• The French don’t “piss you off”…they “shit you off” (Faire chier quelqu’un).
  • The French don’t call you “idiotic”…they call you “as dumb as a broom” (Être con comme un balai).
  • The French don’t “blow you off”…they “give you the rake” (Se prendre un râteau).
  • The French don’t tell you that “they don’t care”…they tell you that “they care about it like they care about their very first shirt” (S’en foutre comme de sa première chemise).
  • The French don’t say “this is annoying me”…they say “I’m getting swollen by this” (Ça me gonfle).
  • The French don’t tell you to “leave them alone”…they tell you to “go and cook yourself an egg” (Aller se faire cuire un œuf).
  • The French don’t tell you that “you’re grumpy”…they tell you that “you’re farting sideways” (Avoir un pet de travers).
  • The French don’t “go crazy”…they “break a fuse” (Péter un plomb).
  • The French are not “bumbling”…they have “their two feet in the same clog” (Avoir les deux pieds dans le même sabot).
  • The French are not “energized”…they have “the potato” or the “French fry” (Avoir la patate/la frite).
  • The French don’t tell you “to mind your own business”…they tell you “to deal with your own onions” (Occupe-toi de tes oignons).
  • The French are not “broke”…they are “scythed like wheat fields” (Être fauché comme les blés).
  • The French are not “very lucky”…they have “as much luck as a cuckold” (Avoir une veine de cocu).
  • The French don’t say “it’s useless”…they say “it’s like pissing in a violin” (Pisser dans un violon).
  • The French are not “ungrateful”…they “spit in the soup” (Cracher dans la soupe).
  • The French don’t “fuss about something”…they “make a whole cheese about it” (En faire tout un fromage).
  • The French don’t “give someone a tongue-lashing”…they “yell at them like they’re rotten fish” (Engueuler quelqu’un comme du poisson pourri).
  • French men don’t “sleep around”…they “dip their biscuit” (Tremper son biscuit).
  • The French are not “big-headed”…they “fart higher than their ass is located” (Péter plus haut que son cul).
  • The French don’t “shup someone up”…they “nail someone’s beak” (Clouer le bec de quelqu’un).


You think you’re joking when you say Valjean was super passionate about bread, but try to put a French person in another country and within the first few days you’ve heard them complain about how nobody in this fucking country sells real bread and all their attempts and making a baguette are laughable

even me, I don’t eat that much bread on a regular basis but I will still bitch about how others DON’T KNOW WHAT BREAD IS because when I eat bread it’s “real” fucking bread

you think this is a cliché

it’s not

none of you guys can make bread especially not you UK and US

if we’re condescending assholes about one thing trust me

it’s bread

Monday 8:27am
I woke up with you on my mind.
You called me babe last night —
my heart is still pounding.

Tuesday 10:53pm
Today I realized we won’t work.
What we are is hurting her.
And I think she matters more to me than you do.

Wednesday 11:52pm
I broke things off with you today.
She barely said a word.
I’ve never regretted anything more than this.

Thursday 4:03pm
I shouldn’t have sent that message.
You shouldn’t have been so okay with receiving it.

Friday 9:57pm
I almost messaged you today.
I didn’t.

Saturday 8:49pm
I’m walking around town in search of alcohol.
They say that liquor numbs the pain of having a broken heart.
I want to put that to the test.

Sunday 2:32am
I heard you texted a girl you’ve never spoken to before.
I wonder if it’s because you’re trying to replace me.
I can’t help but wish you weren’t.
I thought I was irreplaceable.

—  a week with you on my mind, c.j.n.

Avec cette fameuse blague du 31 décembre. Quand le mec doit te voir la semaine d'après, le 31 décembre il te dit: “Et dis donc…à l'année prochaine!” Et l'autre en général il comprend pas, il dit: “Ah bon on se voit pas mardi?”  Il essaye de la refaire et en général quand il veut refaire une blague, ça foire. Il voit passer une copine: “Hey, Isa, hey…. à mardi!”