found on a forum

4

“[Rick’s] very much a family man. That’s one of the things that I thought, ‘Oh this is interesting.’ Because I know what it feels like. I know how powerful a driving force that can be, ya know, a father and a husband.”

2

Sunday Spreads time!

Alright so I know these spreads are pretty basic BUT I really needed some straight shooters today for a very specific situation I wanted to ask about.

Anyway, I think some of you will find these useful. I’ve found the ‘Wires’ spread to be particularly useful in that sometimes it’s good to know where the other person thinks you stand, because that helps you determine if there are any misunderstandings between you.

I’m also thinking of making graphics for the spreads I’ve found while digging through the tarot forums (with full credit to the original creators of course). What do you guys think?

ao3 link


Yuuri is in the kitchen when he hears Victor call it out in question. They had just finished up supper and Victor had cooked so Yuuri was in the kitchen washing up the dishes to return the favor. And he’s just standing by the dishwasher, humming idly and wondering if Victor has picked out a movie for them to watch or if tonight is going to be a night where they watch game shows featuring Victor yelling out the answers that can actually be correct on occasion. It had been a long day at the rink and Yuuri even wonders if maybe they’ll have a nice glass of wine before bed.

So, Yuuri is just minding his own business, not thinking twice when Victor calls out his name. He hums back, expecting a question or statement about leftovers but then…

“What’s yaoi?”

Keep reading

PROFILING GUN PEOPLE

A Reference Guide to Identify The Various Breeds of Gun People

CHAPTER ONE - HANDGUNS

-1911 People - 

>See .45 or Die! People<

“Because they don’t make a .46" 

"Back to back world war champs.”

“I’d never carry some cheap plastic gun.”

More likely to be older possibly obese.

Oddly enough, most likely to misuse the term “cocked and locked”

“Feel that trigger pull MMMMMMMM" 

"If you can’t do the job with 7 rounds you don’t need a gun.”

1911s can jam but THEIRS has NEVER ONCE failed in any way.

Most likely to use the term “Tack driver" 

"I fired a glock once, it literally jammed every shot then fell apart in my hands then raped my daughter.”

-Glock People -

Mac people of the gun world

“They just work.”

“Its not plastic its POLYMER!" 

Has a lot of passionate opinions about the arguably minor changes from one generation to another

"They never break." 

"Muh capacity" 

"Workhorse of the gun world”

“The arc is NOT ridiculously exaggerated just re-train yourself to automatically correct down it’s not that hard!”

“Its beautiful because it works”

“Well it fits MY hand just fine”

“Its not blocky!" 

"This is your safety!” >wiggles finger in your face like an asshole. 

- Kimber People -

Vegans of the gun world, will strut into any firearms conversation and proudly announce they own a Kimber Pro Raptor II and then wait silently expecting lowly peasants to applaud. 

Steers every conversation toward their Kimber

Fails to understand why not everyone can drop 1400 dollars on a handgun

Will get confused and personally offended if you don’t like Kimber

Self convinced that the outrageous price they paid is proof their gun is better. 

Most likely to be caught in a circle jerk with other Kimber owners.

- LC9/380/P  Owners -

Bought the first gun that the forum they found on google told them to. 

Wants to protect themselves but thinks guns are kind of scary, so they picked the most non-exciting gun with no sharp corners and like 12 safeties.

“Its all I need”

“My brother-in-law has one and he really liked his.." 

"Its for me and my wife to share”

“Why would I need a holster? Can’t I just put it in my purse?”

“Is the thing supposed to stay back like that?" 

"How do I get the clip out?" 

"I’d like to purchase this gun please… and a box of those really mean killing bullets for killing people in case I need to kill someone.”

- Hi Point Owners -

Most likely to have neck tattoos. 

“Ey yo, where like yo cheapest guns at?" 

"So how exactly does this ”background check" work?“

"EY BABEY come fill out this form for me!" 

"This bullshit I can’t believe I got denied!”

- Desert Eagle People -

Most likely to reference Call of Duty

“Can I see the Desert Eagle?”
>Are you 21?
“…no”

“Most stopping power of any gun!”

Did not realize Desert Eagles were this massive in real life.

Can not wait to tell the rest of his middle school friends about the real Desert Eagle he saw.

- Revolver People -

Expresses bizarre distrust for semi-automatic handguns despite overwhelming evidence otherwise. 

Most likely elderly

Most likely to pull his own loaded .38 from his pocket for comparison then become offended when you ask to unload it first. 

Thinks NAA minis are a reasonable carry gun, does not understand why anyone would disagree. 

Assures you he can nail a tin can from 500 yards away with his Single Six despite his obviously severe palsy shake.

Will go into detail about what he paid for every gun 60 years ago. 

- M9 / 92FS People -

“Its the gun the military uses!" 

Most likely to be incorrectly wearing mismatched army surplus clothing.

