A friend of mine has BPD and severely self harms. I had to ask her to stop showing me her fresh cuts on Snapchat + dial down her talk about that and suicide bc it was triggering and stunted my own recovery.. but she doesn’t understand where I’m coming from. She thinks that means she has to lie to me now and that we can’t be “real friends” bc apparently real friends have to share EVERYTHING. what do I even do?
ahh that’s tricky, because she really doesn’t have a concept of how that’s making you feel and it’s probably her making an attempt to to show you how much she needs you (which is manipulative, but borderlines don’t generally realize they’re being so) and she’ll take any criticism you give her with 10x more emotion than the average person.
but honestly in this case if it’s very upsetting for you, you’ll just have to put your wellbeing first. maybe try to sit her down and have a serious (but gentle!!) discussion as to how it makes you feel, and how she can communicate her pain & emotions instead of showing you self harm. just try to reassure her that you love her and you’re there for her, but that stuff is maybe too triggering or upsetting for you.