forgive the crappiness of this but eh i had a lot of feelings

diabolikloversuniverse  asked:

I love your blog so much! ^ω^ Could you do a situation of seven and saeran getting into a huge fight after living together for some time and saeran hurting seven in the heat of the moment? And he wants to say sorry but doesn't really know how... <3

✿ As the prompt suggests, this involves some pretty serious stuff in the Saeran Acting Out department. Proceed with caution!

  • The fight is, predictably, over Saeran doing stupid shit.
  • Saeran’s mental state is… unfortunate at the best of times, and he isn’t always making upward progression in regards to his recovery. Recently, he’s hit what can only be called a Dark Patch, where he goes out and engages in risky behavior - examples of this include picking public fights, indulgence in some… unsavory substances, and taking his mimicry of Seven’s ‘playful hacking’ way too far. 
  • For quite some time, Seven voiced his disapproval but didn’t actually do anything, but when Saeran comes home one day, black-eyed and bleeding profusely from his nose for the third time that week… Seven has had enough and tries to step in.
  • Things are said, verbal shots are fired. Seven says enough-is-enough, his brother isn’t living like this. He didn’t save him just to have him turn around and destroy himself. Bringing up Saeran’s own childhood abandonment has become a bit old-hat, so in return he calls Seven a hypocrite, because how is his current method of dealing with things any different then how Seven has spent the years dealing? How is he supposed to be a ‘pure and good kid’ when Seven - Seven, who had way more chances than him - has spent a good 6 years working for a sketchy-ass agency where he hurt people, put himself in danger, and shoved everyone who tried to help him away?
  • Seven says okay, but that doesn’t make that right, Saeran shouldn’t be doing that. Saeran is pissed about having to be a ‘model adult’ when Seven couldn’t even manage that, how else is he supposed to cope. Seven says he needs to try and Saean says he is sick of trying.
  • He is sick of hurting.
  • He is sick of being pushed to be (in his mind) perfect when that’s what Rika did to him for so long… and fuck he tried so hard for Rika and it was all worthless, his life has just been him meaninglessly struggling in the complete wrong direction and he’s so behind, he’s good at hacking and beating people up and drugs make him feel ok again, the people he does them with like him and think he’s great so why
  • why
  • (saeran stops and realizes that he’s shouting at a saeyoung who can’t reply because saeran is strangling his brother)
  • Saeran flips, drops Saeyoung, and books it.
  • Saeyoung, true to form, doesn’t give a shit that Saeran just tried to pull a Darth Vader on his wind-pipe and runs after him. Unfortunately, being choked has a way of slowing you down a bit, so he’s not able to catch up to his panicked brother, and he hasn’t actually put a tracker on him so he doesn’t know where to find him.
  • Saeran runs for a long time, not really going anywhere in particular. He just wants to be away, he just doesn’t want to be around anyone he can hurt. He’s miserable, he’s broken, and god, he didn’t mean to hurt his brother - he loves him. But he has a way of hurting the things he loves, doesn’t he?
  • Of breaking them.
  • The thought makes him miserable, and after just an hour he already wants to go back and beg Seven for his forgiveness. But not only does he not know how to apologize properly - he doesn’t feel like he even has the right to. Saeran feels so completely and wholly in the wrong - so completely undeserving of his brother’s unconditional love - that he feels unworthy of even being in his presence.
  • Desperate, confused, and wholly lost, Saeran climbs to the top of the tallest building he can find and stares at the sky.
  • He spends a long time up there thinking. He’s there almost until sunset and is planning to sleep up there when he hears someone plodding up the metal steps to the roof.
  • Saeran hides as an instinctual response, but is surprised to hear that, when the door opens, someone familiar to him calls his name.
  • It’s Vanderwood.
  • “Hey radish, I know you’re up here,” they say, never having really forgotten his white-hair-with-red-tips phase. “Your brother and I have been combing the entire city for you, so do us all a favor and come down, eh?”
  • Saeran is… reluctant at first, but he’s really hungry and oh shit, Vanderwood has a sack full of crappy sweets from the convenience store to lure him out. He’s sulky as he steps into view - partially because he has no idea what to even say - and he tries to avoid talking to Vanderwood by shoving as many chocolate-cream buns into his face as humanly possible.
  • Vanderwood does not allow him to drown out his problems through sugar and basically forces him into Talking About It by talking at him.
  • They’re not really good at this emotional stuff, which they freely and fully admit. But they know these two idiot twins love each other, and love… conquers all or whatever, right?
  • (saeran, with a mouth full of chocolate goo, says that’s a pile of shit.)
  • yeah shut up collar-boy. look, maybe love doesn’t always conquer all, but it should and it could and they’ve seen a lot of incredible stuff in their time knowing the RFA already, right? Like - man. Vanderwood isn’t killing people anymore, Seven has gotten out of his bum business, Rika isn’t out emotionally traumatizing people and they - even after facing these ridiculous and painful challenges - are still alive. They still have future. Saeran still has a future, as much as it might hurt to get through, so… just… don’t give up. Come back. Talk to your brother, Saeran, because goddamn he loves you and that love has already moved mountains, it can shove them a bit more over time.
  • how can he, though, saeran whispers, Definitely-Not-Crying into his off-brand chocolate bun. how can he possibly atone for all the shit he’s done. he hurt saeyoung, vanderwood. he’s filthy.
  • Vanderwood stares at him for a moment before shrugging. “I dunno, just give him some flowers, say you fucked up, and try harder not to strangle him next time?”
  • jesus christ vanderwood
  • that’s basically what saeran ends up doing, though he can’t really get through his full apology before Seven crushes him (and the flowers) in a desperate hug. Saeran continues to Definitely-Not-Cry as he says that Seven should give up on him, Seven says fuck no, they can make it through this together, Saeran can get better, they both can get better if they work at it. 
  • it’ll be hard and shitty and not-fun but they have each other because they’re family, true family for more reasons than just the blood that binds them… and Saeyoung will forever believe in his brother. There’s no changing that.
  • All they can do is keep trying to make it work.