"What if you get jumped by 15 people?" 

Will tell you its the gun he carried in the service but strangely fail to recall what unit he was with. 

Most likely to be open carrying KaBar on his tan MCMAP belt. 

- FNH People - 

Most likely wearing oakleys and a slightly too tight under armor shirt.

Uses the word "Tactical” at every opportunity.

Everything must be Coyote Tan

Is conviced that Chris Costa video he saw most of makes makes him an operator. 

Most likely to spend most of his range time taking cool action shots for facebook. 

Has strong opinions about 5.11 pants. 

Minimum of one Paracord Bracelet 

Will regularly scan right to left, just like that video told him.

Will run imaginary pistol drills with every gun you let him see, to demonstrate to you that he must really  know what he’s doing.

- Sig Sauer People -

>See Kimber People<

“The de-cocker is NOT a useless feature!”

Muh Quality Control 

Muh Resale Value

Thinks the high price is completely reasonable. 

“I really only needed one mag anyway.”

Will justify a P220 but thinks 1911s are too heavy.

“Yes I really NEED the Scorpion finish. 

INB4 Butthurt fanboys

whenever i look up guides for games i try to justify it within the canon of my character.

like, im playin stardew valley and i dont know which seasons certain fish come out, so i looked it up and said “well, within this world we already know the internet exists, so i’ll say my character looked up some fishing forums and found out when these fish species migrate through his area”.

or like, in skyrim, if im trying to find specific potion recipes i’ll say “oh, my grandfather gave me this recipe book before he died detailing most potions”.

stuff like that

experimental error (pt. 2)

pt. 1

→pairing: taehyung | reader

→genre: best friend au | smut

→word count: 6,002


The next time you saw Taehyung, things were not the same.

Maybe it was just you being weird—god, why did you have to be so awkward?—but every time you made eye contact, even when you were with a group of friends, all you could do was picture the way he had been staring at you, his intense, lust-filled gaze locking with yours as he rocked into your frame, leaning his forehead against yours and never, ever breaking the eye contact that had played a crucial role in sending you over the edge. The memory would hit you all at once, and suddenly you would be unable to look at him again for the rest of the day.

If he was feeling anything even remotely similar to what you were, he definitely didn’t show it. He continued to talk to you as if nothing had happened, laughing and joking like you usually did until eventually you would get annoyed. Why isn’t this affecting you like it’s affecting me?! you wanted to scream, but you knew you couldn’t. After all, you had told him from the very beginning that you wouldn’t make things weird. He was the one who didn’t want to do this, and you convinced him; you couldn’t help but wonder if this was all just one huge, irreversible mistake.

But then you reminded yourself of why you wanted to do this in the first place: you had only had sex twice with two different guys before Taehyung, and both times were completely miserable. You couldn’t figure out how sex was supposed to be fun; you’re just laying there getting a dick shoved into you, no? But then you realized, maybe the problem was you. How was one supposed to be “good at sex”; isn’t it all just the same thing? How is one person better in bed than another? And it was these simple questions that sparked fear into your brain, starting off as a flickering flame and soon growing into a giant forest fire of worry and self-doubt. You needed answers, needed to find out the truth before the next guy you seriously liked came along; you didn’t want to mess up any future relationships by being boring between the sheets.

So that’s what prompted you to keep your mouth shut. That’s what prompted you to swallow whatever doubts you were having about this and go over to Taehyung’s again, knowing exactly what your time together would entail. You were ready for your second lesson.


“Okay, so I bought a few things for us to talk about.”

As soon as you walked into Taehyung’s room he immediately sat you down on the bed and pulled out an array of objects, anywhere from lube to anal beads, and you couldn’t help but burst into laughter.

“What?” Tae frowned, obviously not receiving the reaction he expected.

“What is all of this?” You were still laughing, but when you looked up and realized that he wasn’t smiling, you quickly tried to hide your amusement with stifled grins.

“They’re sex toys!” He whined defensively. “Like look, here’s a dildo, and oh—here’s a cock ring.”

“A cock ring?” You smirked, raising an eyebrow. “You’re gonna wear a cock ring?”

Taehyung looked down at the object before seeming to contemplate it in his mind. “Well, these are more for educational purposes—to show you what’s out there rather than for personal use.” He quickly placed it back down.

You couldn’t help but chuckle. “I already know what’s out there, Tae. I don’t live under a rock.”

“Yeah, well toys are important during sex, so we’re discussing them,” he sighed with a plop on the bed. “Now this is an ovipositor. It deposits little alien eggs–”

“Wait, a what?” You leaned away, staring at the phallic-shaped tube incredulously.

“An ovipositor, pay attention.” He rolled his eyes with a huff. “It deposits these little gelatin eggs inside of you, and it’s meant to replicate the feeling of being impregnated by an alien!”

