frenche band

Dear kids that are starting band for the first time.

Instruments don’t have gender. If you are a boy and you want to play flute. Do it. If you are a girl and you want to play tuba. Do it. No one can tell you that since you are a boy you have to play saxophone, trumpet or another instrument like that. Or since you are a girl you have to play flute, clarinet or some instrument like that. Play whatever you want to. No one can tell you other wise.

what the instruments do the night before a Big Concert™
  • french horn: the only ones who are well rested and prepared for the concert
  • tuba: runs around screaming
  • euphonium / baritone: looks to see what the tubas are doing, and then Not That
  • flute: gets 12 hours of sleep they don't deserve
  • mellophone: gets ice cream and ignore their problems
  • trumpet: perfecting the solo and outfit well into the night
  • trombone: stays up until 3am for no reason
  • piccolo: night terrors about intonation. 1 hour of sleep at best
  • saxophone: awesome jazz
  • clarinet: stress out about disappointing their conductor/parents/selves
  • oboe: frantically making reeds
  • bassoon: frantically thinking about making reeds but being too lazy to actually make them
  • percussion: either high at Denny's or running around with the tubas
  • piano: cursing Chopin
my opinions on the instruments since you guys are asking (reblog and add yours!!1!)

french horn: honestly so pure. i always think of Dvorak’s 9th when i hear them and u g h y e a s

tuba: my bias here should be obvious

euphonium / baritone: honestly they’re so pretty and cute and nice to listen to. basically improved versions of tubas (sorry @me)

flute: pretty but anyone who can play them is clearly dabbling in dark magic

mellophone: i haven’t met one but i really like their sound. its so nice and… not to be redundant but mellow

trumpet: tbh i could listen to trumpets all day. even beginning players sound amazing to me

trombone: i always listen to the trombones when i’m confused on my part, so they’re sort of my anchor. thanks frens 

piccolo: similar to flutes but the notes are even prettier and the players are using even more dark magic

saxophone: honestly saxophones=awesome jazz to me, and i love jazz, so 

clarinet: they sound like the ethereal wood fairy version of flutes (im not sure why i think this). there’s a really good clarinet player at our school so i always think of their solos when clarinets get brought up

oboe: like clarinets but more flute and less wood fairy

bassoon: oboes but stronger

percussion: thank you kind friends for keeping the beat when i am too lazy to count

piano: probably the very purest musical insturment

viola: like with french horns i always think of Dvorak and how awesome y'all’s parts are in his stuff

violin: amazing but also definitely dark magic

cello: i live to listen to cello solos. (also just Dvorak in general, but the two are intertwined)

bass: you’re the string version of me. i respect you

tl;dr I REALLY LIKE CLASSICAL MUSIC

replace every vowel in the orchestra with oob and you get the

oobrchoobstroob

featuring the


vooboobloobn
vooboobloob
cooblloob
dooboobbloob boobss

poobccoobloob
floobtoob
oobbooboob
coobr oobnglooboobs
cloobroobnoobt
boobssooboobn
coobntroobboobssooboobn

hoobrn
troobmpoobt
troobmboobnoob
toobboob

hoobrp
pooboobnoob

toobmpoobnoob
boobss droobm
xyloobphoobnoob
toobboobloobr booblls

and dont forget the soobxoobphoobnoob

classical music hoe aesthetic

- cries over the sound of a really good chord

- doodles treble clefs all over everything

- giggles when violinists say ‘f-holes’

- brings up music in every single conversation

- emotionally attached to people that have been dead for 200 years

- points out whenever their instrument plays in the soundtrack when watching a movie (as a result, no one wants to watch movies with them)

- develops a crush on anyone who is really talented

- gets a dreamy look on the face when Tchaikovsky is played

-spends 300 dollars on a mouthpiece

- goes to everyone’s recitals for the free food

- will get in a fistfight over funding for the arts

The Stereotypical Musician
  • Band Version, as determined in a half hour discussion in the band room
  • Piccolo: Quirky, lighthearted, wants to be left alone about their instrument
  • Flute: Takes things way too seriously
  • Clarinet: Shy, goofy when you get to know them, watches anime
  • Oboe: Tired
  • Alto Saxophone: Chill, usually an attractive guy
  • Tenor Saxophone: Awkward girl
  • Bari Sax: Doesn't look like they should be playing bari sax
  • Bassoon: Tall and serious girl or a short carefree guy
  • Bass Clarinet: Short and irritable
  • Trumpet: Immature, but fun
  • French Horn: Very few morals, if any
  • Trombone: Very flamboyant in all that they do
  • Tuba/Baritone: fat white guy with pimples
  • Percussionist: either is very serious about their instruments, but doesn't have the best rhythm or not very serious about their instruments but knows what they're doing.
The Signs as Music Hoe Aesthetics
  • Aries: The slight rumbling you feel on the floor when you sit in front of the percussion
  • Taurus: the sound of the orchestra tuning, and you already feel your heart beating faster from a simple concert A
  • Gemini: The low chatter of anticipation from the audience before the performance
  • Cancer: Music torn at the edges with pencil writings scrawled all over the notes, a testament to somebody's time and passion
  • Leo: The feeling of playing a piece memorized; not just thinking about the notes but letting the music and your fingers work their magic
  • Virgo: The bright reflective lights on the keys of woodwinds and brass in the shining concert lights
  • Capricorn: When a person is so into the music that they start to dance and become a fluid structure, free and unbridled and emotional
  • Sagittarius: The feeling you get when you are in concert black with all of your friends, kind of like being a blurry smoke cloud in the night that moves together, breathes together, and performs together
  • Scorpio: when the string players are so into their music that their bow hairs start to fray and unravel and it's a mess of blurry lines moving like liquid silver
  • Libra: the conductor's arms, especially in staccato/scherzo moments, where movement is light and graceful and just there, showing its presence but not forcing it on
  • Aquarius: The adrenaline rush of playing a solo in a piece and the honor of standing up after it ends, where you have those few seconds just for you and only you
  • Pisces: The last note ringing around the air and the heavy, almost tangible silence which occurs for a microsecond afterwards
  • Me: I love and care for my instrument. I always treat it with the most respect!
  • Me: *Forgets to oil valves, throws case half way across the room, never polishes it*
  • Me: I love it like a son
band tropes

flute/piccolo: stone cold bitch. will kill a man for a solo.

clarinet: absolute nerds. chill 99% of the time.

french horn: Yikes. they’re either a mess or hella salty. or both.

trumpet: there’s like ten million of them. and they all think they’re the best in the band.

alto/tenor sax: they don’t have any friends, but they’re pretty nice.

bari sax: dedicated. very strong willed.

trombone: still laughs at shitty 2009 memes. wears velcro shoes. Avoid At All Costs.

baritone: they don’t practice, and yet? they don’t mess up. except for “wait, is this A flat or sharp? first valve or second? what?”

tuba: they are not kind. usually annoyed with the rest of the band.

percussion: half of them don’t give a fuck, the other half give a fuck AGGRESSIVELY