free the immortal

Reasons My Immortal is like the Iliad
  • we only know a little about the author(s)
  • weird time shenanigans
  • Gay/Bi characters (or ones that would be considered as such)
  • lots of weird names
  • both were written during a dark time in their cultures
  • the originals are now lost
  • long and loving descriptions, especially of clothes
  • important aspects are constantly repeated
  • as are some entire sections
  • people are known by multiple names
There's not enough stuff about Midas!Gavin so I'm gonna add this:

Once upon a time, he had everything.

He had a rich kingdom, a luxurious life, and a beloved daughter who meant the world to him. He could’ve lived and died like everyone else in his kingdom a happy man, surrounded by his gold and with his daughter by his side to leave everything to, his late wife waiting for him with open arms beyond his final breath.

When a satyr bearing the insignia of Dionysius found himself in the royal garden, he invited him to stay until his master came for him. In gratitude, Dionysius granted him one wish, and he wished for everything he touched to turn to gold. And so began his curse.

He was elated with his gift, until he turned his beloved daughter to gold and discovered he could no longer eat or drink. He lay in his bed, heart heavy with guilt over his daughter, waiting to die of hunger and thirst.

One day.

Two days.

A month.

A year.

His death never came.

Dionysius explained to him in a dream that he would not die until he proved to the gods he had left his greed behind.

So he left his golden bed, and his golden castle, and his golden kingdom, and he never looked back at the wretched color his daughter had become.

Oh, how he hated gold.

He lived in pure agony for almost 1,000 years, always hungry but never able to eat, surrounded by the thing he hated most of all. When gloves were invented he nearly wept with the prospect of being able to eat and have control over what his golden touch.

His throat had gone dry from lack of water, his skin hung off his bones from lack of food. He took a knife to his wrists everyday, hoping against hope that the gods would finally find him worthy to die.

The first time he tasted a grape in a millennium he did actually cry, but only after he drank enough water to make himself sick.

He learned to speak again, he learned to eat again, he learned to live again. Gloves were the best thing that had ever happened to him, behind his daughter.

Around 600 years later he was in England, exploring the world while he tried to prove himself worthy. He came across a woman in the street. Her red hair reminded him of his own daughters copper locks that she had received from his mother. She was skin and bones as he had been. He couldn’t just leave her. He took off his gloves, pulled some coins out of his pockets, and gave her enough gold to last a lifetime.

He hadn’t counted in someone seeing it.

He and the girl burned together. She told him her name on her last breath: Gavinia.

In memory of her, he chose the name Gavin, and kept that name forever.

He met the fakes at the dawn of the 21st century. Geoff, who died in the 1200’s of disease. Jack, a noblewoman from the French Revolution who reminded him of his mother. Ryan, a gladiator from the Roman Empire. Ray, who died as an Aztec sacrifice. And Michael, who died in Scotland of the Black Plague. Gavin told them he died in the 1500’s in a witch burning, and became the little brother of the group.

He wondered what they’d say if they discovered he was the oldest of them all.

They thought he was young. They thought he loved gold enough to surround himself in it. They all assumed he was a germaphobe because of his gloves and hesitance to touch anyone.

Wrong on all accounts.

He became the hacker, never out in the field, helping from afar. As far away from the danger as he could possibly be, and in as little danger of being discovered as he could be.

They gave him golden presents, and he acted like he lived them all the while trying to figure out how to tell them he hated gold with everything he had in a way that made sense.

He was Midas, the Golden King.

He was Gavin, the Golden Heir.

Oh, how he hated gold.

Fake AH Crew Immortality AU

Prepare for the Immortality AU dump!

Immortal AU:

  • FAHC absolutely uses their immortality for stupidity. They would absolutely blow up each others planes, and parachute drunk and forget their chute, and play the Hunger Games in the middle of a mall. 
  • They create a game called “Dare or Dare” where they have to dare one another to do something that should be impossible. The “Dare or Dare” game ended when Ryan dared Gavin to tie himself to a cement block and live underwater in a lake for a week before “forgetting” about him. Needless to say the game is now banned in the penthouse.
  • Each of them is secretly scared when someone goes missing. When they need time to recover after something stupid, or a mistake made in a heist. Those few days where they don’t hear from them. And then one day they walk through the door and are attacked with hugs and worried scolding from Jack. 
  • Ryan is the biggest offender of disappearing randomly. He gets smothered in hugs whenever he returns and likes to yell at his friends and call them idiots for being saps. He blushes under his skull mask every time.
  • During a particular heist, Jack’s com cut out and she disappeared. None of them could find her and the penthouse fell apart. No one ate or slept, looking day and night for Jack. Jack is what keeps them all in a sense of normality. Then, a week later she walks through the door and the tears of relief she receives is something she’d never seen. Jack makes sure she never goes missing again.
  • There is a concern they all share that their immortality might not last forever. Geoff wants to cry anytime one of his boys is missing for over a day.