You stared back at him, shocked into silence, mouth hanging open in pure disbelief. “Tae, what the fuck are you into?!”

“I found it on this forum,” he quickly waved off your question before reaching over to his nightstand. “Here, this is one of the gelatin eggs–”

As soon as he dropped the slick, goopy, yellow ball resembling the shape of an egg in your hand, you immediately screamed and let it fall to the floor.

“Y/N! You’re supposed to keep those clean!”

“What the fuck Tae!” You yelled, wide eyes looking from the alien sex toy to your best friend and then back again. “How does that thing even work?!”

“There’s a hole at both ends,” Taehyung explained as calmly as one would discuss the weather, leaning in so he could show you the blue phallic tube. “See, this is where you insert the eggs one by one, and then that forces them up and out the top!”

You continued staring with a look of disgust on your face. “You’re really sick, you know that?”

“I thought you said you already knew what’s out there!” Tae countered defensively as you got up.

“Not being impregnated by an alien!” You whipped around to look at him again. “Who the fuck has heard of that?!”

He simply shrugged. “Guess you’re not as kinky as you thought.”

You shook your head as you looked down at the forgotten egg on the floor, debating on leaving if your problem was just going to be made fun of like this. “You know, Tae, this isn’t a joke to me. I put myself out there and came to you because I seriously–”

“Oh my god, we’re not using them!” He groaned with a roll of his eyes. “I just got it because I thought it’d be funny to show you! There’s an actual reason for all of this; here, come sit down.”

He was patting the spot next to him that you’d just gotten up from, blinking his eyes innocently and smiling one of the biggest smiles you’d ever seen—one he always used to get what he wanted.

You crossed your arms and shook your head, this time in disbelief that you were actually entertaining one of his antics as you took your spot back on the bed, careful to avoid the alien dick as you did.

“Now, as I was trying to say before I was so rudely interrupted,” Taehyung glared at you, “sex toys are what makes a relationship fun and exciting, and can set apart the wild in bed from the snoozers. The kinkier, the better.” He held up the ovipositor with a wriggle of his brows.

You pressed your palm to your face, silently asking yourself why he was the one out of all your friends who you chose for these lessons.

“These are anal beads.” He held up the long string of black balls on his finger. “They can be used to–”

“No way, nuh uh,” you waved both hands at him, quickly shaking your head. “We’re not doing any butt stuff.”

He seemed surprisingly caught off guard by this. “Are you sure? Anal is a given way to make any sex life better.”

“Yes, Tae, I’m sure. No anal.”

The boy just shrugged before putting them down, this time picking up a small, thin, metallic looking object. “Now this is a Prince’s Wand, and it gets inserted into the male's–”

“Okay, you know what? I think I’m good on sex toys,” you immediately jumped up, lifting the objects in your arms and shoving them back into the drawer of his nightstand. “Why don’t we move onto the next part of the lesson?”

Taehyung looked offended at first before his eyes lit up. “Ooh, okay! The next part is sex positions.”

You nearly resisted the urge to smack yourself on the forehead.


45 minutes and 22 positions later, you were currently laying on the bed, your head and shoulders flat against the mattress while the rest of your body was up in the air, your legs bent so far back that they were touching the pillow behind you.

“I don’t really see how I’m supposed to… move in this position,” you called to Tae who was kneeling in front of you, attempting to move your hips which just made your body rock back and forth like the ball that it was shaped into.

“No, that’s my job,” your friend informed you, grabbing onto the back of your thighs which were pointed right at his face. “I move you up and down with the pace of my thrusts; see, you just roll a little! That’s why it’s called the butter churner.”

You glared up at him as he mimicked the movements. “I don’t see how this could at all be sexually pleasing,” you frowned as you put your legs back down and emerged from your ball. “It just seems like it would hurt my neck.”

“Well maybe, but what’s life without living on the edge a little?” He smirked before nudging you playfully.

You didn’t nudge back. “Do people actually do these sex positions?” You rested your elbow on your knee with a sigh. “The only ones I know of are missionary, doggy style, reverse cowgirl… all these others seem like ones that old people would use if they were scrambling to keep their marriage alive.”

He barked out a laugh before answering your question. “Not really, no. Not unless the sex is so bad that you need to start looking up new positions.”

You chuckled before growing silent. “Sex with me isn’t that bad… right?” You bit your lip and looked up at him with worried eyes.

“No!” Taehyung’s booming laughter filled the room as he hit your arm for good measure. “I’m talking about people who don’t move and basically act like they’re dead. No one wants that… unless necrophilia is your thing.”

“Gross!” You hit his arm back with a laugh, the sounds of amusement fading naturally into silence.

Tae looked at you before holding out his hand. “Come on, enough fooling around. Let’s get to the action, shall we?”

You felt your stomach roll as you took his outstretched hand, not sure of where he was going with this until he suddenly sat up against the bed frame and pulled you on top of him.

