forever a second choice

Confession #30

I just want someone to look at me and go “wow, I want to love her.” I want someone to think about me 24/7 and ask me out. I’m tired of being no one’s first choice, or even on their radar. I’m tired of being played. I just want to be loved. 

People are so annoying. They chase after you for months only to leave you for their ex or something they think is better. And to top it all off they cut all contact with you like a coward, which drives me crazy. Making up some stupid bullshit lie when you find out they’re seeing someone else. And when they find out that that magical person isn’t as good as they thought or got cheated on, then they come running back. Like no. You have your chance with someone and if you wanna fuck that up go right ahead but don’t be coming back to me all apologetic telling me what a mistake you made. Because I’m not gonna be someone’s second choice. Oh they’re gonna regret this forever they say. Well good maybe it will teach you a lesson on basic human decency and not to leave your then caring girlfriend and cut off all contact with little to no explanation. If you want to leave someone try acting like a grown adult and have that conversation they deserve. Don’t get me wrong I’m all for second chances, but when you left me for another girl and dropped off the face of the earth and basically treated me like crap, Im sorry but no you don’t deserve a second chance for that in my eyes. I just wish people would just say how they feel and not try and replace you with someone else before leaving. People deserve an explanation. And you shouldn’t leave someone for a temporary high that you’re gonna regret, don’t expect them to forgive you after that.
—  Don’t be an asshole. That stuff sticks with people for a long time. || chapters of my life
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Coachella Q&A: Lights

We caught up with Lights at Coachella to have a quick Q&A after her live set on Saturday. We also could eat lasagna forever, back astronaut as second career choice, and are in fact inspired by wine. Are we besties yet?! Pick up her album Little Machines and browse through our photos from her live set now. 

One moment we’re driving down the road in your car that smells of summer nights and menthol cigarettes, and I feel like I could be perfect for you again.

I’m listening to you talk about the song on the radio, the song you picked just for me to hear, the familiar feeling of smoke and bad decisions hitting my lungs. You always did make it hard to quit.

The mattress doesn’t seem as inviting as it used to. It feels like a ticking time bomb, waiting to explode with the tension in the air.

You refuse to kiss me, the first sign that I should high tail and run.

I thought you had drained her from your memory, but as I feel you on my back, I feel her necklace pressing into me; a hot branding iron forever burning “second choice” into my skin.

I try not to cry as I get up to leave, knowing that even if I do, it won’t spur the conversation I’ve wanted to have for five months.

I bend down to tie my shoes and wipe away the memory of your broken promises from my eyes, wet with the nights we spent together, all sweat and kisses and love.

Your first attempt at affection comes with a sloppy kiss at the door, but you’re met with a wall, a dam threatening to burst with every breath. I plug up the leaks until I get to the car, opening the floodgates and drowning the highway home.

It’s then I realize the world has enough salt water. You’re not worth the overflow. You never were.

I know now that “second choice” will always be what I am to you.

I know now that I deserve to be first.

Fuck you.

—  I’ve always had an addictive personality