found this in my facebook feed

My Aphobia/Stalker Story

@sini-sterility @iicraft505 (not sure if you want it, but still) @alittlebluebug @autisticbadger @everchangingfangirl @fuckyeahasexual @justaphobethings (I don’t know if a blog like this would want this, but still) @acecourse (some aphobe I knew of.)

I don’t know if I’m ace or not. I’m questioning a lot right now… but you know what happened when my ex-friend found out I lacked interest and even had an aversion to sex? No? I’ll tell ya! In short, she tried to force herself and others on me sexually and romantically, while we were at a disabled camp (I was 15 and quadriplegic she was 19 with diabetes) and then got obsessed with me. Then at the end of the friendship, she tried to force me into a sexual relationship with her ex-boyfriend, How’d she do that, you ask? Well… she lied about me saying I was able-bodied and even athletic in order to get him obsessed with me (which worked) and gave him my Facebook name and phone number and told him to basically harass me! Then when he found out the truth, his obsession got even worse! He openly talks about all kinds of shit now, everything from feeding me with a bottle and taking care of me, to cutting me open and replacing muscles and bones with sticks. Not only that, but he still does to this day, with her encouragement! You know what makes it even worse? Not only did I have to call the police on this motherfucker and the girl that started this, (which didn’t work out) but it turns out that I’m not the only one that’s been abused by them! In fact, they both have criminal records for abuse and harassment.  But it’s only one guy right?  Nope. She has given my number to several other men. At least 2 of which are also sexual predators with records; each of which older than the last! The others I’m not sure of, but they still harass me very often. Even 4 years later, this is still going on! She still constantly gives men my contact information (Mainly my number, and every once in a while, my Facebook.) Why? All because I didn’t have any interest in anything sexual. She also did this knowing I was sexually abused several times throughout my childhood. ( I forgot to mention that before, but it’s an important detail.) I’ve even had 1 or 2 of them threaten to do it the same way. So if you wanna tell me aphobia doesn’t exist, fuck you! You are not just ignorant, but you’re fucking stupid, and don’t come on to my post with that bullshit!

Anton

It’s been a year. Part of me still can’t believe that Anton’s gone. I wanted to take a moment to just write about what I’m thinking and feeling right now as I look back on the past year and consider how much Anton affected my life, because the more I think about it, the more I realize how important he and his role as Chekov was, is, to me. Bear with me.

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Got7 Reaction to Meeting your Large Family.

JB:

When you would introduce him to your family he would probably play it pretty cool on the outside, but feel a little overwhelmed on the inside because he would want to try to remember all of the names of the people he met. He would probably be fairly clingy to you, because the last thing he would want to do is be left with your weird Aunt Linda while you went to get something to drink.

 

Mark:

Upon walking in, Mark would be at a loss for words, to say the least. With all of the Hello!’s and How are you?’s being tossed around at him, it would probably make him a bit shy. But as the day goes on he would open up more and more and become a little more comfortable and talk with your fam more willingly.

Jackson:

You wouldn’t even be able to tell that Jackson was nervous, because the moment he walked through the door he would be talking politics with your Grandad or learning how to knit from your Great Grandma. He would be the one to strike up conversations with anyone and probably end up ditching you at one point to meet more people.

Jinyoung:

Jinyoung would be at his utmost best. If you wanna put it in mom terms: his listening ears and his manners would be on. He would try his best to engage in conversation as much as he could so he doesn’t seem too terribly quiet, but on the inside, he would probably be screaming because why is your Uncle wearing a tropical Hawaiian shirt, that’s tacky.

Youngjae:

I feel like Youngjae would handle it fairly well. He would be smiley and polite, but remain close to you. He would probably have a genuine good time, and keep asking you to invite him to more family functions. He would be the only one that laughs at your Uncle Jim’s jokes, as well.

BamBam:

Honestly, Bam would put on a front I’d say. He would act all reserved and social and be polite, but would probably be thinking “Wait, why am I here.” Not that he was mad at you or anything, but he would much rather be around just you, I think. He would definitely make sure that your family likes him though.

