fragility is not a flaw

2

“I don’t think so much about whether I’m playing a strong person or not – it’s not that the character needs to be loud or straightforward. It can be a fragile, flawed person, but if they have enough dimension, and depth that you understand them even at their weakest, that’s a strong character to me. Then you have something to play, and play with. It’s about not being ‘the girl.’”

This is a rather sad time for many Kpop fans. After all, recently a lot of Kpop idols found themselves harmed, many physically. However, there are also those who are suffering from a much deeper wound, one that can’t heal with the use of cream and simple rest. One of those suffers is none other than Bang Yongguk, the leader of BAP.

Originally posted by bangabrielle

Bang Yongguk has been diagnosed with panic disorder and allegedly suffers from depression. Infact, the allegedly has been suffering from depression for quite some time now.

Ironic isn’t it…. how in so many gifs he looks so happy when in reality there are so many demons plaguing his mind on a daily basis.

The pressure of being a leader…

Originally posted by bangdaeish

Of being a producer/ writer…

Originally posted by ayzis

knowing that your songs have all the power to make or break it… 

Knowing that your songs put to risk the careers of 5 other individuals as well as the whole company.

Of being a good son

Originally posted by vorajj

All there pressures and probably more than what we know of have been piling up in Yongguk;s head, cementing their place in it, all while his mental health issues were most probably ignore. After all, is the company did not properly pay them, I doubt that they would allow Yongguk to take a breath until he broke, which he did.

Interesting how we could always see a darker side to Yongguk, yet nothing seemed to be done about it until now.

Originally posted by daematos

The above is a quote from his solo song AM 4:44 released in 2015. Worrying right? Well, it wasn’t worrying enough for some people who seemed to just say shrug it off and go on!

Originally posted by hobiimin

He ‘wants to leave’…  the implication of where he wants too leave to though was always quite a horrible thought.

Originally posted by namjoonholic

Yet, despite all of his troubles, despite being as broken as he is, he never failed to give a helping hand. He did not just suffer, but did and still does, in silence, keeping up a mask, just so that he can hopefully help others.

And although I am forever grateful to his kindness and thoughtfulness, I truly hope he knows that it is okay to be selfish. 

That its okay to put your health in front of others.

That its okay to suffer with our keeping a face.

Bang Yongguk is not perfect. He is just as flawed, as fragile as any of us are.

The difference here, is that Bang Yongguk is pressured by society and by his work to always act fine so that his work does not take a hit. He is someone who lives in the public eye and can get criticised for absolute anything.

But I’m happy that he is finally getting help.

I really hope that the help he gets is proper.

I truly hope that after his battle, he does not end up as a stigmatised member of society.

I truly hope that he truly has people who will always support him, whether it is his parents, members, twin or any other person.

Please Bang Yongguk, get better.

Please don’t rush.

Please take all the time you need. 

I’m sure that BABY’s would much rather prefer to see a comeback with all 6 healthy, than if one to more of the members suffering and breaking because of our human greed.

Real BABYs waited before and we can certainly wait more. 

Real BABYs will wait for as long as needed, because health is what matters. Not a comeback, not an epic MV but for all to be as healthy as possible.

Real BABYs will love you and support you. We promise.

Why?

Because Bang Yongguk is for many:

an inspiration…

Originally posted by myunqdae

hope….

Originally posted by b2ng

a reason to go forward, despite what our own little ‘haters’ say…

Originally posted by b-y0ngguks

someone who gives us courage during bad days…

Originally posted by yong-guks

We don’t need you pat on the back to feel better Yongguk… No, we need you to embrace the journey of recovery not for us but for you. We need you to get better. To start healing.

Originally posted by daehyunny


We love you Bang Yongguk! And we will never stop!

Thank you for reading!

anonymous asked:

Can you do a top 5 Haikyuu characters with the saddest or emotional backstory? The ones that really pulled at your heart strings and made want to cuddle them forever? At least so far in the story. Thanks!

Top 5 tragic (or not so tragic) backstories of haikyuu characters?

1. Oikawa. His backstory taught me a lesson that will stay forever with me. It taught me that’s it’s ok to be afraid, that’s it’s natural to feel despair when you’ve always been on top and suddenly other people start to catch up on you. It taught me that the only way to go on is to keep fighting. It taught me that’s ok to fail, but never to give up. Oikawa is such an inspiring character who went through so much, and hides everything behind his perfect facade. His backstory of struggles and his self awareness journey towards the realization that he’s not a genius, that being surpassed is not a possibility but it’s already his reality made him incredibly human and gave his character a force to be reckoned with. He will never stop trying to make the flower of his talent bloom again, again and again. It made me feel…so much. I love Oikawa, in all his fragile, flawed, indomitable self (ಥ﹏ಥ)

2. Tendou. *slams fist on the wall* WHO DARED TO HURT MY BABY TENDOU??? His flashback broke my heart in so many pieces. Those kids were so mean to him, calling him a monster just because he was different? He was just a little child who wanted to have fun and play volleyball…I’m so proud of how he turned his pain into his ultimate weapon (and kicked so many asses with it)

Originally posted by taejiwoo

3. Kageyama. More than his backstory as a kid, what hurt me was his time in junior high. When he arrived to Karasuno, Kageyama was like a hurt wild animal, so aggressive just because he was trying to desperately protect himself. He never had a true supportive team and was convinced that he always had to do everything by himself. He was ostracized, made fun of and abandoned, by his teammates and by the only guidance he ever looked up to. And now here we have him, our beautiful blueberry who learned to trust and to rely on others and who’s constantly improving to be the best setter possible, to his favorite spiker and to the rest of the team. He’s finally home, and that’s beautiful

Originally posted by not-haikyuu

4. Tsukishima. Eh, another pretty painful one that explained us why the Tsukki that we know is like he is. The contrast between his little self and his older self is heartbreaking. He was a still cocky but very happy little kid…who was lied to all that time. The sport that his beloved brother introduced him to now is just a constant reminder of the pain and anger he suffered. But still, he kept playing, even if…“It’s just a club”. These were all the elements we needed to appreciate the moment he was hooked on volleyball to the fullest :’) I’m so proud of Tsukki, his character development is one of my favorites.  

