forever a second choice


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Confession #30

I just want someone to look at me and go “wow, I want to love her.” I want someone to think about me 24/7 and ask me out. I’m tired of being no one’s first choice, or even on their radar. I’m tired of being played. I just want to be loved. 

Warning: typos!! I didn’t read over this and sometimes I don’t make sense! Extremely long as well.
Bella Swan never had anyone to depend on or anyone that fully loved her. Yes, her mother dearly loved her, but she was never the stable and mature figure that a mother usually is. Renèe was distracted by all her ever changing hobbies and eventually Phil. Most moms completely focus 100% on their child, but Renèe is a wild heart and still mostly young (37 in Twilight). Bella probably always felt like #2 compared to whatever else Renèe decided to occupy herself with instead of being a mother. Bella even sees how much it hurts her mother to stay with her instead of following Phil around. So Bella decides to leave the person who she calls her best friend and the only person she has in her life. Then she moves to Forks. We all know Charlie is more calm and stable than Renèe, but he’d been doing his own thing for roughly 16/17 years. He had his routine and it didn’t include Bella. Charlie never considers taking off some time at work to be with Bella so she doesn’t have to be alone all the time. Doing anything different than his routine that’s over a decade long and his job which Bella calls “his wife and family” would just be odd. Also, Charlie has a hard time expressing his feelings much like Bella. We know how much Charlie completely loves Bella, but she doesn’t know that fully. She sees it in the little things he does like put snow chains on her tires, getting her a truck, and how protective she is. But again, she doesn’t even depend on him and he doesn’t sacrifice much for her. Not saying he had to. We all know Bella was his #1, but of course it’s hard for him to show it because he’s not verbose and he of course his life was already established by the time Bella came to live with him.
So do not ABSOLUTELY DO NOT whine and complain and criticize Bella for attaching to Edward in such a short time. He is the first one in Bella’s life that ever fully and blatantly put her first. He doesn’t require her to take care of him and she’s the only person in his life besides his family, so he can focus all his attention on her. She’s never had that before. Here for the first time is someone giving her everything she never had growing up. Someone who vocally expresses his love to her and would openly sacrifice anything for her to make her happy. No her parents were not awful beings and they loved and supported her greatly but they both had qualities that Bella needs, but she only got those things from one of them at a time. If they were not divorced and still lived together, I’m sure Bella would not be how she is. She would not feel the burden to take care of Renèe and Charlie would be more of an active parent cause he never would’ve put all his energy into his work because he would’ve had a family. Edward is that stability and devotion Bella always wanted and needed growing up, whether she knew it or not. So when Edward leaves, so does her everything. Yes, they only knew each other for a short time, but she was given something she subconsciously craved. For the first time in her life, Bella was given what SHE wanted, she was someone’s first priority, she wasn’t shoved aside, she was vocally given praise and love and through action as well. Her brought that excitement and thrill she lacked her whole life. She was practically promised forever with him, a forever where she no longer felt like a burden, a second choice, and unimportant. Everyone mentally and emotionally attach to to people differently, so it is not your right to undermine someone’s depression when they one they love the most leaves and say it’s not valid. I don’t care if she only knew him for a week and still was as equally depressed when he left. It is still valid. Bella’s depression doesn’t mean she’s weak and it doesn’t mean the moral of Twilight is how much you need a boyfriend. Even if it was someone who Bella wasn’t involved with romantically, it still would’ve had the same affect when they left. It wasn’t just a boyfriend Bella lost, it was security, love, acceptance, and devotion, etc. I will always defend this character who has always been so wrongly treated by those who don’t want to read deeper into the story and character.


mermaid swamp spam     “I want you to live..”

sometimes i make myself sad thinking about how carol lost her memories  twice.     they were eventually returned to her on both occasions,   but the worst part is that she still feels no real emotional attachment to her family because of it.     the feelings should be there and she knows it,   but they’re just  gone.

Another rant about Grey’s Anatomy s13 writing…

I am so done with Grey’s putting women against each other because of men. It’s so childish, and even thought it happens in RL, I don’t think it’s a good presume for a show that is known for writing Strong Female Characters.

S12 ended setting the tone for the triangle between Riggs Meredith and Maggie, hinting that the sisterhood could be damaged because of him. Meredith lied to one of her closest friends because of Riggs, and not only this, but it started a massive bad reception against Maggie, who since s11 was set to be an independent and secure person. Suddenly she became this clingy and whinny person in order to promote Meriggs.

