freak fruit

yvonnestrahovski:  Chazzy’s concern was grave as I had my first bear encounter. 💩 Idaho Falls, Idaho. #day4 #epicroadie #losangelestotoronto #winteriscoming [x]

Adorable nerd by definition: Yvonne Strahovski

Predator cast assemble.

Yvonne Strahovski and Sterling K. Brown at the 33′rd Annual Television Critics Association Awards during the 2017 Summer TCA Tour. - August 5, 2017 in Beverly Hills, California.

I saw this on Facebook and thought it might horrify you :)

PLEASE MARK ME DOWN AS TERRIFIED AND HORRIFIED AND ALL SIMILAR ADJECTIVES.

WHAT WEALTHY-ASS SCOUNDREL IS DROPPING THAT MUCH MONEY ON MANGOES

I WOULD LIKE TO HAVE MY DISGUST, ABHORRENCE, AND REVULSION PLACED ON THE RECORD PLEASE YOUR HONOUR. I am appalled, I am freaked out

This Shh! Is Bananas!: Kurt x Reader Imagine

hey, I’ve been reading all of @v-writings
kurt imagines and am hooked. totally inspired to sin! so here is my first Kurt imagine!


“Wait,” Scott paused before telling his story, “Kurt, you don’t know what a blow job is?”

The blue boy flushed, his cheeks turning purple, “Vell, no. I am not very knowing of your culture.”

Peter chuckled, “Dude, you gotta explain it.”

Scott shot an evil look at the older mutant, “Fine, but no homo. This is only for education.” He snatched a banana from the rack, peeling it with agitation.

Kurt watched, curious, but a little afraid. It sounded kind of dangerous. Job was what hitmen referred to their killings, right? His tail weaved through the air.

“Alright, so this banana is a penis,” Scott started.

“Vhat!” Kurt exclaimed, “Zat is NOT!”

“Use your imagination.” Peter urged.

“And then like, a girl–or guy, anyone, someone, does this,” Scott put his mouth on the banana, moving his head up and down.

“Zhey bite ze penis!?”

“No, no, no, well, actually yeah, maybe. If you’re into that.” Peter tried to explain, “It’s like a sex act. Oral sex, because it’s like… mouth and dick.”

Kurt covered his eyes, “You two are very bad influences. Zat is a sin.”

“Then why does it feel like heaven?” scott joked, tossing the banana at him.

Kurt fumbled the fruit, definitely freaked out at this point.

Peter laughed, “You wouldn’t know! You were telling us about what you have to do for Jean to give you one! Eat her—”

Kurt looked horrified, teleporting away with a yelp.

A few hours later, Kurt found you sitting on the back patio with a book in one hand, and (to his horror), a banana in the other.

He watched from afar as you took the banana in your mouth, wholly focused on the words in front of you. You chewed softly, in big bites. In reaction to your book, you let out a low groan.

Kurt froze, unable to stop himself from fantasizing, becoming aroused. He had really liked you for awhile, but kicked himself for thinking of you that way. That was wrong, sinful. He had no right.

You dropped the banana peel to the stone patio ground, and Kurt jumped at the splat.

“Whoops, hey Kurt! I didn’t see you there!” You smiled warmly, wiping the banana remnants from your mouth with the back of your hand.

“Um… Gutentag [Y/N], you are vell?”

You nodded, “I found these bananas in the kitchen. I adore bananas. They are hands down my fave fruit. They taste the best for sure. Sorry… I’m rambling. Do you like bananas?”

“No!” Kurt remembered the earlier excursion with Scott, “Vell, actually…. I’ve never tried one.” It was an accidental double entendre. Kurt mentally kicked himself, praying that he could end the conversation and relieve himself of the straining in his skinny jeans.

“You’ll have to have one with me sometime,” You smiled brightly, “I’m sure you’d enjoy it.”

What did Scott say that he must do for Jean to give him that… job? “I bet I vould, but you vould vant me to eat you? And I don’t know how!”

You turn red, and Kurt turns purple. You were going to kill… Scott probably, and Peter too, for poisoning Kurt’s mind and freaking him out. But your crush just… thinking about that? That shit was bananas.

@shayara @hankmyhusband @kurtwxgners @cyclopsss @daft-punkin @jubxslee @smutwritingangel @rax
Words to use Instead of Swears -- A Masterpost

F*ck -

Frack

Frick

Freak

Fork

Froot

Fruit

Foot

Freet

Muck

Luck

Fruck

Fruckle


Sh*t -

Shoot

Poop

Sock

Shirt

Smell

Snake

Smoke

Pit

Mit

Mitten

Kit

Kitten

First-Aid Kit


D*mn -

Darn

Dang

Dog

Doggo

Can

Canned meats

Man

Feman

Nonbinary-man

Dumb

Dumbman


B*tch -

Jerk

Female dog

Female doggo

Female pupper

Bird

Birth

Birth control

Bye-bye


*ss -

Hindquarters

Behind

Behindquarters

Sass

Smash

Hulk Smash

Ash