forever bitter because he grew up ; ;

I’ll forever be slightly bitter that Rin isn’t good in Aria classes and similar bc this boy grew up in a church. The hell he isn’t able to quote the Bible.
Shiro going “the last ones will be the first ones!” when Rin comes back with a bad grade.
Rin sarcastically saying “Peace I leave with you, my peace I give you” after scaring some bullies.
Rin to his friends on missions: “Cast all you anxiety on him” *points at Yukio* “because he cares for you.”

anonymous asked:

So why are you always complaining about being cut? You were given the glorious gift of getting skinned like all submissive slaves should be. Skinned back tight with no pleasure so the superior uncut male can control your cock.

The weirdest thing about this blog for me is not the stuff that ends up turning me on, but the stuff that I don’t want to admit feels kind of true, which then frustrates me, but also kind of turns me on. I received this anonymously a few weeks ago, and I didn’t know how to respond to it. First I was just shocked a bit, then I got annoyed, and at the same time I started to get hard. I almost just deleted it to be honest.

I remember being cut, I remember how subjugating that felt. Part of my manhood (boyhood?) being cut off. I remember going back to school and seeing other uncut guys and feeling I was “less” then them now. They were more boy, they had what was taken from me. Not just physically, but in this sense of freedom from cultural dominance. If you trace their skin, it was never ending- stretching from head to toe in one organic unit, only folding over and continuing in extreme sensitivity between their legs. Yet for me, if you traced my body, it had a scarred, (and at the time- bruised and bloody) end point. My greatest boyhood insecurity was in that difference. 

There is something kinda hot about finding a uncut guy who is turned on by circ, but doesn’t want to get circumcised himself, who actually loves his foreskin. But doesn’t wish you had what you both once shared. Instead wants to keep his sexual dominance and gets off on the idea/practice of seeing me subjugated more, cut tighter. It turns me on because although we grew up just as vulnerable to the possibility of getting cut, but he wasn’t. Not only that, but in a way he is wilding the same subjective power over me, that was once potentially held over us both. Hearing about a guy like that it makes me angry, bitter because I want that power BACK myself. But that is the real power of what circumcision is, whats done, is done. You are marked, reduced, subjugated forever. Made into something else. 

As much as this frustrates me, angers me, I am also kinda drawn to the idea. Maybe its because I still want to be like the intact guys? This guy said to me further in private messages that I should find a master to control my cock in a chastity belt until I agreed to get cut even more. He thinks the natural order is for cut guys to be slaves to intact guys. I would hate it, but I am also now suddenly compelled to ask about this. Are there other uncut guys out there that think this way? I always thought most uncut just didn’t think much about it? The ultimate control in circumcision is the act itself somehow makes you WANT the subjugation as much as you want to reject it. 

Kastor of Akielos

(not spoiler-free)

I believe he has potential to be a complex character, and I don’t think Pacat intended for any of her characters to be simplistic and uni-dimensional. 

Of course, this is my opinion and interpretation, based on what we get of canon. I don’t say this is the truth, feel free to have another interpretation.

So, let’s talk about Kastor. About how, as a kid, he was raised to be the future king. But already then, he probably didn’t feel legit. People probably often let him feel that he was a bastard, and wished for the Queen to finally give birth to a legit heir. Because even if bastardy isn’t a taboo like in Vere, we can see it’s not something positive either, at least not among royalty. The fact that the kyroi start to argue when Kastor gets on the throne, some of them feeling more legit to be on the throne even if they have less royal blood than him, speaks for it. Kastor is not liked by his people, and is kalled “False King” or “Bastard King” several times through the books (even if it’s partly because of the suspicions on him). 

What I want to say here is that since a really young age, Kastor was told he wasn’t fully legit nor deserving of the throne for being a bastard, and he probably looked up to that throne as a way to prove himself. But then, at 9, this hope is taken away from him when Damen is born. Suddenly he’s not heir to the throne at all, and all eyes are on Damen. I’m not saying Theomedes stopped caring for him, but as in any family, when a new kid is born, the attention of the parents is turned in the first times toward the new baby, and often the older siblings can feel left out. Kastor has been raised for 9 years to be the future King, and suddenly he’s no more than the bastard brother of the new future King, on who all eyes are, who is fully legit to go on the throne. He said it himself at the end of Kings Rising

‘You had everything’ said Kastor. ‘Damianos. The trueborn, the favourite. All you had to do was be born and everyone doted on you. Why did you deserve it more than I did ? Because you were better at fighting ? What does wielding a sword have to do with kingship ?’

Here Kastor only mentions that Damen was better than him (he started to be able to outdo him at 13), but I think Kastor felt inferior to Damen in other fields. As Laurent mention, Kastor is “the weaker man”, and since they were talking about manipulation, it could mean that either intellectually or emotionally, Kastor was lesser than Damen.

Kastor has probably been confused and torn during years. He tried -really- to be a good big brother, as we can see in Damen’s memories of him

But when he looked at Kastor all he could remember was that Kastor had taught him how to hold a spear, that he had sat with him when his first pony had broken its leg and had to be put down, that after his first okton Kastor had ruffled his hair and told him that he had done well.

All of this to explains why Damen can’t bring himself to kill Kastor -because Kastor has been, almost all of the time, a big good brother to him. 
But Kastor couldn’t help the feelings of jealousy and hatred, that ate him alive. He could see his mom cast aside because she was too lowborn for the King to marry her, and he saw the same fate for him. Despite the love his father probably gave him, there was a possible preference toward Damen, and a general enthusiasm of the court, the country, for Damen, while he was forever the bastard son, the half-brother. And as it went, as Damen grew up, he was getting better and better, and awfully kind, which probably made it worse for Kastor because he couldn’t even hate him on that, while, on his side, he was growing more and more bitter and mean.

