I have been asked many a time by people I know in real life and on here if I am serious when I say baseball bats are my weapon of choice.
Fuck yes they are. I would, in full confidence bring a baseball bat to a gun fight. Moving targets are hard to hit, I was a sprinter in high school, and moving targets that are bashing your skull in are even harder to hit. Sure I have stellar aim with a gun, but I fully support gun control laws, and many of them would not let a bipolar, anxious, panic-prone individual like me own a gun. But a baseball bat? No fucking problem.
Hell, you can pick up a metal one that makes a nice ping when you smack it. You can buy those wooden ones too and jack them up. Go to town on it with a box cutter so the mother fucker you’re whacking walks away with huge ass sprinters. Drive nails through that thing for special occasions. Wrap that fucker in barbed wire. Heck, I’ve had a buddy sand his down and soak it in gasoline for a week and then go into a fight and light it on fire. Risky to you, yes, but damn near guaranteed to get anyone threatening you running? FUCK yes.
I will never understand why society abandoned clubs as a weapon for hand to hand combat. You can run me through with a sword and sure, I’ll probably die eventually. But a baseball bat, something infinitely cheaper, can be deadly with a single blow.
Now I’m not encouraging violence by any means. But, I will say this. Don’t punch a nazi. Don’t punch a pedophile. Don’t punch a rapist. Take a pimped up baseball bat straight to their cranium.
Pricefield AU: In Which Max is a waitress at Two Whales
A/N: Okay this is my first fanfic ever, I just really wanted a fanfic like this but couldn’t find one, so this trash was born. Comments/recommendations would be very appreciated!
And excuse any grammar mistakes, english is not my first language.
Working as a waitress at Two Whales has been one of the best & worst experiences of my life. Best, because I’ve learned some much needed people skills, and worst because there are a lot of a-holes in Arcadia Bay. Having to see Nathan Prescott often, since he doesn’t even know what to do with his time due to his suspension, hasn’t been enjoyable; to say the least.
"Max, can you give this to table 7?“ Joyce said as she handed me her mouthwatering eggs & bacon with OJ.
Wowser, I’m ready to nosh but I should give this to our lucky customer.
“The diner is awfully packed this mornin’…” Joyce continued.
“People are dying to eat your food Joyce, it’s from the best diner in town! My stomach’s growling just thinking about it.“
Joyce smiled, wrinkles forming in the corner of her eyes as she did so, while mixing the pancake batter for the next customer.
I headed to table 7, Nathan gave me a death glare on the way there, which I reciprocated. No one can beat my death glares.
The table was the last one on the left side. I saw a girl with blue hair and a beanie, she was in a pretty careless position; her back hunched, elbows on the table and with her legs slightly spread a part. She was wearing a tank top of some punk band I’ve never heard of. Her right arm had a beautiful tattoo, it really compliments her skin.
My belly has been feeling kind of out of whack, and I feel like I need to reboot my digestive system, so I’m going on a 5 day smoothie reboot.
This isn’t a diet. This isn’t a fast or cleanse. It isn’t to lose weight. It’s to give my digestive system a break from all of the bad eating habits that I’ve picked up during a stressful, junk food-filled season.
Here’s my plan, in case anyone is feeling the same!
Wake up: Yoga + warm water and lemon Smoothies: Breakfast- oats, pineapple, strawberries, agave, dairy-free milk, bananas Lunch- spinach, pineapple, banana, orange juice, dairy-free milk Dinner: protein powder, almond butter, banana, cinnamon, cacao powder, ice
Saturday: Wake-up: Yoga + ginger tea with lemon and cayenne Smoothies: Breakfast: aloe vera juice, cucumber, lemon, banana, gelled chia seeds, cilantro, spinach, coconut milk yogurt, green apple, agave (to sweeten) Lunch: raspberries, strawberries, blueberries, pineapple, banana, orange juice and spinach, pineapple, cucumber, carrot Dinner: carrot, apple, orange, ginger, ice Snack: frozen bananas, dairy-free milk (ice cream)
Sunday: Wake-up: Meditation + green tea with lemon + shot of aloe vera juice Smoothies: Breakfast: spinach, pineapple, orange juice, dairy-free milk, protein powder, banana Lunch: cucumber, kale, spinach, green apple, ice Dinner: pineapple, coconut milk yogurt, banana, spinach, ice
cayenne pepper, cinnamon, agave, cocao (or even cocoa) powder - I had these already
bananas (2 bunches)
aloe vera juice
Honestly, I had a lot of this stuff already (green tea, oats, almond butter). It cost me a little over $45, and I’m sure that I’m going to have leftovers. Aloe vera juice was the most expensive ($8). If I’m hungry, I’m going to eat light snacks from the leftovers (banana or apples + almond butter, oatmeal, chia pudding, etc.). If I really get hungry, I’m going to eat miso soup with tempeh and greens (I’m trying to avoid soy during this though).