Yugyeom:

Yugyeom would be shy, but that wouldn’t stop him from being kind and respectful. He would mostly rely on you to introduce him and initiate conversation, for the most part, and he would probably be clingy as well. If it weren’t for you being by him, he would have gotten stuck in a conversation with your Grandma Joice about the cute dogs she found videos of in her Facebook news feed.

A/N: Sorry I didn’t post a reaction yesterday, I know I’m a bad blog mom. I will normally try to post once everyday, though, so keep sending in requests because they’re open! Thanks! xx

Found this little gem on my Facebook On This Day feed and wanted to share it again:

Do your fandoms have different “feels” to you? Not like Feels, but like…location-themed atmospheres.

Like for me, the Pokemon fandom is like a big local mall that everyone grew up going to and even if we don’t all know each other, we do know our way around. New shops come in every few years and sometimes you talk to old friends from the neighborhood who haven’t been there in a long while and haven’t heard of the new places, but they remember the old ones fondly.

Marvel fandom is like a city where you don’t know every single neighborhood very well, but you live and work and hang out in a few neighborhoods that you have a particular fondness for and may even know quite intimately if you’re an avid reader of the comics.

Doctor Who fandom is like a college campus where fondness for a particular Doctor is like taking a major. But being a series fan, you still have plenty of friends and interactions in other majors. The Classic Who fandom is like a really cool frat house where in-jokes and memes spread quickly and everyone knows all of them.

Hamilton fandom is like an old-timey parade: a relatively niche thing thrown for a single stand-alone subject but the music and the displays are great. Unfortunately, since most people can’t actually be at the event, they have to listen from home on the radio.

Star Wars fandom is like an old chain of amusement parks. Even if you’ve never been to one, you know what they are. They’re big family affairs and tons of people have childhood memories of going there that they want to share with their kids. It’s seasonal and kinds of ebbs and flows with when it’s open, although it’s usually a good time.

On Facebook

Ah, this person has gone to the mainland with their loved ones, very nice.

This person has finished their dissertation and is enjoying their newly-found free time. Good for them.

This person wrote a well thought-out and researched political opinion. Interesting.

This person really loves this book/film/game and is urging their friends to check it out. I’ll have to look into it.

Memes, always fun.

This person is telling a funny story that just happened to them. Very amusing.

This person is describing the colour, consistency and frequency of their toddler’s poop and how they emptied their nappy over their cot. Other parents are commenting describing their own child’s poop and what they do with it.

…I wish I hadn’t read this.

5

The Time 100 Gala was last night and I am not entirely sure what it is but I assume it has to do with a list of 100 people Time will publish or has published.  100 People who what is the question.  Maybe most influential?  Maybe the 100 people most likely to get your to buy a magazine?  Boy, that’s would be a profitable list I bet.  I dunno, I do not and have not ever been a Time reader because once, long ago when studying political philosophy I was trying to figure out what publications to regularly read (because this was before the internet and you had to limit yourself in such ways) and my professor said Time was “a small step above a picture book.  It’s fully of shiny things to distract idiots,” and it’s impossible for me to not get that vibe now.  I mean, I do consider list making the lowest form of journalism).  But reader or not and whatever their list is I can’t take too much issue with it cause their Gala was jam packed with people who I was happy to see there.  Demi Lovato won though by being gorgeous and attractive and also wearing two different things because she performed.  I guess that’s like cheating but I don’t care.  Cheat to win I always say.  Every time I post Demi Lovato I am taken with just how striking she is and has become.  Not everyone matures into their beauty and it is the special, lucky person who becomes more beautiful as she ages.  Demi Lovato seems to be one of those people.  And it certainly makes sense.  I mean, recovery is a lot of work but it’s a fuck ton better for your health than what came before.  Of course, I am reminded sometimes by a long time friend that when forced to say which Disney star I found most attractive back in… whenever that was that Demi Lovato was a Diseny star, I said her hands down.  But I would point out saying, “If you put a gun to my head” is hardly high praise, where as now, as a woman fully into adulthood and maturity I find her to be remarkably attractive.  I dunno, I am rambling, my basic point is if you get your news from Time that’s ok, it’s better than getting it from your friends Facebook feeds but really, try to branch out.  There is still excellent journalism out there if you want it.  Today I want to fuck Demi Lovato.

