forced emotions

Could someone explain to me why Bonkai is still a thing? They had chemistry for the five minutes that Bonnie and Damon didn’t know Kai was a psychotic killer, and even with Kai forced into having some emotions, he’s capable of the same evil. 

He nearly killed Bonnie. 

She had PTSD because of him.

Bonnie nearly killed herself because of him.

And yet some people still think they’re cute?

And no, this is not a gateway to saying how great Bamon is. Bamon isn’t going to happen people. Deal with it. 

Your mixed feelings about your parents are valid.

Shout out to people like me who have parents who are loving but are black holes of emotional labor… It took me a long time to realize that it’s okay to have mixed feelings about your parents, about your relationship with them.

Sometimes parents can love you but be somewhat toxic to you and your growth, and that’s a very hard realization to come to if you, like me, grew up extremely close to them.

Sometimes parents can love you genuinely but lack emotional maturity, forcing you to perform disproportionate amounts of emotional labor. Some parents manifest symptoms of their mental illness in ways that are toxic to your mental illness.

Some parents, like mine, try so hard to be good parents but fall back on habits of emotional manipulation because they haven’t processed their own traumas and are modeling behavior they grew up with. That doesn’t make their behavior acceptable, and it’s okay to feel exhausted and hurt when they betray you. You don’t have to forgive every mistake.

I want you to know that it’s okay to protect yourself, to need some space apart from them. The love you have for your parents is still valid, and you are making the right decision.

Placing a safe emotional distance between myself and my parents has been one of the most difficult, heartbreaking processes I’ve ever gone through… it hurts to try to curb the strength of your own natural empathy around people you love. It feels disingenuous to your heart’s natural state.

But I promise you, you are not hard-hearted or ungrateful, and you are not abandoning them. You are making a decision about your own emotional, mental, and spiritual health.

I know what it’s like in that confusing grey area of love mixed with guilt and anxiety, of exhaustion and quasi-manipulation and unreciprocated emotional labor, and I promise you, you are not alone.

Your mixed feelings about your parents are valid.

okay but that end scene with jyn and cassian was so beautiful like…. both visually/cinematically and story wise like…. it was such a beautiful moment and i can’t Wait for rogue one to come out on dvd or for it to be leaked only for there to be gifs of that scene and The Hug because it was so beautiful and i loved it so much

can we talk about bellamy blake who loved books more than anything, who thought stories and books was the only way to escape reality and were his safe place, who was the best student in the arc, who probably wanted to become a teacher and had dreams of rising above his station, who probably had a big goofy smile on his face everytime someone gave him a new book and slept with a book beside his bed everynight, can we talk about how he had to give all that up out of love for his sister, can we talked about how he was forced to work to provide for his family and set his dreams aside, can we talk about how he never complained about it cause it meant his sister was happy and safe and fed, can we talk about how bellamy blake has the biggest heart in the whole world and is ready to give up everything for the people he loves? 


are u sure marco? his hands are all sweaty now


im screaming i always wondered why john didnt have an umbrella at the end of asib. water is emotions. mycrofts unbrella means he avoids them. moriarty pushing sherlock into water is forcing him into emotions. him choosing to jump in the water is different. john takes baths but is meant to feel ashamed by it. so many thoughts here. anyway let them take a bath together

A thought that stopped me cold

Sanji’s only twenty-one.

Now, I’ve been rambling about One Piece and the impending wedding for a few weeks straight and spewing out my own observations and meta and never did I consider the fact that Sanji is very young.

He dresses like he’s in his thirties and acts like an old man and cooks like a fucking executive chef with a lifetime of experience under his belt, but.

He’s twenty-one years old, not even quite in the prime of his life yet, and he’s about to have his entire future ripped away from him.

Sure, this is One Piece. Luffy set out on his grand epic journey before he was even legal and Vivi’s been kicking ass and taking names since she was sixteen, but look at them. They’re kids. They were kids.

We don’t remember that and we don’t process it that way because a lot of us were younger than Luffy when we started reading OP. I’ve always thought of the Straw Hats as older than me. It’s not true anymore.

Sanji’s twenty-one years old, only left home a couple years ago, and he’s being forced into a political marriage with a stranger by the people he loathes most in the world.

He’s twenty-one years old, and everyone he loves is being held above his head to force him into compliance.

He’s twenty-one years old, and the choice has been snatched from his hands.

He’s twenty-one years old, and he has to give up all his hopes and dreams in a desperate attempt to make sure the people who matter come out of this clusterfuck alive.

I turn twenty-one in a few months. I have hopes and dreams. And if you told me now that I’d have to abandon all of that, that I’d have to tie myself down to a complete stranger in an environment that is actively toxic to me just so my friends and family won’t die…it’s unfathomable.

This is One Piece. I don’t often think about One Piece in the context of reality for obvious reasons, but this one fact stuck and it won’t leave me alone.

