for-all-your-feels

anonymous asked:

hey, could write something based on the idea of the reader being chubby and she is slowly starving herself without josh knowing, then one day when josh gets in the shower with her he notices that she feels thinner, then you can carry it on from there, maybe she has a breakdown idk

JOSH DUN IMAGINE

The end of the world starts when you get on the scale for the first time in six months.  Sure your jeans felt a little snug lately, and your shirts clung to you a bit more than normal.  But when you see that you’d gained twelve pounds, you immediately feel like throwing up.

You stare at the scale, swallowing heavily. Because it can’t happen. Not to you.

People already comment on your curves. And above all, you’ve seen how many people on twitter think you’re fat.

So adding those twelve pounds to the equation doesn’t help your situation. Not at all.

Your head feels fuzzy as you make your way downstairs, where Josh is conveniently washing the dishes from breakfast.  

He turns around once he hears your footsteps on the hardwood floor and smiles brightly.

“I made bacon and toast,” he declares proudly.  

You turn and look at the bacon sizzling on a pan on top of the stove with a neat stack of buttered toast beside it.  You clutch your stomach and shake your head.  

“I’m not feeling so great,” you lie.

“Oh no,” Josh says as he dries the pan in his hand, “think you’re coming down with something?”

You shrug, “Maybe,” you mutter before almost dashing out the door for work.  You ignore the puzzled look on his face, anything to avoid him right now.  

The things was, you’d never been the thinnest girl on the block. You were a chubby baby, a pudgy five-year-old, a thicker seven-year-old.

So you start because you want to. You’ll just loose a few pounds.  Who knows?  Maybe Josh would be a little more attracted to you.  Maybe you’d start to feel like you actually deserved him.  

You start to wake up before Josh, so that you can claim you’ve eaten cereal or toast, when really you just nibble on a couple of orange slices or skip breakfast entirely.  And you almost always toss out the lunch that you pack in front of him.  Dinner is a little trickier, but you get away with only taking a few bites by talking a lot, and just cutting your food into small pieces, and then swirling it around your plate.  

You also start spending a lot of time standing in front of the mirror, looking at yourself. You want— need to just fix it. You need to be perfect, so you start telling yourself bad things.

God, Y/N. How can you stomach looking at yourself like this? You’ve got fat pooling over your waistband. That is revolting, you look… you look disgusting, people aren’t supposed to grow out like this. Why don’t you just stop? Stop cramming your face for ten minutes. Obviously it does bad things to you. Just stop. This is disgusting; you are disgusting. Do you not see it? How do you not see it?! How have you let this go for so long? How could you do this to yourself?

You grip the edge of the sink, looking at your every curve and finding a fault because shit, you’re not just curvy. You’re fat.  You are so fat. It really is gross, and it’s everywhere. You’re drowning in it.

Stop eating, stop eating, stop eating, stop eating, stop eating, stop eating, stop eating, stop eating, stop eating, this is so bad for you, stop eating stop eating stop eating, stop eating, stop eating. You’ll never look right if you don’t stop eating. You’ll stay like this if you don’t stop eating. Stop eating, stop eating, stop eating.

Stop eating, stop eating, stop eating, stop eating. You don’t deserve it. You don’t deserve it.

After a month, it’s become really easy to ignore the ache. It’s even easier to ignore the buzz and blur in your head, the stress and pain in your muscles. You still spend a lot of time of standing in front of the mirror, pulling and stretching and pinching your body and contorting it into the shape you desire. You mold your thighs like clay, presses your ankles together and locks your knees to examine the space between your legs.  You frown.

Really, you know it’s stupid, and it’s not healthy, but you can’t help that you feel better when you’re in control. And it’s not like it’s out of hand.  Because you can eat when you absolutely need to, and you recognize when you do need to.

It’s just that…well the truth of it is, it’s just that you can’t escape the thoughts.  And it’s just that you can’t stop obsessively scrolling through every inch of twitter, focusing on the tweets about how you’ve really let yourself go, and Josh deserves better. Those ones hurt.  Mostly, because you agree.

The scale says you’ve lost nineteen pounds.  What you’d gained and then some.

Just a little bit more, you tell yourself.  Then you can be lovable again.

Your relationship with Josh had been strained.  