My son told me he was a serial killer. I believe him.

People look at me strange when I tell them that I have an eighteen year old son. I’m thirty-three. When James and I go out it isn’t uncommon for people to ask if he is my little brother. He could easily pass for being in his twenties, and so could I. The past eighteen years haven’t been without their trials, but I like to think I did the best I could given the situation. During my freshman year of high school I knocked up my girlfriend. Her parents were going to put the baby up for adoption but my mom stepped in and helped me get custody.

My son is a straight-A student. He is a point guard for the school basketball team. I scrounged together enough money to get him a halfway decent car. He’s popular in all the ways I wasn’t. By the time I was his age I had a two-year old son, a GED and a job at the local Pella factory. We live in a two-bedroom apartment duplex a few blocks from his high school. He does his homework without much prompting and spends his downtime with friends or in the living room kicking my ass at Call of Duty.

At one point I thought he might be gay. I wouldn’t have cared, but I thought it was weird that a boy his age had never had a girlfriend. I asked him about it and he smiled saying,

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life lessons: let go & walk away

When I was in my mid-20s, I was dating someone who was a BNF in a fandom. I was also pretty well-known in the fandom. She dumped me. Later, I found out she’d been falling in love with a man behind my back and 2 weeks after we broke up, she started dating him. 

I was so upset. I was heartbroken, and I was really angry. I kept going back to her Facebook, kept trawling the forums we frequented, for signs they’d broken up, or signs that she was unhappy. I was nice to her (of course), but secretly, I wanted her to hurt as much as she’d hurt me. It was kind of sick, really. 

Of course, I never found evidence of her being miserable, because she was happy without me. That knowledge made me cry all the time, and every time a message came up in my Facebook feed from her (we stayed friends), and every time she posted on LJ or on the forums, all the sorrow started again. I couldn’t deal with it. It was so unfair! She’d been effectively cheating on me behind my back!

One night, in one big impulsive knee-jerk reaction to my feelings, I just disabled and deleted all my accounts and made new ones. I blocked her. I unfriended her. I removed every possible way I could get any news about her life from my life. 

I expected to sink into some deep despair about how life was unfair and people never get what they deserve, yadda, yadda, but the opposite happened. 

Immediately, I started to feel better. Without that constant reminder of how she’d hurt me, I slowly, surely forgot to remember that she had. 

I didn’t actually leave the fandom; I just didn’t hang out in places that I knew she’d be. I made new friends. I wrote new things. And slowly, I started to get over her. 

This experience and my learning from it keeps being relevant in online stuff these days, and I’d like to share it with you:

If there is one piece of advice I can give you today, it’s don’t deliberately expose yourself to shit you know is going to make you angry and upset. It doesn’t matter how unfair it is. It doesn’t matter if you feel like the person is wrong or that they should be told they are wrong and suffer for it. The only person who suffers when you do this is yourself. 

Don’t read the comments section on contentious news articles or on Youtube.

Don’t go to alt-right blogs and expose yourself to that bullshit.

It doesn’t help, it just hurts you. 

I have people following me now, checking my blog regularly, for reasons to send me hate. For evidence my all followers are leaving me (they aren’t), for anything that justifies their hatred for me and ‘sets the universe right’ for the punishment they feel like I deserve. Who want to see me suffer.

Guys, you’re just hurting yourselves. Honestly, do yourself a favour, make the healthy, mature choice and unfollow me. Block me. Put aside all your feelings of righteous fury, accept you may not get to see me suffer like you think I should, and get on with your lives <3