Sanji’s only twenty-one. He has the rest of his life to live.

I’m holding out for a hero to awaken the Light,
She’s gotta be strong, and she’s gotta be fast, 
     and she’s gotta be fresh from the fight!
(Racing on the Falcon and rising with the heat,
It’s gonna take a Jedi Knight to sweep me off my feet~! )

Riffing off the Disney/fairytale theme once more, because Rey is the hero we all need and I’ve always dreamed of, I’m in love…….. *__* 

also having fun with potential “level-up” Jedi outfits! (I know this is more PT than OT style, but I really like the PT tunics…) I can’t decide between Rey making her own classic lightsaber, or making a dual-bladed saber to complement her quarterstaff… the dual blade was just fun to draw :D

guys someone talk to me about poe dameron - best pilot in the resistance, top dog, guns-blazing male protagonist - and how he was so kind. how he took an ex storm trooper at face value and with unconditional, immediate trust and even a fierce kind of joy- yeah, you go buddy! fight the darkness. i’m here to help you. i’m here to work with you. i’m not here to take control- we won’t get out of this unless we work together. 

how he didn’t treat him with suspicion or macho posturing despite the fact that he’s a top tier pilot and has probably been at war with people like FN 2187 for years. how the first thing he does once they’re out of immediate danger is give him a name, treating him like a person worthy of respect and not like another faceless white mask. how he is patient with a panicking Finn even under the incredible stress of a life or death situation, ensuring he knows what to do and being endlessly positive and encouraging instead of berating him when he falls short.

how he gets out of his jet at the end of the big firefight and sees BB8 and his whole face just lights up. how he unselfconsciously runs to BB8 like a kid, automatically lowering himself to BB8′s level. 

how he doesn’t need to be the spotlight, the center of attention. when they gather around the hologram to strategize, star pilot and battle veteran poe dameron shuts up and listens. 

how he never has a Trek-reboot Jim Kirk-style playboy sequence, no endless string of girls. not even a hint, and you know they could have stuck it in there if they wanted to. how we never see him treat another being, human or otherwise, with anything less than respect, optimism and good nature. i’m just. i mean. do you realize how significant this is?

you guys, if poe dameron is the future of male protagonists in big action movies, sign me the fuck up. 

Female childhood experiences:

  • getting pushed around, shoved, bullied, hair pulled and things stolen by boys and being told to not react because “boys will be boys” and “that only means they like you” or “you’re only encouraging them to do more if you respond” and “they’re only trying to get a reaction”
  • being repeatedly scolded, called out, and punished for not acting enough lady-like, for getting dirty in the mud or getting your knee bloodied, boys of course don’t get punished for this because “it’s only expected of them”
  • being fitted into uncomfortable, limiting clothes that makes it hard to play
  • having boys lift up your skirt and laugh at you to embarrass you
  • not realizing what is so embarrassing about it but feeling ashamed
  • having to wait to go outside to play because first your hair has to be braided/styled and you have to look respectable at all times
  • gangs of boys laughing at you for being a girl and thus somehow beneath them
  • getting shoved out of “boy’s clubs” and chased out for being a girl
  • having “you’re a girl!” shouted at you as if it was an insult
  • demanding same respect and freedom boys have and getting told that you are somehow different and pushing you to focus on clothes and makeup instead
  • getting your ideas, suggestions and voice yelled over by loud boys 
  • not getting a say in anything
  • feeling self conscious about your body and very early trying to locate where you are on the spectrum of “sexy” to determine your social value
  • figuring you were really low on the spectrum and either giving up on it or panicking and trying to increase your value somehow
  • figuring boys will hate you unless you can get their attention with your looks but even if they like you for a bit, as soon as they get what they wanted from you they will turn against you and join other boys in humiliating you again
  • hating boys
  • feeling like you don’t have a voice and you don’t matter
  • feeling like your interests don’t matter and being actively discouraged to developing any except for stereotypical feminine ones
  • seeing only celebrated adult women are those which are high on the “sexy” spectrum and thrive on getting men’s attention but you don’t really want to do that and you feel like you have nothing to strive for
  • realizing older men are staring at you in a weird way and not understanding why
  • feeling like your parents are ashamed of you and not understanding why
  • having thousand chores that are undervalued and not appreciated when you do them, it’s considered the least you can do as you’re a girl and need to apparently work to make up for it
  • feeling that you’ll end up having to get married and helpless with the issue
  • being told that you’ll “never get a husband” with your kind of behaviour whenever you act like yourself
  • being repeatedly taught that being unwanted is the worst thing you can possibly be

The sheer force of two opposing emotions; one seeing how wrong all of this was and knowing none of it makes any sense and feeling like there has to be an answer, there’s no way we are wrong, there’s no way it was a series of major coincidences, there has to be an answer; the other a crushing, burning heartbreak and feeling the loss of something I loved so deeply for so many years