which character should you fight (ft. Gen 1 FE:A dudes)
Chrom Winner: You look at this guy. look at his fashion choices. look at his nerd-ass lying on the ground in the smash trailer. someone needs to set this boy right. you may incur the wrath of everyone you dont want to fight but hey. do it for us. do it for all of humanity. (warning: he may try to marry you after. or before. or during.)
Frederick Winner: who do you fuckin think why would you even think about fighting frederick why would that thought ever cross your mind i mean 1. have you seen him. he has grown ass men and seasoned warriors on their knees praying, tears or sweat - fuck if they know - dripping down their faces just from his workouts. he’s the one who has to carry the bullshit of an entire kingdom, including his lords. 2. it was his ass that carried your slovenly ass through the first four chapters of lunatic/+ so how about you show some fucking respect. get fredereckt
Virion Winner: You are you kidding me? punch him in the crumpet. take his tea and pour it out in front of him. you get some on your clothes? no problem, rip his godforsaken cravat off and mop it up. if you’re a girl you might get away with it. otherwise he might fuck you up. who cares, it’s worth it.
Stahl Winner: Stahl fighting him will accomplish nothing. you’ll go up to him all ready for a tussle and he’ll glance over at you with a sleepy lopsided grin and a “oh hey, what’s up?” and that’s it. you’re done. you’ll lose all will to fight. his chill is contagious. and if you do somehow retain your fighting spirit? he’ll knock you flat on your ass. probably apologize too. it’ll be embarrassing for both of you. i mean the dude was trained by frederick after all. but i mean he’ll probably help you up and offer you food so idk. if you’re starving go for it.
Vaike Winner: 50/50 look, i know what you’re thinking. look at all those muscles. the dude is ripped. fight him anyway. do it. he’ll probably forget his axe somewhere so you probably wont die. fuck him up. someone has to for the abomination that is “teach just got tenure.” Let him atone.
Lon’qu Winner: Depends If you aren’t a girl, you will be sliced into pieces so thin tharja might mistake you for her mesh body suit. if you are…. i mean you can try, but he’ll run. you can win if your cardio is good enough. go. chase him. Be Free.
Ricken Winner: You okay he’s the nerdiest of nerds but he’s also a fucking child so. idk man you can fight him if you want but what’s the point. if anything getting beat up by you will fuel his teenage rage and he’ll keep it stewing inside himself until he’s big enough to fight back and then you’ll have to deal with years of pent of rage and a napoleon complex but on a full sized being and no one wants to play therapist in a scrap. it just isnt worth it. i mean unless you’re like itachi uchiha then by all means go ahead
Gaius Winner: You, but only with careful planning ok so gaius isnt the toughest cookie, but he doesnt want to fight and he has access to the assassin class and i dont know about you but in my experience fighting assassins is no bueno. you get one punch in maybe if you’re lucky and take them by surprise but then youre dead and you cant fight for shit anymore. BUT if you take all his candy, his blood sugar will get low, making him weak and agitated. this is the optimal time to fight him. make sure he knows you’re the one who stole his candy. make sure he can smell the sugar on your breath. note: he may not spare your life if he gets the upper hand.
Gregor Winner: Gregor, but you win friendship i’ll be frank, gregor will beat the everloving shit out of you and there is nothing you can do about it should you choose to fight him. he’ll do it laughing and smiling, not even realizing he broke three of your frail ribs with one pulled punch. but he will absolutely take you out for a round after and exchange drunken stories with you. so fight him. even if he refuses, pay him to fight you. he cant say no to money and nothing is more valuable than fire-forged friendships.
Libra Winner: Libra why the fuck do you want to fight the priest. fuck fine, you know what? fight him. see what happens. he’s the only one who will pray for your immortal soul while you bleed out. but guess what, jackass? the gods are gonna see you tried to fight a priest and they’re gonna send your ass to the void anyway
Henry Winner: ??? man fuck i dunno what this guy’s deal is. on one hand he’s a dark mage genius who was raised by wolves and then sent to a horrific boarding school/orphanage making him literally the stuff horror films are made of. on the other he can be a pretty nice guy if you’re his friend and he’s kinda fucked up so he might let you win. his crows will probably peck you to death either way though so its a lose-lose situation.
