four horses of the apocalypse

The Four Horsemen whose Ride presages the end of the world are known to be Death, War, Famine, and Pestilence. But even less significant events have their own Horsemen. For example, the Four Horsemen of the Common Cold are Sniffles, Chesty, Nostril, and Lack of Tissues; the Four Horsemen whose appearance foreshadows any public holiday are Storm, Gales, Sleet, and Contra-flow.
Among the armies encamped in the broad alluvial plain around Hunghung, the invisible horsemen known as Misinformation, Rumor, and Gossip saddled up…
—  Terry Pratchett, Interesting Times, 1994
Apocalypse Horsemen Novella Headcanons
  • death getting really bitchy because he can’t get into a bar, because he looks 17 and hasn’t been paying attention to time, so his ID is like 40 yrs out of date

  • pestilence competing in the olympics and then giving his opponents herpes because he thinks its funny

  • war inviting vivian westwood to a tea party

  • famine running a fatshion blog

  • all of the horsemen having each other’s numbers  and doing secret handshakes

  •  death hating merlin because “he just won’t fucking die and its making me tired”

  • merlin hating death because “he’s a proper tosser who never stops whinging”