Originally posted by juminss

5. Ushijima. “The fact that he’s different from other people, will probably end up being his strength”. This was just a calming and comforting backstory, I loved Ushijima’s dad so much, he was really sweet. First of all, refusing to correct his left handiness was an incredible gesture of love (as a left-handed person, I relate so much), he never pressured him to become a volleyball player, and yet Ushijima did, he joined a strong team, he faced so many opponents that made him stronger, became the ace his father admired so much, he liked volleyball, and he made his dad happy. This is such an perfect (and unexpected) backstory for him. 

Originally posted by vyctornikiforov

That being said, I’m dying everyday waiting for Bokuto’s backstory. I’m ready for the pain Furudate, slay me. 

Thank you for your message!

Ask me my top 5 things!

INTJs: Fabulous at giving advice. Will listen to you intently until they understand the situation fully and proceed to tell you exactly what’s wrong and how to fix it. Their first priority is that the problem is solved resulting in your long-term happiness.

Also INTJs: Get easily frustrated with people who refuse to help themselves or look at their circumstance objectively. Cannot help people who are too emotionally fragile to recognize their own flaws. Believe strongly in self-improvement and so are infuriated by people who say “I can’t change the way I am, I just have to suffer with my characteristics, e.g. Too emotional, not cool, ignorant, etc.”

2

I don’t think so much about whether I’m playing a strong person or not – it’s not that the character needs to be loud or straightforward. It can be a fragile, flawed person, but if they have enough dimension, and depth that you understand them even at their weakest, that’s a strong character to me. Then you have something to play, and play with. It’s about not being ‘the girl’.

6

Valmet M82

Semi-automatic bullpup rifle chambered in .223 Remington. Built in Finland and imported into the U.S, only about 2,000 of these rifles were produced. It uses the AK platform as its base; you can see the familiar charging handle and to some extent the safety hidden under the plastic chassis. Note that the iron sights are off-set to the side rather than being over the bore of the barrel. One major flaw with these rifles was the fragility of the stock. Many of the examples in the U.S have cracked stocks, something collectors are aware of and why they are rarely seen at the range or put through the rigors of a normal AK. (GRH)

You know I always have people telling me it’s a good thing that I care so much about every small detail; to have such a big heart; to love as hard as I do.. because that’s what everyone ‘wants’ in a person. But let me tell you, when you are that person, it is a fatal flaw…To be more fragile than the thinnest sheet of glass, waiting to be shattered by any and everything. I am a fatal flaw.
—  me
2

I don’t think so much about whether I’m playing a strong person or not – it’s not that the character needs to be loud or straightforward. It can be a fragile, flawed person, but if they have enough dimension, and depth that you understand them even at their weakest, that’s a strong character to me. Then you have something to play, and play with. It’s about not being ‘the girl’.

Amon: One Eyed King of Clowns

What is this exactly? An introduction of another one eyed king when the manga just went through an arc establishing two other ones. Eto’s words on the king would have led you to believe that it was only one individual, but as others @hysyartmaskstudio have pointed out, rather than a prophecy for one destined person to step into the mantle it’s just a title in the end. 

Then, if Amon were to become king what exactly would he become king of? There’s only two factions remaining in this fight, the ghouls fighting for independence already have sworn their loyalty to Kaneki and the Furuta is currently vying for control of the CCG with no competitors. 

Having three one eyed kings sounds like the role might even get a little crowded. After all there are only two active players in a game of chess, one on the black side and one on the white. That is until you realize counting Arima (Arima, Kaneki, Furuta Amon) that there is actually the capability of four kings, if you compare this to another game.

In a deck of cards, there are four kings, one of diamonds, hearts, spades, and jacks. Not only that, but the suit that Amon inhibits, the king of diamonds is known as a one eyed king due to the way the face is drawn as a silhouette with only one eye showing. A style of drawing that is explicitly referenced wit the way Donato is drawn in his trump card. 

If Amon were to succeed Donato’s position though, he would become the one eyed king of clown. Though it seems the last position a character like Amon would inhabit, there’s actually a lot of evidence for it which I’ll elaborate on below.

Keep reading

2

Gerda or Ava or Vera are all strong characters in different ways. I don’t think so much about whether I’m playing a strong person or not – it’s not that the character needs to be loud or straightforward, It can be a fragile, flawed person, but if they have enough dimension, and depth that you understand them even at their weakest, that’s a strong character to me. Then you have something to play, and play with. It’s about not being ‘the girl’. [x]

Halloween Spirit- Creepypasta Boyfriend Scenarios [When He Confesses]

Notes:

[f/n]= first name

When He Confesses

    Lately, my captor has been acting odd. Which, quite frankly, is making me really nervous. He has become kind of distant, almost like he’s avoiding me. I have no idea what he’s thinking, or what he’s planning. Is this it? Has he decided to finally kill me off? I thought we were close, that we were actually friends. I seriously screwed up by letting my guard down. I let myself forget, but the reality is that he is psychotic. Who knows when he’ll snap?

Slenderman:

“Slendie?” I call hesitantly. Lately, he has been locking himself in the library and refuses to let me be near him. I have no idea what it is I did wrong. He doesn’t respond, so I try one more time. “Slendie?”

    “Not now, [f/n],” he replies beyond the closed oaken doors. “I’m preoccupied at the moment, so I request you to leave me be.”

    “Oh….well, ok. I’ll see you later, then,” I respond, hurt by his words. I keep my hand planted against the door for a little longer before dejectedly walking away. If Slendie is bored of me, angry, or whatever it is that is going on with him, what does that say about my future? He’s never endangered my life before, but he is known for killing people. Maybe he’s done with me.

    You’d think I’d be fearful for my life, but more than anything, I’m just plain hurt. I glance outside a window, trees surrounding everything. I’ve never left the manor without Slendie before, but surely I’m allowed outside on my own. After all, escape is futile when Slendie can teleport to wherever I am. Unable to handle being inside the manor with its stifling atmosphere any longer, I decide to get some fresh air. So I head out the door, without Slendie by my side.

