freelancer maine


Agents Maine and Washington are the only ones on the Mother of Invention who know sign language. And, like, they’re ALWAYS TALKING IN IT like super long, fast conversations. Wash will be talking to Connie and simultaneously signing to Maine at the same time. Maine will laugh. (Well. Chuckle. Maine doesn’t -laugh-.)

Everyone is really fuckin curious because Maine doesn’t talk, except he and Wash have conversations that last hours and no one understands what they’re saying (except maybe Florida? But who knows with that fucker)

So, like, Maine and Wash get sent on this super long mission, like a few weeks. And York spends the entire time on the internet learning sign language. He’s determined.

Finally the pair gets back and York is ready, so fuckin ready to see -

- and Wash and Maine are signing the bee movie to each other.

(York runs crying into North’s room. North throws him a bottle of vodka and sighs.)

Freelancer Christmas

Carolina - “I mean I’m Jewish but sure?? Go holidays I guess.”

Washington - Refuses to admit he believed in Santa until he was 15

North - Dresses up as Santa, picked out the perf gifts for everyone

York - “I’m not Santa but you can sit on my lap ;)”

Wyoming - Loves the “traditional” Christmas

Florida - Same as Wyo, and always drinks a lil too much egg nog

South - “Why have egg nog when we could just go straight to alcohol.”

Tex - thinks Christmas is a bullcrap holiday and a waste of everyone’s time

Maine - Has no idea what to get people so he usually just gets them gift cards

Imagine Agent Florida being able to tell exactly when the other freelancers are having a hard time.

He can pick up the small signs that York’s eye is bothering him, and knows where he keeps his pain medication.
He can tell when Wyoming is feeling tense and knows how to make tea just the way he likes it.
He can detect when Carolina is stressed about the leaderboard and knows how to braid her hair for her in exactly the way her mother used to to comfort her.
He can tell if North and South have been arguing and is aware that simply listening to what each of them has to say will make them both feel better.
He knows that when Connie is upset, a cupcake in her favourite flavour left in her locker will do wonders.
He can detect when Wash is in a low mood and immediately deliver anonymous cat photos for a quick mood boost.
He knows that Tex finds cleaning armour therapeutic so he’ll discretely drop off a few pieces at her door for her to clean when he knows she’s feeling down.
He can tell when Maine is frustrated and knows that offering to spar with him for a while will help him take his mind off things.
And when Florida himself isn’t feeling great, really all he has to do is try and cheer someone else up and that usually makes him feel at least a little bit better

Agent “I punched a grenade” Texas

Agent “I eat through my helmet” Washington

Agent “I like my balls on a grappling hook” Carolina

Agent “Still have a bit of fight in you” Florida

Agent “Who’s there?” Wyoming

Agent “Subtle as always” Maine

Agent “I hate grenades” New York

Agent “I am all your dads now” North Dakota

Agent “How am I going to live without him” South Dakota

Agent “Fuck the man” Connecticut

Agent “Tears in space” Georgia

Agent “I almost died in a bubble” Utah

A Red vs. Blue Thanksgiving

Featuring Project Freelancer

North bribing the kitchen staff of MOI to serve a thanksgiving feast that day.

Wash and Connie delighted to finally be using their arts and crafts skills to decorate the mess hall, and teaching Maine the art of the hand turkey.

South pretending to be annoyed with it, but secretly loving every minute of it.

Wyoming being apathetic, but still getting into the spirit by pulling out his best thanksgiving themed knock knock jokes.

Carolina being pissed that none of her squad showed up to morning training, but letting it go when she sees how much fun they’re all having.

York starting an epic food fight and letting Carolina treat it like their missed training session.

Imagine Agent York getting Delta to give him access to intercom system because he has an important message, and at three AM in the morning on October 1st, he wakes EVERYONE on the MOI up by screaming “IT’S HALLOWEEN WAKE UP FUCKERS”

Imagine the freelancers when they were children

York flirting with every girl in his class

Maine beating up bullies who picked on unpopular kids

Wash getting his first cat from his grandma for Christmas 

South cutting her hair and trying to trick all of the kids at school into thinking she was North

North taking the blame for South putting gum in a popular girl’s hair

Connie volunteering to be on her school’s recycling team because no one else would

Carolina making Allison arts and crafts for when she came home

Wyoming telling his dad that he was going to have a cool mustache just like his when he grew up

Florida laughing so hard that milk squirted out of his nose  

Now remember that they’re all super dead

Imagine Agent Florida in a minibus with the other freelancers on a roadtrip

- North is the only one that is trusted enough to drive so he ends up stuck in the front with York
- York is in control of music and if anyone has to hear gasolina one more time, murder is going to happen
- Wash shouts for them to stop the bus because he spotted a cat by the side of the road at least three times
- Florida finds himself pretty much sitting on Wyoming and nobody’s entirely sure how he ended up there. He also sings along to every single song and keeps attempting to initiate games to keep everyone entertained
- Wyoming gets physically kicked off the minibus after half an hour and is only let back on after he promises that he won’t make any more knock knock jokes
- Connie, Wash and Maine end up in the three-person group of seats at the back of the bus, but Maine takes up about two of the seats so Connie is on the verge of falling off the edge of the seat for the entire journey
- South is ready to launch North out the window for bringing up the fact that she always used to throw up on family car rides, because everyone keeps jokingly asking her if she’s feeling carsick (the answer is yes)
- Carolina and Tex become engaged in the most competitive game of I-spy that any of the Freelancers have ever seen. The game is only ever interrupted long enough for the two of them to complain about York’s music choices every few minutes