You felt so uncomfortable when he touched your body lately, terrified that he’d feel your rolls or how soft you were.  You’d always pull away when he tried anything more than a kiss, and when he pinched your sides the other day, you thought you might explode right on the spot.

You noticed how defeated and distant he’d become.  And you really did feel awful.  You wanted to tell him, wait just a little bit longer.  Then you’d be skinny and beautiful and the it’ll all have been worth it.  

You realize that might not be realistic one morning when he finally explodes on you.  You were stirring your coffee in the kitchen when he came up behind you, wrapping his arms around your torso and resting his head on your shoulder.  It was a sweet gesture, but all you could focus on was his palm pressed into the thick of your tummy.  You instinctually rolled your shoulder back, shrugging him off and turning so your back was to the counter instead.  

“God, Y/N! Just tell me what I did wrong!” He says, frustrated.  

You cradle your coffee and act dumb.  “What are you talking about?”

He shakes his head, “You know what I’m talking about.  You’ve been so distant lately.  God- you don’t even let me touch you anymore!”

You bite your lip and stare down at the floor, trying to think of an excuse on the spot that will explain your behavior to him.   Cause I’m fucking insane, you think.

But it’s too late.  Josh shakes his head and scoffs.

“Forget it,” he mutters before turning and walking away.  

You don’t dare to stop staring at the floor until you hear the front door slam shut behind him.  

You immediately felt the influx of tears as they pricked your eyes and you knew that you’d have to suck it up and be intimate with Josh, you didn’t want to lose him.

You were twenty five pounds down.  Maybe that was enough.  At least for now.  At least for Josh not to be repulsed by you.  

You found him sitting on the couch later that night, still sweaty from the run he’d taken.  He was cooling off and watching a program on TV.  

You took a deep breath and wrapped your arms around yourself before sitting beside him.  At first he said nothing.  He just stared straight ahead like you weren’t even there.  When you reached out and took his hand in both of yours, he finally turned his attention to you.  You thought you’d be met with anger.  Instead, his eyes were soft and… almost sad.  It made your chest ache.

“You’re right,” you said, staring down at your hands held together, “I’ve been distant and awful and I’m sorry.”

A few moments passed before he responded, “You don’t have to be sorry.  I wish you’d talk to me.”  

“I just haven’t been myself lately,” you whispered.  “Stress at work- I took it out on you, and I’m sorry.”

When you look up and finally meet his gaze, you can tell he doesn’t fully believe you.  But before he can protest, you lean forward and gently press your lips to his.  You stay there for a while, just kissing on the couch like teenagers.  Josh brings his hand to your cheek and cups it lightly, before deepening the kiss.  His hands travel down to your side, and your heart starts to race as his fingers ghost over your side.  You pull back, breathless.

“Let’s hop in the shower,” you suggest.  

Josh traces his finger along your jaw, his lips pressed together.  You place your hand over his and he nods, letting you lead him up the stairs and into the bathroom.

You were lost in your own thoughts once you entered the bathroom, terrified to undress in front of Josh for the first time in so long.  You wondered if he’d notice that you were skinnier.  You wondered if he’d be okay with your body now.  What if he was still disgusted? What if he didn’t even want to touch you?  

Thoughts and scenarios race through your mind as you slowly start to strip in the corner of the bathroom.  You pull off your oversized sweater, then your tank top, then your sweatpants… Your arms felt flabby against your sides, your thighs still touched…

Only when you hear a sudden clatter do you jolt out of your mind and look up.  Josh had knocked your hairbrush on the ground.  But when your eyes travel up to his, you see them staring wide back.  

You immediately feel self conscious and try to cover up, you fold your arms across yourself and cross your legs.  

Suddenly everything made sense to Josh. The last few months flashed before his eyes. How you always skipped breakfast and never finished dinner.

He lets out a gasp and you feel like you’re on fire. Josh starts walking towards you. This only caused you to walk backwards until you hit the wall behind you.

“Baby…” He started but was interrupted by you.

“Don’t say anything Josh, I know.”

“What do you mean?” Josh asked.

“I know that I’m fat. You don’t have to tell me.”

“What?” he said in disbelief.  Like it was the most absurd thing he’d ever heard.

“I-I’m s-sor-ry.” You sobbed as you finally collapsed into Josh’s awaiting arms. He carefully slid the both of you down onto the cold tile and pulled you in closer; whispering soothing words as he rocked you back and forth.