    I thought being outside would cheer me up, but my thoughts become more prominent as I walk past the endless stretch of trees. I find myself getting more depressed the longer I walk. I become so lost in my thoughts that time flies by without me noticing. It’s only when I notice the forest is much more darker than usual that I realize it is night time. And, of course, I’m lost. Getting lost in this forest is unavoidable. But what really upsets me is that it’s night time, and Slendie still hasn’t come to bring me back to the manor.

    I settle down on the ground and wrap my arms around my knees, trying to huddle for warmth in this cold night air. Maybe if I wait long enough, Slendie will come and get me. I know trying to walk back is impossible. Actually, now that I think about it, maybe this is my opportunity to escape. I mean, this much time has passed without him bothering to fetch me. If I wander around long enough, I’m bound to find a way out of the forest. After all, while very few, peoplehave managed to escape before. Slendie’s powers only work in the confines of this forest and other certain areas, so if I escape, I’m safe.

    Except….I don’t want to leave him. Which is completely crazy. He’s a monster, for Christ’s sake. I should be fleeing him without a second thought. But monster or not, he’s been nothing but a gentleman to me. He’s kind, gentle, caring, supportive. He’s better than most men I’ve met in my life. And to the other Creepypastas, he’s like a mother/father figure to them. He takes care of them despite their flaws, their disfigurements, their fragile minds. I mean, I don’t know why it is that he kills people, but I know there is some good in him. And that goodness in him makes me want to stay.

    So I stay in place, waiting for him to find me. But if he doesn’t get me by morning….I’ll leave. Time passes for what feels like forever, and still no sign of Slendie. When I think he might really not come, my eyes start to sting. I try not to, but I end up crying. I bury my face onto my knees as tears silently trickle down my face and stain my jeans.

    “[f/n]?” a voice gently calls me. It’s Slendie. But I don’t want to look at him, for my face is surely blotched from crying. So I quietly keep my face buried, not trusting my voice to not break with tears. “[f/n], what’s wrong?” I feel a hand grip my shoulder, providing warmth. But I remain quiet.

    I hear him sigh, then suddenly I’m scooped into his arms. “Wha- no, Slendie!” I cry, my hands flying to my face to cover it up.

    “You were crying, were you not?” he prods. I don’t respond, because I really don’t want to admit it. We stay like this, silence surrounding us, before Slendie eventually says, “Do you want to leave, [f/n]?”

    I pull my hands away in shock. “What?” I breath, caught off guard.

    “If you do not want to be here, I can return you to your home,” he tells me. He’s offering to let me go? Any fear I had of him evaporates into the air. Unable to help it, I’m bawling once again. “What’s wrong?” he asks, concerned.

    “I-I thought y-you h-hated me!” I stumble out through the tears. “Y-you didn’t want m-me around any-anymore, so I thought, I thought you were t-through w-with me.” I hate this! I hate crying in front of him! But the relief that flooded through me broke the dam I had built to contain my emotions.

“No!” Slendie cries, his composure crumbling. “If I tired of you, you would not be alive. But I could never tire of you. The reason I did not want you around me is that, well, I was researching matters concerning you.”

“What matters?” I ask him, a hiccup escaping my lips. At least the crying slowed a bit.

“There is something different about you, [f/n],” he tells me seriously. “You are human, yet not quite. Similar to Jeff and Toby, you have an aura about you that makes you different from the average human. And yet, you’re not exactly like Jeff and Toby, or I would know it. I have not met one like you, so your circumstances are rather curious to me. But….some of the information I have gathered could concern you. I do not want to worry you, so I tried to keep you away from all of it.”

“Why would it worry me?” I ask.

Slendie merely shakes his head. “I want to make sure my information is accurate before I inform you. But, will you stay with me?”

“Yes,” I reply softly. “Honestly, I’ve grown rather attached to you and the others.”

Slendie squeezes me slightly, and if he had facial features, something tells me he would be smiling. “[f/n]?” he ventures.

“Yes?”

“I have grown rather fond of you. That is, what I mean to say is, I have fallen in love with you,” he tells me, nervousness slipping into his words.

My face flushes in heat as I stare at him, wide eyed. “I-I…,” I stumble out. I never realized it. And what about me? These feelings I have for Slendie, is it love? It all hits me in a rush. Yes, this is love. I’ve never met someone as good to me as Slendie is, and I’ve fallen for him harder than I thought could be possible. Haha, I’m truly crazy. “I love you, too.” I tell him.

He manages to life a hand to stroke my hair off of my tear stained face. “Shall we return home?” he asks me, loving warmth wrapped around his words.

I smile lovingly at him in return. “Of course,” I respond warmly.

Turns out, even monsters can be loved.

******************************************************************************

BEN:

    “Ben?” I call to the powered off T.V. It has been turned off for days now, meaning days have passed since I’ve last seen Ben. It has me really worried. Is he sick? Did he run into some kind of problem? Does he need help? Without Ben around for me to ask questions, I had turned to Slendie, but he tells me there is nothing to worry about. Ben is simply remaining in the digital world, for whatever reason. But the worry is still there, and I wonder if he is merely avoiding me. If so, what did I do? Is it because I kept beating him at video games?

    “Ben, please answer me,” I beg. Silence. Well, I don’t want to piss him off, but maybe if I play Majora’s Mask, he’ll interact with me. So I turn on the T.V.,place the cartridge into the console, and grab the controller. The menu pops up, but instead of clicking my file, I click the one titled BEN. I roam around for a while, playing the game normally and hoping Ben will show up. I play for hours straight, but still no Ben. But I’m not one to give up, so I keep playing despite my body complaining.

Eventually, text shows up saying, ‘You’ve met a terrible fate.’

“Ben?” I call. “What’s going on?”

‘You should have left when you had the chance,’ new text says.

