four goats

I’m a busy man. Got two caution signs to remind me to slow down sometimes. Got a vibrating megaphone. Clocks. Radiation. Four goats. Got half a tank of simple columnar epithelial tissue. 60% through my day. Half a tank of gas. And it’s only 10:50.

the signs according to ME, based on what I've absorbed from tumblr even though I don't pay attention to 75% of the zodiac and might not be able to even name them all from memory
  • aries: PISSED OFF ANGRY FILLED WITH RAGE AND ANGER AND IS ALSO MAD
  • taurus: the impression I get is they're similar to aries in that they’re angry and stubborn? but the difference is that while aries will clock you in the jaw, taurus will hold a grudge for the rest of your born days. your born days, not theirs, because they’re going to outlive you out of spite
  • gemini: is what I think comes next? anyway apparently geminis are very social and bubbly and they're people persons (people people?), but also they’re supposed to be all two-faced and gossipy, because twins. which is very mean to say about twins.
  • cancer: no offense to anyone who is a cancer, but my Least Favorite Human that I've ever met is a cancer, so my perception is tainted. cancers cry a lot. all the time. about everything.
  • leo: you know, I honestly don't know what is associated with leo, besides... lion. so therefore, leos are brave. you might belong in august, where dwell the brave of heart. their daring, nerve, and chivalry set leos apart. congrats you're gryffindor now
  • virgo: or is it libra comes first? I think it's virgo. um, anyway, virgo is my moon sign. I respect virgo. the general sense I get is that they're very... anal and particular and organized? their lists are color-coded and have subheadings?
  • libra: or possibly virgo, depending on whether or not I switched the order. BUT YEAH SO, LIBRA, SCALES. ALL ABOUT THAT FAIRNESS AND JUSTICE. common room is next to the kitchen.
  • scorpio: uuuuuuuGHHHHHHHHHHHH I'M SO FED UPPPPPPP I am a scorpio but I don't WANNA BE a scorpio I'm so TIRED of everything being nothing but femme fatale tropes and byronic hero nonsense I'M NOT MYSTERIOUS!!! are people even mysterious in real life? also please stop talking about how sexually charged and passionate I am. please don't do this. you're making this uncomfortable for everyone and I wanna exchange my sign for something else
  • sagittarius: the sense I get is that sagittarius is best personified by a weird kid at summer camp who hardcore believes in aliens and whose knees are full of band-aids
  • capricorn: does capricorn come next? I don't honestly even know. I don't know anything about capricorns. they're represented by a goat though, so that automatically makes them better than every other sign. A MERMAID GOAT, NO LESS. listen, idk what capricorns are like, but I'm trading my star sign. I WANNA BE A MERMAID GOAT. I WANNA BE A MERMAID GOAT MORE THAN ANYTHING.
  • aquarius: the only thing I know about aquarius is that song in Hair
  • pisces: fish. has lots of emotions, but is pretty chill and creative? bunks with sagittarius at summer camp, but personally prefers cryptids to aliens
the Mountain Goats Gothic
  • This is not a song with the same four chords. This is not a song using any chords you can recognize as being produced by a human or monster hand. 
  • Your personal possessions hold no significance. The fact that they hold no significance does not hold any significance. You break something, one day, and you don’t really mind.
  • The birds pecking at your window have nothing that could be termed souls.
  • You are going to the city where you were born. The GPS guides you there perfectly. You are going to buy an update anyway.
  • God neither bleses nor curses nor abandons you. You have vaguely good feelings towards God, like an acquaintance you may or may not recognize outside of the prescence of mutual friends.  
  • Kathy shows up, and you politely exchange greetings before parting ways.
  • You set the table with places for any passing prophet, and then, abruptly, you stop doing so without any reason you can remember. 
  • When you make a fire, you burn only the firewood you have bought. 
  • Chavo Guerrero is no solace.
  • Cyrus thinks that being sent to the school where they told him he’d never be famous really helped him to be realistic and get his life on track. Jeff agrees. They both smile a little too widely at anything that moves. 
  •  You are in hell. There is a Pan-Asian supermarket down there. 

four horned goats are such an aesthetic for me like just the goat itself cus look 

look at these death metal-esque goats. these goats look like it’d baaa some heavy metal at me and i’d let it while avoiding eye contact

Your Dwarf

Originally posted by mattswackygifshop

A/n: I couldn’t find a gif that made sense. Anyway this is the last installment of my Nori three-shot. Although I’m quite disappointed in myself that there’s not much Nori in here. 

Part 1 - Part 2 - Master Lists: Drabbles/Imagines, and Completed Series

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optomisticgirl  asked:

Captain Charming - "HIDE THE GOATS!"

“You brought me here?!” David cried as the familiar barn came into view through the dark of night. 

Killian just winked at the man, continuing further towards their destination.

David was not prepared for what he saw when they slipped inside the barn doors. A crowd of ex pirates and Storybrooke residents crowded around a makeshift table made from an old crate and two stools. On top of the table were a pack of cards… but either side of the barn had a pen filled with goats. 

