fp wedding

My fp: ends sentence with a period, doesn’t respond to my text for .05 seconds,

Me: what did I do? did I do something wrong? why is his response time .02 seconds later than usual? does he not like me anymore? what am I supposed to do without him? how will I be able to assuredly live alone, forever, because I will never find anyone else? god i’m such a worthless ugly person anyways no wonder he left me. you know what? fine! fine. I didn’t even like him that much. I don’t need him. he’s yesterdays news and like? that thing he said on August 13th 2015 kind of pissed me off anyways. i’ll find someone else! i’m reinstalling tinder right now. i bet lots of boys will love me. after all have you seen me? i’m beautiful sweaty :) get blocked :)

my fp: hey sorry my mom called!! i just had to let her in the house haha :)

me: so I was thinking a June wedding?

anonymous asked:

If Juggie broke Betty's heart, FP would kick his ass or have one of his Serpent pals do it for him. DILF is truly fond of that sweet and determined Cooper Girl. He was also the one who told his son to man up and fix things with her after his disaster of a birthday party. I actually think that FP's secretly planning Bughead's wedding and the names of his future grandchildren. He's also probably relishing the thought of getting to call Alice "Granny." LMAO

OMG!!! And agreed. If anything, he’s cautioned every last Serpent girl to not even think about Simba, because he’s already picked Nala for “his boy”.

Seriously, can you IMAGINE the fucking lecture Jughead would receive from FP just for having looked at another girl??? Good lord, FP adored his future daughter-in-law……

I’m not sure he’s even gonna be okay with them having sexytimes—he’ll be half, “yeaaaahhhh!!! That’s mah boy!!!!” and half, “I thought I told you to be a gentleman and that you were supposed to save that until your wedding night????”

priest: sir… do you take this woman to be your beloved 360 noscope?

guy: i dew.

priest: and do you take this man to be your lawfully wedded FPS?

girl: i sure do-rito.

priest: i now pronounce you…. #REKT…. you may now 1v1 your bride..

girl: not if i pwn u first you filthy fucking casual suck my balls just like ur dad did last night