freelancer maine

Headcanon:

Agents Maine and Washington are the only ones on the Mother of Invention who know sign language. And, like, they’re ALWAYS TALKING IN IT like super long, fast conversations. Wash will be talking to Connie and simultaneously signing to Maine at the same time. Maine will laugh. (Well. Chuckle. Maine doesn’t -laugh-.)

Everyone is really fuckin curious because Maine doesn’t talk, except he and Wash have conversations that last hours and no one understands what they’re saying (except maybe Florida? But who knows with that fucker)

So, like, Maine and Wash get sent on this super long mission, like a few weeks. And York spends the entire time on the internet learning sign language. He’s determined.

Finally the pair gets back and York is ready, so fuckin ready to see -

- and Wash and Maine are signing the bee movie to each other.

(York runs crying into North’s room. North throws him a bottle of vodka and sighs.)

who u should fight rvb freelancer version
  • York: York’s a great guy who could also probably like, rip you in half but tbh I feel like he’s that guy in the group who makes endless puns and dick jokes so, hey, punch him and then run away, lock a door behind you, and you’ll be fine. Fight York.
  • Carolina: I mean. I don’t know what show you’ve been watching, I really don’t. Jesus Horatio Christ on a popsicle don’t fight Carolina.
  • Washington: Wash has had the shittiest life ever. Of all time. Do not fight Wash give Wash chocolate and love.
  • South Dakota: True, South will rip you to tiny bitty little shreds, okay yeah but she got North killed and Theta lost and just... if you can fight South pls go for it
  • North Dakota: Why would you fight him. Why. North wants to give you a blanket and a cup of tea and talk about Grifball with you why would you fight him? Also if you did fight him he'd shoot you from three miles away. You're not nearly good enough to even get near him to actually fight him so don't bother. Don't fight North.
  • Texas: IF YOU FUCK WITH TEX YOU'LL BE ON YOUR KNEES FOR SURE
  • Maine: If you want death, then yes, fight Maine. But don't actually. Either he'd punch you once and you'd explode or he'd pick you up by the scruff of your neck and place you on a really high shelf or something. Don't fight Maine.
  • Connecticut: CONNIE IS A GOOD HUMAN BEING WHO'S TRYING TO DO THE RIGHT THING DON'T FUCKING FIGHT CT
  • Wyoming: Please rip his mustache off. Fight Wyoming.
  • Florida: That's like the worst idea ever ok look Florida is a chill honestly nice dude who will slather you with compliments and mean them but you will not last 0.0002 seconds in a fight with him. Nah he isn't on the leaderboard but that's probably cos he's like, way too cool for that shit okay don't fight Florida. Let Florida hug you.
  • Iowa: why would you do that that's like fighting Caboose except a Caboose who's never killed anyone okay it's like fighting Caboose's more innocent twin if that's possible DON'T FIGHT IOWA
  • Georgia: Yeah go ahead fight Georgia he seems like a dick. Also he probably sucks I mean we all know what happened to Georgia you might even win. Fight Georgia.
  • Ohio: bruh don't fight Ohio, set Ohio up with Sherry
  • Idaho: ehhhhhhhhhhh I feel like that would be a dick move. Don't fight Idaho.
  • Utah: how can you fight utah you don't even know what utah looks like
AI Kid story time stuff

North:*reading a book to Theta* And then Red Riding hood and her grandma lived happily ever after. The End.

Theta:*sleepy* more story dad.

North: Kiddo it’s bedtime.

Theta: pleeeeeeaaaase?

North: *smiles softly* Alright. One more and then it’s time to sleep.

__________________________

Delta: Father can you read me a book.

York:Sure kiddo. Which one do you want?

Delta: The pop-up book about the history of medicine and medical practices.

York:….Don’t you want  Three Little Pigs or something?

Delta: It is Fiction. Pigs cannot build houses and Wolves cannot blow them down.

York: Fine but we’re skipping the amputation chapter deal? You don’t need to be dreaming about that.

Delta: Very well.

______________________

Wash: Epsilon get back here!

Epsilon: I do what I want BITCH! *running around and chugging a Red Bull and Wash’s Deadpool comics*

_______________________

Tex: Kid go the fuck to sleep.

Omega: ANOTHER STORY.

Tex: Its one in the morning. Go.To.Sleep.

Omega: ANOTHER OR I SHALL RIP YOU APART SLOWLY.

___________________

Carolina: Cant you two choose on a story?

Eta: But Three Little Pigs is scary!

Iota: Aw cheer up bro! The pigs win in the end!

Eta: But what if its a representation of our demise?

Carolina: The fuck?

_____________

Maine:*playing an audio book of Grimm Brother’s Fairy Tales*

Sigma: *wide awake and just listens*

Maine: (Kid you need to sleep)

Sigma: I must hear about the evil queen’s demise.

_________________

Wyoming: I think you should sleep instead of reading knock-knock jokes a loud.

Gamma: *stares at Wyoming with a look of “you’re kidding right?”*

*both burst out laughing and dont care about sleep*

thinktankgoldfish  asked:

South bench pressing Wash. Carolina bench pressing South who is Bench pressing North. Maine who is lifting everyone (and a warthog). Have a good day!

work out squad- or, you’re not a real freelancer until you lived though one of carolina and maine’s insane workouts. they’ve been at this for an hour and a half. maine is on his 273rd push up. Carolina’s thighs aren’t even shaking. i cant draw feet

are you,,,, the anon who’s been super nice to me,,,,,, and really nice and encouraging….?

Agent “I punched a grenade” Texas

Agent “I eat through my helmet” Washington

Agent “I like my balls on a grappling hook” Carolina

Agent “Still have a bit of fight in you” Florida

Agent “Who’s there?” Wyoming

Agent “Subtle as always” Maine

Agent “I hate grenades” New York

Agent “I am all your dads now” North Dakota

Agent “How am I going to live without him” South Dakota

Agent “Fuck the man” Connecticut

Agent “Tears in space” Georgia

Agent “I almost died in a bubble” Utah