The ultimate form of self-love is creating a positive way of life for yourself, regardless of what has come before you can create a better tomorrow.
1. Be selfish - create the life YOU want to live. Forget about what everyone else wants for you and think about what makes you happy. What excites you? What are your dreams? Pursue them without regard for anyone else’s opinions or feelings - this is YOUR life, live it for yourself.
2. Love - centre your life around what you love. A positive way of life comes from positive thoughts and positive thoughts are created from positive actions. Positive actions are those that move you toward what you love to do, so paint, dance, sing - doing what you love will fill today with positive experiences & thoughts.
3. Negativity - has no room in your life anymore. You have to make a commitment to getting rid of negativity in all forms. Whether that’s people, habits or activities you’re involved with - you cannot hope to have a positive life if you’re surrounded by negativity. Negative surroundings = negative thoughts and negative thoughts create a negative life.
4. Nature - observe the natural flow of life. Make time to be with the natural energy of the planet - observe how there is no stress, no expectations & no time. When we immerse ourselves in nature it’s clear to see how much we can learn from the environment we came from.
5. Fresh start - every day is a new day. Each sunrise is a reminder that yesterday has gone - today brings thousands of opportunities for us to create the life we love. Living in the now allows us to make the most of the time we have on this planet - a second lived outside of the present moment is a second wasted.
6. Time with yourself - reconnect with who you truly are. We can become consumed by negativity when we identify with our struggles, hardships or the opinions others hold of us. This is why it’s absolutely essential for us to spend time with ourselves to gain perspective on our lives - who we are & what we came here to do.
7. Authenticity - be yourself. If you’re living a lie - it will be very difficult to live a positive way of life. Ask yourself why you aren’t being true to yourself and what you want from the time you have left on the planet. When you behave in a way that makes you happy you will begin experiencing a truly positive life.
8. Gratitude - the best attitude. Be grateful for everything you have in your life right now. Thank the universe for the fact that you have life right now, here are things I thank the universe for every day - thank you for my sight, hearing, creativity, ability to walk, speech, the people in my life, my dogs & for allowing me to experience this reality as a human with a functioning body.
You can’t live a positive life with a negative mind.
I Hope I Wish I Want I Pray TO Eat Some Fresh Greens Every Day I Want My Belly Thick And Swole So Thick And Swole That I Could Roll Across The Ground Like A Ball And Down A Cliff And Fall And Fall Right Into A Slimy Sludge And Wallow In My Paunch And Pudge Among The Dirt Among The Filth I Want To Feel The Muddy Tilth Look At My Fingers Dripping, Drenched, My Needs My Wants My Wishes Pinched My Thirst For Dirt (Wet Dirt) Drenched I Want To Pull Up Loam And Clay And Eat Some Fuck Greens Every Day!!!!!!
Guinea pigs are one of the few animals that cannot produce their own vitamin C and must get it through their diet. Low vitamin C is one of the most common causes of disease in guinea pigs and can lead to respiratory infections, scurvy, dental disease, and death. Anytime I have a sick guinea pig as a patient, I almost always give a Vitamin C injection because they are too low.
Guinea pigs need about 25 mg of vitamin C a day, 40 for pregnant sows. While pelleted diets do contain added vitamin C, by the time you purchase a bag most of it has been degraded. Water additives also are quickly degraded and most guinea pigs couldn’t drink enough water to get the right amount anyway.
The best way to ensure your guinea pigs are getting enough vitamin C is to offer it through fresh foods every day. Here is a handy list of foods and how much you have to feed each guinea pig a day to get around 25 mg.
•wake up early in the morning
•do some kind of activity - go running, walk your dog, etc.
•drink lots of water to boost your productivity
•read more books
•listen to inspiring music
•clean your home/apartment for 15-20 minutes daily
•consume fresh fruits and vegetables every day
•prepare your own food - read more about healty eating, check out new recipies, cook with love
•reward yourself, celebrate little victories - you’ve made it out of bed today, you washed your face and you had the strength to wake up and embrace the new day
•go out, make new friends, be social
•pick a diary and a beautiful pencil to write down how your day has been before you go to sleep
•go to bed earlier
•make plans for the next day - do something you’ve never done before. When was the last time you tried something diferent?
i want a tiny apartment with a big heating blanket and tatami mats and a table to eat fresh fruit every day. i want to watch the city skyline and talk to you about my thoughts and dreams. i want to fall asleep watching our shitty favorite movies and repeat every line. i want a friendly snake or maybe rats, our pals to meet and love. fuck it, i just want a life with you!
No one reads this but I’ll say my spiel anyway. The entire reason I bought a fucking PS Vita and bought freaking Vandead Carnival was so that I could do this. Because it isn’t anywhere. And tbh going through Reiji’s things just pisses me off all the more because yeah he’s a dick but all the guys are and deep down he’s so fucking genuine?? So please, appreciate Reiji-sama. Translation was done by me and my questions were answered by boyfriend-sama so everyone give him thanks or else I’d still be pulling my hair out XD So yeah. Enjoy~
*Do not use without explicit permission*
Oh, did you wake up? Ah…were you planning to sleep?
That’s perfect. Well then, how about sleeping?
Even if you say that, you’re not in bed.
You don’t understand? It should be different from usual.
*sighs*…it doesn’t make sense to try and explain things to a dull woman like you.
Oh, I see. The luxurious one is different.
The way this feels…you can understand just by touching it. You, however…
That’s right. Isn’t it different from yesterday?
I had it measured while you were at school.
The bed is an antique so I left it as is, I only changed the sheets.
Because it was ordered from a well respected shop in Western Europe…I came to hear opinion.
Despite that, I’m amazed that I did not get the answer that I wanted to hear the most.
You still don’t seem to know the difference. It seems it’s best to leave your bed as is.
Good grief… it’s problematic for you to be at the same level as my brothers…
Hah? What are you talking about?
Isn’t it obvious that only the bed sheets and pillow case were changed?
The triplets are sleeping so they wouldn’t mind.
It is doubtful that Subaru would be sleeping in a bed.
I don’t need to explain that, do I?
Anyway, you are the only one who would use it.
That is why, I came to hear your opinion…
I tried sleeping by myself to make sure there is nothing wrong with it.
The sheets on this bed are mine. And of course, you are too.
Even saying that, I can’t find a reason to blame you for wanting to sleep beside me.
You know, don’t you? As long as you know that’s fine.
Even so, it’s the truth. That this has a nice and soft touch.
The firmness of the mattress is just right for me. How does it feel for you?
That’s a rather simple answer. If you could give me something more concrete, I’d like to hear it.
For example, to what degree is your body sinking into the mattress?
If you said that you are not sleeping because you are next to me, that is an invalid argument.
Because like this it won’t be long before you’re sleeping next to me.
Please think for yourself what that means.
How is it? This feeling of our bodies against each other…don’t you think it’s wonderful?
The feeling of the elasticity pushing back on your body. It’s the perfect balance.
You don’t know? *he sighs*…How troublesome.
Why did I even change yours…you understand at least that much, don’t you?
I do not need thanks. *sighs* Explaining it to a disappointing person like you would be as painful as breaking a bone.
You must understand your position.
You’re food, aren’t you? (He says this super teasingly though not very condescending like)
That’s why, you have to sleep well and stay healthy.
I have a duty to keep you in top physical condition with a good environment.
Kuku. I’m not worried about your body.
Would you let me suck blood from an unhealthy body?
The state of your blood, of course, is important, but so is your skin.
If your scars don’t heal quickly, then it will be a burden on your body.
It may eventually lead to discomfort of the whole body.
You yourself know best don’t you?
Well, that’s that. But there are things to that which make it convenient.
