Reasons why other people want a time machine I could meet Shakespeare and discuss his plays with him! I could watch Leonardo Da Vinci paint Mona Lisa! I could go back to the roaring twenties and throw amazing parties, like in The Great Gatsby!

Reasons why I want a time machine: I would go back to the 18th century and make the founding fathers read all the fanfiction to see how they would react

Okay let’s talk about this painting. It’s called “Signing of the Constitution” by Howard Chandler Christy.

Let’s start with good old George Washington.

He’s staring dramatically into the distance with this heavenly glow thing going on.

William Blount is just looking longingly at Washington, like he’s desperate to confess his love.

Then Gunning Bedford, Jr. is down here on the floor like a weirdo.

George Read looks like he shit his pants and doesn’t know what to do.

Gouverneur Morris looks pissed. Also, it’s important that you know that Gouverneur was his first name, not his title.

William Jackson is obviously just asking for another drink. He can’t be bothered to pay attention to this historic event.

Roger Sherman is giving William Samuel Johnson some serious side-eye. Throwing some shade ‘bout some shit.

And my personal favorite: Ben Franklin looking directly at the camera like he’s Jim from The Office.

Probably because fucking Alexander Hamilton is all up in his personal space.

Founding Fathers age comparison.

In 1776, Benjamin Franklin was 70, George Washington was 44, John Adams was 41, Thomas Jefferson was 33, John Jay was 31, James Madison was 25, Alexander Hamilton was 21 and James Monroe was 18. 

Since US history is all the rage now, I thought I’d share some of my favorite stories about the founding fathers.

-John Adams and Thomas Jefferson once visited the home of Shakespeare together… and both broke off pieces of one of the writer’s chairs so that they could take home souvenirs.

-When he was given an official surrender document during the French-Indian War, George Washington blindly signed the thing because he didn’t want to admit he couldn’t read French. In doing so, he basically solely accepted the blame of multiple war crimes. Somehow he wormed his way out of this… one of his methods was to blame his translator.

-Ben Franklin was forbidden from writing the Declaration of Independence because the founding fathers thought he would try to slip in puns and jokes.

-John Hancock was a convicted smuggler. Charges were dropped against him after he hired John Adams for a lawyer.

-Aaron Burr was a firm believer in the intellectual equality of men and women and lobbied for women’s suffrage.

-John Adams named his dog Satan.

-James Madison was our smallest president, at 5'4" and roughly 100 pounds.

-When he was 26, Washington bribed voters into electing him into office with alcohol… he gave certain voters about a half gallon for choosing him.

-Ben Franklin once wrote an essay urging scientists to “improve the odor of flatulence.”

-Jefferson warned Lewis & Clark to beware of giant sloths during their expedition.

-Adams and Jefferson were the original bros; after a lifetime of friendship, bitterness, and more friendship, they died hours apart on the same day- July 4th. Adams’ last words were, “Jefferson survives.” Well, not quite.

-Washington crossed enemy lines during the Battle of Germantown to return a lost dog to General Howe.

-The Star Spangled Banner was based off of a rowdy English drinking song.

-Alexander Hamilton’s descendants heavily edited and even hid some of his letters to his totally hetero bro, John Laurens, claiming “the content was embarrassing and indecent.”

-Ben Franklin opted for the turkey to be the U.S. national bird, claiming that bald eagles were cold and volatile.

-A few days before signing the Declaration, the Constitutional Convention got LIT. It’s rumored that the founding fathers drank 54 bottles of Madeira, 7 bottles of Claret, 7 bowls of spiked punch, 22 bottles of porter, 8 bottles of whiskey and 8 bottles of hard cider in this one night.