Something I have wanted to write about for a while now is the struggle between truly submitting to the will of another, and having your own needs or desires met. It’s a very difficult tightrope to walk, and finding the proper balance has been an ongoing task up to this point.
I’ll try to elucidate my point further (which I’ve tried to do several times already before deleting the post in frustration.)
So…like a lot of people currently living in an FLR I get a lot of guidance and inspiration here on Tumblr. One of the major benefits of this is that you get a good view into the inner workings of all sides of the equation. The thoughts of slaves, submissives, sissys, or just your regular worshipping husbands, as well as Dominants, Master/Mistresses, Wives and everything in between. What this access has shown me (among many other things) is this notion of “if you want to submit as just another way to get your rocks off, then you’re not truly submitting. It’s all still about your cock and your orgasm.” Now from the perspective of a Dominant Female I can see how this makes sense, but i think that it carries an inherent danger.
Let’s use ‘going down’ on my Wife as an example. Like most males, particularly those in an FLR, i derive enormous sexual satisfaction from going down on my Wife. Obviously I don’t cum, or have any kind of orgasm, but I am never more turned on than when my head is buried between Her thighs. It would be an absolute lie, then, to say that that moment is all about Her pleasure, because i desire it, and crave it. Hell, the simple act of denying my orgasm is ultimately (at least in part) about me. It can’t help but be. Being denied prolongs your period of arousal. Is it frustrating? Yes. But it’s also electrifying.
So it may be that to truly submit, you have to forgo any type of sexual play and this is where you run in to the problem that i’m currently struggling with. Over the last month there have been periods (which have felt like weeks to me) where my Wife has simply been too distracted to feel/be sexual. Some work life questions have also made Her feel less confident in Her role, and less comfortable in Her power (at least, that’s how it has seemed to me). In these times, understandably, Her sexual potency diminishes, and She has no desire for any kind of sexual play. I continue my chores, doing what i can because, a large part of my reason for entering into this FLR was because i wanted to make Her life easier. BUT, and here’s the conundrum, without any sexual element attached it just becomes work, and over time that carries a danger of diminished sexual desire.
Now here’s where many people will dismiss me as being someone who isn’t really submissive, whining because he’s not getting his way, and they’re entitled to do that, but i think that ignores the dynamics of a functional relationship. It also ignores the multi-faceted characteristics of male eroticism. Counter to what we’ve all been sold, male sexuality is not all about the cock. To some, the phrase “your opinion doesn’t matter” is erotically hyper-charged. In saying it You are catering to the desires of Your submissive, and there’s nothing wrong with that. That’s what the agreement is. In many respects it is a case of “I will do all of this for You and, in return, You will remind me that i am doing all of this for You”.
Or should we not need reminding? Does a submissive not deserve the right to sexual desire? This is the question that i’ve been ruminating on, and I’m not sure i’m any closer to working out an answer.
(NB. I don’t own the rights to the image above, and forgot where I got it, so can’t give credit. Apologies if it’s yours)
You know, I prefer almost everything in the books over the show BUT big kudos to whatever writer took the scene with Jaime and Catelyn and suggested ‘what if we instead opened it with Catelyn casually smashing him across the face with a big rock?’ because that was an A++ choice