouTube and people were commenting on how “comedic” it was that Caroline grabs a lamp and tries to hit Damon in the face with it and how the jokes he’s cracking are so funny and I think when I first saw this scene air I thought it was vaguely funny too but it’s completely horrifying. Caroline is traumatized and hurt and is fighting to escape her attacker who throws her back on the bed to attack her again. Like it isn’t comedic at all.

Vicki how are you acting indignant because you’ve been playing with Puppy Jeremy’s emotions for how long and he’s like did you sleep with me because of the drugs? It’s a valid question!

Omg I don’t exactly know why but I find it so hot that Stefan goes up to Elena, “Good morning, Elena.” Then, “Good morning, Bonnie.”

I lied, I know exactly why. It was polite and inclusive and that is fucking hot.

I have it paused on Stefan looking at Bonnie and he just has this gaze that makes me all tingly for Paulerina/Stefonnie purposes.
And it’s a DIFFERENT gaze than his SE gaze.

LMFAO. “What are you doing, standing there looking like one of those little yard trolls.” “Gnomes”. Maybe because it’s 1 AM but I just find that exchange hilarious, like there are tears of laughter. “Yard trolls” Tyler? Omg.

Do we see them in a class other than history at all throughout the show?
Elena’s face when Stefan answers that Pearl Harbour question, like omg my boyfriend is so smart and he saves me from embarrassment teehee. She is SO giddy.

“Years and years of crossword puzzles, it’s a loner thing.” They tease each other and flirt, like DErs are TRIPPIN.

In fact, is Tanner the only teacher we see? Besides Alaric who is Tanner’s replacement?

“First my girlfriend, now my team.” Matt doesn’t even give off the vibe that he’s a captain.

It’s really disturbing seeing Caroline kiss Damon and get out of the car.

Lol Paul looks hot with mussed hair and dirt smudged on his face.

I actually wish we could see more of a Matt and Stefan friendship.

Another Stefan shirtless moment!

“Very Emerson the way you reveal your soul with so many adjectives.” Like the only Damon line I like until season 7.

Ian’s hair is becoming less offensive.
Seriously, when Stefan is murderously angry with Damon but doesn’t do anything about it, Paul turns into a fucking statue. I find it insane because I think it really shows how much rage Stefan is actually in but he’s containing it so he has to become, like, inanimate. It’s very inhuman and done really well. I didn’t notice this before.

Kat’s eyes are beautifully big.

That wardrobe though 😒

Salem witches … Let’s not address that they would be enslaved, like Tituba and Mary Black but whatever.

I find it unbelievably disturbing that Caroline and Damon look more like a couple than Damon and Elena ever did.

Matt, HOW are you friends with Tyler? He treats your sister like SHIT.

That Elena and Damon conversation is like … I guess. I mean, if they want to say Elena hates cheerleading now because it’s not her life anymore that’s fine, I get it, but it legit just looked like she was confused because she didn’t know the new routine. And how would Damon see her at practice when he drove away before they actually began doing the routine? Something Elena should find creepy but whatever.

OK so I know this makeout is just a dream, which sucks, but it really speaks to the Dobsley chemistry, they’re really in sync and when Stefan moves his hands up Elena’s legs when she takes off her shirt, I always find that incredibly sexy. Also when Stefan starts to take off his shirt, something about it I find really hot I think it’s because they’re so sync. And then Damon’s face ruins it.

I also find it telling that when Damon terrorizes Elena with that dream, it’s not just that he inserts a sex dream of him in her head, he lures her into a false sense of security with Stefan and then shocks her with his face. Like he goes through all these levels to fuck with her.

“There must be a shred of humanity in my brother, somewhere, but how do I make him see it and how do I protect her?” This is 1x03, guys. So Damon’s “You decided I was someone worth saving” speech is bullshit. Julie and the DErs and the show and then eventually Stefan act like Elena was the first person since Damon’s turn who believed he had good in him. When Stefan had BEEN saying, “Damon it doesn’t have to be like this.” “Damon can we just leave it.” ANYWAY.

Also I just realized that Elena doesn’t find it a little bit awkward that Damon and Stefan dated the same woman? She’s just like “You lost her too”? And Damon is older. OK.

My cat just walked in meowing and dropping one of my old beanie babies by my bed. It distracted the hell out of me.

Oh look the DE necklace that Stefan had forever and gave to Elena, the only person he ever wanted to give it to.

Seriously, Elena just looks like she feels SO good because of Stefan.

“And you’re not in uniform because?” Great delivery.

Tyler is such a dick. Like. Wow.

Although Jeremy using a bottle is a bitch ass move.

“I’m fine!” “Yeah you smell fine!” And Elena just lets Jeremy walk away. He tried to use as a bottle as a weapon and he’s drunk af, girl go after your brother.

“Caroline may have some really annoying traits but we’ve been friends since the first grade and that means something to me” yeah, until you sleep with her rapist.

So a lamp barely has an effect on Damon but Elena slaps him and his face whips to the side.

“You’re not going to hurt her Damon because somewhere deep down, you feel for her” HOW? HOW WOULD YOU ALREADY KNOW THAT. They spoke to each other like three times! HOW? DE IS SO MANUFACTURED.

But Stefan really fucking tried with Damon, man. “You hate me because you loved her and you torture me because you still do and that is your humanity” like he’s taking every fucked up thing Damon has done to him and trying to make it a case for his humanity, like he TRIED.

I know we keep saying Damon wasn’t that petty in season 1 but he was kind of fucking petty in season 1, fam.

Bonnie’s devastation at predicting the death is done so well.

Seriously, the Vicki and Jeremy relationship just makes me deeply uncomfortable.

That forehead touch before Stefan and Elena hug is everything.

I like how Damon invading Elena’s bedroom and stroking her face like a fucking stalker is supposed to show that he has humanity. Like whet?

It’s also a really anticlimactic way to end the episode.

Yeah TVD doesn’t really pick up until 1x07. OK so I did the first two reviews and I will review 1x04 tomorrow!

Under the cut you will find 184 gifs of CANDICE KING as CAROLINE FORBES in CW’sTHE VAMPIRE DIARIES (in 1x03: Friday Night Bites, 1x04: Family Ties, 1x05: You’re Undead to Me and 1x07: Haunted). All of the gifs are 268x151 and under 2MB. Every single gif was made by me, but you’re more than welcome to use them in crackships or turn them into gif icons, all I ask is for you to talk to me first. Please like or reblog if you’re using, thank you and enjoy!

  • TW: blood, bites, nsfw-ish.

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