After this SL was finished, they started hinting at a possibility of Maggie and Jackson growing closer, with him being her mother’s doctor. After this, not only Jackson called her “Family” (his words, not mine), but helped her completely platonic. His attitude towards her was completely of a friend/brother, it’s just to compare it to his towards April. Not only this, he actually slept with his ex-wife, mother of his children, who is currently living with him, a woman he knows the principles she follows and that no sex is without meaning. And in the Finale, he shares a look with Maggie that April assumes ir romantic, even thought they had not shared one moment of non-platonic friendship before, and she looks completely shocked after April’s assumption.

This was created only and Only to shock the Japril fans, especially because we were already freaking out with the lack of answer of what Montana meant. It was a trap in the best way, only not.

Maggie suddenly became the most despised main character on the show. This was soon after the entire crew of the hospital turned their backs on their FRIEND because she assumed a position for a short time, exceeding at it. Maggie, the person that said that April liked everyone; Jackson, Arizona, Riggs, and Owen, her closest persons… And after the patch towards Japril reconciling having been exposed. Maggie because a target for hate because April assumed her friend, whom she hangs out after work with, is in love with her ex-husband, who has been divorced for almost two years. No one else knows about Montana apparently. She could completely be in love with him (She is in love with Riggs people, it’s the same episode in which she said it) and she nots deserving of A n y hate. She is a single woman, so is Jackson, they could have sex, get married, anything they wish. To me, it would be weird because Jackson said that they are family, and they never had one single non-platonic moment, but okay, fine, whatever. So I hate the position Maggie is put on. She does not deserve any of this. She deserves a decent storyline, and if she needs a relationship, create one in which she will get less than what she deserves, the love of her life. It doesn’t matter if the shows make them canon, Jackson and April’s love story is epic. He stopped her wedding, they have two kids, they fought hell and back and are still drawn to each other. This is a once of a lifetime love story. Maggie deserves better than to be the second choice. And being the second choice, that means that she will be used merely as a plot device if they do go down this route. It’s Stephanie all over again, and this pattern is shameful. It’s not only disrespectful for women in general, but especially for WOC. So the writers could make them last? Sure, except that Maggie would still be the most hated character on Greys and Jackson’ second choice. Forever.

Also, if there’s someone to blame on this mess, it is Jackson that apparently lead April on. He started, he bed her, knowing how well April and sex works. He hinted at their past, at their first time, at their elopement. From our POV, there hasn’t been any talk between them, which is insane. I think that if they had decided not to keep together, they’d need boundaries, and their relationship would not be like on the short screen-time they shared. Also, if they were together, are they still having sex with no strings attached? Is this why April is hurt? Because she thinks Jackson is leading her on just like before serving her papers? Because at the same time, if the point was for them to move on, why not show Jackson actually making a move towards Maggie? Or why make JTS happens? A trap.

So please, Grey’s writers, I understand that you need the audience, but at least show us some respect. I loved this show not because of my favorite couple ever, but because of strong female friendships. Mertina, Calzona, Callina, Kepzona, all of them. I want to see Meredith, Amelia, Maggie and April hanging out. I want to see them bonding just like that episode ending. I want this sorority, and most of all I want back the show I fell in love with. Thank you.

A second Chance

Summary: You are supposed to get married in on week to Steve but he calls you telling you that he won’t make it in time.

Words: 2045

Paring: Steve x Reader

Warnings: Fluffy with a little be of angst but super cute.

Originally posted by dailyteamcap

Thank you @vashanatasha for doing this beautiful aesthetic. It is the most beautiful and sweet thing that everyone as ever done to me.

Steve Pov

“She is never going to forgive me.” Steve said looking at Tony “Of course she will, she loves you.” Steve takes a deep “If I was her i wouldn’t forgive myself and Pepper wouldn’t forgive you either.” Tony put his hand on Steve shoulders and shake him a little “Call her and explain the situation. What the worst that could happen?“

Steve looks at your picture in his phone for half hour just to get the courage of calling you. Gosh he was so stupid in his mind this was the second worst thing that he could do it to you.

After 3 rings he hears your sweet voice "Hey baby, I am so happy that you will be back tomorrow I miss you.” he smiles at the sound of your voice always so sweet “Doll i won’t be back tomorrow, i have to stay here for more two weeks.” he expecting you to scream at him  and call him names but no he only heard the silence  after a few seconds he asks “Are you still there?” your voice changed is not cheerful anymore but more dry “Yes… What about the wedding? Our Wedding?”

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