  • Ray has only gone missing once. And that one time Ryan went insane. The penthouse wasn’t safe, no one could calm him down. So when Ray showed up after almost a month, Ryan cries. He had never cried before, never cried since, but the one time he thought Ray wasn’t coming back.
  • Turns out being blown into pieces in an explosion makes it hard to reform again.
  • Gavin and Michael constantly use their immortality, often the instigators of dumb stunts. But one does not go out without the other.
  • There is no Gavin or Michael disappearing separately. They disappear together, reform together, hands clasped tightly every time, waking up side by side, never alone.
  • Of course, they never mention that last part out loud.
Immortal FAHC headcannons

Each member of the team is immortal, but it goes beyond that. Their immortality is just a secondary bonus compared to the main power they got when they respawned the first time. Each one is different.

Geoff –
He can turn any liquid into alcohol. Hand him a coke, he’s drinking whiskey. Orange juice turns into moonshine. It’s cool to watch, because it swirls without being stirred, then is suddenly perfectly clear. But it’s more than just drinking though. He’s turned water bottles into a Molotov cocktail. Ever try to run a truck when it’s only Everclear in the tank? It doesn’t work well.

But there is a dark secret to this power, and he only does it when he is pissed off. He can turn the bloodstream into alcohol as well. It kills quickly, not instantly, but quickly and it’s painful. It’s even more painful if Geoff decides to set them on fire. And he can do it not only with blood, but with any human fluid. Snot, piss, spit, tears, all of it.

He doesn’t let himself torture people anymore.

Jack –
Jack shapeshifts. She can turn into any animal that she’s seen (and she spent a decade on safaris just to expand her horizons). She can also change her human form, but she only has two shapes for some reason, her cute red-headed female form and a large male form with an impressive beard. She likes her bearded form for driving to heists and when the boys get into the car, she’s back to her female form, tearing down the roads like a crazy person.

She has also spent entire days curled up in a sunbeam as a ginger Mancoon cat. She has sat in Ryan’s lap as a dog. She enjoy spending time in various animal forms in the apartment, just to surprise or comfort her boys.

She also tore an entire rival gang apart as a bear because Michael bet her $1000 she couldn’t. She hasn’t done it again and doesn’t talk about it much, mainly because that bestial rage is a little more addicting than she wants to think about.

Gavin –
Gavin spent the first fifty years of his immortality thinking he didn’t have a power. He thought he was broken. Then the industrial revolution happened, and suddenly it all made sense. Gavin’s power was with machinery and technology.

He can make anything work. Computers are like an extension of himself, and they do his bidding. He spends hours in front of a screen every day, perfecting and playing, hacking into things that he shouldn’t. He’s coaxed information out of the most secure databases on the planet.

For some reason, it doesn’t extend to video games. Michael and Ray beat him on a daily basis without trying. Gavin just cannot convince games to do what he wants, and he always loses.

Ray –
Ray doesn’t miss. It’s physically impossible for him to miss now. It doesn’t matter what he’s got, once a projectile leaves his hand, it hits what he’s aiming at. Even if he isn’t really aiming, it’ll hit the target. He can’t miss.

He wins extra cash off of dart games when he’s running low. He wins carnival games when the guys drag him out to them. He always ends up getting banned at some point in the evening. He likes making random bets with Gavin, mainly because he knows he’ll win.

“Bet you I can hit the dumpster on the other side of the building.” And ping, somehow ricocheting off three buildings, a car and a freaking phone line, the bullet goes straight through the dumpster.

Jeremy –
He shrinks. It’s part of the reason why he’s an infiltration expert. He can shrink down to any size he wants and can go anywhere. He used to hate it, used to hate the fact that he was smaller than everyone else, but he finally came to just accept it.

It’s when he joins the Fakes, and Michael jokingly yells “Lil’ J!” as he shrinks down to get on the other side of a door, that Jeremy starts actually liking his ability. Every team name is a short joke, and he goes along with it, finding the humor in it.

He keeps getting dragged into stupid pranks too. He’s lost count of how many times he’s been asked to shrink down and infiltrate Gavin’s room jut to move everything three inches to the left.

