45 minutes later you had pulled up to your home, heaving a heavy sigh as you sniffle hard, wiping the last of your tears from your eyes as you shut your car down.
Turning off the lights and sitting in your driveway, you lean your head back as you think back on all of the things that had traversed the past few weeks.
You had to call Spencer.
Grabbing your go-bag and heaving yourself out of the driver’s side door, you start up the walkway to your home as a looming figure stands up from the porch swing in front of your house.
Stopping in your tracks as your heart speeds up, the man steps out into the moonlight, his worried-stricken features draping themselves in the glow of the nighttime as your lips part, your brow furrowed heavily as your hand lets go of your bag, dropping it on the pavement at your side.
“Uh…hey there, Y/N,” Spencer says.
As you feel your eyes widen, your jaw begins to tremble as you sprint towards him, throwing your arms around his neck as he braces his body for your impact, throwing his arms around your waist as you dig your face into the crook of his neck.
“Oh, my god…” you sob.
“Sssshhh…” he coos, rubbing your back reassuringly as he fights back tears of his own, “Ssssshhhhh…”
“Spencer…I’m so…I’m sor-”
“It’s alright, Y/N,” he breathes, a hand removing itself from your back and coming up to your hair, smoothing it back as your chest heaves and hoes, your sobs soaking his shoulder as he holds you close.
But your sentiment was cut off by your body-wracking sobs, your legs trembling underneath you as Spencer grips on to you tightly, moving the both of you towards the porch swing as he sits you down, dropping his messenger bag off to the side as he sits down close to you, his legs slowly rocking the swing back and forth as you curl into him, your head in his lap with your knees at your stomach.
“Ssshhh…” he coos, running his fingers through your hair as you swing slowly on your porch.
“Spencer..w-wh…what I-I-I did wa-”
“It’s in the past, Y/N,” Spencer reassures.
Gulping back more sobs as you feel Spencer’s left hand trail down your arm, he finds your hand as he interlocks his fingers with yours, his touch warm and comforting as you bring his fingers to your chapped lips, kissing them lightly as you sniffle hard, your salty residue making its way onto his knuckles.
“Calm down…everything is alright,” he coos, his voice steady and unwavering, despite the worry ebbing and flowing throughout his system.
He knew that he loved you.
He knew that he always would.
And as he sits there on the porch swing, swaying back and forth in the nighttime breeze as you sob in his lap, he closes his eyes as silent tears run down his cheeks, his heart aching for your smile as you soak his lap in your sorrows.
“I feel like such an idiot,” you breathe as you chuckle, bringing the lo mein noodles to your mouth as you take a gargantuan bite.
“Please don’t feel that way,” Spencer says as he takes a bite of his chicken.
“It’s just embarrassing. I’ve never broken down that way in front of anyone,” you admit.
“Well, I’m sure you did with your ex,” he says, trying to brush off the statement.
But as your eyes hesitantly flicker up to his from the kitchen table, his breath hitches in his throat as he furrows his brow.
“You mean…never?” he asks incredulously.
“Nope,” you say, shaking your head as you take another bite.
“W-why…why not?” Spencer stammers.
“It just never felt…comfortable. Or right, I guess,” you breathe.
Spencer couldn’t help but inwardly smile.
“Well, I’m glad you felt comfortable enough with me to let go like that. Everyone needs someone they can do that with.”
“Exactly,” you say, taking a sip of your beer, “I mean, you’re supposed to be able to do these things with a spouse, and I just never…could…with him.”
“I’m sorry,” Spencer offers, taking another bite of his chicken.
“Don’t be. That chapter is behind me…” you trail off.
Spencer could sense that there was something more.
“What’s up?” he asks, his eyes dancing over your face as he reaches for his drink.
“I just-” you start.
“Yes…?” Spencer urges.
“I just can’t help but get the feeling that maybe…I was cheating on him,” you say lowly.
As Spencer furrows his brow, you shake your head and backtrack.
“I mean, not physically. But…I think maybe I ended up finding someone in this move that, I don’t know…connected with me better than he and I did. And I can’t help but think that maybe I started to compare how he made me feel to how this…this other guy…made me feel.”
Spencer could feel his heart stopping inside of his chest.
“W-w-…what guy? I-I-I mean…does the team know him?” he stammers.
“Yeah. Yeah the team knows him. It’s why I tried so hard to keep it under wraps. I didn’t want anyone calling me out on it. I wasn’t at a point where I had sorted out my issues with my ex, and the last thing I wanted was for the team’s “advice” to be flying around my head,” you say.