“Why would you think that, baby?” He murmured after your sobs had settled into tiny, quiet sniffles against Josh’s now-damp shirt. He let out a quiet sigh when you refused to answer and pulled you a little closer to him.

“Baby, you’re so small-” he chokes, “I didn’t notice cause of the clothes. Is this about stuff on twitter?” He takes your whimper as a yes before continuing. “People on twitter are animals, they’re so, so wrong.” He murmured, his fists clenching against your back as he thought about how much you were hurting.

“Y/N, talk to me, baby. Tell me what’s going on,“ he pleaded.

“I just-“ you tried to speak, but another sob came out instead.

“Shhh,” he cooed.  He held your head firmly against his chest and stroked your hair.  

“I just wanted to be enough,” you finally choked out.  “I just wanted to be skinny so you would want me.” You whispered sadly against his chest blinking fresh tears from your eyes.

Josh grew stiff, and it took him a moment to respond.  You hear him take a deep breath before speaking, “Why would you ever think I didn’t want you?” His voice is so serious and firm.  

“Because of what people were saying- and I gained weight and I looked disgusting…”

Josh pulled back and held you weakly out in front of him, he shook your shoulders lightly and stared at you sternly, “Here’s what I’m saying.  It kills me to see you like this, because you- you’re, like, the brightest star in the whole goddamned sky.  And it’s not fair, but people will always try to find a way to make you feel dull and force you to think less of yourself just because they’re not as bright as you are. You are beautiful, Y/N and you’re healthy and strong and kind and I love you.” Josh takes an unsteady breath, trying to regain some type of composure before continuing. “I love you for everything that you are.  And I will say this again and again until you believe me, but I’m not gonna leave you, love. I would be the stupidest guy on this planet if I ever did. Because I do love you, baby. Don’t ever forget that.“ He murmured.

You had to blink a few times to make the tears stop from blurring your vision.  

”I love you too,” you whispered, and then there were a pair of warm lips against yours and arms wrapping around your body. It was a sweet and chaste kiss, just a simple pressing of lips.

“You gotta take care of yourself,” Josh says when he pulls away, his voice lighter than usual, as if he were on the verge of tears.  “I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

“I’m so sorry-“ you choke out again, feeling so guilty for making Josh this scared.

"It’s okay, baby, it’s okay.” Josh whispers in your ear, leading you gently to your feet.

“I’m just so tired.” You closed your eyes, letting the darkness envelope you. You need it to help you forget how disappointed you are in yourself. How scared you are that maybe Josh is too.

“Come on baby; let’s go to bed, yeah?” Josh presses a final kiss on your temple, then guides you back towards the bedroom.  He breaks away to start organizing the sheets for you both to sleep on, even though they’re going to get wrinkles in two minutes.

Before you can manage to comprehend what’s going on, the world is upside down and you yelp out in surprise.

“Josh, no, put me down!” you scream, trying to pretend it doesn’t make your mood immediately lighten up a bit. “Put me down!”

Josh’s laugh is echoing in your ear, and he starts walking towards the bed with you on his shoulder. "I don’t think I will.”

Suddenly you’re being tossed on your bed, Josh crawling right after you, kissing you on the mouth, nose, then sliding to kiss your belly, your thighs.

“Don’t you dare to say my girlfriend is fat.” Josh says huskily while kissing you next to your belly bottom, causing you to blush and squirm in delight. “I love every inch of you.”

Josh comes back up, wrapping you in a tight grip, his body covering all of you, and you can’t feel those extra pounds, can’t feel any of your weight right now, like this.

And if after a few months you started accepting your body, it’s only because Josh can’t stop manhandling you all over your apartment, or kissing you every chance he got, or telling you how much he loved you.

When the signs are the happiest

Check Sun, Moon & Venus

Aries is happiest when they are able to do exciting things, & probably fight a lil
Bonus: they’re super cute when they’re happy ‘cause they get all flushed and when you say it they’ll be embarrassed & it’s adorable

Taurus is happiest when they’re trusted & can trust people, and when their financial (& material) status is good.
Bonus: buy them something expensive and you’ll get showered in love, the down side is they’ll get pouty every time you leave to go to the store & you can’t say no to their cutie pie face.