“O–oh.” Your eyes went wide at the abrupt action before grabbing onto his shoulders and adjusting your position on his lap, your knees bent on either side of his waist and your back straight so that you were straddling him.

Taehyung didn’t notice your awkward movements, or if he did, he didn’t say anything, because soon his lips were on yours and he was kissing you in a way that had all of the air whooshing from your lungs.

You nearly resisted the urge to push him away—you hadn’t been expecting that, the action still so foreign and unfamiliar to you with your best friend—but it didn’t take long for him to refresh your memory on why you went as far as you did with him last week.

Kissing Tae wasn’t the worst experience, you could say.

You were quick to recover from your initial surprise and started moving your lips back against his, his touch and taste slowly coming back to memory after you’d all but shoved the thoughts from your mind in an effort to suppress them. Though at the moment, you couldn’t begin to remember why—not when he already had your lungs gasping for breath and his hands climbing beneath your shirt.

His fervor was just another thing that came as a surprise to you compared to his timid attitude at the beginning of your last session, though you knew it really shouldn’t have; this was Taehyung you were talking about. He could befriend a total stranger in .25 seconds, much less work up the courage to seduce his best friend.

His enthusiasm did wonders to encourage you, though. Already you could feel your hesitation waning and your hunger growing as you moved your hands from his shoulders up to tangle in the soft locks of his matted hair, already tousled on his head from the extensive workout of sex positions (aka trying to figure out which limb went where) that he just put you through.

A few wandering hands, battling tongues and heavy breaths later, it wasn’t long until you felt them: his bucking hips, which contained the one thing that played an essential role in this arrangement in the first place, and it was pressing between your legs with each motion until you suddenly couldn’t take it any longer.

“If I wanted a lesson on making out, I would’ve just asked Jimin,” you abruptly pulled away to bark in an impatient tone; this was your unconventional way of telling him to hurry up, apparently.

Taehyung’s chest was rising and falling with his heavy breaths, his lips were red from the pressure that he used to kiss you, and his eyebrows were knitting together in confusion at your departure before he was suddenly rolling his eyes.

“God, you sure know how to ruin the mood.”

His words came out as a grumble though you could sense there was no true malice or hard feelings behind them. He quickly tore your shirt over your head which was then accompanied by your bra, and you almost made a remark about the speed at which he was moving but you bit your tongue. You had asked for this, after all.

“Get on your back.” His voice was firm now, more of an order than the playful whine that he would usually speak with, and so you had no other choice but to gulp down your protests and do as he said.

As soon as you were against the mattress and left exposed from the waist up with nothing but your nerves driving you forward, Tae’s fingers were on your zipper. “Do you mind if I take these off?” He grinned, a glint of mischief in his expression as he started undoing the button of your pants without waiting for an answer.

Your breath stayed lodged in your throat as you watched him, unable to make any movement from your spot against the mattress as he eased your legs out of their confinement. It was only with the realization that you had forgotten which pair of underwear you put on today that you lifted your head to look down out of curiosity.

“Oh my god,” you groaned out loud when you saw them, completely mortified as you squeezed your eyes shut and collapsed your head back against the pillow with a sigh of defeat.

“Frozen?” Taehyung stated in disbelief, staring down at your panties before looking up at you with wide eyes. “You have Frozen underwear?”

“I bought them when I was a little kid!” You groaned again, covering up your face with your hands and silently reprimanding yourself. You couldn’t believe today was the day you chose to wear these.

“Um, Frozen didn’t come out that long ago…”

“Shut up!” You shouted in exasperation before sitting up. “You’re ruining the mood!”

Me? You’re the one wearing Frozen underwear!” He shot back while trying to hide the giggles that were threatening to escape his lips.

“Whatever,” you scoffed, ignoring the embarrassment that inflamed your face as you fell back against the bed.

“Jeez, Y/N. Why can’t you just let it go,” Taehyung said, and this time he was unable to hold back as he burst into laughter at his own joke.

You groaned louder to drown him out. “I hate you,” you grumbled, fighting the smile tugging at your lips as you crossed your arms over your chest and stared off into the distance.

“Oh really?” He raised an eyebrow and tilted his head at you cockily.

Oh no. You knew that look.

You quickly sat up and opened your mouth to protest when you suddenly felt a long, slender finger being pressed against the center of your clothed slit.

You instantly fell back against the mattress as a shudder ran straight through you. “Tae!” You scolded, gritting your teeth at him. The little shit.

“What is it, Y/N?” He asked innocently, peering down at you with an unsuspecting smile as he pressed his finger against you harder. “You were saying something?”

“I–” You fought to get your words out, but you couldn’t speak between the heavy breaths of air that escaped you as you felt him start to massage small, tight circles around your clit. “I–”

“You—you what?” He teased, his eyes sparkling with amusement as he watched your writhing frame. “You hate me?” In one swift motion he pushed your panties to the side and swiped his cool finger against your now dripping wet core.