I scoff at the message. “Oh, sure, just let me waltz right out of here,” I say sarcastically. “Seriously, though, I don’t want to leave. Believe it or not, I’m having fun here. I’ve always fantasised being in this situation. I admit, at first, I was utterly terrified. But now that we’re friends, I think everything is actually pretty awesome here.”

I stay silent for a moment, something dawning on me. “Do you want to get rid of me?” I ask quietly. Fear edges into me at the thought. Am I an annoyance to him now? What if he decides to get rid of me? Out of everyone here, Ben is the only one who doesn’t kill anybody. He just scares the shit out of people. I thought I was safe with him, but what if I’m wrong?

But suddenly Ben’s face appears on the screen, eying me. “Why do you like it here?” he questions me.

I’m caught off guard, but I recover enough to respond. “Are you kidding me? Everyone here is like straight out of a horror story. I worship this stuff! Plus, I get to play so many video games with the best gaming partner ever.”

Ben’s lips twitch ever so slightly into a small smile, but he still looks forlorn. “I kidnapped you. You’re a normal human being, even if something seems different about you. Me, I’m just a digitised ghost. We’re utterly different. You don’t belong here. You should just leave.”

I cross my arms stubbornly. “Ben, get out of there,” I demand.

He scoffs at me. “Who are you to tell me what to do?” he asks challengingly.

“A normal human being,” I respond. “Please, Ben, just do it.” He doesn’t argue, and soon he materializes in front of me. I lift my hand and ruffle his hair, then move my hand to his cheek to pinch his skin. “Ouch!”

“Some ghost you are,” I say as I poke at his cheek. “What kind of ghost can be physically touched? And can have awesome powers that control the digital world? You’re the coolest ghost ever, if you ask me.” His cheeks color at my compliment, and I continue. “Everyone here is different, you know. The fact that I’m not like you guys at all makes me different, too, so I’m not exactly normal. But Ben, I’ll ask again. Do you want to get rid of me?”

“No!” he exclaims a little too loudly. He clears his throat embarrassedly and tries again. “No. I just thought you wanted to leave, is all.”

“Well, I don’t, so if you’re done brooding, let’s get our game on,” I say with a grin as I toss him a controller. I insert the first game I find, too thrilled that everythings resolved to care what we play.

However, before we can start the game, Ben says, “[f/n]?”

“Hmm?” I hum.

He edges close to me, his finger tracing my lips. My heart jumps to my throat as he smirks at me. “What kind of ghost can be physically touched,” he murmurs as he spreads his hand across my cheek. “What kind of ghost falls in love with a human?”

“B-Ben what are y-you-,” I stumble out, but he interrupts me.

“I love you,” he tells me, his voice husky.

“I, um, I, uh,” I stutter out. I swallow heavily and scramble away from him. My heart pounds rapidly, and I can’t deny that I, too, am in love. But my heart is beating too fast and my breathing is too irregular for me to speak. Ben looks stung, like I had slapped him. I quickly grab my phone and start rapidly clicking buttons. I shyly hold up the phone, the message, ‘I love you, too,’ displayed on it.

Ben blinks in surprise, but then breaks into a wide grin. “Then come here and be my player two,” he demands. I smile warmly at him as I scoot over to where he is. I settle beside him, but then he says, “Nope, wrong spot.” His hands grip my shoulders and suddenly I find myself sitting in his lap. “That’s better.”

I bite down the giddy giggle that bubbles in my throat, and instead say, “Let’s play.”

He seriously is the best gaming partner ever.

******************************************************************************

Jeff the Killer:

“Jeff?” I say questioningly. “What are you doing?”  One minute we’re watching a horror movie, the next he’s all up in my face. His eyes are narrowed like a snake’s as he inspects me.

“I’ve been thinking,” he starts.

“That’s never good,” I say with a smile.

But he ignores my comment. “What is it about you?”

“Um, what do you mean?” I ask, confused. His hand reaches out and tugs a strand of my hair. “Ouch! What was that for?”

“Why won’t I kill you?” he asks to himself, a question that makes me nervous. Honestly, I don’t know the answer to that question. And if Jeff doesn’t either, what reason does he have to keep me alive? His eyes glint with confusion and something else, something dangerous.

“Jeff?” I call his name a bit fearfully. My eyes widen when he slowly pulls out his knife. “Jeff!” I see hesitation flash in his eyes, but it doesn’t stop his knife from swinging through the air. I swiftly throw myself to the ground, avoiding the knife. I scramble to my feet and dash to the doorway. I feel a hand grip my arm roughly and I am tossed to the floor. Jeff’s face is soon close to mine as he pins me to the ground. He lifts the knife, as if to stab me, but he can’t bring himself to do it.

“Why?” he hisses. “I could kill my family! But why can’t I kill you?”

Tears pour down my face as I start to sob. “Jeff, do you hate me?” I ask, my voice trembling. I could be begging for my life, yet that is the question that spills from my mouth.

Jeff doesn’t respond as he stares at me. Tears continue to trickle down my face as I stare into his eyes. Eventually, I hear the knife clatter to the ground. “No, I don’t,” he whispers as he wipes the tears off my face. “I thought I didn’t need anyone. Family, friends, nobody. Yet you prance into my life, and suddenly I have someone I need. I hate it.”

I swallow my tears as I lift my hand. I stroke his cheek softly, refusing to remove my eyes from his. “If you hate it, why don’t you kill me? I’ll be gone and you won’t need me anymore.” What the hell am I saying? But yet, the words spill forth from my mouth, my heart painfully throbbing with the question. I….I love Jeff. I love him, but if he wants to be rid of me….The thought stabs at my heart as I stare at him, my eyes begging for his answer.

“That’s just it. I can’t!” he exclaims. “The thought of you being gone hurts, and it shouldn’t. I threw all negative feelings away. I always felt so, so good afterwards. And when you came along, I felt even better! But then I started imagining you leaving, or you dying, and I became scared. Me, scared, for Christ’s sake! And I felt anguish and loneliness, feelings I had sworn to never feel again. So I wanted to get rid of you, to get rid of the source of those emotions. But….I couldn’t.”      