If my bite remains on your skin forever…
That would be a mark of my posession.
Even if you accidentally got caught by another man with your clothes all ripped…
If there were a lot of bite marks on your skin left by me, it will show that I own you, no?
Yes, in fact, if someone tries to ignore the number of perfectly beautiful bites that I have given you…
If such a reckless man exists, I will eliminate him before he reaches you.
Kuku…then? No matter what sort of hand touches you, I will erase it.
However, it seems that you like and are prone to falling into traps. So please, be careful.
Being sleep deprived and spaced out is not an excuse.
In that case, please try and have a proper sleep.
That said…what is with your sleeping posture?
With that sort of cheap pajama material, no matter how much you change the bedding it will not matter.
Because the design was cute, that’s why you picked it? You truly are a shallow person.
It seems as though there are several things in which I will have to properly train you again.
“Negligence” is the meaning of the word “sloppy”
Sleep quality is reduced with such negligence.
Here, touch my clothes.
Do you understand? What kind of material this is…
Yes, silk. Once you feel how smooth this is, you can never choose anything else.
Of course, this bed and pillow cover are also silk. You’ve noticed this much at least, haven’t you?
What a surprised sound you made…well, that’s fine.
Because silk is also excellent in humidity, it is perfect for wearing.
I will give you some next time.
In that case…well, let’s keep a design in mind for the moment.
It is important to choose something that would suit you.
You do not have to thank me. Because what is most suitable for you, that is something I know most.
Wide shouldered with an open neckline, a one-piece design would be good, wouldn’t it?
You’ll get cold? You don’t need to worry about such things.
If I suck your blood, your skin begins to heat up, and then you will no longer be cold.
If you twist your body and raise your voice, it’s only natural…for you.
That’s right, I’ve seen your twisted figure, it is useless to deny.
Lift up your face.
It seems you misunderstood. Honestly…you are a foolish person no matter how much time passes.
What you need is to be properly groomed, since you are only food.
In order to become suitable…do you understand now?
Even so…why are you looking at me with such eyes?
I have not said a single word of this thinking of you.
Despite this, I have told you what suits you.
It is natural to think that based on subjectivity? Think of your position.
Well even then. I need to know your hobbies.
If you want, I will give it a little thought.
I do not feel like giving you excessive expectation. Please do not hesitate.
What are you laughing for? Stop giving such a frustrating reaction.
*sighs* Is it not time you went to bed?
You are not sleepy? Please do not say such stupid things.
Even though I already explained this much, it’s amazing you can still say such things.
I see. It is important for you to consider actions that are in accordance with my will.
Are there secrets to sleeping well? That is something that exists without a doubt.
Speaking of things that make for a pleasant sleep, it is said that it is better to have a hot drink before going to sleep, no?
You already drank some? For once you had a good idea.
Then? What on earth did you drink?
Why did you choose black tea?
Enough already, tell me. Could it be that you heard it was good for sleep?
*sighs* As expected, you are disappointing.
Are you unaware that black tea, just like coffee, have the effect to hinder sleep?
No matter how relaxing the fragrance, you should avoid them because of such ingredients.
If you put something in the tea, though, the story may be different.
Yes. Because if you become unconscious, then you will sleep well.
Would you like to test it now? (The words he uses for this here already imply that he’s not being serious)
If you do not want to be told such a joke, then please correct yourself first.
Honestly, to be misled by such a rumor, you are a human that cannot be helped.
If you only listen to “others” you’ll only end up hurting yourself.
You only ever have to listen to what I say.
There’s no objection, right?
Before going to bed, hot milk is best. It would be good to drink some from now on.
It is important to do so, without question.
Let’s order some milk from the ranch. Getting it fresh every day would be good.
I don’t have to go that far? Exactly what are you misunderstanding?
I do not feel like drawing out your thoughts. This is simply all part of “food” (he’s referring to her) management.
Honestly…No matter how many times I say it, you never understand…*sighs*
I do not like doing things half-way. Even if it is something like “food” management.
In order to finish things perfectly, it is important not to go crazy for anything.
If you can move exactly how I’d like, I would not have to go this far.
It seems like you have a talent for making trouble for me… it’s upsetting.
…If you understand, then.
Go to sleep.
Why is it that you have to be ordered by me.
Moreover, you would like for me to leave the room. (It sounds awkward in translation, I wasn’t sure how to word it. But basically he’s annoyed by the fact that he constantly has to tell her things and she has no initiative on her own. And on top of no initiative, she wants him to leave the room so she can sleep alone)
No good. Since today I changed the pillow, I will stay here until you fall asleep.
Because it seems that you cannot sleep now that the pillow has been changed.
Well, you didn’t even notice that the pillow had been changed. Truly a disappointing woman. Be mindful of it.
Now, sleep. Close your eyes…yes.
-cuts to black-
Why is your body stiff?
With that sleeping face, you will be tired. That’s obvious isn’t it?
Please try your best to sleep. For example, isn’t there a pointless human saying about sheep?
Well, I don’t think such a thing will work. It is meaningless to know what little people think.
However, maybe it suits you. Try it.
*laughing* Did you really try it?
I don’t trust something so ridiculous…it’s silly.
But that’s exactly why…this foolish way suits you.
What happened? For you to be speaking to me while counting
Even with your eyes closed, can you feel my gaze on you?
There is no problem with that. Why should one take their eyes away from the target?
I must stay here until I can confirm that you are sleeping properly.
Or, could you be saying that I am an inconvenience by staying here?
If so, you must let me hear the reason. Come, say it.
It’s embarrassing? What are you saying?
I do not understand what it means to be embarrassed being next to me.
Think about it. Isn’t it funny for prey to be embarrassed by being near me?
Hm… Is there a different reason? It is nonsense to focus on one assumption.
So what other reason is there?
Are you feeling embarrassed that once again you’ve realized you are incompetent unlike myself?
Or are you feeling the shame and self pity for being unable to fulfill your role as food?
Later on, you will realize the advantage you have by having me.
This is how I…is it because I am staring at you from such a short distance?
Oh? It seems I found the answer.
-cuts to Reiji again-
Didn’t I tell you not to open your eyes?
*chuckles* Were you planning on stealing a glance?
If you’re planning to continue looking…
How about I look directly at you?
What’s wrong? You wanted to see, didn’t you?
Ah, that’s right….this is a good opportunity. With such a thing, let us graduate from what is upsetting us.
From here on, I will allow you to get used to it.
So then, please adjust your gaze. Do not look away, please continue watching.
Your pulse is faster than usual. I will keep this in mind.
With your eyes fixed on me…it may be more effective if we are closer together.
Woops. I cannot give you the option to escape.
I can’t bring you closer because I already have you roughly by the wrists…
That’s no fun. Then, come, closer to me. (the game makes you touch the screen so that you’ll get closer)
More. Even closer.
What are you waiting for? I do not remember telling you to stop.
At this distance our lips will touch? *chuckles*…is there something wrong?
There is no problem. Continue…Or do you not want to touch me?
What are you saying after coming such a distance?
Kiss me. (Ok the feel of this gets completely lost and I hate it but idk how the fuck else to translate it. It’s not as direct or harsh, it’s pretty soft the way he says it, more like he is requesting one from her, like ‘from you, a kiss if you please’ but not in so many words)
This is an order. You must absolutely obey my instructions.
Why are you upset? Even if you make me wait, I will not spoil you.
You understand don’t you?…Since expressions of commitment are fine, do hurry up.
*you have to touch the screen again for a kissu!*
Why did you avert your eyes?
Look while kisses are exchanged (ok but bastard closed his eyes in the CG??)
Yes, of course I was going to be looking to check.
