I’ll never forget the most valuable piece of advice I was given, “if you feel like you can’t make it through the day, only focus on the next hour. If you feel like you can’t make it through the next hour, only focus on the next few minutes. If you feel like you can’t make it through the next few minutes, take it one breath at a time.” I have to remind myself that, you’re gonna be okay, try to see through the cloud of doubt that is harboring all of the negative energy. It’s gonna get better. You are not alone. You are loved. So many people care about you, and want to see you happy and smiley. It’s okay to feel like this. Your feelings are valid. It’s okay to feel nothing at all. You’re not going to feel like this forever.
It’s okay if you don’t want the same things as me in the long run. Because I like you a lot and you make me happy but we both will change in ways we can’t be sure of. So it’s okay if we don’t share a forever as long as we have right now.
Sometimes I think we get caught up in the momentum of things because it’s easier to let it carry us than it is to stop and deal with our pain. We keep busy, keep distracted, keep pretending things are fine so we don’t have to face what has happened and accept it. The momentum of everyday life and its commitments keep us moving in a direction we pretend is forward but is really just treading water until we either run out of energy or something forces us to stop and our hidden emotions inevitably drown us.
It’s like hiding from yourself within yourself… it’s playing pretend when the truth is so glaringly obvious. You can put on a smiling face and pretend everything’s fine for everybody else – but you can’t lie to yourself for long.
Keeping busy can be a positive step towards moving on – but only if you’re doing it for the right reasons… if you’re doing it to avoid acceptance rather than embrace it and move on with your life then you’re only repressing your emotions and eventually you’ll pay a hefty price for it.
It’s okay to admit to yourself you’re not okay, you’ve been through a lot and it’s reasonable to take some time to process everything. The whole ‘fake it till you make it’ thing is a great concept when putting on a brave face for others – but you can’t use it on yourself. Pretending you’re okay to other people is one thing – but you still need to accept what’s happened and deal with it internally otherwise you’ll be pretending forever.
You know how painful it is to pretend that you’re happy when you’re dying inside… so don’t condemn yourself to a life of it by not acknowledging your inner pain and dealing with it…
A friend of mine once told me that we never forget the people we’ve loved. Whether you’re the heartbroken or the heartbreaker, the cheated on or the cheater, if you really loved someone, you’ll never forget it. You’ll never be able to fully remove their fingerprint from your heart or the feel of them from your hands because you’d already allowed them to become that much a part of you. Their name will always cause a stir inside of you, and even if you reach a point where you can ignore it, that flutter will never go away.
So now that you’re gone, what do I do? I can’t sleep, I can’t eat, I can’t do anything except think of you. I am so in love with you and I am not okay. The only time I’m ever actually okay is when I’m drunk or high, but even then I’m still calling out for you..
I think you’ve reminded me of who I’m supposed to be. You’ve become the role model I never realized I wanted. Because us girls? We have to work a little harder. And you’ve made it clear that I was born to be someone who can stand on my two feet. You’ve shown me that I don’t need boyish praise or showers of affection to know my worth. And I don’t want it. This is the point in our lives where we work on ourselves. And you and me? We are going to be so beautifully fantastic.
And then I realized at that moment when I just wanted to cry, I had no one to turn to. I had no one who I know would be willing to listen to me; to help me. I had exhausted them all already. And now there’s no one left. I have no one else to turn to. I don’t want to bother them with my problems anymore; these people who claim to be my friends with real lives and no real problems, who are probably out right now somewhere having a good time with their friends while I sit here alone in the dark almost in tears. When I realized everybody I used to go to was virtually gone, I truly felt alone. And sadly, I want to get used to it. Because that’s the way I fear it’s going to be.