“Ah!” You moaned out, throwing your head back and arching your back as he found direct contact with your exposed clit.

“It sure doesn’t sound like you hate me,” he said, tauntingly swirling within your wetness and dragging mewls of desire from your throat. “It sounds like you like what I’m doing to you. Is that right?”

He kept dancing around your entrance, teasingly starting to dip his finger inside only to quickly pull it away again. You started to shake your head no, if only to withhold the satisfaction from him, but at this point your lust outweighed your pride.

“Please,” you whimpered.

His eyes sparkled even brighter at your plea, instantly shooting forward to hover over your body as his fingers lingered over where you wanted him the most, his face now inches from yours and studying your expressions closely.

“You have to say…” He paused, sticking out his bottom lip and looking up at the ceiling in thought. “Kim Taehyung is better than me at everything.”

“What?” You cried out before harshly jerking away from him. “No!”

“Oh? Is that so?” He raised both his eyebrows, peering down at you innocently as his fingers suddenly tore through your walls and entered inside of you.

Your mouth fell open into a frozen gasp, rendered completely speechless as he hooked his index finger before dragging it back out. A deep shudder ran through you as you watched him bring the finger up to his mouth before sucking it clean of your juices.

“You taste so good,” he marveled, eyeing you under heavy lids as he licked a stripe up his finger one more time with his enticingly pink tongue. “It would be a shame for it to go to waste.”

You were panting heavily now, but this time it was solely from the intoxicatingly lustful gaze he was giving you. “Tae, pl–”

“Ah ah,” he interrupted, shaking his head at you with a grin. “You know the magic words.”

You swear to god when this is over, you’re going to kill him.

“Kim Taehyung is better than me at everything!” You cried out desperately, and then the air was whooshing from your lungs as you felt his finger finally enter you again. “Oh my god,” you moaned in pleasure, gaping at the pure ecstasy that took over your body.

Taehyung watched you closely, his mouth in an open-smile and his eyes drinking up every single one of your reactions. It was only when you felt him pull away did you open your mouth to bark out a protest, but to your delight, you realized that he was just properly removing your Frozen underwear (which thankfully was not brought up to ruin the mood again) before returning to pleasuring you.

“More Tae,” you whimpered, completely tossing your pride aside as you all but begged for him. He was definitely going to give you shit for this later. “I need more.”

“Oh?” Taehyung simply cocked his head before obeying your words and inserting a second finger through your walls. “Already ready to be stretched out for my huge cock, huh?”

“God, would it kill you to not be a cocky prick for two seconds?” You couldn’t help but snap.

“With the way you’re moaning my name like that, yes, it really would.” There was a dark chuckle that escaped his lips as he said this, and it took everything in you not to rip his fingers out of you and shove them up his own ass. You might’ve, too, if it hadn’t been for the immense pleasure that was coursing through your veins and clouding your senses right now.

“I–I don’t s–see what your fucking problem i–is,” you barely managed to get out through the constant pumping of his digits.

“Why can’t you just stop being mean to me and enjoy the pleasure?” He groaned out. “God, it’s almost like you don’t want to feel good.”

You scoffed and opened your mouth to berate him some more, but suddenly he was inserting a third finger through your walls and all logical thought was instantaneously wiped from your mind.

“Oh fuck Tae!” You cried out, head thrown back and back arched as you basked in the onslaught of the sudden overwhelming pleasure he was inflicting on you. “Fuck, too much, too much!”

“Too much?” He repeated in confusion before pulling his fingers out and staring at the width of the three of them put together. “But my dick is way bigger than this!”

And?” You screeched. “We had sex one time, it’s not like my vagina is going to magically morph to your size!”

“The vagina is a muscle that contracts and forms around what’s inserted inside of it!”

You couldn’t believe your ears. “Where’s that damn cock ring?!

“Okay, okay, no need to be rash,” Taehyung was quick to calm you down, the fear evident in his eyes as he raised his hands in a settling manner. “Just… come here. Are you ready to fuck? We can fuck now. You can be on top if you want since I was last time.”

Your friend’s sudden cooperative attitude had your nerves calming a bit. There was even a hint of a smile on your face as you raised to your knees, able to feel the wetness sliding between your slick folds as you waited for Taehyung to take your spot on the bed so that you could climb on top.

“This is good variety,” he commented idly while you were busy straddling him. “Should we try one of the positions we tested earlier?”

The frightening memories of sex positions ranging anywhere from “downward dog” to “king cobra” flashed through your mind—images that you were sure were going to haunt your dreams for weeks. “No, that’s okay,” you quickly reassured him. “Let’s just stick to conventional methods for now since they’re the most common ones that I’ll most likely be doing with other guys.”