However, even disciplining you in this fashion, it will take hundreds of years.
You can overwrite such feelings of embarrassment with something that feels good.
Don’t you think?
Furthermore, no one is saying to kiss deeply or intensely.
As for myself, I do not mind trying a kiss like…
I will dare to leave you here. It will also convey to me what sort of feelings you have.
However, I do not know how you truly think of me.
If it is to me, it is fine to show it as you’d like.
Why do you have such disappointed eyes?
*heroine closes eyes and kisses him*
*opens eyes again*
Was this your answer?
*his smile gets bigger*
…No, this is fine. It is not enough but…I understand.
Very well….*kisses her some more*
Your gaze…do not divert it…*more slow sensual kisses*
I would not say it is embarrassing, would you?
Because I received it from you.
I will let you get used to it….*more kissing*
*scoffs* What happened? Making that sort of face, your blood pressure is rising.
The blood vessels in you human beings are incredibly fragile, so please be careful.
But can you stop having such labored breathing over something like this?
It is not pleasure I want you to remember. It is comfort.
By touching your hands, forehead, lips.
I can understand that comfort has been gained.
Do you believe me?
*scoffs* What’s with that happy answer?
…if you say that, then calm down the speed of your pulse and relax.
And with that, you should try to sleep well.
Oh? Are you forgetting now? I came to manage your sleep.
That is why you must understand the original purpose exactly.
Are you going to sleep well?
I see. You are a troublesome woman.
Well then, for a little more…we can touch each other.
Calling it skinship is a bit awkward, but it cannot be helped.
Please do not be conceited. I do not accept all of your actions.
Well, like this…it is not so bad to feel warmth.
What? Do not hold someone’s hand without permission.
Your head? ….Like this?
*laughs* What sort of face are you making? In a stupid way, like that of a dog being groomed…it’s a happy face.
You’re the only woman who accepts my hand in such a happy way.
Good grief, for you to relax in such a way…
It seems that I will have to go to bed next to you every day…
Let’s do it like this for a while…just stroking…
Goodnight, [Your name]
When I am with you…my condition gets worse.
This…you are sleeping unprotected in my arms…you are truly a strange person.
But, for sleeping side by side to be so comfortable…
It was unnecessary to point it out. Nevertheless…why?
This satisfaction…makes me feel like I’m being filled with warmth.
It was not supposed to be in such a way, but seeing as it is now, it cannot be helped.
Here’s a weird thing I’ve learned since I started working with the homeless:
If you want to know if someone grew up rich or poor, take a look at their teeth.
It seems so stupid now, but before I got this job, I didn’t really think about teeth. I went to the dentist every six months. I was bucktoothed and gap-toothed as a child, so I got braces. That’s just how life worked. Almost everyone I knew had braces. By my final year of high school, my graduating class was a sea of perfect smiles. It never once dawned on me that other families might not have thousands of dollars to spend on cosmetic dentistry. In my world, if you needed braces and cleanings, you got braces and cleanings.
In the real world, thousands of children go without those things. People who live on food stamps can’t afford fresh food every day; when you grow up poor, you often grow up with sugary snacks and beverages, which decay your teeth over time.If your tooth gets chipped, broken or rotten, it gets pulled or it stays that way, because you can’t afford to fix it. And at the end of the day, you end up as an adult with dental issues.
If you have nice teeth, you probably don’t realize this, but we live in a world that is fucking obsessed with teeth. Celebrities have nice teeth. Politicians have nice teeth. When you picture a rich person, a successful person, an educated person, they have a full set of gleaming pearly whites.
In our culture, we use “bad teeth” as a signal of poverty. They are shorthand for low education, for “hillbillies” with a lower quality of life. Bad teeth are not welcome at job interviews. They are not wanted in the dating scene. If you are trying to be taken seriously - at the bank, at the lawyer’s office, at your child’s school, at the doctor’s office - bad teeth will hold you back.
And the consequences go far beyond the social issues. Tooth problems are painful. When you go to the dentist every six months, cavities and issues get caught early. When you go years between visits, abscesses, infections, exposed nerves and irreversible damage have time to take root. It’s an extremely painful thing to live with, it can make eating unpleasant, and tooth infections can get into your blood steam and kill you. Teeth are a health problem, and yet we price dental care like a luxury commodity.
So if you meet someone with crooked teeth, or broken teeth, or tooth decay, don’t stare. Don’t make fun of them. Don’t fixate on it. That person may not have grown up with the money or nutrition that you did. Take the person for who they are, not for the teeth in their mouth.
Dental care should be a human right, just like healthcare. Let’s fight for that.
Many of you expressed interest in participating so why not bring some more Dorian love to everyone’s dash? Always wanted to write that one-shot? Draw a comic? Write down all the romantic headcanons?
Now it’s your chance! The rules are simple: create something for your Dorianmancing Inquisitor for the week: be it fanart, fanfic, video edit, screencaps or headcanon. Here are some ideas to get you started:
Hard Hitter – switch themes between angst, fluff, humor, bittersweet, smut. Make us feel things.
Customized – come up with few AUs during the week. Vampires? Hipsters? Gladiators? Go nuts!
Forever Marked – explore your post-Trespasser headcanons.
Synergized – team up with other Dorianmancers. Art trade? Fic swap? Collaborations are beautiful things.
People Person – You haven’t romanced Dorian but still want to participate? Create something for a friend who did! Ask a Dorianmancer about their ship!
We are all busy people - besides it’s not quantity that matters but quality. Even one post is a great contribution!
For those who like to challenge themselves. Set your goal and post fresh content every day for the week. Flood the tags with your Dorianmancing OC!
✨🙌🏼✨Since I was a little girl my first drawings were of tiki huts and palm trees. Growing up in Chicago, it seemed like a distant fantasy to live in such a tropical paradise. Visions of drinking fresh coconuts every day, having bananas growing in my yard and living walking distance from the ocean was a dream that is now my reality. By continuing to follow divine guidance manifested through signs, omens, dreams, visions and intuition I met my beloved on the island of Kaua‘i my second day here. Only having women as my past two partners, it was quite a shock for me to discover my twin flame is a man who “just so happens” to also be from Illinois. Through countless synchronicity after synchronicity I have learned to surrender to the divine plan. Today marks the one year anniversary of our move to Kaua‘i together & our baby is due any mOMent. ✨🐬✨ Trust your inner knowing. Surrender to divine flow & remember your divinity
Summary: 18 year old Louis has just taken the test that would pair him with the Dominant he was supposed to serve. Harry Styles is a 25 year old businessman and mega-millionaire, and very strict with everyone but his new Submissive, it appears. Through a whirlwind of moving in together, trying to please the paparazzi as well as each other, they fall even more in love. However, the one Harry wants to avoid most is the one thing that Louis wants…a baby. Lots and lots of babies.
Summary: Louis takes a deep breath and tries to calm his beating heart, and get rid of the, to be honest, pretty slim chance that he’s either getting raped or kidnapped tonight. He is snapped out of his thoughts as a huge hand is held out in front of his face, and he quickly gets up and shakes it.
“Nice to meet you, Louis”, Harry says, and Louis has to admit that his voice is pretty attractive in its slow drawl that rolls like melting chocolate over his words.
Or, Louis is 18, and Harry is 31. Featuring Liam as the worrying best friend, lots of kisses, a little bit of angst and a fair share of buttsex action.
Summary: And it’s good. It’s really, really good. Except they haven’t really talked about any of this and Harry can’t muster the courage to bring it up. Niall’s words at the bar run through his mind nearly every day. Fresh meat. Is this a thing Louis does, then? Find a toy to play with for awhile until he gets bored?
