forever young feels

—¿En qué piensas?

—En que desearía que te quedaras conmigo para siempre.

—  AFTER. Amor Infinito

the older i get the creepier it seems to me when men make a big deal of how young a woman is. when i was young it seemed normal for men to mention she’s nineteen with that certain type of eyebrow move, that knowing look passed between them. it seemed normal because i felt mature; i was mature in all accounts - twenty-five year olds who called me attractive were just stating the obvious. i remember the summer of my eighteenth year being drunk by a river - and having a man tell me i was the perfect age.

it is frightening to me that twenty-five is when women stop being considered attractive, that thirty is “old”. it is frightening. a girl at nineteen is still a teenager. i think often of the men in movies who have kissed women literally half their age and i wonder - how can that be enjoyable? you have her entire lifetime, doubled. she could be your daughter. 

the most telling i think is the way they act when they find out my face - so close to that of me at eighteen - is a lie. that i’m older than they think. they recoil as if i struck them. they find another fish to hunt.

maybe it’s me and how sensitive i am about everything. but i see eighteen year olds and at twenty-three i am already wondering how i didn’t notice that older men are predatory. how i didn’t notice that there’s a time stamp on my beauty. how i didn’t notice how incredibly creepy the fascination with eighteen is; how odd it is that the fixation on skinny lends itself to looking that same underdeveloped age, innocent and fresh. how did i not see this.

Near the end of “Salvage,” Conner and Jaime find Ugly and Whisper still pinned to the trees they left them pinned to, only in drooly, non-responsive catatonic states

Conner has this reaction:

which I see as like… a sickening realization kind of face, because he’s seen enemies left in similar states when M’gann uses her powers on them

Now Sportsmaster is shown to the audience to be the one that did this to Ugly and Whisper, presumably with the same drug he’s said to have invented that Artemis uses to put Psimon in a coma in “The Fix.” So this scene actually sets up precedent for Artemis reasonably having access to a means of rendering someone catatonic. (This was likely intentional, considering Weisman wrote both this episode and “The Fix.”) Also, having a villain character leaving people in similarly damaged states as M’gann has been doing, regardless of the differing intentions, does effectively highlight the immorality of her methods. So y’know, this scene is onion, has layers.

Buuuuut Conner doesn’t know at this point that Sportsmaster is responsible for this particular situation. Aaaand we never see him…. finding that out. So the implication is left hanging here that Conner might think M’gann fuCKING STALKED HIM AND JAIME ON THIS MISSION, and this is NEVER BROUGHT UP AGAIN and it really OUGHT TO HAVE BEEN since A) if he thinks that, he NEEDS TO SAY SOMETHING to SOMEBODY about it and B) he really needs to be informed that WASN’T THE CASE because IT REALLY WASN’T.

So it is foreshadowing, but dang is it clunky.


heartbroken  gukdoo after bongsoon friendzoned him


Bangtan has got to be one of the most talented group of musicians I’ve ever encountered. Their music holds purpose and is fueled by their ambitions, their hard work, their endless dedication. Their drive to create music that resonates so deeply among themselves and their listeners is fucking amazing. You can really tell that they live and breath music. This is their life, their passion. And I’m so incredibly thankful to be witnessing their paths unfold in real time.

Te he extrañado cada segundo de cada maldito día.
—  AFTER. Amor Infinito.