Taehyung stalled at your words for a moment before seeming to snap back into it and steadying your hips with his hands. “Do you got it?” He asked as you fiddled with his member outside your entrance. “Fuck I’m so hard right now… I can’t wait to be inside you.”

You suppressed the shiver that ran down your spine at his words and forced yourself from not jumping him right then and there. “Wait! Did you get condoms this time while you were out purchasing your weird sex toys?”

Taehyung’s lips formed into a small ‘o’ before he was sitting up and leaning over to the top drawer of his nightstand.

You shuttered when you caught a glimpse of the ominous ovipositor peeking out at you. “Seriously, how much did you even pay for that thing?” You were scoffing before you could keep your mouth shut. “Did you really get it just to show to me, or do you have plans of actually using it one day?”

Your friend only glanced back at you with a wriggle of his eyebrows and a creepy smirk on his lips. “Why, do you want to try it out?”

“No!” You nearly screeched.

“Hey, don’t knock it ‘til you try it,” he put his hands up in mock defense and shrugged. “You know, you’re coming off as a real kink shamer right now, Y/N.”

“Because I don’t want to have alien eggs deposited into my vagina?!”

Tae simply shrugged again before shutting the drawer—thankfully without the ovipositor—and ripping open the small condom packet. “Here, put it on for me would ya?”

You were too impatient to argue as you quickly snatched the rubber from his hands, not wasting any time in coaxing it on with your fingers before proceeding to slowly lower yourself onto his dick, knowing that the foreplay already left you with more than enough wetness to take him with ease.

“Fuck,” you cried out in a long, drawn out voice as a spike of pain shot throughout your lower region. “Holy shit, holy shit, holy shit.”

“Are you okay?” You heard Taehyung ask, and if it wasn’t for the surprise that filled you when something cocky wasn’t the first thing that flew from his lips after your reaction, then you wouldn’t have opened your eyes to see him staring up at you in concern, almost all traces of pleasure erased from his features as he put your wellbeing first.

Maybe he wasn’t so bad after all.

“Yeah, I’m okay,” you inhaled sharply through your nose before exhaling a deep breath. “It just… took me by surprise is all.”

“Sorry–”

Caring and apologetic? Who was this new Taehyung?

“–I can’t help that my dick is so huge.”

And there he was.

You chose to ignore his arrogance by shooting him a glare before going back to closing your eyes, your head tilted back and bottom lip caught between your teeth as you slowly started to sink lower on his length. The effects were almost immediate; once you sat down on his hips with him buried to the hilt, both of you let out a simultaneous groan.

“God you feel so good,” Tae moaned, unable to stop himself from giving a small buck of his hips up into your heat. “How is it that neither guy liked having sex with you before?”

“I didn’t say they didn’t like having sex with me!” You scoffed in disbelief while experimentally swiveling your hips, suddenly fearful that he misinterpreted your whole purpose for asking this arrangement of him in the first place. “I said the sex wasn’t good for me! I just wanted to make sure I’m not the problem!”

“I can tell you right now, you’re fucking not the problem,” Taehyung let out a small, dark chuckle of disbelief as he tightened his grip and rutted his hips up a bit harder into yours, the action causing you to gain extra height as you bounced on his dick.

“Shit, Tae,” you didn’t even have time to question his words as you were suddenly doubling over in pleasure, the upper half of your body bending at the waist and collapsing onto his chest as you let his thrusting hips take over and send your body to the seventh heaven; if you weren’t religious before, you definitely were now. “Shit, right there, don’t stop!”

Taehyung grunted as he followed your commands, each snap of his hips causing his dick to hit a spot deep inside of you that felt so glorious, so deliciously sweet, that you found yourself screaming out his name like a mantra on repeat. You were enjoying sex more than you ever had in your entire life—which albeit wasn’t saying much, but hell, it was still something.

“I love hearing you,” he groaned with a devilish grin at the sheer audacity of the pleasure that was overpowering him. “Do you like it when I fuck your tight little pussy? Answer me, Y/N.”

Yes, yes I fucking love it,” you cried back as you clung to his chest for dear life, scratches and bite marks sure to be left on his skin from where you tried to hold yourself together, if only for your sheer sanity. “God Tae, don’t stop, it feels so fucking good!”

“Good–ah!–good girl.” His praise was interrupted by an involuntary clench of your walls, one that usually happened when you were either close to cumming or trying to coax them to their climax so it could be over with as soon as possible; this time, it just so happened to be the former.

“Taehyung… I’m…” you were barely able to get the words out between the heavy breaths that labored your chest and moans that spilled from your lips.

“Are you gonna cum for me?” His tone was rhetorical, almost patronizing, though you couldn’t find it in yourself to give a damn, what with the way the sweat was plastered to your forehead and your knees shook every time you tried to lift your hips up and bounce on his cock.

So all you could do was meekly nod, your face buried in his neck and your fingernails digging into his caramel skin while your best friend completely obliterated what was left of your sanity and your pussy.