He knows Louis, though. He’s been friends with him for months now and he knows that he’s not just some heartless asshole. But he doesn’t know if this is just a nice convenient hook-up to him or something more, like how Harry feels. And he knows he should ask, but he’s not brave enough. Not brave enough to possibly ruin everything when Harry can take what he’s being offered without complaints.
[harry and louis meet in a mcdonalds. louis is everything harry needs.]
Summary: “I’m sure they were all pathetic old men with failing marriages, am I wrong? So, I did you a favor, really,” Harry says, giving him a shit eating grin. Louis can’t argue with that, but would never admit that to Harry. He scans over him and sees the gold band on his left ring finger.
“Married, huh? Maybe you aren’t much better than my other clients,” Louis sneers.
“Well, I’ve got to at least be better looking then them, with a bigger dick, I’m sure. Now, you’re pretty when you don’t talk, so let’s get those clothes off of you and put you to work, hmm?”
or Harry Styles is a millionaire in the 50’s who owns hotels in Europe. Louis is a prostitute and they accidentally fall in love.
Summary: Harry’s a young, successful, and rich music producer under Simon Cowell. Louis’ a college student, working part time at the local coffee shop while studying to be a pediatrician, just barely making ends meet. He has no idea who the cute boy is that keeps on popping up at his school and work is, or what Harry has in store for him.
Summary: Louis likes to wear pretty lace panties and pinky skirts, he likes feeling pretty. But since his parents kicked him out, he has to find a place to live just for a while. Harry offers him his place, and well, maybe Harry does really loves Louis in white lace panties.
OR Louis loves being feminine and gets kicked out of his house after telling his little secret to his parents. He puts a post on tumblr and Harry happens to find out and offers him his place. Harry is like really fucking rich, and Louis really needs a place to stay. Things work out for both of them.
A/N: Part III is here! And Part IV is officially on it’s way. Again, pardon if i have grammatical errors.
To say Adley was surprised, was the least of it. When Bucky showed up on
her doorstep the day after, holding a bouquet of violets just for her,
happiness soon took over Adley. She can’t believe that Bucky was back, and to
her! Reliving yesterday, she remembered how torn he was seeing (Y/n) leave and
she was sure that between her and the (y/h/c), Bucky was bound to choose the
(y/h/c). He brought her out for lunch, to a lovely French café downtown that
served amazing Escargots de Bourgogne.
Adley swore to herself that she would take in (Y/n)’s words, devoting herself
to Bucky entirely and making sure she was enough for him. And she thought
everything would’ve been fine after this.
She was wrong. Lunch happened few hours back and it was already late at
night, Adley still couldn’t shake off the tight feeling constraining her chest.
“Thank you for the
flowers James, I love them,” Adley said.
Bucky smiled at her,
though she couldn’t quite picture what was wrong with it. The waitress came and
took their order, and they were left in silence shortly after.
“So uh… are we
officially together?” she asked, staring at Bucky. Bucky tensed up, and she
wondered if she touched the topic too soon.
“Yea…” he shot her a
smile, eyes down casted and fingers toying with each other. It was then Adley
made sure to pay attention to every single bit of detail of Bucky.
Adley blinked twice before tucking herself in bed. Bucky was different
today. His smiles were tight and never reached his eyes. His eyes were focused
on her but his mind was elsewhere. His hands kept fumbling with each other and
his legs seemed restless, constantly shaking about wherever he sat. He was also
cautious when they were about to make skin contact. Adley sighed, she knew she
had to give Bucky time.
And that she did, days turned into weeks turned into months. Bucky was
always around. He often drop by and brought her out for meals, usually
favouring whatever she felt like having. He would leave her messages every day,
a short ‘Good morning.’ or ‘Hope your day went fantastic!’. He brought her a
colourful array of flowers, to the extend where there would be a fresh bouquet
every few days. He would provide her the best pleasure in bed where she would
see sparks and feel jolts of pure bliss pulsing between her legs
But Adley wasn’t stupid, she wasn’t blind nor was she oblivious. Bucky
would take her out to high-end restaurants, but he never brought her back to
his house for a nice home-cooked dinner. He would leave her messages that
contained smileys and winkies, but none of them ever had a red heart. The
flowers were wonderful, and they made a great addition to her rather dull
workspace, but Chrysanthemums, Daisies, Sunflowers… Roses always fall out of
the equation. She could feel sore and numb the next day after a night of
intimate workout, but as intimate as it could be, it was not in any way
love-making, and he would leave straight after.
It has been 3 months since Adley could call Bucky hers, but was he
really? Adley had been thinking a lot lately, regarding her relationship with
Bucky, regarding the emptiness she still felt in her heart and regarding the
underlying distance she had with the man. She sat on her couch, her cup of
Chamomile already cold but still full in her hands. Her breathing was even, and
her expression showed serenity; eyes closed, lips parted ever the slightest,
jaw relaxed. When the doorbell rang, that effect immediately broke. She went
over and opened the door, revealing Bucky. Adley bit her lips, no doubt Bucky
looked incredibly attractive in the body-fitted black suit he wore, with his hair
slicked back and another bouquet of flowers (Camellias) in his hands.
“Adley, hey! These are for you,” Bucky grinned, handing her the delicate
bunch of pink. He noticed that she wasn’t dressed up like he asked her to, and
looked puzzled. “Why aren’t you dressed up yet?”
Adley bit her lip, she had to do this, or it’ll just tear her apart from
“I can’t do this anymore James,” Adley started, “I can’t lie to myself
thinking all this,” she gestured around to the flowers and to him, “is okay!”
“What do you mean?” James asked, eyebrows furrowed.
“James! Can’t you see? You’re forcing yourself in this!” she grabbed his
hands, “You don’t actually want to be with me, I know that, and it’s okay. You
don’t have to force yourself anymore.
Adley saw Bucky froze, his eyes were opened wide and his mouth was
agape. He snapped out of it after a few seconds and took her hands into his
“No no no… no Adley! I’m not forcing myself, Sweetie. I want to be with
“You don’t, James!” Adley cut him off, voice booming across the room,
“You never did! Your heart, mind and soul still belongs to (Y/n)! They don’t
belong to me, and they never did!”
“No James, you think I haven’t noticed? How you shy away whenever I
asked you to move in with me? How you never buy me Rosses, never stayed the
night and never brought me to your place?” Adley shouted, “How about the fact
that within these months, you’ve never once told me you love me?”
She heaved out a sigh, heart clenching when she saw the crestfallen and
perplex look on Bucky’s face. She could see the calculating gaze he had on her,
trying so hard to interpret her words and the meaning behind them. She dragged
him to her couch, and sat beside him, hands still intertwined together.
“James,” and he looked at her, “I love you. I really do, and you love
her. I know what she said to you, I was there that day, remember? But you don’t
have to force yourself to oblige. You may not be able to tell, but I can. The
only reason why she told you to stay with me, was because she thought you loved
me, and not her. When in reality, it’s the complete opposite.”
None of them spoke for a while, but the silence brought comfort,
realisation and appreciation.
“(Y/n) told me a lot of things before you arrived that day, you know?”
Adley said, smiling.
“Oh yeah?” Bucky replied, afraid to ask for the content, but Adley
“Yeah, she told me how to care for you. She told me you often have
nightmares, and that you liked your coffee with fresh milk- Wait, I’ve been
curious, is that why you don’t drink coffee here? Because I hate fresh milk?”
Adley asked with a smile.
And Bucky replied with a chuckle of his own, “Uh… sort of, yeah.”
“She told me you get pretty grumpy in the mornings, and how you get into
fights with uh… Steve, was it?” Adley looked at Bucky, who returned a nod, “She
told me you’re always worrying about her leaving you one day.”