Ryan –

There is reason behind the mask and the face paint. He started wearing something like it a long time ago, when he finally realized what his power was. He is ridiculously charming. He can convince anyone to day anything with a just a wink and a smile. He’s conned people out of their livelihoods before, just to see if he could do it. He was a real vagabond for a very long time, knowing that he could always get food with just a grin.

There are people who are naturally immune to it though. Geoff proved to be one, as did Jack, much to Ryan’s relief. It was part of the reason why Ryan decided to join the Fakes. Being exposed to it for a while can also help build up an immunity too, though it fades if Ryan’s gone for a while. That’s why Ryan was one of the Lad’s favorite people in the beginning.

Michael –
He is naturally angry, always has been, and that anger translates into his power. He gets stronger the angrier he is, almost like the Hulk. It’s a gradual thing, where he starts off small and happy, but as he gets more and more pissed, he starts to be able to throw things that’s beyond human comprehension.

It goes further than that too. He also becomes impervious to damage the angrier he gets. Not particularly useful one would think since he’s already immortal, but it’s gotten him out of hot water before. Pissed off and swinging a shotgun like a sword, he’s been shot at with a minigun and shrugged it off like it wasn’t even a bee sting. He’s gotten high on rage and walked through a mine field just to see if he was in one piece on the other side. He was.

He has to be careful in the apartment though. He once got angry at a video game and threw a controller at a television. The controller went through the Tv, the wall, and shot off into the sky where it hit a passing helicopter. It went straight through the cockpit, killing the pilot instantly. The helicopter crashed in the middle of the interstate, causing one of the worst pile-ups Los Santos had ever seen.

Geoff screamed himself hoarse over the television.

Man do I love Roman FAHC inmortal AUs, like Gav was one of the three son of emperor Constantine and when Constantine made it legal to practice Christianity good old Ryan who was spreading word about Jesus while traveling with Paul marched on into Rome. They met and became friends, later meeting Michael and Jeremy who where two Persian soldiers forced into gladitorial games. Gavin would meet Michael and Jeremy when ever he had the chance and would go with his father, brothers, and Ryan to the bread and circuses. When Constantines sons faught for power after their fathers death Gav, Ryan, Jeremy, and Michael all left for Eqypt around 340 A.D. After several years and long long travels they met childhood friends Geoff and Jack who lived in Mecca in 637 A.D. They moved everywhere, seeing and learning anything they can. It’s been mamy years and most their memories had faded but they still remember when they first met each other.

“I can’t believe you accused me of being a liar when you, yourself, lied." 

"I’ve gotten myself into a mess and I need to hide.”

“My contract’s almost up. I’m going to be free from my immortal curse.”

“Lots of people have cellulite. Don’t be ashamed of it.”

“I found this animal in the dumpster and it reminded me of you, so I took them home.”

“I’ve said it once and I’ll say it again; you’re a horrible person.”

Oh motherfucker you thought I was done?

The cringe is never done

(Also, yes I know, I’m playing fast and loose with the canon of Underfell Flowey but there’s a sweet payoff for it, I promise

Also, warning I guess? Some Frisk/Papyrus…….sort of. I consider this too shitposty to be a legit ship fic and also I’m going with a Frisk who is the same age as Papyrus to parallel Vampire and Ebony, but if that’s still triggering to you feel free to not read. No one should read this anyways.)

Keep reading

what if the fahc is actually as pathetic as the ah guys are in their gta v heists like gavin drives like a dope and makes bird noises as he bashes into every car on the road and geoff forgets everyone’s name in the heat of the moment and they all forget their own code names and michael just bursts out into fits of laughter and yells at everyone for screwing up and ryan flubs his words while trying to act badass and scary and they really do break out into song in the middle of the heist and they must have friends in really high places or theyd be fucked

Hey everyone! My name is J.M. Bates. I am a humble humanoid from Chicago, working in a pharmacy during the day and writing at night. I am also a contributor for Fuck Yeah Feminists!

I have finished my first novel after six years of researching, writing, editing, revising, and polishing it to perfection.

Brilliant Shadows is a feminist fantasy novel about a young lesbian of color named Nattie who acquires magical abilities from an ethereal being known as a Shadow. Nattie discovers a whole new world, finds love, fights for justice, and meets her favorite comic book heroine.

If you’re looking for a fantasy novel with diverse, complicated characters interacting in believable yet interesting ways, look no further. Check out the first chapter, free of charge: