frank the human

pjo crystal gem au where hazel is a half gem/half human kid being raised by her three space rock big brothers nico, jason, and percy tho

First attempt at a post

In the “humans are weird” “earth is space Australia” and “humanity fuck yea” posts I haven’t (yet) seen any reworks of the old themes. So of course humans would have trouble with alien tech. Adults being snippity adults can you imagine how some future version of a millennial basher would be?

Human adult: “Gar-friggin’-fuc- hey, hey you! Yea, you, kid. Come make this thing work!”
The adult hands some 8 or 9 year old kid who was busy leaving a breadcrumb trail for Sgt. Stabby to follow a piece of tech.

Alien science officer: “Human Frank, that is a finely tuned light-spectrum translation device! The podling will break it!”

Human Frank “Ah, damn kid already figured out how to work it!” And chases after the kid who is writing light messages in an alien language on the floor of the corridor for Sgt. Stabby to dance on as it cleans them off.

Alien Science Officer: “12 standard cycles. I have 12 standard cycles of training to use this device…” And just wandering off for alien whisky and to commiserate with other members of the crew.

honestly i don’t think i can relate to anyone more than frank gioia

like

he’s a fucking fanboy

he’s dyed his hair more times than i can think of

he’s obsessed with memes

he’s against dabbing and other fucking ridiculous shit

he’s numb to people’s shit at this point

people take his serious warnings (don’t eat soap!!!1!!) as a joke

he laughs at the stupidest things

he’s too awkward to do anything mildly sexual

AND he’s read like every fanfic every

so yeah idk i just wanted to put that out there