Adley saw Bucky’s baby blue orbs glisten with tears, and she was afraid
of breaking this comforting atmosphere (one of the most pleasing ones she had
with Bucky), but she had to ask the one question that had been lingering in her
thoughts for the longest time.
She didn’t need to go into context, she knew Bucky understood her
“I was scared, she seemed so perfect…” he trailed off.
“She accepted my past, told me it doesn’t define who I am.”
“Bucky? Bucky, cut it
out! What happened back in the days were not your fault, okay? You’re human!
Humans make mistakes, humans aren’t perfect, and I understand that. I will
always love you no matter what your past was, because you are you in this
present and I will always stay with you even to your future.” (Y/n) said, hands
grabbing his face as she stared into his eyes.
“She claimed to love all my flaws.”
“I’m so, so sorry
(Y/n). It’s my fault, I shouldn’t have been so stubborn. You told me the boat
ride was dangerous and I-” Bucky fumbled with his words, trying his best to
improve the situation.
“Shh, Bucky it’s
okay! We’re just wet, it’s not like I got bitten by a crocodile,” (Y/n) said, leaning
up to his face and pecking his cheek, “It was pretty romantic either way.”
“She became my backbone, the person I could count on the most.”
“Bucky, calm down-”
“Shit, shit, shit!”
Bucky panicked, rushing into the white halls. He arrived at the room and his
heart dropped down to his stomach.
“Bucky,” (Y/n) said
and grabbed his arm, finally catching up to him, “Stop. You heard the doctor,
Steve’s been stabilized. He needs his rest.”
“But I almost lost
him, (Y/n)! I almost lost him and you’re asking me to fucking calm down?” he
yelled at her. The nurses around them were too intimidated by the man to ask
him to keep it down.
(Y/n) slapped Bucky,
and he felt the stinging pain on his left cheek.
Barnes, listen to me. I know what it’s like to lose a friend. I know it’s not
easy, especially to someone that close to you. But Steve is fine,” the (y/h/c)
gritted out, “And you have a fucking final coming at you in 2 hours where if
you fail, you won’t be able to graduate. Man up Buck! Steve wouldn’t want this
for you, especially after knowing that he’s okay.”
Bucky evened out his
breathing and pulled (Y/n) into a hug, wondering what he would do without her.
She pushed him slightly and whispered.
“Go Bucky, I’ll take care of Steve. Just make sure you do your best in your
final, so Steve and I have a reason to celebrate.”
“I love her, very much. She means the world to me, and I believed that
she was, still is, too good for me. So I turned into a coward. I mean, it wouldn’t
hurt as much when someone leaves you if you have another one to go to, right?”
Bucky said, turning to Aldey. “That was what I thought before, and I realised
how wrong it turned out. Because everything would hurt, as long as that someone
still has a hold in your heart, everything would still hurt.”
“I’m not going to put myself in a situation I know I’ll be uncomfortable and stressed in,” shouldn’t warrant being told to just “give it a chance,” after months of “"giving it a chance,”“ and shouldn’t warrant being forced to do something that will make you unhappy, and after you don’t give in it still shouldn’t warrant the silent treatment and anger.
Handling a situation with maturity and calmness should not result in hostility from the other person.
You should always have the right to refuse going into a situation.
“Travelling down the western coast of India. We travelled down from Mumbai and into Goa and then much further down into Kerala. I loved Kerala – fresh coconut juice every day! The train system in India is chaotic and fun – it’s the best way to see the landscape. Being in with all the families and also being the odd animal is a colourful experience you’ll never forget. I would love to go to the Himalayas and cross over into Nepal to do the Darjeeling Himalayan Railway.”
synopsis: good things, all too much like the wind, are wonderful in the moment but tragically fleeting. prince wonwoo must hold on to what is most precious to him as pressures nearly destroy him ♔ modern royalty!au part 1: x part 3: x
genre: angst, fluff
word count: 5,302 ♘
“You know, contrary to popular belief, I’m perfectly capable of doing this myself,” Wonwoo chortled, attempting to shake your hands off while you adjusted his tie.
“I am paid by the taxes of the people of this nation to ensure you look professional, and I intend to do my job properly,” you said smugly. Wonwoo kept playfully blowing air in your face to get you to step away, but you refused, tightening his tie in retaliation while he pretended to choke. “Besides, do you really want me to go away?”
“Absolutely not,” he replied immediately. “I would kiss you right now but the last time I did so without asking, you punched me.”
“First of all, it’s rude to kiss a woman without asking, and second of all, if you begin kissing me whenever you feel like it then we’ll eventually be caught.”
He huffed. “Here I was thinking the fairer sex liked it when men were spontaneous.”
You thought back to the morning seven months ago when a hungover prince confessed to you in his dark bedroom, the smell of mouthwash just barely covering up the the alcohol on his breath. You had tried then to resist him. In fact, a part of you tried to resist him every day. But one pleading look from your Prince Charming had you in a puddle, unfortunately, and keeping him under control was a battle.
“Well, you’re not exactly some regular man, now are you, Prince Wonwoo?”
He smirked at you, the same kind that appeared when he was obviously winning an argument in parliament or making some witty joke at a dinner. “No, and you would do well to remember that, Ms. Y/N.” His tall frame bent a little so he could wink at you at your eye level.
“Of course, Your Highness,” you teased, beginning to work on his cufflinks.
He sighed. “Forgive me for changing the subject, but have you ever loved someone who wasn’t royalty?”
You froze, curious as to why he would ask such a thing. “Why?”
He looked past your shoulder and out the window, from which one could see one of the palace’s expansive botanical gardens and the hands who worked on them around the clock. “Oh, I was just thinking in a meeting the other day that our staff has plenty of handsome young butlers, and you’re an elegant woman, so why wouldn’t you have?”
You grinned at the fact that he thought about you instead of the important topics of his daily meetings. “I’ve always been too busy, Wonwoo. You should know that.”
His warm eyes found yours again, and a smile that scrunched up his nose appeared on his face. You were done with his cufflinks, so he threw his arms out in front of him to straighten his sleeves, and he cheekily locked your waist in with his forearms. “That was a good answer. Ms. Y/N, may I kiss you?” He whispered.
You glanced at his bedroom door in doubt for a moment, but soon caved. “You may.”
Soft, eager lips met yours and you felt Wonwoo’s strong arms hug you tighter. He tasted like the mint toothpaste he had used just minutes prior and smelled of the fresh linens you pressed every day. When he finally let you go, he was satisfied to see you blushing and breathless. He laid his head on your shoulder, his hands rubbing the sides of your arms, and murmured into your ear. “I’m so grateful for you.”
You smiled and let yourself hug his firm middle momentarily. “Your driver is waiting.” You pushed him toward the coffee table, where his briefcase and stacks of papers laid.
He shoved the documents into the briefcase before snapping it closed and checking his watch. “It’s my understanding that you’ll be with Lady Margaret soon, planning Father’s birthday celebration. Try not to lose your mind,” he jeered, pecking your forehead on his way out.
“Have a good day, Your Highness,” you called, collecting his breakfast dishes.
Wonwoo couldn’t resist sticking his head back in the door. “Love you.”
You could only roll your eyes at him. “Go on, Your Highness.”
The door clicked closed, and you could hear a frustrated Wonwoo sigh while pacing down the hall. He must have thought you truly cold, with unreturned displays and words of affection every day, but you were doing what you thought was best for him. Your heart swelled at the mere thought of Wonwoo but you had an aching dread at the back of your mind, like you were leaning over a ledge that you could be shoved off of at anytime. The prince’s smile, however, made you forget how dangerous it was to teeter over the edge.