Gemini feels happiest when they’re talking to someone they like or express themselves artistically or spiritually.
Bonus: Geminis love when you remember lil things about them like what they like in their coffee or how late they go to sleep, they’re detailed and get shiny eyes when you remember/mention small things you like about them.

Cancer feels happiest when they’re nurturing/caring for others and being taken care of and when their home life is doing good.
Bonus: meet their parents and notice how they’ll sit there studying your face for five minutes as you smile softly at their fathers comment. They’re memorisers.

Leo is happiest when they feel confident about themselves and make others feel good by being generous (both spiritually and in material).
Bonus: when they give you something they’ll get fidgety because they genuinely hope you love it. So even if you don’t like it, act like you do because c'mon man they probably spend like 6 hours in the store looking for the perfect gift.

Virgo feels happiest when they’re overcoming their self criticism & able to analyse others.
Bonus: they’ll want to see every inch of you, everything. No matter what, they’ll remember you and all your little details.

Libra feels happiest when loved and in love, also when they have good relationship.
Bonus: the type to send sweet paragraphs for you to wake up to & send boxes of chocolate to your house when ur sick and even though they make you puke it’s worth it because they bought them.

Scorpio feels happiest when being able to be sarcastic/witty with someone while still being able to have deep ass talks with them.
Bonus: will talk about how the stars fell down in your eyes and rest in the spectrum of the rim of your *insert your aesthetic eye colour* hued eyes. Will take you on long walks and give you roses for anniversaries, the perfect definition of completely tied down to one person.

Sagittarius is happiest when their freedom is respected and they’re able to talk deeply with someone.
Bonus: they’re the type of people to wear bright red lipstick and indie band merch & go to ComicCon ‘cause they’re lowkey geeks. They’ll squeeze your hand when you hold theirs and dance with you in the rain, will later complain about pneumonia & make you take care of them.

Capricorn feels happiest when they’re respected, have a good career and good self discipline.
Bonus: they’ll stroke ur skin like it’s gold & call you soft, they’ll kiss your eyelids and they’ll turn off your alarm for work because they saw how tired you were last night. They’ll leave sticky pads all over the house with cute lil compliments and make you breakfast granola when sick (even if they hate it).

Aquarius is happiest when they’re able to be different and independent and everyone is equally as respected.
Bonus: talks about feminism with sparkling eyes and wants gender neutrality more than anything in the world, gives hugs from behind and kisses your neck ‘cause you’re their treasure.

Pisces is happiest when they’re being cuddled tbh, when they have someone to be with and are respected. When they have their dreaming space and aren’t judged.
Bonus: they don’t see your flaws as flaws but rather as cracks of pure gold in a lovely vase, they’ll hug you really tight and tell you how lovely you are. Loves late night talks & music. Kind of an over thinker but wouldn’t want you to get hurt, ever.

Roommates (M)

Originally posted by bwipsul

╳ Pairing: Jimin x Reader 

╳ Genre: (one shot) smut and kinda fluff & angst ??

╳ Summary: Being roommates with your best friend can be fun until one day you look at him differently. 

(this is something that I found that I had written months ago and just decided to post it!!)


The day you looked at your best friend as more than a friend, you knew you were screwed. It happened out of nowhere. You just woke up one morning and looked at him differently. You were never going to tell anyone, you weren’t stupid. That would just lead to Jimin being freaked out and nothing being the same. Risking your friendship with Jimin was not worth the little crush you had on him.

Deciding that you couldn’t fall back asleep, you got up to start the morning. Walking into the kitchen to get some breakfast, you didn’t notice your best friend standing there.

“Holy shit! Jimin, you scared me!” You yelled, clutching your chest.

“What’s gotten you so jumpy?” Jimin asks, laughing while opening the refrigerator

Keep reading

Venus in the Houses

In the 1st: The Knight

You wear your heart on your sleeve not in sensitivity, but with bravery. You come as you are; always ready to fight for what you love.

In the 2nd: Dionysus

The melody in your heart oozes out of you as a siren song, taking pleasure in all you feel in your heart. You let the richness take over your very being.

In the 3rd: The Hummingbird

Ever-flitting, ever-flying; so envied and admired. You move impossibly fast, it takes focus to see your wings oh but we hear the beautiful music they make as you pass us by with your jeweled feathers.