    “I won’t leave,” I say softly. “You’re a jerk, you know that? You steal me away from my life, but not only that, you steal my heart to boot! I love you, Jeff, and it kills me. You go and do things that hurt me like this, but then you show me a part of yourself that reminds me of a scared child. I don’t know how I should feel about you!” I sniffle as more tears leak from my eyes. Damn my heart for falling for a psychopath!

“You love me?” Jeff asks incredulously.

“Yes, damn it!” I snap. “Despite everything you’ve put me through, I’ve come to need you, too. You’re not all bad, you know. Like how you’re so protective of me, or how you always try to make me smile, or how you’re always making me laugh with your snide remarks…,” I notice Jeff is smirking at me at this point. I blush embarrassedly as I tear my gaze from his eyes.

However, his hand forces me to look back at him. “Besides losing you, you know what else I was scared of?” he asks.

“What?” I mumble.

“The thought that you would never love me,” he responds. “You see, turns out I fell in love with you. But I never thought you’d feel the same.” I can’t help it as sobs start to shake my body, my system overloaded with relief. Alarmed, Jeff sits up, bringing me with him. He holds me against him as he rubs my back comfortably. “I’m sorry,” he whispers, his voice coated in guilt.

“I-I thought y-you w-were going to, to kill me!” I sob. “Th-that you hated me!”

“I love you,” he whispers over and over as he rocks me soothingly. I sob until all of the fear, tension, and anguish is out of my system. Then, when it’s all over, I let love wash over me.

“I love you too, you idiot,” I mumble against his neck. I feel him shiver as my lips move against his skin. “And if you ever do something like that to me again, I’m going to use all those self-defense moves you taught me against you.”

He laughs at my threat. “Trust me, darling, it’ll never happen again! You’re my property, and I can’t damage my treasure.”

Why did I have to fall for an idiot? Idiot or not, though, he’s officially my idiot.

******************************************************************************

Ticci Toby:

“Hey, Toby I-Toby?” I stop in mid sentence when I see that Toby is hunched over as he sits on his bed. Gloominess surrounds the air like a heavy fog, something that is extremely abnormal for Toby. His head is cradled in his hands, depression weighing him down. “Toby, what’s wrong?” His head shifts as he glances in my direction, but he doesn’t respond. I quietly sit on the bed beside him. “You can talk to me.”

“I know why I was drawn to you,” he says quietly.

“What do you mean?” I gently ask him.

“When I first met you, I mistook you for my sister,” he continues. “My sister, she died a long time ago. You had a warm, welcoming air about you. When I saw you, I immediately felt at home. Like I did with my sister.”

“I’m sorry for your loss,” I tell him sadly as I rub his back comfortingly.

“I had amnesia,” he tells me abruptly. “I didn’t remember her, or anything about my past. But now, I remember everything.” His body starts to tremble as his twitching increases in frequency. “I-I killed h-him! I b-burned everything! I-I-I-!”

I stop his ranting as I pull him into my arms. “Hush, now,” I whisper gently. “It’s ok, Toby, I’m right here for you. It’s alright.”

He holds on to me desperately as he trembles violently. He takes deep, shuddering breaths before continuing. “I became a m-monster. I k-killed my own dad, I b-burned my house. I destroyed m-my family.”

“Why?” I ask him as I stroke his head. At this point, Toby killing people doesn’t phase me (a fact that bothers me, but it’s a fact nonetheless). But for some reason, he’s really shaken up by this revelation. I need to know why he was driven to be who he is now.

His nails dig into my back as he tries to explain, but I ignore the pain. “I-I was tired. Of dealing w-with my d-dad. His beatings, his dr-drunkness, his shouting. I couldn’t d-deal with the abuse an-anymore. With my si-sister gone, I just couldn’t. So I k-killed him. And forgot e-everything.”

“Oh, Toby,” I breath as I hold him even tighter. I feel a fury burn inside of me at the thought of Toby’s dad abusing him. How dare he! “It wasn’t your fault! Your dad had no right to do what he did, you didn’t deserve it. He was a worthless piece of shit who wasn’t even capable of loving his own son. He deserved what happened to him. You are not a monster.”

“I-I’m not?” he whimpers.

“Of course you’re not. You’re human, just like me. Nothing more, nothing less,” I assure him.

His grip on me relaxes as he calms down. “[f/n]?” he says questioningly.

“Yes?”

“I really love you,” he says as he snuggles against my neck.

“W-what?” I stumbled out, my heart picking up in pace.

“I love you lots!” he tells me, his usual cheerfulness returning to his words.

I bury my face in his shoulder, his hair tickling my face. I find it hard to breath, let alone speak! But I have to say the words that have been floating around in my head for a long time now. “I love you, too,” I mumble. He pulls away so he can rub his nose against mine. “T-T-Toby! No, stop!” I don’t think my heart can take it!

“Say it again!” he demands.

“I-I love you,” I say shyly.

“Again!”

“No!” I cry.

“Aww, please?” he begs.

“I have a lifetime to tell you I love you, ok?” I tell him.

“I love you,” he tells me warmly.

I fell in love with such a goofball. No matter what others say, he’s no monster.

******************************************************************************

Eyeless Jack:

“Jack, can you please explain yourself?” I ask, irritated and confused. It’s the middle of the night, and I wake up to find a blue mask watching me silently. Hey, at least I avoided having a heart attack after screaming my lungs out!

“I was hungry,” Jack mutters.

“And?” I prod.

“I was going to eat your liver,” he says bluntly. Wait, what!?

“What!?” I shriek. “Jack, get off me!”

“But I don’t want your liver, after all,” he continues. “I want your heart.” He trails his finger from where my liver would be to where my heart is, causing said heart to beat uncontrollably.