So you made your way out of the comfortable albeit lavish room with your laundry basket, greeting some maids who walked past and descending the stairs carefully. You were not necessarily thrilled to see Lady Margaret, who still chided you every time you saw her despite no longer being a maid under her rule. She always interacted with you as though she knew something you didn’t, and with her terrifying spectrum of information and unsettling sense of curiosity, you were afraid she just might. The fresh scent of the basement laundry helped push away those frightful speculations and you dropped off your basket with a peculiar spring in your step, actually excited to see the queen’s warm face in the meeting.
Wonwoo’s mother was just as she appeared to the public: inviting and kind. She was always benevolent to you, especially when Lady Margaret had you under fire or the king was in a particularly sour mood. Thankfully, the queen had no idea how much you ravished Wonwoo in the confines of his living quarters or how often you imagined capturing his perfectly arched cupid’s bow in a kiss in the dining room. The thought of your little scandal sent a tingle up your spine that you had to shake off before you entered the queen’s drawing room.
“Your Majesty,” you smiled to her, bowing deeply before turning to Lady Margaret and doing the same. Your bodice suddenly felt too tight in the presence of two powerful women, one of whom you respected and the other being the bane of your existence at times. The queen was in a light blue gown that was peaceful-looking, like her personality, and sitting on a sofa adjacent to the armchair Lady Margaret was propped in. You politely refused the queen’s offer for tea and sank into another armchair, with the queen across from you and Lady Margaret to your left.
“Wonderful to have you, Ms. Y/N,” the queen sang. You had stayed up much of the night, lounging with Wonwoo in his study while he read to you, so her voice had a ring that yours did not.
“Thank you for valuing my opinion so much as to have me here,” you nodded to her gratefully. You would have preferred to be in the basement, realigning the medals on Wonwoo’s officer’s coat instead of suffering through the dismal presence of Lady Margaret, but it was still a considerate gesture for the queen to invite you. You leaned back in your chair slightly, prepared to be silent for the rest of the time, as you knew how seriously Lady Margaret took preparing the royal balls.
“Your Majesty, I have prepared the menu and guest list,” she asserted, handing the queen a folder that she proceeded to flip through. “I have informed the kitchen staff and told them to ask Lady Mina if they require more supplies–”
“Just a moment, Margaret,” the queen interjected, her wide eyes stuck to a spot on a page. “I thought we agreed that we were not inviting the prime minister until he passed the latest motion in Parliament.”
“Ah, yes, Your Majesty,” the noblewoman smirked, a hint of annoyance in the way her lips curled, “Prime Minister Han is on the list because of his daughter, Jaehwa,” she explained. You subconsciously gripped the end of the arm rest on the chair, your nails leaving crescents in the cushions. “I believe she and the prince are quite taken with each other.”
The queen brought her thin fingers up to cradle her chin in thought. Her eyes slid from searching Lady Margaret’s face to yours. “Y/N, has Wonwoo mentioned anything about this to you?”
You swallowed to ease the painful dryness in your throat and slowly shook your head. Your fingers were tightly intertwined over your knee, and the sun coming in through the window felt too hot on your neck. “His Highness hasn’t mentioned Ms. Han to me,” you answered flatly.
The queen hummed in understanding, thankfully not noticing your tense attitude. Was Lady Margaret doing this on purpose? Did she know?
“Forgive me, then. His Highness’s driver told me they had eaten together recently. He must have been mistaken,” Lady Margaret commented offhandedly, delicately picking up her teacup. You shifted uncomfortably in your seat while the queen switched to discussing the menu, during which you chased your thoughts elsewhere.
A part of you was not at all shocked. Prince Wonwoo being close– even intimate (you accidentally shivered at the concept)– with the prime minister’s daughter was excellent politics. The other part of your being, the one with unfortunate human emotion, was devastated. Wonwoo truly was playing with you, and you had fallen for it. The stories of love overcoming all odds and the meek coming out triumphant, the very books that lined the walls of the study, were bitter fantasies and you knew it. Your jaw was locked and you had to stare at the ceiling covered in paintings to keep acrid tears from spilling over.
Were you overreacting about the two eating together? It must have been personal considering you had never seen an appointment for it on his schedule. Prince Wonwoo had at least one private luncheon with another woman– the prime minister’s daughter, at that. You wanted to laugh and scream at the same time. How could you be so ignorant of–
“Y/N?” The queen repeated your name. It had taken you several seconds to register that she had been talking to you at all.
“Forgive me, Your Majesty. Yes?”
“I was wondering if you would like to be on the kitchen staff for the event or a guest.” She smiled at you, a thoughtful, gentle gesture that eased you just a bit. “I’m aware that they raise wages when our staff work the events, but I would also entertain the idea of you as a guest. You’ve been so competent in your new position that it only feels right.”
You desperately hoped the fake smile on your face was convincing enough for the woman whose son had possibly betrayed you. “Thank you kindly for the offer. I would prefer to work that night, Your Majesty. I’m an ardent believer that a bit of money here and there has never hurt anyone.” You would have loved to attend the ball in a stunning gown surrounded by the uppermost people in the nation, but you thought of Han Jaehwa in a dress, hanging off of Wonwoo’s arm and suddenly your skin was crawling.
The queen grinned. “I admire your work ethic. I think that’s all I have for you, if you wish to leave.”
You stood up and bowed to each woman separately. Lady Margaret’s piercing eyes scanned you over the brim of her teacup. You ignored her and walked out, angry, disappointed, but most of all, lost.
“Y/N, are you in here?” Wonwoo’s resonating voice rang as he stepped through his bedroom door. You continued silently hanging up his slacks, putting each pair exactly an inch apart, the way he preferred. The simple action reminded you of how you were merely a servant to him. You bit your lip harshly.
“Ah! There you are,” Wonwoo stopped at the door frame of his closet, his tie loosened and the top two buttons of his maroon shirt undone. He threw open his arms and stepped towards you but you planted a flat hand onto his chest.
“Not feeling well,” you murmured, ducking under his arm and escaping into his bedroom, not once making eye contact. He followed you with a furrowed brow.
“You’re sick? Then go rest, darling, I can take care of all this,” he suggested, trying to take a handful of his ties away from you. Your fingers were gripping them so tightly that you were wrinkling the fabric.
“I’ll put these away and go,” you snapped. You whipped open a drawer on his wide dresser and laid them flat, smoothing out the wrinkles you left. He had the nerve to call you darling. The concerned prince crouched beside you, searching the profile of your face for answers. The dorsum of his hand slowly pressed to your forehead.
“I don’t think you have a fever. Are you nauseous?”
“Yeah, nauseous,” you recoiled from his hand like he had scorched you. Light from the lamp illuminated his hurt expression, but you were too focused on grabbing your laundry basket and leaving.
“Y/N, let me take you to the palace physician,” he said with a certain urgency in his voice. You shook your head vehemently. Wonwoo grabbed your shoulders, making you properly face him for the first time that evening. His eyes bored into yours, and it you could only hold your gaze for a few seconds, fearing you would cry. “Y/N, look at me.”
“I have to go to the servants’s meeting for the ball,” you claimed dejectedly. There technically was one, but it was an hour away. You stepped away from him, flinging the door open. “Goodnight, Your Highness.”
You heard no response and thanked your lucky stars that no other servants were usually in that wing at that time of night, because unwanted tears streamed down your face uncontrollably.
The meeting was in the basement kitchens, the rowdy servants laughing and joking before the head servant, the man just below Lady Margaret, arrived. You had stopped by your room to dry your tears and try to breathe normally again. Being Prince Wonwoo’s personal assistant made it difficult to see your old friends, so a part of you was excited to be with them again, even if it did mean tedious work.
