free excerpt

“Do you hate me?” he asks.

I look up at his face. It’s a face I have loved, a face I still love. A face that looks anguished by the hurt he has caused. I believe it, believe that he is sorry.

I shake my head. “I could never hate you,” I exhale.

He searches my face, hearing the ‘but’ I didn’t say.

“I just wish,” I whisper, “more than anything, that it hadn’t been you who broke my heart. I never thought it would be you - I never thought you could do anything wrong. I wish more than anything it hadn’t happened, that we didn’t end like this.”

—  the end // lily rose.
I swear the day I met you, I knew you were going to be something, but when we talked for the first time, you could hardly meet my eyes. The first time we kissed, I turned away as you went in for a hug, and I raced away to my class out of embarassment. The first time we held hands, it felt disjointed, as if your hand was too big for mine, and had to stay open to accomodate for the difference in size. The first time you made me cry, you didn’t apologize, and it was not the last. The first time we got back together, it was all the same, and it ended again. And again. The first time I looked you in the eyes and walked away without saying a word, I felt as if the pulsation in my veins ran slow. The second time we met, it was different, and I could feel that you had grown a little without me. When we kissed, it was the first time I didn’t want to let go, and when we held hands it was like they were made for eachother, like a lock and key. When you made me cry, it was because I was so entranced by the way your words rolled off your tongue that I forgot how to blink, and when I looked in your eyes and walked away without saying a word, it was because I knew what you wanted to say, but you couldn’t spit it out, and it hung low in your glistening eyes as you looked at me. I was told to swear not to submit to the things you may persuade me to do, but your love was my biggest persuasion and you touched my naked soul in ways your hands could never accomplish. Now, every night we promise to wake up and still want eachother, and I can’t help but think back to where this all started. A few words was all it took, and I was yours indefinitely.
I don’t want
to be reminded of the things
we could have been.
I just want
to remember the beauty
of what we were.
—  S. Renea

He’s staring at me while I’m talking and the look in his eyes makes me pause. “What?” I ask self-consciously.

He smiles but shrugs at me. “Nothing,” he says, maddeningly.

I scrunch my nose in distaste.

“I just,” he says slowly, carefully. “I just want to hang out with you my whole life. You know?”

—  i love you // lily rose.
Did you have to do this?
Anatomize me, rip
Resolve, a hunter’s cry
Like ballads, impale my
Strength, shred me with those eyes

Feed me droplets of futures
Like grapes, like I’m a queen
Drizzle me in caramel love traps
Like fingers dipped in rivers
Like a never seen summer
Like I haven’t just died
Bursting pyre of only yours

—  @katrinnac
Pressed against the wall
Her steamed breath against my neck
She shakes as I take it all
The Queen of Hearts of my deck
The way she melts inside my head
As she decides the time to strike me dead
—  Struck
she wish she knew how to feel, but she doesn’t right now. she is trying her hardest to not talk to a boy who wants nothing to do with her at the moment. she is trying to find herself, she is trying to forget, she’s trying to push away. she would hope he would come back, but the circumstances are not in her favor. the reality is, she messes  up all the time, she isn’t happy, she doesn’t give a hundred percent. you know why?, because once you give somebody your all, that means your feelings are no longer yours, they are the other person. giving somebody your all, is having complete trust in them and hoping that they won’t hurt you. she felt as if it had been so long, maybe there was no recovery from this one. the boy doesn’t want to talk to her, the boy doesn’t want to see her, the boy, is just being a boy. she’s doing things she never thought she would, she’s trying to give the boy exactly what he wants, and that’s silence from her. no more her, he yells that he’s tired of it, he’s tired of the same thing over and over and over, he screams for her to shut up, and she doesn’t. she is a mess, yeah she loves him but sometimes love isn’t enough. she wanted it to be okay, she wanted to talk to him. no, she did this to herself and she gets no love. sometimes you can feel your heart break in to pieces, and yeah it may be her fault that she’s aching, but she is aching. 
she would give her all for the boy, she does want to be with him, she does want the person she fell in love with, she does want to prove him wrong.  she guesses, reality will prove what’s supposed to happen, for the better and the worst, don’t believe her all you want,
she loved you
—  vvimpful

He turns away. “You seem to be doing fine,” he says indifferently.

“I’m keeping busy,” I correct.

“Same thing,” he says.

“No,” I say quietly. “Not when I’ve lost the person who I want to share it all with.”

—  // lily rose.
I should’ve noticed the way you laughed a bit louder around her.
—  Somewhere in the paper
(I loved someone who told me they loved me when they loved someone else)
(via midwintrblood)
Sometimes I’m not sure if it’s worse to feel everything or to feel nothing at all.
—  D.N. // excerpt from a book i’ll never write #165

You are your own soulmate first.
Look into your heart with confidence.
Do not look out in desperation.

You are your own soulmate first.
Look for your own happiness and inspiration.
Do not look for someone to save you.

You are your own soulmate first.
Look for the best parts of yourself.
Do not wait for someone else to find them for you.

You are your own soulmate first.
Look for someone who knows that too.

—  m.m// We all spend so much time looking out for a soulmate, that we forget to look in.

“I think he’s dangerous,” she says abruptly.

“Him?” I echo, surprised. “Him, dangerous?”

She smiles faintly at my surprise. “No, he’s a good guy,” she agrees. “But it’s more than that - he understands people. He makes you feel understood. I think that’s dangerous. It makes you feel like he pays attention to you. It makes you feel like he thinks you’re special. When really, he’s like that way with everyone.”

Vaguely I wonder when he broke her heart. Vaguely I wonder if it is still breaking.

—  // lily rose.
I think I’ll love you longer than the cosmos will shine.
—  The Boy With The Stars In His Eyes
If you fall in love with their appearance, but not their soul, you will never be happy.
—  D.N. // excerpt from a book i’ll never write #168
I’m always going to remember him as the one boy I could never get to love me. I knew I could never change that, or him. I could’ve handed him my heart and he would’ve said he didn’t want it. He’d drop it on the floor, and like glass, it would shatter into pieces, and he lets you clean up the mess; a way of letting you know he doesn’t want you, nor will he ever want you. I meant nothing to him, but I constantly hoped there was something more, something behind the chaos that laid between us. I thought it could’ve been love, but it was just chaos, it was that simple; I shouldn’t have tried to look at something simple and make it more complex. You could’ve seen it from a million miles away, it wouldn’t change what all of this was, because it was nothing, and of course what it was not, because it was certainly not love.
—  Excerpt from a book I’ll never write #138

I suppose that’s just the way I am. I only see the best in people; when the flaws in their facades arise, I’m so quick to blindly overlook it. It’s just easier that way. I idealize these so-called “friends” even though there are so many signs that point towards how terrible they’re being to me.“

"I guess there’s just some kind of sick satisfaction in the blissful ignorance. It’s so easy to fall into a pattern of believing the best and only the best in people. It’s less painful to repair the existing friendship, when in fact the only things holding it together are lies and fake smiles. But it is important to realize when it’s time to say goodbye.