forced emotions

ive got a problem and i like. cant deal with it without talking it out with someone i trust. but theres no one i trust that im in a place that i could talk to them about it. cause id be forcing too much emotional labor on that person without knowing if they trust me enough to do the same. and i cant dump my problems on someone who doesnt want it or who i’ll owe for it cause i’ll feel even more guilty about it. and i don’t know how i would ever get a therapist cause i can’t use the school resources i’d have to skip a class once a week, and i can’t get one outside of school. so i just straight up have no one to talk to and i feel bad even talking about stuff this much cause now im forcing yall to do the emotional labor of figuring out how my life works without any payback i just dont know what to do at all

Your mixed feelings about your parents are valid.

Shout out to people like me who have parents who are loving but are black holes of emotional labor… It took me a long time to realize that it’s okay to have mixed feelings about your parents, about your relationship with them.

Sometimes parents can love you but be somewhat toxic to you and your growth, and that’s a very hard realization to come to if you, like me, grew up extremely close to them.

Sometimes parents can love you genuinely but lack emotional maturity, forcing you to perform disproportionate amounts of emotional labor. Some parents manifest symptoms of their mental illness in ways that are toxic to your mental illness.

Some parents, like mine, try so hard to be good parents but fall back on habits of emotional manipulation because they haven’t processed their own traumas and are modeling behavior they grew up with. That doesn’t make their behavior acceptable, and it’s okay to feel exhausted and hurt when they betray you. You don’t have to forgive every mistake.

I want you to know that it’s okay to protect yourself, to need some space apart from them. The love you have for your parents is still valid, and you are making the right decision.

Placing a safe emotional distance between myself and my parents has been one of the most difficult, heartbreaking processes I’ve ever gone through… it hurts to try to curb the strength of your own natural empathy around people you love. It feels disingenuous to your heart’s natural state.

But I promise you, you are not hard-hearted or ungrateful, and you are not abandoning them. You are making a decision about your own emotional, mental, and spiritual health.

I know what it’s like in that confusing grey area of love mixed with guilt and anxiety, of exhaustion and quasi-manipulation and unreciprocated emotional labor, and I promise you, you are not alone.

Your mixed feelings about your parents are valid.

Fandoms as of late!
  • Homestuck: well, WE HAVE HIVESTUCK HAHAHAHAHAHAHA :o)
  • Regular Show: curse you cn...curse you *which was said between sobs*
  • Adventure Time, patting Regular show fan's back: Welcome to the club, kiddo. We ain't alone for long tho
  • Steven Universe, raving it out: WHOOOOOO LOOK AT THIS LOREEEEEEEEEEE
  • TAWoG, raving it out as well: AYYYYY LMAO
  • Star vs. the forces of Evil: WHEN IS THE NEXT SEASON
  • Over the garden wall, coming back up from six miles underneath the earth: I LIVE YOU FUCKS
  • Voltron Legendary Defenders: (: soon
  • Kingdom Hearts: *has waited and ached almost a decade for KH III and is yet again teased with another game that fucks up the entire storyline...yet again* DAMMIT NOMURA WHY THIS BULLSHIT
  • Pirate101: *solemnly looks out the window, a tear shed as they realize kingsisle won't update them anytime soon* Fuck you, Valencia part 2, fuck you
  • Wizard101: *dabbing to the new dances emotes*
  • Gravity Falls: we are here there and there but still, we are d e a d
  • Wonder over Yonder: there's hope for us, right?!
  • Invader Zim, rising from the grave as well: yes, my child that was put down so early.

guys someone talk to me about poe dameron - best pilot in the resistance, top dog, guns-blazing male protagonist - and how he was so kind. how he took an ex storm trooper at face value and with unconditional, immediate trust and even a fierce kind of joy- yeah, you go buddy! fight the darkness. i’m here to help you. i’m here to work with you. i’m not here to take control- we won’t get out of this unless we work together. 