I hope this helps my fellow followers with digestive issues or who feel like they just need a break!
the night before last i took touchofearlgrey to Waffle House for the first time and i’ve lived my life so fully that I of course have been to waffle house probably 500 times in my life but she had never been (how????)
but anyway in honor of this momentous occasion, enjoy this list
Some of the Best Moments I’ve Ever Had In A Waffle House
on this most recent journey to casa de waffle there’s a dudebro lounging against the outside wall, smoking a cigarette and wearing The Dudebro Uniform (basketball shorts, a white tee, and mid-calf black socks with adidas sandals)
inside this waffle house there’s a disappointing lack of Sketchy People but the bathroom does have a handmade sign on it that says “LOCK IS BROKEN MAKE SURE YOU KNOCK”
18 year old me was at a waffle house with my boyfriend and Boyfriend got up to go to the bathroom leaving me alone in the booth and on this side of the waffle house there is only 1 other person, a dude sitting at the booth across from ours with long stringy black hair parted down the middle and wide unblinking eyes that look like they’ve Seen Some Shit. i’m sitting there alone and this dude smiles at me before leaning down and lapping at this mug of coffee. with his tongue. like a dog.
in my hometown we had a waitress at our waffle house named Stella and Stella had long curly hair the color of copper wire and smoked like a chimney. she was everything you wanted out of an Alabama Waffle House waitress named Stella and I loved her. She was my absolute favorite and she knew me and my boyfriend by name, and whenever we came in she gave me all the free OJ refills I wanted and she told me i was going to be ‘a real artist someday’. When truckers were rude to her she’d snap her gum at them and say ‘y’all.’ That’s it, just ‘y’all.’ with no infection, then snap her gum and walk away.
at waffle house at 4am the year after I graduated with my best friend and my not-yet-boyfriend. they’re making fun of the way i eat my hashbrowns (smothered, capped, and peppered with all the sauces in the basket) when this dude i went to high school with, Moose, walks in looking like he drank his way to the bottom of a whiskey barrel. he nods at us. “hey moose, what’s up”. he nods some more and just says ‘waffle.’ He goes up to the counter and pays for the single waffle he called in to-go, nods at us again on his way out, and then proceeds to eat the whole waffle, nor syrup or butter, with his hands in the front seat of his pickup truck before driving off again.
i watched an entire men’s soccer team split one plate of triple chili hashbrowns. one of them yelled DUDES WE SHOULDA GOTTEN HAM TOO and they all agreed.
i’m in waffle house at midnight with my best friend and the cooks/waitstaff consist of 2 dudes and 4 women. i’ve been saving my quarters in my ‘jukebox jar’ for a few weeks so i tell my friend ‘i’m going to put some music on’. i get up to the jukebox (one of those old ones, 4 plays for a dollar and you have to flip the song selections manually) and one of the dudes behind the counter yells “now don’t put any of that girl power bullshit on now” so I put my quarters in and I play “Man, I Feel Like A Woman” for the next 5 songs. it starts the first time (BA-BA-BABA-BA BA BAAAA - LET’S GO GIRLS) and all the women behind the counter throw their hands up and bellow AWW YEAH
2pm in a waffle house in west virginia and one of the booths is blocked off on all sides with caution tape and the waitress tells us “aw yeah someone’s lookin’ in to that i think’
leaving waffle house at half past midnight this week and I spend my last dollar to play smash mouth’s “all star” four times in a row right before we walk out the door. we didn’t wait in the parking lot to watch their reactions but i feel like i know they enjoyed it
this has been ‘Some of the Best Moments I’ve Ever Had in A Waffle House’