“Y/N!” Your close friend, Seonghee, waved you over to a crowded table in the packed servants’s dining room. You mustered up a smile for her and wrapped your arms around her shoulders.
“Hey!” You giggled, squeezing into a seat beside her. To your right was Mingyu, a butler who was hired several years after you and who you were fairly certain you remembered training. “Hello, Mingyu, long time no see.”
“Hi, Y/N,” he grinned. His smile exposed his charming canines and while he was still in his black vest and white dress shirt from a long day of work, you understood why some of the maids were constantly gushing about him. “It’s good to have you working with us again, even if it is temporary.”
“It feels good to be back!” You chimed. You weren’t sure if you were trying to satisfy Mingyu or just trying to convince yourself that your exquisite pain had a silver lining. A part of you missed when life was this simple.
The meeting went by without incident, though Mingyu kept making jokes about the head servant in your ear, and you kept slapping your hand over your mouth to keep from giggling. You and Seonghee walked back to the female dorms together, catching up and lightheartedly chatting.
“Mingyu seems to really like you,” she teased, poking your sides. You shook your head sadly. The fact that you couldn’t reveal the intricacies of yours and the prince’s relationship to anyone, even a girl you would consider your best friend, made the agony much worse.
“I don’t think so. Besides, we all know I don’t have time for that kind of thing,” you dismissed her. The pair of you reached her room and she gave you a pleasant goodbye, but the walk to your end of the hall was lonely. You were so zoned out that you wouldn’t have noticed the box in front of the door if you hadn’t kicked it over. Curious, you reached down and picked it up.
“Antiemetics,” you whispered to yourself, turning the box of anti-nausea medication over in your hands. The prince must have sneaked over here while we were all downstairs.
Resentful, you walked all the way back across the palace and left the unopened package outside his door.
As if the events of the previous day weren’t enough, you awoke from your dreamless sleep the next morning with an irritated throat and a stuffy nose, accompanied by a horrendous cough. Karma. You stumbled to the phone on your vanity and rang Mingyu’s room.
“Hello?” A groggy voice answered, a twinge of annoyance present.
“Sorry Mingyu, it’s Y/N. If you don’t mind, I need you or one of the other senior butlers to attend to the prince today. If you can’t tell, I’m sick.”
“Oh, sure,” he agreed. His surprise was evident, and you felt guilty for putting such pressure on him, because you had never shirked your job before. You were partially grateful not to have to see Wonwoo, but also disdainful at the squeezing sensation in your lungs and the unbelievable pressure in your head. “What exactly am I supposed to do?”
You gave him the details of dressing the prince, how he liked his coffee, and ignored the scratching in your throat with each word. “Thanks again, Mingyu.”
“Not a problem,” he assured you. “Feel, better, Y/N.”
You trudged back over to your bed and sank into your covers again. Wonwoo kept appearing in your dreams, shaking you and yelling things you couldn’t understand, and tears slid down your face while you slept. You slept well into the afternoon, tossing and turning all the while.
What finally woke you up was Seonghee sinking into the side of your mattress. She set a cup of chamomile tea on your nightstand and offered you up a decongestant to take.
“You’re too kind. I don’t want you to get sick,” you sighed, gulping down the pill with tea.
“You never get sick, so I wanted to come check on you myself.” She smiled at you, despite your hair being a mess and your eyes swollen from exhaustion and, unbeknownst to her, crying. “I had to lead the kitchen maid team without you!”
“Sorry,” you laughed weakly.
The door creaked open, and a disheveled Mingyu with an apron still tied around his waist stepped in. He nodded to Seonghee and plopped down in the armchair just behind her. He looked more exhausted than you, with his black hair in all different directions and what looked to be flour on his cheeks. “Before either of you decide to have a go at me, we were low on kitchen staff so butler Mingyu became assistant chef Mingyu.”
You and Seonghee laughed in understanding, the other girl swiping the dust off Mingyu’s face. You shook your head and said, “Thanks for this morning, Mingyu. I really appreciate it.”
“You better have! I’m not ever doing it again, either,” he huffed, stretching out his long legs to rest on the edge of your bed.
You cocked your head, eyes widening. “Sorry, I didn’t realize how hard it might be for someone who’s never done it–”
“No, no, love, it was the prince who was the problem,” he growled, doing a double take to make sure your door was locked and lowering his voice. “Nothing I did was right for him. He seemed annoyed at me the entire time! I swear I did my best, Y/N,” he grumbled. Your jaw dropped.
“I’m sure you did fine, Gyu,” you reassured him while trying to hide your confusion. “Perhaps he was just in a mood.”
He shook his head, continuing to grouse to himself while he checked his watch. “I have to go, ladies. See you, Seonghee, and if you’re not better by tomorrow, Y/N, would you mind if I had a replacement?”
“Not at all,” you coughed, waving to him as he left.
As soon as the door clicked, Seonghee whipped around and whispered, “Oh my word, Y/N! What if the prince likes you? That would explain why he was upset with Mingyu! You and Prince Wonwoo do spend a lot of time together…” You looked down at your hands, your vision unexpectedly blurred. You didn’t even realize you were crying until you heard Seonghee’s panicked voice. “What did I say? Y/N, what’s wrong?”
“I can’t tell you,” you croaked. Your chest was wracked with silent sobs and you covered your mouth stubbornly so none could escape.
“Yes, you can,” she cooed, taking your free hand in her soft fingers. “Y/N, you can tell me anything.”
“I– you don’t understand,” you sniveled, squeezing your eyes shut.
“Help me understand, doll,” she pleaded with you, swiping your left cheek with her thumb.
“I love him, Seonghee,” you admitted, your voice barely audible. Her eyes widened but she held your hand and kept listening. “And– I just thought he might love me too– he said so for goodness’s sake– but I think he’s seeing the prime minister’s daughter,” you whimpered. Saying it aloud only made you cry harder. Seonghee said nothing but took you in her arms and rocked you back and forth, like you were a child, not a maid-turned-assistant who had her heart broken by the future leader of the nation.
“I am so sorry,” she whispered after several moments, pulling back to look you in the face properly. “You’ll be okay, Y/N. You’re strong.”
“I don’t think I can stay here,” you blubbered. “Not after all this. After the ball, I think I’m going to leave. I have to leave, Seonghee, it’s too painful.”
She frowned. “I understand. Please let me know if there’s anything I can do to help,” she rubbed soothing circles in your shoulders with her thumbs. “Do you want anything to eat?”
“I’m alright,” you replied shakily. “You can leave, Seonghee. I’m sorry you had to see that.”
She gave you a sympathetic smile. “What are friends for? I’ll go so you can rest up some more. If you want food, medicine, tea, to talk, just ring me or Mingyu.”
“Could you lock the door when you leave? I don’t want any… unexpected visitors.”
It wasn’t until the following Friday, the day before the ball, that you were well enough to get up and walk around without extreme dizziness. You finally emerged from your room in the afternoon, so you didn’t bother calling Mingyu to relieve one of the butlers, despite being physically capable of attending to the prince that night. Seonghee graciously let you help her in the kitchens with food preparations for dinner, along with the insane number of finger foods needed for the ball. While to other servants left to serve what you had just made, you and Seonghee sat where you had at the meeting a week earlier.
“I know you probably want me to forget about it, but I did some snooping around for you,” she muttered, blowing over the surface of her tea. “About Jaehwa, I mean.” You hid your minor frustration that she was bringing up the woman Wonwoo played you with, but you knew she did it with good intentions. “I asked some of the higher-ups– nonchalantly– about them. They said the two have lunch together at least once a week, and that Jaehwa does seem interested in him.”
Your lips curled downward, then up again, as anger was replaced by a faint sense of jealousy and disbelief. “Thanks for telling me, at least.”