“Are you being serious?” I ask nervously. Maybe Jack is pulling my leg? I really hope so. But sadly, he’s not. As he pulls out a surgical knife, my stomach drops. “Jack, no!” I shove him off me, dashing for the door. I make it out and I continue to run aimlessly down the halls, hoping to outrun him. But Jack is extremely fast, and quiet on his feet. One glance behind me reveals he is right on my heels. An intake of air meant to catch my breath becomes a shrill scream as I feel myself being tackled to the floor. I struggle against him, but all my effort is futile.

“Shh,” Jack breaths to silence me. “It’s ok. It won’t hurt.”

“I’ll die, Jack!” I sob.

“No, it’ll be a transplant,” he tells me, trying to be reassuring. But it fails epicly as I try to struggle harder. “Then your heart will belong to me.”

“Why do you even want my heart?” I ask him, tears choking me.

“Because I don’t want anyone else to have it. You belong to me, and me only.”

“What?” I say, utterly confused. “You don’t need to cut out my heart for me to belong to you! That’s not how it works!”

He tilts his head in confusion. “But if I have it, no one else will.”

“But that doesn’t mean I’ll belong to you,” I say, trying to remain calm. Surely I can talk him out of this. Jack has done some pretty weird shit for as long as I’ve known him, but he is still able to be sensible. “In order to belong to you, I have to choose to belong to you.”

His grip on me relaxes as my words soak in. “Then, do you choose to belong to me?” he asks.

“It depends,” I say softly. “Why do you need me to belong to you?”

“Because…,” he trails. “Because, I….I don’t know.”

“Yes, you do. Your answer determines if I can belong to you or not,” I push.

“There is a human word for it. What was it?” he asks himself. I say nothing as I wait for him to think about it. Eventually, he whispers, “Love. I think I am in love with you.”

I sigh in relief. “If I belong to you, does that mean you will never kill me or cut me up?” I ask. I have to be sure!

“I would never kill you!” Jack exclaims, louder than I have ever heard him. “And I would have no reason to ever cut you up.”

“Good,” I say with a warm smile. “Because I love you, too. My heart belongs to you, without you having to cut it out. But please, can you get off of me now?”

“Yes,” he replies as he helps me to my feet. His hand continues to grip mine, spreading warmth to my cold hand.

“And please, don’t ever, ever do something like that again,” I demand sternly.

“Ok,” he replies, sounding embarrassed as well as guilty. I guess he realizes that his behavior was way too much.

“Good. Now come on, let’s go to bed. I’m exhausted. After,” I emphasise, “you put away that knife.”

“Ok. Can I sleep with you?” he asks, sounding like a little boy.

“Of course, but no funny business,” I say with a smile as I pull him to my bedroom.

He’s utterly dangerous, but truly, he’s just different from everyone. But I know I can handle him, because I understand him best. I love my psycho, despite everything. Maybe I’m a psycho, too?

And here’s the thing about love kid - it doesn’t conquer all. Contrary to what the movies and the novels and the love songs taught you, love is not indestructible. Love is not unbeatable. Love is not some unstoppable force that transcends the laws of time and space. It is not infallible and it is not unwavering and it is certainly not immortal. If anything love is human. Love is far, far too human. Love is flawed and fragile and clumsy. Love makes mistakes and stumbles sometimes. Love is breakable, love falls down. Love gets sick and tired and worn out. And just like a person, love is sometimes too shattered to mend.
—  f.a.w

anonymous asked:

Thank you so much for all you do. Your writing is amazing! If you don't mind, could I request some angsty headcanons for Sidon? Specifically, what it would take for him and his s/o to be on bad terms with each other? Obviously no relationship is perfect, but I'm curious to see what sorts of problems he and his s/o would go through throughout the course of their relationship. And how would they reconcile?

Sidon and S/o’s Relationship issues

Reader’s issues

  • If you don’t have patience the relationship might not last very long at all.
  • Sidon has duties that will keep him considerately busy and the most you might see him is at night or when he has a day off.
  • He requires understanding in any dispute and will get frustrated if you’re being hard headed.
  • If you bad mouth, gossip, or talk crap behind people’s back (or to someone’s face) he finds it very unattractive and unbecoming of a future s/o.
  • He will try to speak to you about it, which is hard because he wants to remain positive, but he cannot deny you’re being unreasonably mean.
  • It’s a turnoff for him if you’re openly petty and seeking pity out of nowhere. Sure, he’ll pat you on the back and semi-comfort you, but he’s not fond of the woe-as-me game. 
  • Also if you’re jealous kind of person, it won’t fly. Once Sidon is with you, you will need to understand he doesn’t have eyes for anyone else.
  • Will become physically irritated if you don’t learn to keep your jealousy in check though.
  • He has a Kingdom to run, and a father to look after, so the last thing he needs is you breathing down his neck about being unfaithful.
  • If you have a short temper the relationship may not even happen at all. The clash of personalities won’t mix very well and patient as he is, he has limits.

Sidon’s issue

  • He can be very forgetful, with so much on his plate remembering to go out with you, or it being your birthday it’s pretty difficult. He feels bad, but not much he can do if it happens. 
  • There will be quite a few times where he has to cancel at the last minute of any plans with you.
  • It’s never guaranteed he can make it up
  • Sometimes his positive attitude can blind him and make him see things unrealistically.
  • Especially when you’re genuinely upset and he’s telling you to keep calm.
  • He can get pretty clingy if he hasn’t seen you for a while and it’s not the good kind. It’s hovering over you and preventing any sort of privacy. He’s not aware of how overbearing he can be until you point it out.
  • If you don’t then you will have to deal with him in your face on his off time. This will cause you to inadvertently reject him and it’ll make him antsy if not whiny.
  • He requires a lot of physical touching in order to feel complete in the relationship. It’s not sexual, but if he can’t run his fingers along your arms he’ll feel unloved.
  •  If you’re not the type who likes a lot of physical touch it’ll cause him to doubt himself. In order to prevent it you’ll need to let him know from day one of your limits.
  • Whenever Sidon does have a problem, his biggest issue is suffering in silence until it builds up. This can cause strain on the relationship because he has this image to uphold and unconsciously take his frustrations out on you. 


