“I was afraid of losing you”
This is honestly so heartbreaking though? Can you imagine how terrified Even was throughout their relationship after Isak had said youknowwhat to him in the locker room? How hard Even must have worked to keep it together? Because showing Isak even just a little bit of his mental illness would have ended everything? Can you imagine how hard Even tried to keep it together in the hotel that night? The desperation he must have felt to not let his mental illness surface? How incredibly difficult everything must have been for him? Thinking back to the school scene where Sonja tries to tell Isak about Even can you imagine how terrified Even was of that call? How scared he must have been when he left Isak? The anxiety he must have felt? It makes my stomach turn to be honest. I have been there. Trying my best to put on this facade that everything is okay and I am okay. Pretending to be a completely functional individual when you’re mental illness is pulling at you all day constantly reminding you that you are not has to be the greatest struggle I’ve ever had to deal with. It’s incredibly scary you are constantly analyzing everything you say and everyone’s reactions your movements are controlled your smiles are timed. It’s a battle you have to fight every single day. It’s horrible. It’s like you’re battling this thing that won’t leave you alone and on top of that you have to pretend that everything is okay that nothing is wrong. I honestly wouldn’t wish that existence on anyone because no one deserves to live like that and that is why we need to be able to talk about mental illness openly we have to stop demonizing it and the individuals who struggle with it. We didn’t ask for this, we don’t want it, but it’s there and it is constantly torturing us it’s constantly hurting us without our consent. I’m so happy that skam showed this struggle that Even has been having because man can I identify with that. With that fear of being found out. With that fear of losing people I care about because they might be scared or because they think they can’t help me so they keep their distance. I am so happy that Isak finally knows about Even being bipolar because this means that Even no longer has to pretend to be anything he can just be himself completely because at the end of the day even if our mental illnesses do not define us they are a part of us and one that we have to fight with for the rest of our lives and we shouldn’t have to hide it to receive acceptance or because we fear the way people are going to react.