how he didn’t treat him with suspicion or macho posturing despite the fact that he’s a top tier pilot and has probably been at war with people like FN 2187 for years. how the first thing he does once they’re out of immediate danger is give him a name, treating him like a person worthy of respect and not like another faceless white mask. how he is patient with a panicking Finn even under the incredible stress of a life or death situation, ensuring he knows what to do and being endlessly positive and encouraging instead of berating him when he falls short.

how he gets out of his jet at the end of the big firefight and sees BB8 and his whole face just lights up. how he unselfconsciously runs to BB8 like a kid, automatically lowering himself to BB8′s level. 

how he doesn’t need to be the spotlight, the center of attention. when they gather around the hologram to strategize, star pilot and battle veteran poe dameron shuts up and listens. 

how he never has a Trek-reboot Jim Kirk-style playboy sequence, no endless string of girls. not even a hint, and you know they could have stuck it in there if they wanted to. how we never see him treat another being, human or otherwise, with anything less than respect, optimism and good nature. i’m just. i mean. do you realize how significant this is?

you guys, if poe dameron is the future of male protagonists in big action movies, sign me the fuck up. 

My husband is a good man, and a good feminist ally. I could tell, as I walked him through it, that he was trying to grasp what I was getting at. But he didn’t. He said he’d try to do more cleaning around the house to help me out. He restated that all I ever needed to do was ask him for help, but therein lies the problem. I don’t want to micromanage housework. I want a partner with equal initiative.

However, it’s not as easy as telling him that. My husband, despite his good nature and admirable intentions, still responds to criticism in a very patriarchal way. Forcing him to see emotional labor for the work it is feels like a personal attack on his character. If I were to point out random emotional labor duties I carry out—reminding him of his family’s birthdays, carrying in my head the entire school handbook and dietary guidelines for lunches, updating the calendar to include everyone’s schedules, asking his mother to babysit the kids when we go out, keeping track of what food and household items we are running low on, tidying everyone’s strewn about belongings, the unending hell that is laundry—he would take it as me saying, “Look at everything I’m doing that you’re not. You’re a bad person for ignoring me and not pulling your weight.”

Bearing the brunt of all this emotional labor in a household is frustrating. It’s the word I hear most commonly when talking to friends about the subject of all the behind-the-scenes work they do. It’s frustrating to be saddled with all of these responsibilities, no one to acknowledge the work you are doing, and no way to change it without a major confrontation.

“What bothers me the most about having any conversation around emotional labor is being seen as a nag,” says Kelly Burch, a freelance journalist who works primarily from home. “My partner feels irritated and defensive by the fact that I’m always pointing out what he’s not doing. It shuts him down. I understand why it would be frustrating from his perspective, but I haven’t figured out another way to make him aware of all the emotional and mental energy I’m spending to keep the house running.”

can you believe everyone fell in love with Finn the minute they saw him? like wow. He’s truly an iconic hero.

The Expressions of Planets in the birth chart
you can apply the condition of your own sign and house to these 

Sun - Self
Positive expressions: Honourable, Creative, Authentic 
Negative expressions: Egocentric, Dominating, Forceful 

Moon - Emotional Self 

Positive expressions: Sensitive, Gentle, Responsive 
Negative expressions: Melodramatic, Irrational, Dependant 

Mercury - Thinking Self 

Positive expressions: Rational, Connective, Perceptive 
Negative expressions: Nervous, Over Stimulated, Deceitful 

Venus - Beautiful Self

Positive expressions: Creative, Appreciative, Thoughtful 
Negative expressions: Indulgent, Lazy, Entitled 

Mars - Armed Self 

Positive expressions: Energising, Uplifting, Passionate 
Negative expressions: Antagonistic, Senseless, Controlling 

Jupiter - Philosophical Self 

Positive expressions: Speculative, Optimistic, Spiritual 
Negative expressions: Gluttonous, Over Confident, Excessive 

Saturn - Exceptional Self

Positive expressions: Resilient, Wise, Developing 
Negative expressions: Critical, Fearful, Repressed 

Uranus - Maverick Self

Positive expressions: Free Thinking, Intuitive, Inspired 
Negative expressions: Reckless, Unstable, Isolated 

Neptune - Psychic Self

Positive expressions: Receptive, Creative, Imaginative 
Negative expressions: Escapist, Delusional, Fooling 

Pluto - Sacred Self

Positive expressions: Will, Regeneration, Intuition 
Negative expressions: Relentless, Obscure, Frightening 

-C.