Overall for both of them there is going to be a lot of communication and patience like in any other relationship. Flaws on a person is not bad, it only makes them who they are, but when it becomes destructive and unproductive the relationship is fragile. It’ll be a learning curve to accept their flaws, but at the same time they have to think if it’s healthy for both of them. Couples can argue and have discussions, but it’s not a relationship if that’s all there is and no end to the dispute. As long as Sidon and his s/o are open with each other about their quirks and flaws early on then the relationship won’t turn into a grueling job and toxic.

Lonely Gods.

“I am alone.” He whispered to his reflection as he looked out the window of his quarters upon Macragge’s Honour, the ships mighty canons stretching before him and beyond those, the darkness of space.

Only two others heard him speak those words, the Servitor that slowly moved around the room, cleaning the dust that had piled up over the years and the other An Eldar, the one who was responsible for his return and at times it felt, the only person who could talk to openly with out fear of damaging the fragile Imperium.

“I am the last of a series of flawed constructs, built by a man who wanted so much for humanity, but failed to understand humans. The others.” He rested his brow against the cool plexiglass, his breath fogging it slightly. “The others died, broke, turned or are lost.”

“I only live…. because your people, a race that my creator wanted dead for the simple crime of not being human, saw that humanity would fail and die out. That we had fallen so far that they needed a legend to save them.”

Yvraine spoke softly. “I understand how you feel, to a degree.” Her voice echoed around the room, reminding him of wind chimes on a summers eve. “I am the voice of a new god, one that was meant to unite my race, but has only caused it to fracture more.” she moved next to him, looking out at the stars. “I am trying to show my people, regardless of their differences that if we work together, we can defeat She Who Firsts. But only I can hear the awakening Ynnead. I am… as you said, Alone.”

She gave a slight chuckle. “We are alike in that one fact, if only that one fact.”

He nodded, feeling a slight grin tug at his lips. “So alone, that only in an Alien can we find similarity.”

She nodded and moved away, heading back to the small regicide table at the center of the room. “The universe likes it’s little jokes does it not? But for now, let us move on to something less melancholy.”

Steeping back, he looked at his reflection one last time before turning and taking a seat opposite of her. “Very well then, I believe we where talking about several empty worlds of no strategic value to the Imperium that would be perfect colonies for the Yenari?”

3

I don’t think so much about whether I’m playing a strong person or not – it’s not that the character needs to be loud or straightforward. It can be a fragile, flawed person, but if they have enough dimension, and depth that you understand them even at their weakest, that’s a strong character to me. Then you have something to play, and play with. It’s about not being ‘the girl.

2017 Ally For Equality - Meryl Streep (Full speech)

“Thank you. Stop. Sit down. Sit down. I’m coming every year. Thank you, Ken. Thank you. This man is writing the visual history of our times, and we are so lucky that someone with the capacity of mind and heart and the integrity is taking on that job. Thank you very much.

I do like football. I want to make this clear. I gave seven years, seven of my youngest, prettiest years to being a cheerleader for football, basketball and wrestling. I have watched more peewee football, Pop Warner football, JV and varsity high school football, JV and varsity college football, and professional football in 60 years than anybody here.

But if you hear a woman in a restaurant say, “My son is very interested in the arts,” she’s not talking about football or mixed martial arts, because they’re just not the same thing. Some of us like football, some of us like the arts. Many of us want both in our lives. And it isn’t helpful to make it us versus them.  I was making a joke and Mike Nichols told me, "If you have to explain a joke, Meryl, you’re doomed, so…”

So I honestly can’t imagine what I have done to deserve this great honor. Really…In The Hours all I did was kiss Allison Janney in take, after take, after take, after take…and it wasn’t that hard at all. And I’m also fairly proud of a very jolly portrayal of a gay conversion therapist on Lisa Kudrow’s Web Therapy that I did. And I feel our Vice President might want to check out those episodes because my character’s views seem to doveil with his, although it involves comedy, so I don’t know if it’s going to penetrate.

And I want to thank (HRC president) Chad (Griffin) and everybody at the Human Rights Campaign for this moving and very meaningful honor, which I dedicate to my gay and trans teachers, colleagues, mentors, directors, friends, all of whom should take the credit for me being up here because they taught me from a very young age, and they continue to remind me every day of the very best lesson and that is to be yourself and love and take joy in your work and what you do.

And I’m very grateful to this incredible organization, the Human Rights Campaign, for what you have done, in such a smart, strategic and systematic way, to secure and safeguard the rights of LGBTQ Americans. Most of the advances in acceptance and advocacy and law have come straight from the work of this organization. Well, I don’t know how straight this is but you have made the lives of people I love better, stronger and safer.

When I was a little girl growing up in middle-class New Jersey, my entire artistic life was curated by people who lived in the straight jacket of a very conformist suburban life. In the late ‘50s and early '60s, all the houses in my neighborhood were the same size. In the developments, they even were the same shape and color and style. And in the schools, your job was was to put pennies in your loafers and look the same as everybody else and act the same way as everybody else. Standing out, being different was like drawing a target on your forehead. And you had to have a special kind of courage to do it. And some of my teachers were obliged to live their whole lives hidden, covertly. But my sixth and seventh grade music teacher, Paul Grossman, was one of the bravest people I knew. Because later, when I was in graduate school, I read that he had transitioned and become one of the first transgender women in the country. And after the operation, she reported back. As Paula Grossman. To our middle school in Basking Ridge, New Jersey, where she had taught for 30 years and she was promptly fired. 

But she pursued her case for wrongful dismissal and back pay through the courts for seven years, all the way to the Supreme Court. Unfortunately, her case was not accepted, and she lost, but she won her pension under a Disability Allowance settlement, although she was disabled only by the small minds of the school board. She was a garrulous, cantankerous, terrific teacher, and she never taught again. But her case set the stage for many discrimination cases that followed. She and her wife raised their three girls. She worked as a town planner and she had an act playing piano and singing in cocktail lounges around New Jersey. But I remember her as Mr. Grossman, and I remember when he took us on a field trip to the Statue of Liberty in 1961. And our whole class stood at the feet of that huge, beautiful woman and sang a song he had taught us, that was taken from the lyrics, the lyrics were taken from the poem by Emma Lazarus engraved at the base of the monument.

singing “Give me your tired, your poor, your huddled masses
yearning to breathe free, the wretched refuse of your teeming
shore. Send these, the homeless, tempest tossed to me.
I lift my lamp beside the golden door.”