In the 4th: The Envelope

Your lover is your letter, you the envelope. You carry them safely to their destination, recognizing precious words and beauty as the truth. Oh but how easily battered you can be, please bubble-wrap your loving heart.

In the 5th: The Leather Jacket

You wear your heart as a coat, whether worn or new or real or fake. You exist as a symbol of yourself you create out of your own fabric. Expression is your savior, savor it.

In the 6th: The Furrowed Brow

The worrier, the servant, the loyal. You do not let it all show, you stand poised and sure but that one little crease, that only little wrinkle expresses it all. You do not have to stand impossibly tall, sit down. It’s okay.

In the 7th: The Nymph

Either fairy or seductress, you walk lightly and nervously about. You are sweet, whispered nothings in the sunset fields; whether they mean something or not…

In the 8th: The Taxidermist

You sculpt around you in stillness and a resistance to trust and to allowing the world to move around you. Your taboo necromancy is intense and even scary, but if they looked beneath they’d see that you simply create out of what is before you.

In the 9th: The Wanderer

The free spirit full of self-destructive flightiness, unwilling to fully let go for what else is out there? You feel yourself on the precipice, not sure whether to let go and fall down down down into the wind or continue to resist.

In the 10th: The Willow

The wise beauty of movement and stillness wrapped together in harmony with all around you. That surprising snap and wit lurking in your calming vines, it haunts and provides all at once.

In the 11th: The Amphibian

Master of water and land, you can go in and out with ease, but can’t quite seem to choose which you truly want. Perhaps the company around you is enough, but maybe if you dive down deeper or climb up higher you’ll find something better than you recognize.

In the 12th: The Saved

They fall into the hot spring in the middle of the night with you, sipping wine and sharing kisses and admissions of vulnerability that drift into the night. But don’t let them drown, for they so easily can if they are not wary.

How to Find Direction in your Life

1. Keep a journal where you record all your different thoughts, feelings and ideas. Look for patterns and consistency – ideas that grab you and get stronger over time.

2. Explore new passions, interests and hobbies. Some of those will stick and intensify; others will slowly fade and disappear.

3. Step outside your comfort zone and try and break with your old routine. That will lead you in different directions, release creative thoughts, and spark some fresh ideas.

4. Talk to people to get different perspectives, and listen to their feedback, and points of view.

5. Have the self-confidence to listen to your heart, and work of developing your creativity.

6. Review your current goals – and how much they mean to you. Ask yourself: Do you still feel motivated, energised and inspired?

7. Surround yourself with people who are optimistic, positive, affirming, and who want the best for you. Also, it may help to widen your circle of friends as that helps to uncover different aspects of yourself.

anonymous asked:

can you like briefly describe some signs of emotional abuse... like i've read a lot of articles on it but i feel like they are spittng bs at me if that makes sense?? idk

that makes sense, i know the feeling.

the thing about emotional abuse is that it doesn’t take just one form, it can range from complete and repeated neglect of another person’s feelings to straight up manipulation and verbal lambasting. that’s the most insidious thing about it, it’s very hard to pinpoint. because it’s so wide-ranging, it’s hard to accept that you are or have been emotionally abused. in most cases, if you feel like you are being abused by someone, you most likely are. once it gets to the point where you feel like you can use the word ‘abuse’, even if it feels so so heavy, you’re probably there.

i think that if a person is neglecting your feelings, not taking them into account when/if you bring them up, continually doing things that hurt you even when you bring up to them that it hurts you, and making you feel wrong/crazy/irrational when you bring them up, that’s emotional abuse. if the person somehow always seems to make you feel wrong or guilty/they turn it back around on you when you bring up what they’re doing that’s hurting you,that’s manipulation, and that’s emotional abuse. you’ll most likely stop bringing up to them things that hurt you because you know it’s going to be spun back around to make you feel guilty.

if, in your relationship (whether it’s romantic, platonic, or familial), you constantly feel like you are being drained of emotion/energy or being used for constant emotional labor without the person doing anything in return for you, that’s emotional abuse. relationships are about mutual giving and taking. if you are constanty giving and they ate takiny and taking, they’re taking advantage of you, they know they are, and they often don’t feel bad or guilty about it at all. they will continue to take and take from you because they know that they can. that’s emotional abuse.