Basilio Winner: Basilio same deal as gregor, except basilio is hard-mode. he might accidentally kill you while you fight and his friendship is an even rarer flower. you gotta be charming. you gotta be smart. you gotta be somewhat strong. but if you do manage to get your ass beat and stay alive in such a way that he wants to grab a pint with you, take that beautiful budding friendship, hold it close to your breast and never let go
Donnel Winner: You he’s by far the sorriest character you get at recruitment. if it weren’t for that pot on his head, a feather falling too hard could kill him. but he’s a farmer that works day in and day out just so his village can survive. do you really want to fight the paradigm of the wondrous and wholesome rural life we should all aspire to? you capitalist pig.
So I extended my trip to New York because @likeyouneedittosurvive is the best and got us tickets to the play reading of An American Girl that Raul was in. I agreed to go because of Raul (duh), but then when I read who else was in it, I freaked out. Victor Garber, Keri Russell, Hugh Dancy, Zoe Kazan, Jonathan Groff, and others! Victor Garber has been one of my favourites since I was a teen!
Anyway, I digress. The show as amazing, please look it up. It was written based on the crap around the Clintons in 1997. Oh! And it was directed by Christine Lahti! That’s ADA Sonya Paxton for you SVU fans! Oh, and there were a tonne of Fannibals with flower crowns, because of course there were.
After the show, Risa and I waited outside. The crowd wasn’t big, and a few of the actors walked out, but then Victor Garber was coming out and I started to freak out internally. As he was signing a fan’s playbill, the fan said, “My mom loves you!” to which he said, “Uh, thanks…” Then he came over and signed my playbill. This was the conversation:
Me:Thank you, Mr. Garber! I actually came from Toronto to see this show! Victor: *stops and looks up with a smile* Really? What did you think? Me:I thought it was immensely well done, and so important! Victor:Did you know about this play beforehand? Me:I did! (I lied) Victor:Thank you for coming! (Such a great Canadian <3)
A little later Hugh Dancy came out and signed my playbill. So charming <3
More time went by, and I saw Matthew Rhys (Keri Russell’s partner on screen and irl) approaching us, and going right on by us, walking away from the theatre. Ten minutes after that, two attendants came out and called out, “Matthew!” and I said, “He went that way!” pointing in the direction he walked in. They ignored me. I told Risa that I was basically the PoC Nancy Drew with how they were ignoring me. As if to punctuate the comedy, the attendant went in the opposite direction of where I pointed. About ten minutes after that, Matthew Rhys came back and the attendants came back out and collected him. I could have saved them like half an hour if they had listened. Their loss.
More actors came out, and finally, like two hours later, Raul was ready to come out. I started freaking out internally again. He came over and signed my playbill. Here’s the conversation:
Me:Thank you so much! I actually extended my trip from Toronto to see this! Raul: *looks up with this big stupid charming smile* Ah! My old stomping grounds! Me:Yes! *I ask for a picture, we take it, I’m awkward looking af* Did you enjoy filming there? Raul:Yes! We filmed in Mississauga– Me:I’m so sorry. Raul: *cracks up. Like totally laughing* Well we stayed in Toronto, but we filmed in Mississauga! Me:I’m sorry you ever had to step foot in Mississauga! Raul: *cracks up again*
I diiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiied. It was the best day and ahhh. Our outfits matched!!! Thank you so much Risa for being my partner in crime! <3 And sorry you couldn’t be there, @inaneenglish! :( <3
The Girl at Central. Geraldine Bonner. New York: The Macaulay Company, 1915. First Macaulay edition, first published by D. Appleton. Original dust jacket by Frederick Tomlan.
Molly Morganthau is the local switchboard girl, and has a bad habit of listening in to people’s phone calls – especially those involving Jack Reddy, upon whom Molly has a distinct crush. But Jack has eyes only for the flighty, flirtatious heiress Sylvia Hesketh.