“I can’t stand him,” Seonghee groaned. “Any one of the butlers would kill to have you,” she exclaimed, slamming her cup back on its saucer.
But I don’t want the butlers, you thought woefully. I want the man whose eyes become even more beautiful crescent moons in the sunlight, whose nose scrunches up when he laughs, whose smile makes me feel like we could work. I want the man who I thought loved me.
“Thanks, Seonghee,” you said insecurely. “I think I’m going to go up to bed. See you bright and early for preparations,” you winked, pushing your chair back in. You walked the long way back to your room, even roaming dangerously close to the wing of the royals’s rooms. It just felt pleasant to stroll the palace again, and you ignored the acute pain in your chest at the thought that it was one of the last times you would do so.
You rounded a corner and stumbled across the queen, followed by her lady in waiting. You quickly bowed, stunned to see her after so long.
“Ms. Y/N,” she sang. “I heard word that you were under the weather. It’s fantastic to see you doing well.”
“Thank you, Your Majesty,” you beamed, giving her a half-bow. “Yes, I’m much better.”
“Well, thank goodness,” she breathed. “The prince has been asking about you constantly. It must have been uncomfortable without his assistant.”
Your smile faltered. One hand wrung out the fingers of the other in sudden panic. “Indeed. I’m sorry to have been an inconvenience.”
“Not at all,” she twinkled. “I don’t want to overexert you, so I’ll just bid you goodnight. I’m very excited for the ball.”
“We’re doing our best for it. Goodnight, Your Majesty.”
“It’s show time,” Mingyu grinned as you and Seonghee clasped the buttons on his black tailcoat and loaded up his silver tray. Seonghee frantically untied the crisp white apron around the black skirt of your dress, throwing it over a nearby chair. It had been so long since you had served at a meal, much less a party, that you felt odd balancing the platter of tall champagne glasses. You nearly panicked when Mingyu told you that the staff was low on servers, so you would have to work the floor. However, Mingyu’s excitement helped you feel at ease.
“The two of you look great, but I can’t say I wish I was a server,” Seonghee quipped, untying her own apron and falling onto a wooden stool after a long day of cooking. “Good luck.”
You stood side-by-side with Mingyu, waiting for the head servant to swing open the doors and unleash the line of severs upon the crowd that filled the dance hall, which was bustling with music and banter. Finally, the doors were opened and you traversed the cliques of people, sweetly offering drinks and making light conversation with the party goers. You rubbed shoulders with politicians, businessmen, and artists, all of whom almost made you forget your anxieties.
“Excuse me,” a sugarcoated voice called from behind you, and you turned in your short heels to find anxiety herself staring back at you. Han Jaehwa, in a knee-length red flared dress that put the simple servant’s ensemble you were required to wear to shame. Opposite her was her stocky, cunning father, the prime minister himself.
Between them was Wonwoo.
“Three champagnes, if you don’t mind,” she continued, plucking the last drinks off your tray herself. Jaehwa was, of course, beautiful, but you were dazed by the man next to her who was practically gawking at you. You had entirely avoided Wonwoo for a week, but all his questions and apparent frustration seemed trapped in his throat.
It was strange seeing what Lady Margaret and Seonghee suspected in front of your eyes. The scenario was as plain as day, like you were in a storybook with an end that could be found with a flip of a page. You noticed the obvious dark circles lining Wonwoo’s usually bright eyes, but you felt no remorse. You did, however, suddenly feel overwhelmed and held your now-empty tray to your chest before bowing and pacing away. You threw the tray down in the kitchens when Seonghee tried to fill it up again and stormed out to the empty balcony, where your only company would be the stars.
Your hands pressed to the cool stone railing in an attempt to get a grip on your overflowing emotions. Of course it was her and not you. You weren’t Cinderella, Wonwoo was no Prince Charming, and there was no fairy godmother to come save you from yourself. Midnight had already come and gone despite the moon having just risen. I was so stupid.
“There you are.”
The sound of oxfords flying across cobblestone rang throughout the otherwise silent evening. Your heart went from drumming against your ribs in rage to stopping entirely at the sound of his voice. Before you knew what you were doing, you had turned around to face the one person you wanted to see the most– and least.
He stopped just a foot ahead of you, looking you up and down much like Jaehwa had, but with concern, not scrutiny. You felt yourself bubbling with vexation.
“Please tell me what’s happened with you,” he breathed. His voice nearly got carried away by the wind.
You scoffed. “Get away from me, Jeon Wonwoo.” He tried to take your wrist, but you snatched it away from him. “Leave!”
“Not until you tell me where on earth you’ve been for the past week. Not until you tell me you’re alright,” he yelled. “You didn’t accept the medication, you didn’t come out of your room for a week, hell, you locked the door. I have never been so worried in my life!”
“As if,” you rebuffed him. “What was there to miss? All you really need is in there,” you hissed, gesturing to the hall where Jaehwa was surely waiting.
His hands dropped from his hips and his shoulders sagged beneath his navy blue suit. “Her?”
“Yes, her! Why didn’t you tell me you were through with me? How dare you make a mockery of me like this? Do you know what it was like for Lady Margaret to offhandedly tell me you were seeing another woman?” The tears flowed freely. “Just go! I’ll leave for good, you’ll never have to see me again, since you obviously couldn’t care less.”
He searched your face, his mouth mimicking words, but no sounds came from him. Instead, he stepped forward and pulled your crumbling frame into his chest. You wanted to push him away, but you didn’t have the strength.
“I love you,” he whispered above your crying. “I know you don’t believe me right now but nothing you said is true.” He ran his fingers through your windswept locks, not minding the makeup and tears you were smearing his shirt with. “Jaehwa is nothing like you.”
You wanted so badly to give him some snappy retort, but you were choking on your own ugly sobs.
“Y/N, I know what the servants have been saying. I do have lunch with her when the prime minister insists. Yes, my parents are pushing me toward her.” He squeezed you tighter when your crying got louder. “But I love you, not her. It’s you, darling. You have no idea how much I’ve worried over the past week.”
“Wonwoo,” you wailed, gripping the back of his jacket.
“I know,” he chuckled painfully. “I told you this wouldn’t be easy for us. But I’ve never tried more adamantly at anything in my life.”
You finally raised your head. “I’m so sorry.”
He laughed. His nose scrunched up and his strong arms gripped your waist comfortingly, making you realize he was home, and that leaving home would be more than you could handle. “You know what would be the best apology?”
28-year-old blockbuster actor Louis Tomlinson rushes home to give his 20-year-old model boyfriend Harry a good seeing-to after a particularly provocative Instagram post and, in his excitement, alerts the entire world. Featuring daddy kink, anal beads, and feelings.
And it’s good. It’s really, really good. Except they haven’t really talked about any of this and Harry can’t muster the courage to bring it up. Niall’s words at the bar run through his mind nearly every day. Fresh meat. Is this a thing Louis does, then? Find a toy to play with for awhile until he gets bored?
Harry and Louis meet in a McDonalds. Louis is everything Harry needs.
But right there, on Harry’s iPod, is a folder entitled Lou Sappy Sappy Long Indie Hipster 80’s Love Songs Mixtape.
Louis expects a sappy mix tape. He might even expect his own shitty versions of Foo Fighter songs. What he doesn’t expect is clicking on “AUD-20101223” and suddenly hearing loud moaning. He gasps and scrambles to pause it, so shocked the iPod drops right to Harry’s stomach. Harry looks absolutely mortified, even more than he did when Louis played High School Musical. He’s blushing so furiously his face bypassed rosy straight to flaming red, and his mouth is closing and opening like he can’t think of a single thing to say.