for-the-first-time-in-my-life

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So this weekend I went into a Torrid dressing room for the first time and my life was changed. Watch my vid to see me try on some v cute clothes and generally smile a lot because life is better when clothes actually fit ❤️

I’m alive. Barely. This month has just been………insane. Moving several times, being swung around in fucking circles with my life like a fucking rollercoaster that keeps dropping me then chucking me into the air, me feeling like I’m alone and nothing will work out and nobody’s ever going to help me, me feeling that this was the first time in my life I was really part of something and never totally alone…

My kids. My speech - apparently everyone cried. Apparently even some of the teachers cried, haha. The girls were definitely in tears throughout, and then two lines from me were just so tearjerker that I cried when I had to say them out loud. I’ve gotten mountains of letters, messages, presents, albums, photos, collages, drawings, gifts… Ryu-kun and his mother asked to meet me later this week. I’m trying to write one message each to all 70 of my 3rd years. I wrote two novella-length letters to my two boys. My speech contest boy heard me say offhand once that maybe I’ll be here up until October and keeps asking whether I’ll be around to help him practice, will I be able to see his contest in September, will I will I will I will I. His face lit up like a beacon when I said I had an email and a LINE address. And then Ryu-kun…god, I’m not ready to let either of you go, nor the other 68. …well, maybe 65. It’s a long story. I think that in some irony of all universal ironies, it’s the English teachers that I get along least well with now of all the staff.

The mama (barkeep) at the bar that we went to for the afterparty to my going away party said that I could and should sing professionally, lol. I said it’s only because I can sing English here, haha.

Also I’m in tears all the time now thinking about things, and I still don’t know whether I’m going to be in Japan or in the U.S. this Saturday, and…yeah, that’s…my life, right now. So many things to do, no time, gotta breathe, can’t, my kids my kids my kids.

Ryu-kun said to me in a letter that he still remembered how happy he was when I first tried to talk to him, how he was so anxious and didn’t know what to do but was saved by how I kept kindly approaching him, and “I don’t think I’d have been okay if you hadn’t been here, so I’m thankful that you were.”

buries face in hands and dies, trying to tell myself that it’s okay, that just maybe, I was here in the right place at the right time

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female awesome meme; 1/5 ladies with the best development: rachel green (f.r.i.e.n.d.s.)
“i was gonna give you a chance to apologize to me. you had no right coming down to my office. you don’t bring a picnic basket to somebody’s work! you want me to quit my job so you can feel like you have a girlfriend? do you realize this is the first time in my life i’m doing something I actually care about? the first time i’m doing something that I’m actually good at.”

“I grew up in an abusive household where I never got any approval.  I always felt unattractive and gross.  But everything changed the first time I walked into a gay club.  Everyone turned to look at me.  I was the newest thing.   I felt like I could have anyone I wanted.  It was the first time in my life that I felt a sense of power, and I became addicted to it.  I started using sex as a way to satisfy my juvenile need for approval.  And that need didn’t go away when I found …a long-term partner.  I tried to tell him about it one time.  We were walking in this park, and I told him about my strong desire to be with other people. I thought maybe if we could talk about my feelings, they would go away.  But he took it personally.  He teared up.  He looked like he’d been stabbed in the heart.  So I took it all back.  I never mentioned it again.  Until he caught me cheating on him.”

fanaticfandomfaun  asked:

I am a huge fan of your style! It's absolutely lovely! How long have you been drawing and how did you develop your own style?

 ive been drawing my whole life! (always an odd question for me bc like…. yall stopped drawing after kindergarten? what did you do all day??)

as for developing style, my biggest piece of advice is just! keep! drawing! its been a bit hard to follow my own advice lately because my depression keeps fucking up my motivation and for the first time in my life i just dont feel like drawing, at all, ever. but if youre having similar motivational issues or if youre just starting out and you just arent feeling satisfied with your art, dont give up! the less you draw the harder it will be! i have a personal policy (that i dont actually remember to follow) where even if i dont want to, even if i hate how it looks, i have to draw at least once a day every single day. i swear it will improve your work if you do this. its hard, i know, i havent been doing it, but follow my advice not my example! (honestly im the embodiment of that quote “I give myself very good advice, but I very seldom follow it.” by Lewis Carol)

the other piece of advise i have is honestly…… steal art. 

“gasp! but Kate,” you say, “stealing art is bad and wrong!!” you say, “i know because of all those ‘art theft is bad and wrong’ posts i reblog!”

look. thats not what im saying, im not telling any of you to try to pass anyone elses art as your own, or use other peoples art without their credit. dont to that its bad and wrong. what im saying is LOOK at other peoples art and copy what they do. copying other peoples art styles is how every artist has learned for centuries. i started out drawing myself as a powerpuff girl or as a pokemon character just like everyone else. hell, i used to straight up print out and trace drawings i found on deviant art, which is a perfectly viable way to learn styles (muscle memory) so long as you dont try to pass it off as your own work then honestly its not stealing.

for example recently i was trying to draw these cat characters i had come up with, and i could not for the life of me draw these cats they were just turning out so ugly,

so i was like “well fuck this, i just need to find a simpler style” and by some kind of MIRACLE, while i was looking up drawings of cats i stumbled across this one blog, daily cat drawings. and it was like, holy shit this is it this is the exact style i need to draw my cats in. so first thing i did was try to follow some of their drawings exactly, not tracing but the closest you can get by sight. 

this is one of dailycatdrawing’s drawings:

and this was my attempt to copy it:

after i felt like i kinda had it down i drew that athena. NOT based off of any one of dailycatdrawing’s pieces, but still using the basics of their style. after that i felt confident enough using this style to draw the rest of my cats and they turned out great! naturally i had to draw hermes again because i couldnt just use such a blatant copy of another artists work, and it turned out even better than before!

which proves my earlier advice about how every single time you draw youre improving! its also important to note that even if you try to copy an artists style exactly you will probably never have it perfectly, and thats a GOOD THING! because it means that you arent truly stealing someone elses work, youre just using it as an example of ONE WAY a drawing can be good. by paying attention to MANY artists styles you can use all of them together to make your own unique style! even trying to copy dailycatdrawing’s style to a T i still ended up using elements from other artists and my own experience to change the style just enough to make it personal. looking at hermes’ face you can tell ive unintentionally taken some inspiration from lackadaisy’s art style, another artist i really admire. 

this turned out way longer than i meant it to, sorry, i always get so caught up in explaining things when people ask for advice. hopefully this helped someone!

i just tried PEANUTBUTTER AND JAM TOGETHER AND WHAT THE FUCK IT TASTES SO GOOD HOLY SHIT HOW???? WHY I DIDNT KNOW THAT SOONER IM 24 FOR GODS SAKE ITS 24 YEARS WASTED EATING THIS SHIT SEPARATELY I JUST THOUGHT IT WAS ANOTHER AMERICAN BULLSHIT THING BUT NO !!! ITS ACTUALLY REALLY GOOD!!!!!! YOU MIGHT HAVE TRUMP BUT YOU’VE DONE THIS PB&J SHIT GOOD AMERICANS CONGRATS IM IMPRESSED

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Visual development of my short minute film this semester

(working with the lovely conversation of two old friends, hope it’ll be on the bbc site soon .o. )