Start asking yourself “what can I learn from this situation? What is good about this? Where can it possibly lead me someday?” And whenever you find yourself trapped in the negative thoughts and emotions, force yourself to stop and ask “what am I focusing on right now? How does it help me? Why should I perceive this situation in a negative light when it’s just making me feel bad?”  That’s a habit that you have to develop. Once you do this, you will be a much happier person. You will be able to notice beauty in everything around you, in yourself too.
—  Ian Tuhovsky

Female childhood experiences:

  • getting pushed around, shoved, bullied, hair pulled and things stolen by boys and being told to not react because “boys will be boys” and “that only means they like you” or “you’re only encouraging them to do more if you respond” and “they’re only trying to get a reaction”
  • being repeatedly scolded, called out, and punished for not acting enough lady-like, for getting dirty in the mud or getting your knee bloodied, boys of course don’t get punished for this because “it’s only expected of them”
  • being fitted into uncomfortable, limiting clothes that makes it hard to play
  • having boys lift up your skirt and laugh at you to embarrass you
  • not realizing what is so embarrassing about it but feeling ashamed
  • having to wait to go outside to play because first your hair has to be braided/styled and you have to look respectable at all times
  • gangs of boys laughing at you for being a girl and thus somehow beneath them
  • getting shoved out of “boy’s clubs” and chased out for being a girl
  • having “you’re a girl!” shouted at you as if it was an insult
  • demanding same respect and freedom boys have and getting told that you are somehow different and pushing you to focus on clothes and makeup instead
  • getting your ideas, suggestions and voice yelled over by loud boys 
  • not getting a say in anything
  • feeling self conscious about your body and very early trying to locate where you are on the spectrum of “sexy” to determine your social value
  • figuring you were really low on the spectrum and either giving up on it or panicking and trying to increase your value somehow
  • figuring boys will hate you unless you can get their attention with your looks but even if they like you for a bit, as soon as they get what they wanted from you they will turn against you and join other boys in humiliating you again
  • hating boys
  • feeling like you don’t have a voice and you don’t matter
  • feeling like your interests don’t matter and being actively discouraged to developing any except for stereotypical feminine ones
  • seeing only celebrated adult women are those which are high on the “sexy” spectrum and thrive on getting men’s attention but you don’t really want to do that and you feel like you have nothing to strive for
  • realizing older men are staring at you in a weird way and not understanding why
  • feeling like your parents are ashamed of you and not understanding why
  • having thousand chores that are undervalued and not appreciated when you do them, it’s considered the least you can do as you’re a girl and need to apparently work to make up for it
  • feeling that you’ll end up having to get married and helpless with the issue
  • being told that you’ll “never get a husband” with your kind of behaviour whenever you act like yourself
  • being repeatedly taught that being unwanted is the worst thing you can possibly be
6

The Ultimate SOUL MATES

Each sign has a soul mate. Some are combined by means of their oppositions, some by means of their similarities, but they are the absolutely perfect match for each other. It generally considers the SUN sign, but you can also use the rarer compatibility indication & check your VENUS (F) + MARS (M) / VENUS (F) + VENUS (F) / MARS (M) + MARS (M). Enjoy the aesthetics!


“Red & White” - ARIES & LIBRA

Both of them absolutely need that collision of opposites! The balanced and calm Libras need more drive in their life and so they are attracted to the restless, emotional and forceful Aries. Also, Libra is Venus ruling, so their sexuality is quite strong but reduced by their peaceful and quiet personality. So they seek for someone to open up their hidden desires and no one would do it better than the Mars ruling Aries.