I can’t remember what I did Tuesday, but I remember…I remember that song Mr. Grossman chose to teach us. It stirred my 11-year-old heart then, and it animates my conscience today. That’s what great teachers do. She died in 2003, god rest her soul.

My piano teacher, George Voss. He was about 80 years old in 1965. He lived…or he was probably 40 and I just thought he was that old. Whatever…  He lived in a little house hidden away in the woods in Berkeley Heights, New Jersey, with his lover, Phil. And my mother said, his lover for 50 years. And his house wasn’t like the other houses. It was a magical place. It was filled with birds and exotica and collectibles from Central and South America which they’d gathered on their trips. I’m not going to introduce you to all my gay an trans teachers. I just wanted to tell you about some of the people who made me an artist and who lived under duress. That’s all.

You know, there is a good thing about being older. There is. You’ll see. And that is you do get to mark the decades and the progress of things. You can honestly say things are better now. They really are better now. But what is that famous quote? “The price of liberty is eternal vigilance.” Everybody thinks that’s Jefferson, that said that, but it wasn’t. It was an Irishman, John Philpot Curran, don’t ya know? “Etarnal vigilance is the price of liberty.” And he also said - I just, I mean, Ken, great minds, you know -“Evil prospers when good men do nothing.” Ain’t that the truth?

Okay, here’s my theory. I’m going to go very fast, so have to stay with me, OK?
Human life has been organized in a certain way. The hierarchy set, who’s in charge, who makes the laws and who enforces the laws, pretty much the same way for  40,000 years. Yeah, I know, I know. There were some small number of matrilineal cultures and some outliers who were more tolerant to differences, very true; but pretty much and so-called democracies, the great democracy of Greece, where women and slaves were excluded. Pretty much through our history, might made right and the biggest and the richest and the baddest were the best. And the man, pretty much always was a man.

But suddenly, at one point in the 20th century, for reasons I can’t possibly enumerate in the two minutes that I have left,something did change. The clouds parted and women began to be regarded, if not as equal, but as deserving of equal rights. It’ true. It was a first. Men and women of color demanded their equal rights. People of sexual orientation and gender identification outside the status quo also demanded their equal regard under the law. So did people with disabilities. We all won rights that had already been granted us in the Constitution 200 years before in theory. But the courts and society finally caught up and recognized our claims. And amazingly, and, in the terms of the whole human history, blazingly fast, culture seemed to have shifted. All the old hierarchies and entitlements seemed to be on shaky ground which brings us to now. We shouldn’t be surprised that fundamentalists of all stripes, everywhere are exercised and fuming. We shouldn’t be surprised that these profound changes come at a steeper cost than it seemed we were gliding through them in the late 20th century. We shouldn’t be surprised if not everyone is totally down with it.
.
But if we live, if we live through this precarious moment, if his catastrophic instinct to retaliate doesn’t lead us to nuclear winter, we will have much to thank this president for because he will have woken us up to how fragile freedom really is. And his whisperers will have alerted us to the potential flaws in our balance of power in government. To how we’ve relied on the goodwill and selflessness of previous occupants of the Oval Office. And how quaint notions of custom, honor and duty compelled them to adhere to certain practices of transparency and responsibility. How easily all of this can be ignored. And how the authority of the executive, in the hands of a self dealer, can be wielded against the people and the Constitution and their bill of rights. The whip of the executive can, through a Twitter feed, lash and intimidate, punish and humiliate, de-legitimize the press and all the imagined enemies with spasmodic regularity and easily provoked predictability.

Here we are in 2017 and our browser seems to have gone down. And we are in danger of losing all our information. And we seem to be reverting to the factory settings. But we’re not. We’re not going to go back to the bad old days of ignorance and oppression and hiding who we are because we owe it to the people who have died for our rights and who died before they got their own. And we owe it to the pioneers of the LGBTQ movement, like Paula Grossman, and to the people on the frontlines of all civil rights movements not to let them down. I am the most overrated and most overdecorated and currently, currently, I am the most over berated actress, who likes football, of my generation. But that is why you invited me here! Right?

Okay. The weight, the wright of all my honors is part of what brings me here to the podium. It compels me. It’s against every one of my natural instincts, which is to stay fuck home. It compels me to stand up in front of people and say words that haven’t been written for me, but that come from my life, my conviction and that I have to stand by because it’s hard to stand up. It’s hard. I don’t want to do it. I don’t want to be here. I want to be home and I want to read and garden and load my dishwasher. I do. I love that. It’s embarrassing and terrifying to put the target on your forehead. And it sets you up for all sorts of attacks and armies of brownshirts and bots and worse. And the only way you can do it is to feel you have to. You have to. You don’t have an option. You have to stand up, speak up, act up!
Thank you. You are. You are it! You are it!

And when I load my dishwasher from where I live in New York City, I can look out my window and I see the Statue of Liberty. And she reminds me of Mr.Grossman and the first trip there and all my great grandparents who came through and paddes by that poem. Many of them fled religious, religious intolerance in the old world and we Americans have the right to reject the imposition of unwanted religious practice in our lives. We have the right to live our lives, with God or without her, as we choose. There’s a prohibition in this country against the establishment of state religion in our Constitution, and we have the right to choose with whom we live, whom we love and who and what gets to interfere with our bodies. As Americans, men, women, people, gay, straight, LGBTQ, all of us have the human right to life and liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. And if you think people were mad when they thought the government was coming after their guns, wait until you see they try to take away our happiness!” 


Honoree Meryl Streep speaks onstage during the 2017 Human Rights Campaign Greater New York Gala at Waldorf Astoria Hotel on February 11, 2017 in New York City. (x)