“Oh my god, Taehyung–!” There was a flash of electrifying white light until there was suddenly nothing at all, your vision going momentarily blind as your earth shattering orgasm took over your body and sky rocketed your soul into a different dimension that not even you could comprehend. It took a few moments to realize that his thumb was on your clit, still vibrating away while you rode out the aftereffects of your euphoric high.

“Holy shit you’re tightening around me so fucking much.” Taehyung was a mess of mewls and moans that finally registered through your ears when you came back to reality. “I’m not gonna be able to last much longer.”

“Then let go.” You were panting, almost exhausted at this point from the whirlwind of bliss that your body just put you through, though that didn’t stop you from gritting your teeth and pressing your hands against his chest while you bounced your hips up and down on his length, each slap of your ass against his skin filling the room with lewd noises that you’re sure it never expected to hear coming from the two best friends that had spent years upon years of their childhood playing within its walls.

“Cum for me, Tae.”

That was all it took; one breathy command of your voice, and he was instantly melting like putty beneath your body.

Gasps of ah! and Y/N! tumbled from his lips like a never ending waterfall of ecstasy, each one shooting straight into your core as you felt his dick pulsate within you. There were sudden pauses from hot cum spilling into the covering of the condom that caused his hips to stutter, movement ceasing from every bone in his body before he was suddenly coming back to reality and gently pulling out of you.

“Holy shit, that was good.” Taehyung was rolling onto his back with a laugh and tugging the rubber off. “Next time I wanna try out the vibrator I bought. Oh, and one of the sex positions!”

You were gaping like a fish out of water as you scrambled to keep up with his words, not even having a second to process things before he was already talking about your next session. “O–oh, okay.” You were nodding your head and sitting up as well to grab your clothes. “So was I good, then? Any pointers?”

“You were fucking amaz–” Taehyung cut himself off as he realized what he was saying before his entire demeanor changed, a scoff that was obviously a facade falling from his lips as he nonchalantly shrugged. “I mean, you were alright, I guess. We’re definitely gonna have to practice again though to fix some more things.”

You rolled your eyes with a laugh as you playfully swatted him before pulling on your underwear and bra. “Where’s my shorts?” You blurted out in amusement once you realized that he must’ve chucked them somewhere in the midst of your heated exchange.

After a few minutes of both of you searching the bedroom high and low, Tae finally found them abandoned beneath the skirt of the bed. “Sorry,” he chuckled as he held his own tshirt in his hands. “I’ll try to remember to throw it somewhere easily accessible next time.”

The sound of his laughter was bright and jubilant as the warm glow of the sunlight that was streaming in from the window behind him illuminated his skin, framing the outline of his body like a halo and shadowing the facial structure of his handsome–

Whoa. Handsome?

You had never called Taehyung handsome before. You always knew that he was, in an objective sort of way—but you had never viewed him like that personally.

And you still didn’t.

You quickly shook away your thoughts before refocusing back on your best friend. “Thank you. I don’t want to have to end up leaving here wearing your clothes. Nothing screams I just had sex more than that.”

“What, are you embarrassed of me?” He raised his eyebrow accusingly as if daring you to say yes, and though his actions were light and playful, you still couldn’t help but frown at this.

“Wait… you aren’t telling people about our arrangement, are you?”

“Not yet,” Taehyung answered. “I was gonna tell some of the guys but–”

“Please don’t.” You were blurting out before you could stop yourself. “The last thing I want is for people to find out I had to come to my best friend for sex advice. Especially Jimin. Can we just… keep this to ourselves?”

There was a slight pause while he frowned. “Why Jimin?” He asked with a tilt of his head in confusion.

You almost tutted in disbelief. “Tae, you know that I like Jimin. Why are you acting like this is new news?”

You friend blinked at you as he processed this information. “Why didn’t you just go to him for sex advice, then?”

“And have him never speak to me again because I’m terrible in bed and ruined our friendship? No thanks!”

“Oh, so you were okay with potentially ruining ours, then.” His words were more of a statement than a question as he crossed his arms and glared at you.

“What? No, I knew something like this wouldn’t ruin ours because you’re my best fucking friend, Tae.” Your expression softened as you took a step closer to him and held out your pinky finger. “Since we were five years old for life.”

The was a moment of silence as tension hung in the room while you waited for him to accept your gesture of friendship, though it wasn’t long before a tut fell from his lips and rang through the air. “Five years old for life,” he repeated, and then he was hooking his finger around yours and interlocking your pinkys, savoring this moment between you that embodied nothing but the strength of your bond and purity of your friendship.

“That has to be the weirdest thing I’ve ever said after sex,” he commented idly while the two of you continued getting dressed, and you couldn’t help but burst into laughter.

