Well over 10 years ago (heading closer to 15, though the actual date, like most of my attempts at cognitive recall, escapes me), I made the decision to become a vegetarian. The empathy and love I feel for not only my pets but animals in general precludes me from dining upon their flesh, from tearing a large chunk out of their cute, squishy faces for my own personal gratification. I’m just crazy that way. In many other ways too but that’s a story for another day, for another post.

Ed. Note: I love you Tumblr. You are far superior to actual, qualified psychiatric care.

But I would be lying if I said the lifestyle choice was completely absent of regret. Because I have a tendency to overdo things, because I’m rather obsessive in the choices I make, I have gone the hardcore vegetarian route, making sure to avoid the hidden animal additives in the most unlikely of products. You would be surprised (and slightly horrified) at where the corporations sneak in dead farm stock to save a buck. You have to be on the ball to avoid it.

Like marshmallows. Sweet, sweet marshmallows. For those not in the culinary know, marshmallows are made from gelatin. Gelatin is made from the collagen inside animal bones and skin, specifically pork hide and cow hooves. Nothing says sweet treat like dining upon an animal’s foot. Disgusted yet? I know I am. But still my heart longs for it because I have been denied my favorite of foods since turning vegetarian. I miss my cereal.

Obviously not all do but some of my favorite brands are the ones containing marshmallows. If I could I would bathe in a giant bowl of Frankenberry. I would swim about in a pool of Count Chocula. Hell, I would even settle for a simple spoonful of the now defunct and questionably flavored Fruit Brute. But those days are behind me, forever out of my reach because of corporate greed, because General Mills is too lazy to develop a marshmallow alternative that doesn’t rely on the slaughter of Bessie and her bovine pals.

So despite the name of this blog, this is sadly one portion of my youth that shall never be recovered. Remember me fondly, Mr. Booberry. For I shall do the same of you. Sigh.