My only request of my BFFL for my bday this year is that she waits in a restaurant in a suit with a sandy blonde mustache as I roll up in a suit and glasses and a drawn on mustache(No7 eyeliner pen obviously) and we could call our mustaches Francios and Harold and I could say “short version; not dead” and then she could try to choke me and we would get kicked out of the place but she told me no

Short version; she hates me