“What is this?”

“Poker, Dave.”

“So what’s with all the goats?” he asked confused.

“I’m married to the sheriff and have just brought along the other sheriff. The fella’s don’t trust using actual tender for these games, therefore we use goats. simple, safe and legal gambling for all.” he explained before joining the crowd.

“She’ll still kill you if she finds out.” he called out.

If she find out.” he smirked cockily.

David stood flabbergasted for a few moments. He was even more shocked to see that amongst the crowd was a rather rambunctious Marco, cheering on with the rest. 

“All right gents! You know how it goes! First rule of goat club, never talk about goat club! Shall we begin?”


David was having a whale of a time. Rum was passed around generously, the banter and boisterous cheers were a plenty, and he and Killian had just won a winning hand, taking four goats from Leonard the fisherman’s pen.

“That’s how it’s done, mates! Bring those hairy beauts over here.” Killian chuckled as the animals were tenderly ushered to the opposing warm pen. 

The cards were being shuffled when a panicked Smee broke through the crowd and almost toppled over the table.

“Bloody hell, Smee! Watch where you’re going!”

“Sorry Captain but it’s bad news. Your wife is heading right this way as we speak!”

A thick silence fell over the barn as everyone absorbed the news.

“Hide the goats!” he cried

Utter chaos broke out within the barn as the men scurried to dispose of the rum and cover the goat pens with tarp.

Look, I made a mix yesterday. in love with love & lousy poetry.

  1. The Mountain Goats - Distant Stations
  2. Waxahatchee - You’re Damaged
  3. The Weakerthans - Aside
  4. RVIVR - 20 Below
  5. Gateway District - When I Fall
  6. Pinhead Gunpowder - Achin’ to Be (Replacements cover)
  7. Dillinger Four - Noble Stabbings!!
  8. Lifter Puller - Back in Blackbeard
  9. Sleater-Kinney - No Cities To Love
  10. Divers - Tracks
  11. Swearin’ - Just
  12. Hop Along - Laments
  13. Franz Nicolay - Marfa Lights
  14. Neutral Milk Hotel - Where You’ll Find Me Now
  15. Magnolia Electric Co - Leave the City
  16. Nob Dylan and His Nobsoletes - Subterranean Homesick Blues (Bob Dylan cover)
  17. World/Inferno Friendship Society - Dr. Dracula Who Makes You Get High!
  18. Dag Nasty - Values Here
  19. Meat Wave - The Truth
  20. The Promise Ring - Is This Thing On?
  21. Rites of Spring - For Want Of
  22. Jawbreaker - Want

I also earned a badge on 8tracks:

Hell yeah.

Captain Charming June Prompt is “Killian Helps David on the Farm’ 

Words ~ 1000 words. 

My contribution       Aesthetic by @juliakaze

A Bet, A Hickey, and A Useful Teen

Killian knocked on the farmhouse door, thoroughly disgruntled that he had lost a wager!  Who knew Wasabi sauce was so hot?  Besides any good seaman knew that sushi didn’t require additives to make it tasty.  In the future, he would check the facts before allowing the prince to best him.

Dave opened the door and called, “Hook, good morning,” jovially as he walked outside.  "Ready to work?“

"Aye, lead the way,” Killian followed his father-in-law down the stairs.

They rounded the house and walked into the barn where David pulled an old pair of denim overalls off a hook, “Here, you might need these. Wouldn’t want your leather to get dirty.” Killian gave him a look that said over my dead body, “Suit yourself, but don’t say I didn’t warn you.”

“I’ll be fine.” He followed Dave deeper into the confines of the barn.  "Just let me know what needs to be done.“

David led them toward a stall where a beautiful, jet black Thoroughbred stood, easily measuring seventeen hands.  "Lovely animal,” Killian held his hand out toward the horse’s snout.  

The horse whinnied and backed up a few steps until David held out a carrot and the horse settled and nibbled away.  "He needs his stall mucked out, fresh hay and water and brushed but don’t forget his carrots.  You do and you’ll get nothing done as he won’t let you touch him. He’s been known to take a nip and might go after that one good hand of yours.“

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Four Songs

Rules: Sum up your OC in a four song playlist.

I was tagged by  @schizoid-freak ! Thank you!! <3

OK so this was hard but definitely a lot of fun! I have like, 6+ playlists of ~ 2 hrs/each for this nerd, not including OTP playlists.

So four songs! For this nerd right here! Alira Jocelyn Shepard!

I love her.

1) “Broken Heart” by Dr. Dog

2) “Hail St. Sebastian” by the Mountain Goats 

3) “Shake It Off” by Florence + the Machine

 4) “In My Heart” by Moby

aaaaaahhhh i love her

*picking myself up off the ground, tagging* @estalfaed, @becauseanders, @enars-usurper, anyone else who wants to - but only if you want to !