This is a couple where both of the lovers are ready for new experiences and changes for the better. Even though Aries is incredibly stubborn, they get naturally cooled and matured by the help of the wise Air sign. Libra on their part, becomes more entertaining and free. As art lovers, they are ready for adventures that the crazy Aries is bringing into their life.


“Once and For All” - TAURUS & CAPRICORN

They are unchangeable and having a hard time accepting anything unfamiliar, but why should they learn to get along with someone they don’t feel comfortable with if they can be together? These are probably the 2 most similar signs in the horoscope and they make a perfect match. They have the same values & priorities, the same intentions and beliefs, they will support and understand each other entirely. One of the reasons for this perfect compatibility is that they have both, separately, fully complete personalities. They are able to have a great time being alone for the simple reason that they don’t need an opposite to get completed. Both of the signs are likely to fall for the other’s flaws, the flaws they are familiar with. Finding similar traits in each other is what they do best and it’s what keeps them together. They will make one of those couples that are just meant to be, together, they are capable of anything. Their stubbornness and their melancholic view on life might make them argue a lot, but their love is too deep for them to be apart. 


“The Sunshine” - GEMINI & SAGITTARIUS

They are completely on the same level. They get bored of anything constate, any routine, they can’t sit still, always moving forward. This clot of energy isn’t for everyone to handle, but perfect for each other! This is the couple who might end up travelling in a van all around the world, raising children on the road, and won’t stop until they’ve seen everything. They are made to be wild together! Partying, living their lives to the fullest in every way. Gemini is the mind in this couple, though. It’s usually the one who has a higher salary, a more stressful job and is the boss in the family. Sagittarius is totally cool with that, though, they aren’t seeking control, they are there to enjoy every second. Their love is strong, passionate but yet so peaceful and spontaneous. 


“Inseparable Dreams” - CANCER & VIRGO

Even though Virgos aren’t too romantic themselves, they like to absorb the tenderness and the open love that Cancers are ready to give. If a Virgo feels cherished, adored and appreciated, they will give the double of it back! This is a couple that will improve each other’s self-esteem, which both of them absolutely need. Completing each other, the Cancer becomes stronger emotionally and the Virgo outspoken and finally dares to open up. This is a love that won’t fade easily, won’t get destroyed by small, insignificant complications, it’s stronger than that since the partners depend on each other on a spiritual level. They might seem too attached and even grown one into another, but they are completely glad about it, they need each other more than they need anyone.


“Two Sides Of The Same Coin” - LEO & AQUARIUS

This couple is the definition of the famous saying “they are like two sides of the same coin.” They are very different at first sight, the Leo seems confident and outspoken, while the Aquarius is rather calm and shy, in fact, they are the same if you get to know them. The, so often artificial, Leo confidence turns into an incredibly generous love, care and harmony and the Aquarius’ timidity fades, they become open, talkative and a passionate. They hold each other so dear, they feel so fascinated by the fact that they are together, that they completely forget about everyone around. They can’t get enough of each other sexually and communicatively, they suddenly become affectionate and stop being attracted to many people at once, as they were used to be, because both of them finally feel like they’ve found what they needed most. A gorgeous couple worth admiring, and the main thing is, they know exactly how to make their partner look good! 


“The Domination Game” - SCORPIO & PISCES

These two are about opposites attracting. Even though they are both Water signs, I don’t know any other personalities as different as this couple. Not many people are ready to put up with the amount of emotions a Scorpio gives their partner. Intense love, hypersexuality, jealousy, impulsive hysterias. But this looks good for a Pisces. They are flattered of the attention they get, they enjoy the emotionality and know how to calm their lover. On the other side, the quite passive, patient and nonviolent Pisces doesn’t seem boring to a Scorpio at all. They love the fact of domination and full control they have over the adaptable Pisces, basically no one is standing in their way to live the life they want to. Which is perfect for the indecisive Pisces. They are also compatible sexually, their intimate life reflects their public one. And finally about their similarities: the sensibility and intensity of love Water signs are feeling, especially for each other, is beyond compare!