Of course I still miss you, of course I still love you. Of course the only thing I still want is to talk to you. It never dampened, never waned, that choice to take a chance on each other we made. That light you emanate still blinds and burns me to my core, and when you left kept me hollow, desperate, yearning for more. I left because you wanted me to, I left because I knew you were hurting, that there were problems and life choices you had to make and I wasn’t helping, and I left because a part of me knew that if we kept going, the wounds we would leave would be harder and harder to heal, never closing. I did want us to keep going, I did want us to keep growing, together we’d wander, seek the world, go exploring, and in that radiant voluminous glow we’d ponder, the choices we made that brought us to fall in love with each other. But I know this is the end of the game, that if ever we crossed paths again it couldn’t be the same, that the life we shared and had, now we can only visit in pictures, songs, and memories, if ever we could address that life again by name. You and I were drawn together, meant to fall in love, but not to last forever. And I can never be mad, wish you ill will or look back in anger, because you were the most important part of my life once upon a time, and I’ll still have that love and respect for you, forever and ever after.
laugh if you want, it still burns for you (5/24/17), thekaijusleeps
okay but guys it was established in half-blood prince that myrtle sort of comforted draco right?!!! or he confided in her or whatever. “…he’s sensitive, people bully him, too, and he feels lonely and hasn’t got anybody to talk to, and he’s not afraid to show his feelings and cry.” SO i think that they were possibly acquaintances (*whispers* friends) BEFORE it was canonically confirmed in the 6th book. And draco would literally just go up to the girls’ bathroom and bitch about BLOODY POTTAH when everyone else was fed up with his rants and told him to piss off. Myrtle would always listen, intrigued. And in 4th year she would tell draco that she saw harry’s…package (prefects’ bathroom, golden egg and all that) and draco would be like “haha HA HA probably tiny as fuck bloody pottah” and myrtle would just smile slyly and deadpan, “quite the opposite, in fact” and draco would blush furiously and like sHIT?! i might be reallyfuckinggay. And then he would constantly ask myrtle, for academic purposes of course, whether she saw potter naked again and could she, you know, be a LITTLE more descriptive. HE JUST WANTS TO MOCK POTTER OKAY?! He needs deets to be able to do that!!! Shut up!!! Myrtle would totally ship them and lock them in classrooms together all the fucking time. And draco would definitely update her on what they did in there afterwards (as if she wasn’t spying like c'mon this is moaning myrtle)!!! gUYS LIKE AM I THE ONLY ONE?!
Something happened this morning that made me realize a few things:
Wake up. If someone doesn’t feel the same way about you, it sucks, but move on. Find someone that does and don’t waste your time over someone that can’t see your worth. If your friends aren’t there for you, distance yourself and find better. If you are miserable, change something. If you are playing games and thinking that you have all the time in the world, stop. If you care about someone, tell them. If you want to speak your mind, do it. If you miss someone, tell them. Stop thinking you have all the time in the world. Stop thinking that being young is an excuse to do or not do certain things. Life is far too short, too unpredictable. People pass away, people change. To waste it being unhappy, to keep everything inside, convincing someone to care about you, or playing games - isn’t okay. You won’t be here forever. Do it right.
“It gets better. One day you’ll be looking through old photographs and you’ll find one of the person you thought you’d have around forever. And you’ll realise, you’re the only person who will be around yourself forever, and that’s okay,”
‘You’re not gonna hurt me? I’ve heard that before’
But not from me. I love you - I really fucking love you and it’s not a phase or because I want to fuck. I want to be with you. More than anything. I dream about you. I dream of us kissing and hugging and holding hands and that we made love and it was awkward but incredible. I dream of the life we have now and how it’ll be in the days to come. I think about you and how your skin feels against mine. I love you, I am in love with you. Do you get how hard it is for me to admit this? But I know that if I don’t I could lose you and that… That’s not about to fucking happen. Hurting you isn’t and hasn’t been in my vocabulary. Ever since our first kiss, everything changed. Your lips in that kiss made me realize that I don’t want to kiss anyone else. They are only meant to kiss yours. There is no one else, I want you. With me. Forever. Passed that. I want you with me when we convert to just energy and are among the galaxies and whatever else is out there. I fucking love you and you fucking love me back so stop with this second guessing bullshit because I’m not going anywhere.. Unless you’re hungry then I’ll pick us up some food. Okay?’