Enis- the Guardians

In the beginning, the world was filled with chaos. Amidst a sea of improbability, a small rock was formed. On this insignificant speck in space, life was formed. Some rose higher than the rest, and armed with power they cast out the chaos to another dimension. They took the space above the skies as their home, perfect and pure. They lived as gods, immortal and all-powerful.

On the earth beneath them, magic, nature and life ran rampant. Amidst the hordes of monsters and improbable, primordial creatures sentient races formed like small lights in the darkness. Out of mercy or curiosity, the gods decided to help these races survive the madness of the world. To achieve this, they formed the Guardians. These massive creatures were born to destroy monsters and threats and protect. They were sent to all corners of the world: Srakh in the desert, Buruh in the Dark Isle, Caan in the north, and Sordus in the forests. Olshog stayed at the mountain of the gods to defend the entrance into the heavens.

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X-Files Fic: Sasquatch Domesticus

Rating: PG-13
Timeline: Post-MASMTWM
Summary: @crossedbeams sent me an absolutely brilliant prompt, asking me to write a fic where Scully acquires a ridiculously large, out-of-control dog, and convinces Mulder to let it stay.  What Rose didn’t know is that I have my own ridiculously large, out-of-control dog, which made writing this fic too much fun for me to keep it as short as I’d originally planned.  So this is for Rose, and, of course, for Drogo, my own special moose.




Mulder’s cell phone rings just as he’s turning onto the long gravel driveway up to the house.  He answers without glancing at the screen, already knowing who it’ll be.

“Mulder, it’s me.”  He grins.

“Hey, Scully, miss me already?”  He can almost hear her rolling her eyes over the phone.

“We’ve got a problem at the animal shelter,” she says, not bothering to respond to his teasing.  "They’ve got almost all the dogs processed and settled in… but there’s one left, and they don’t have room for him.“  

This doesn’t surprise Mulder.  Earlier this afternoon, he and Scully closed the file on one Mr. David Puckett, a man who believed that the spiritual energies emanating from his property were attracting animals from all over the neighborhood.  An investigation failed to turn up evidence of any such phenomenon… but what it did turn up were seventeen cats, four goats, a large, brown cow, a Shetland pony, and thirty-six dogs.  All packed into a half-acre fenced lot in a quiet suburban D.C. neighborhood.  

The stench had been unspeakable.

In spite of Mr. Puckett’s stubborn insistence that all of the animals had found their way to his property of their own volition, it quickly came to light that the pony, the cow, and several of the dogs had been reported stolen from local farms.  Mr. Puckett had been arrested, and the unclaimed animals had been carted off to local shelters, where they would be checked for microchips and matched against missing animal reports from local veterinarians.  But with so many animals, and most shelters already near their capacity, it’s not a surprise that there’s one poor mutt left out in the cold.

"Poor guy,” says Mulder sympathetically.  "Do they know if he has a chip yet?“

"No, no chip,” says Scully.  "And it’s after five on a Friday evening, so most of the vets’ offices are closed.  They won’t be able to call around to see if anyone’s missing him until Monday morning.“

"They can’t double up a couple of dogs in their cages for a few days?” asks Mulder.

“No, they really, really don’t have space for him, Mulder,” says Scully.  Mulder pulls to a stop in front of the house and climbs out of his car.  In the front window, he can see Daggoo, balanced on the back of the couch, looking out at him, wagging his tail furiously.  The little Jack Russell mix is Scully’s, in theory, a poorly-thought-out acquisition following a case last month.  When Scully made the spur-of-the-moment decision to steal the little dog, she had neglected to first check the pet policy at her building.

So now, Mulder has a dog.

He doesn’t mind, not really.  Daggoo is good company, and an equally good excuse for Scully to spend more and more time out at the house.  He’s sweet, friendly, and gets along well with other dogs, so Mulder doesn’t hesitate to make his suggestion.

“Why don’t you bring him out here, Scully?” he says.  "Just for the weekend.  The shelter can try and find out who he belongs to on Monday.“  He hears Scully’s sigh of relief through the phone.

"That’s exactly what I was hoping you would say,” she says.  "Which is why I’m already on my way out there.“  He laughs.

"What were you going to do if I said no?” he asks.

“I knew you wouldn’t,” she says.  "I’ll be there in a half hour, okay?“

———-

Mulder is sitting on the porch, Daggoo at his side, when Scully’s ridiculously oversized SUV turns off the main road and begins to wind up the drive towards the house.  Daggoo leaps to his feet, barking and dancing in excited circles, taking off down the porch steps as Scully parks the car and climbs out.  She turns and opens the back door… and Daggoo comes to a halt so quickly, Mulder swears he can almost hear screeching brakes.

Scully leans into the backseat.  "Come on, boy,” she coaxes, holding out a hand.  "Come on, it’s just Daggoo, he won’t hurt you.“  Mulder catches up to Daggoo and pulls him back.  He peers into the car, expecting to see a little dog cowering in the corner… and his mouth drops open.  He can’t even see Scully’s backseat.

"Scully,” he says, “that is not a dog.”

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