“Understandable,” Spencer says as he clears his throat, reaching for another long pull of his drink.
“Well…do you uh, think you might tell him? I mean, if you still feel that way?” Spencer asks.
“Well…honestly? I was hoping he already knew.”
As your gaze flutters up to his, your eyes locking onto each other for the first time that evening, you watch as Spencer’s gaze dances from your lips to your eyes, his chest moving slightly quicker as he tries to regulate his breathing.
“Spencer…?” you ask hesitantly.
“Yeah?” he breathes.
“You do know…don’t you?” you ask sheepishly, your eyes flooded with worry and hesitancy as a breathless smile crosses his face.
“Yes,” he says as he reaches out and takes your hand, squeezing it reassuringly, “I do know that you’re in love with Morgan.”
“Spencer!” you squeal, swatting at him playfully as he laughs and reaches to take another bite of his food.
“Dick,” you mutter, shooting him a sly grin as you swirl your noodles around your fork.
“I love you, Y/N,” Spencer says.
As your stare shoots up to his, it was your turn for your breath to hitch in your throat.
“I have since you started working here. That second case we worked with the missing children, you were the only one that didn’t protest when I took off my FBI vest.”
“That’s because I had my sights trained on that sonofabitch,” you mutter.
“And when I hunkered down into the puzzles in the 7th case we worked, all you did was bring me food and drinks, not once trying to break my trance like everyone else,” he states.
“You were engrossed. I get that,” you retort.
“You understand me in a way the team never has, and probably never will. But you were married, and I felt guilty, so I tried to suppress it the best that I could. But you’re just…”
“…magnetic?” you finish his statement.
“Yeah,” he breathes, nodding, “yeah…magnetic.”
“Spencer?” you ask.
“Mhm?” he murmurs, a mouthful of rice as you smirk at his full cheeks.
“I’m not ready to hop back into a relationship,” you state.
Watching him swallow hard, you study his face as he wipes his mouth off on a napkin.
“I know,” he states.
“I just. My ex and I took it so fast. I mean, from the time we met until the time we married was only a 9 month span, and there were so many things we never got to do while we were dating, and I just don’t want to make the same mistakes.”
“I…know…” Spencer enunciates, reaching out and taking your hand again, this time interlocking your fingers as he smiles at you.
“All I’m asking is to help you recuperate. It’s a process, and as long as you understand the page I’m sitting on with you, I’ll help in any way I can.”
Feeling the tears well in your eyes again, you freely allow them to fall as Spencer’s hand moves from yours to your face, his fingertips gliding across your skin as he wipes them away.
“All I ask is that if there ever comes a moment where you realize that you can’t love me, for whatever reason, that you’ll tell me,” he says.
“Spencer, that’ll never happen,” you say, shaking your head.
“I’m serious,” he says, dropping his hand and hooking onto your gaze, “I love you. Deeply and desperately. And I’ll never push you into anything you don’t want. But if you find that you don’t want me in that regard, you have to tell me. So I can heal and move on.”
“I promise,” you whisper, your voice trembling and your heart aching at the mere idea of not ever loving Spencer.
Bringing your hand to your heart as your chest begins to heave, you find yourself short of breath as your mouth gapes open, your eyes filling to the brim with gumdrop tears as you push out from the table, Spencer’s arms flying to you as he bends down into your view.
“I don’t…I don’t…”
Shaking your head furiously as Spencer rises the both of you to your feet, he wraps you up tight and holds you close, your hands and legs trembling furiously as your sobs squelch the English language from your throat.
“Oh, god…” you moan, feeling Spencer pull you back as he dips down into view.
“Talk to me,” he urges.
“I don’t…oh, god, Spencer, I don’t ever want to live my life without you.”
And as you wrap your hands into his shirt, pulling him towards you as his lips melt into yours, you feel his arms wrap tightly around your back as your legs give out underneath you, your back arching as you tilt your head, your hands flying to his hair as you hang on for dear life, your teeth clattering together as your tongues attempt to taste every ounce of one another through that one orifice.
“You never will,” he breathes into your mouth, your moan being swallowed up by him as he pulls you up, his hands grasping your ass as your weakened legs loosely lock around his waist.
“You never will,” he whispers, his lips murmuring against yours as your eyes flutter open, the sight of his hazel ones causing you to smile as he dips his head into the crook of your neck, breathing a sigh of relief as you wrap your arms welcomingly around his neck.
You lived for this man.
You breathed this man.
And you were going to spend the rest of your life doing what it took to keep him.