Damen said “I would have had you by my side” and then “I loved you, but you wanted a throne more than you wanted a brother”. 

And it’s quite right but also a proof Damen quite doesn’t understand Kastor. Kastor could have accepted to be Damen’s advisor, but it’s not what he wanted. He didn’t want the power, he didn’t want to be in Damen’s shadow once again. He wanted the throne because he wanted the recognition, the attention and validation he never got. Something he probably searched a lot, as Damen mentions, Kastor is an experimented fighter. At Marlas, he was the one in the battle, while Damen stayed close to their father. He probably tried a lot to get his father’s and people’s recognition. But it’s Damen who killed Auguste and got acclaimed as the Prince-Killer in his country.

When Damen offers him to swear fealty to him and to let him alive, Kastor probably sees it as an insult. Having to admit his behaviors in front of everyone, and once again proving everyone that he wasn’t worthy, that he’s just a bastard kid that no one wanted, it feels like the biggest humiliation. He prefer to die trying to kill Damen rather than face this. Plus, Damen is just so much better, in everything. He’s even more kind and it infuriates Kastor that in everything he does he’s always so right.That he’s always been so good when he ended up in the worst felony.

And then the last strand is Laurent arriving and being ready to give his life to protect and avenge Damen. Laurent who looks like Jokaste. Jokaste who manipulated Kastor and, at the end, always loved Damen more. Kastor is just faced with the fact that he’s unlikeable and unloved, as he has been most of his life (or at least how he felt it).

As someone pointed out, Damen for sure loved him. But when the persons you envy the most and who makes you -unwillingly- feel miserable love you, you can’t appreciate it. I speak from experience and it’s not something that makes you happy, especially when you realize it. It’s not Damen’s fault. It’s just how it is. Kastor probably didn’t manage to fully appreciate Damen’s love, because he was too engulfed in his jealousy, because he was craving for validation and love of other persons.

Again, I’m not saying it makes him innocent. He could have chosen another path. But if we can understand Laurent’s cruelty toward Damen, I think we can understand Kastor’s. Now, he had to be punished for his actions, and I’m not saying he shouldn’t have died (anyway it’s what happened and I’m not the type to say “it should have happened in another way”). 

But we can imagine AUs where the age gap was smaller and so Kastor didn’t have to get his hopes up / be raised to be a King for as long. We can imagine AUs where bastards are more accepted or where people acted differently toward him, making him less wounded at Damen’s birth and more able to appreciate the love that is given to him. We can imagine AUs where he accepts better that he’s not as good as Damen and cultivate other talents in him. Where he’s less vulnerable to manipulation, to people who will exploit his jealousy as weapons.

Kastor is a sad character to my opinion, and if it doesn’t justify his actions, I think it deserves some compassion, as Laurent, or Aimeric, can deserve it. We can’t deny that he suffered, whether this was justified or not. His feelings were the same, and it’s what’s important.

Hope this can bring some insight and understanding on this character, at least through my point of view.

errr this is just an idea I have for a Haylor AU

You know the AU where the first letter of your soulmate’s name appear on your skin when you turn 21 or whatever? I just can’t stop thinking about Taylor having a blank space ahem where the letter of her soulmate’s name should be. So like, back when she was 16, a fortune teller told her that she was “special” and that in exchange for the love of millions,the Fate have taken away the love that matters the most or some vague bullshit like that. Taylor didn’t believe it and went ahead and fell in love with Jake who had a prominent “T” on his chest, she was so sure that a “J” will appear on hers the minute she turns 21. Jake broke up with her over the phone when that didn’t happen and it hurt and she stopped getting into long term relationships ever since.

THIS IS WHERE IT GETS INTERESTING Taylor meets 18 year old Harry who was so charming and pleasant and he didn’t mind that she couldn’t promise him a forever and always. They fell for each other so easily and Taylor liked how nice and comfortable it is to be with him. She liked him so much that she cried when she woke up on her 23rd and not see the letter “H” on her skin even though she knew that it was such an irrational thought. She grew distant after that and left him at the island because Harry is going to get his own letter someday and it will never be hers.

FLASH FORWARD TO 2015 and Taylor received a midnight call from Harry. “Guess what?” He sounded bitter. “I’ve got a blank space too.” Taylor was surprised because she thought that she was the only one. She invited him over to her LA place and let him mope around because she was in his shoes once and she understood how hard it can be at first. She tried to distract him, dragging him along morning hikes and impromptu baking sessions and it scared her a bit how effortless it is for him to fit back into her life again.They almost kissed one night when Harry leaned over her to get the remote during one of their Friends watching marathons but they didn’t because Taylor came to her senses at the very last minute and pulled away.

The next morning, he was no where to be seen and Taylor felt stupid about how annoyed she was by his absence. She was still upset when he came back, practically bouncing with restless energy. He smelled like fresh ink and cigarettes, it could only mean one thing.

“Did you get a new tat again?” He nodded excitedly and lifted his shirt and oh. “Do you like it?” His voice soft. She took a step closer to touch the dark “T” on his chest. “You’re an idiot, you know that?” “Well, there’s this really annoying song that goes something like I’ve got a blank space baby and I’ll write-” Taylor rolled her eyes and shut him up with a kiss before he can finish.