Maybe your deal with Taehyung wasn’t going to turn out to be such a mistake after all.

so yeah, i was going through the sims 4 bug reports forum and found some great thread titles

guess someone took “look alive!” too literally

sounds like a critic alright

please picture this in your mind

wow, i had no idea the C&D expansion was so realistic

can i suggest a vet?

big mood

BIG MOOD

just because i died doesn’t mean we can’t still be friends

how inconsiderate of them

what a terrible fate

that sounds like a personal problem and honestly i’m a little worried

i was googling proboscis monkey and i found this absolutely inscrutable bodybuilding forum thread. the title is “Proboscis Monkey”, the OP and the first several posts are completely blank, then someone says “inb4 proboscis monkey” and then there’s this

Tag yourself: Terrible Forum Logic edition

If this is found without context…these are from bad forum descriptions of the types and should not be taken as actual evidence for any type.

INFJ

  • seeks meaningful emotional relationships (unlike anyone else)
  • more control over their mind than other types
  • seems extroverted, but just popular

INTJ

  • misanthropic and super proud of it
  • lacks morals but is loyal
  • has a plan

ENFJ

  • expresses a lot of feelings
  • doesn’t hold grudges
  • makes plans

ENTJ

  • has no manners
  • cannot be influenced by anything
  • sees people only as pawns

ISFJ

  • angry at change
  • cares about people
  • passive

ISTJ

  • obsessed with honor
  • no one can decide if they are sentimental or bury their feelings
  • similarly no one can decide if they’re resourceful or uncreative

ESFJ

  • bad at sarcasm
  • too annoying to be an introvert
  • unilaterally supports moral positions

ESTJ

  • can recall stuff from the past
  • scary
  • hates small talk

INFP

  • impulsive
  • good at solving puzzles
  • constantly in an existential crisis

INTP

  • goofy
  • unable to dominate socially
  • does not resent past wrongs

ENFP

  • good friend
  • caretaker if given the opportunity
  • laughs at things

ENTP

  • can write computer code
  • arrogant
  • likes people

ISFP

  • absent-minded
  • sensitive
  • a mystery apparently

ISTP

  • likes manliness
  • never cries
  • can fix things

ESFP

  • likes attention
  • not entrepreneurial
  • emotionally open

ESTP

  • wants to conquer the world’s social scene
  • likes material objects
  • uses insults to attack people

I had a term thrown toward me today that I honestly feel like I need to address. I was planning to leave this alone but I honestly can’t. I won’t name anyone or even say what happened, but I want to talk about why this hurt me so much.

Homophobic

Besides the obvious part where I’m an afab genderfluid person who is engaged to a woman, there’s other reasons this is a vile and untrue thing to say of me. Throughout the course of the day, I’ve honestly been back and forth between being angry at the situation and remembering all the actually homophobic things I’ve been put through in my life. Traumatic things. Things I don’t want to think about whatsoever because it can lead into dissociation and panic attacks.

Yes, that means I was triggered by the situation.

I grew up closeted, having to avoid even mentioning it for fear of being hurt or kicked out. I dated all my girlfriends online because it was the only way to even remotely do so safely. I listened to not only my family but my classmates and coworkers talk about how all the ‘gays’ and 'trannys’ need to just be killed off or deported to Canada. I grew up hiding so much of myself out of literal mortal fear that I never felt like I could be myself anywhere but online. And even there you’d have to deal with things like being kicked out of forums if people found out you even liked gay pairings, even if you didn’t post about it there. I grew up being forced to go to a church who had leaders that would talk about how disgusting it was to see two girls holding hands in the grocery store or how being gay was as bad as adultery or rape.

I grew up to eventually find out I had a gay cousin who’d been disowned simply for being gay. I ended up being forced out of the closet just because I wanted to cosplay a male character. I got constant accusations that I even lied about being bi, that I was actually a lesbian and just trying to sound less gay. I had to stop my dad from trying to find whoever 'turned’ me gay because he planned to kill them.

I went through my family’s own homemade conversion therapy. I was not allowed to go out of the house outside of school, work, and church. I was forced to spend the money I wanted to put toward cosplay on makeup instead because 'obviously’ I needed to start doing things that were more girly to 'stop’ me from being into girls. I was never allowed to have sleepovers anymore because I 'obviously’ would take advantage of that to have wild lesbian sex. My wireless card on my computer was taken out because the internet was a 'bad influence.’ And that’s just the tip of the iceberg.

Even to this day, I have to deal with it. We have a two bedroom despite sharing a bed because we have to make it look like my fiance uses a separate room if any particular family members come by.

I wanted to die so often growing up due to homophobia that having that accusation thrown towards me makes me feel like throwing up.

I was stuck thinking about all of this shit all day and I honestly wish tumblr would stop throwing that word around like it means very little. I don’t know what would cause anyone to say that in regards to me, but it’s disgusting that it even happened in the first place.

All I know is I’m not okay.