THE 20 FUNNIEST FRENCH EXPRESSIONS (AND HOW TO USE THEM)
  • The French don’t “piss you off”…they “shit you off” (Faire chier quelqu’un).
  • The French don’t call you “idiotic”…they call you “as dumb as a broom” (Être con comme un balai).
  • The French don’t “blow you off”…they “give you the rake” (Se prendre un râteau).
  • The French don’t tell you that “they don’t care”…they tell you that “they care about it like they care about their very first shirt” (S’en foutre comme de sa première chemise).
  • The French don’t say “this is annoying me”…they say “I’m getting swollen by this” (Ça me gonfle).
  • The French don’t tell you to “leave them alone”…they tell you to “go and cook yourself an egg” (Aller se faire cuire un œuf).
  • The French don’t tell you that “you’re grumpy”…they tell you that “you’re farting sideways” (Avoir un pet de travers).
  • The French don’t “go crazy”…they “break a fuse” (Péter un plomb).
  • The French are not “bumbling”…they have “their two feet in the same clog” (Avoir les deux pieds dans le même sabot).
  • The French are not “energized”…they have “the potato” or the “French fry” (Avoir la patate/la frite).
  • The French don’t tell you “to mind your own business”…they tell you “to deal with your own onions” (Occupe-toi de tes oignons).
  • The French are not “broke”…they are “scythed like wheat fields” (Être fauché comme les blés).
  • The French are not “very lucky”…they have “as much luck as a cuckold” (Avoir une veine de cocu).
  • The French don’t say “it’s useless”…they say “it’s like pissing in a violin” (Pisser dans un violon).
  • The French are not “ungrateful”…they “spit in the soup” (Cracher dans la soupe).
  • The French don’t “fuss about something”…they “make a whole cheese about it” (En faire tout un fromage).
  • The French don’t “give someone a tongue-lashing”…they “yell at them like they’re rotten fish” (Engueuler quelqu’un comme du poisson pourri).
  • French men don’t “sleep around”…they “dip their biscuit” (Tremper son biscuit).
  • The French are not “big-headed”…they “fart higher than their ass is located” (Péter plus haut que son cul).
  • The French don’t “shup someone up”…they “nail someone’s beak” (Clouer le bec de quelqu’un).

(x)

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@gallo-p @captain–chaos I’m not sure if I made clear I was talking about the cheesiest pop songs ever so you may be disappointed~ Anyway, this is for you, I had fun doing it.

Embarrassing but catchy old upbeat French songs :

France is so fucking racist. It has always been, but the wave of extreme islamophobia is frankly alarming. Muslims are vilified in every article. They are constantly put together with ISIS, even if it is Muslims that are the most killed by this organization.

Mosques are being closed “for propagating extremist ideologies”, but we have a christian party and a christian movement that made extremely racist and homophobic comments and went marching in the street spreading hate, and still got away with it. Their churches didn’t close because they were propagating extreme ideologies. The mere concept of a christian political party in a laic country is a joke. Imagine the uproar an islamic political party would cause here?

We have holidays based on christian events. A few days ago everything was closed because of The Assumption of Mary. Everything is closed on Sundays, too. We remember that we are supposed to be a state not based on any religion only when it’s about harassing women in hijab. Veiled women are depicted as radicalized people trying to convert our poor french citizens, when they are the most targeted and harassed persons in this country.

Our media only picks the information that could make non-muslim french the most afraid possible, and ignores the rest. Everybody is talking about what happened on that beach, that fight between corsicans and muslims, but no newspaper is talking about how corsicans did a raid in neighborhoods with a strong muslim community.

Even the most “open minded”, left wing newspapers keep telling how muslim women are victims of their religion, keep talking about islam when they don’t know anything about this religion. Nobody asked the opinion of the women who MADE THE CHOICE to be veiled. Everybody assumes they are enslaved and our women’s rights minister is leading a war against them.

And I am only talking about islamophobia right now. If you knew the number of blackfaces, white washing, racist insults and racial discrimination you have to go through on a daily basis when you’re not white in France. The situation here is crazy, and NO ONE is talking about it. White french people just pretend they don’t see what’s happening or dismiss the experiences of french people of color.
I am really ashamed of this country and I don’t see a bright future for it.

@ tourists in paris :

here’s some advice

  • see those authentic cafés with checkered tablecloth and well-dressed waiters? it’s a scam. always check the prices before sitting down – and if they try to force you to order something, just get up and leave, don’t stay because you feel bad
  • if it’s a bistro-style restaurant, look at the price of the burgers and tartare steak to judge. a burger should be under 14 euros a steak tartare under 16. my favorite is rue de l’arbre sec (ask for the gratin dauphinois)
  • water is always free in restaurants, so don’t order that expensive bottle of wine. if you want to drink some, buy it at a monoprix at a lower price and go drink it on the banks of the seine ; and buy muscat because it’s better than red wine okay
  • don’t hold the bar in the metro if you can lean again the doors, you’ll have more balance, less germs and you can keep your belongings safe by trapping them against you and the door
  • if you’re site-seeing, you’re gonna take the metro 1 and it’s full of thieves. hide your valued objects on the bottom of your bag and put it at your feet. the thieves are likely to be children who will circle around you, so stay aware of them
  • you’ll get a more aesthetic picture of the eiffel tower from the pont neuf, alongside a nice view of the seine and you can actually sit there, it’s perf
  • bus stations can be tricky to find but it’s the best transport cause you can actually see the outside ; take the bus 29 if you want to see pretty buildings, the opera and the galeries lafayette
  • you’re surely gonna go see the beaubourg museum : take a break at the bakery 50m away called Topaze and eat a st. honoré there (also i saw mika eat next to it once so it’s a historical landmark)
  • eat the baguette if it’s hot, just do it
  • the RER station may be called “Châtelet les Halles” but it’s actually two different stations, you’ll be arriving at les halles and you’ll have to walk to reach châtelet and take other metros and you will get lost (don’t worry, everybody does)