if you feel like you’re walking on eggshells around this person, if you feel like this person is isolating you from everyone else, if you feel like this person is tearing you down, if you feel like this person is not supporting you the way that you support them, if you feel like this person is completely disregarding your feelings all the time, that’s emotional abuse. and it may come in the form of something like “well, i lied to you/did this because i didn’t want to hurt or upset you, because i knew you’d be upset” which is a way that abusers try to paint themselves as the good guy when they’re hurting you. it makes you, the victim, feel bad and guilty and like you have no right to be upset, even though you absolutely do. they absolve themselves of guilt that way to make themselves feel better, not you, and that’s not fair, and they really don’t care about your feelings.

a common misconception about emotional abuse is that is has to be intentional on the abuser’s part, which isn’t always true. someone can be abusing you without even realizing they’re doing it because they’re so caught up in their own needs that they fail to realize that they’re abusing, taking advantage of, and manipulating you. that doesn’t mean it isn’t abuse; in fact, it shows that they care so little about your feelings that they don’t even realize what they’re doing, and that’s fucked up. (http://thexfiles.tumblr.com/post/157356728735/the-insidious-power-of-abuse-is-that-it-comes-from)

i know you asked for a short response, so i’m sorry that this is so long and scatterbrained. i’m in class and i can’t sit down and formulate a cogent response, but i’m incredibly passionate about this and wanted to respond as soon as i could.

here are some additional links about emotional abuse that i’ve found particularly helpful:
http://thexfiles.tumblr.com/post/157356728735/the-insidious-power-of-abuse-is-that-it-comes-from
http://cannibal-rainbow.tumblr.com/post/137573548343/why-people-get-trapped-by-emotional-abusers-why
http://the-courage-to-heal.tumblr.com/post/104033300849/source
http://internal-acceptance-movement.tumblr.com/post/58161291797
http://thatdiabolicalfeminist.tumblr.com/post/143342352954/some-common-abuse-tactics
https://closet-keys.tumblr.com/post/148173822103/friendlyangryfeminist-abusers-are-really-good
http://cannibal-rainbow.tumblr.com/post/145963754033/hyper-empathys-function-in-abuse-and-trauma

take care. 💛

🔮Tarot Reading Tips🔮

Some tips that can help us tarot readers with finding and connecting the meanings of the cards in a spread!

  • Meditate on the cards for a while if you don’t know the meaning. Crystals present during the reading will also aide you in getting answers. I like to use my Amethyst crystal during readings to get answers.
  • Try to feel your way throughout the whole spread, this helps with developing intuition and psychic abilities.
  • Look at the colors on each card. What color is most present throughout the spread? Do they mean anything? What do you feel it means?
  • If characters are present in your spread, look at the direction they are all facing. Are they looking at each other or away? This helps with finding their connections in the spread. I find that it also helps me in partner spreads as you can tell how one person feels about the other.
  • Recurring themes throughout the spread is also important to note. For example, if cups keep showing up in a spread this can mean that emotions are very present relating to the situation.
  • Seeing what card lies on the bottom of the deck usually helps me as it shows the past feelings or it may even be the foundation of the spread. May also be the current feeling that is present for a person.
  • Most of all use your own gut feelings to interpret. Combine both the meanings of the cards with your own intuition and you will be on the right path of interpreting!
Help with learning to love yourself

1. Learn to let go of what happened in the past. You deserve a new start and a fresh beginning. We’ve all messed up and experienced bad things. So don’t allow these memories to rob you of your future. You’re not just a product and a victim of your past. Acknowledge and work through any negative emotions – then put them behind you and start to live again.

2. Work on forgiving yourself. Related to point 2, don’t punish yourself for your past failings or regrets. Instead, see them as a lesson, and a chance to learn and grow. Don’t ridicule, demean or devalue yourself. That was then – this is now … You are different - so move on.

3. Keep a journal where you write down all your thoughts and feelings. When you’re feeling positive, try to savour those emotions and a build a memory trace of all that’s good and positive. When you’re feeling negative try to show some self-compassion, and seek to be gentle and kind to yourself. You need to work on validating and affirming yourself – not being your own enemy and tearing yourself down.

4. Be persistent as you work on accepting yourself. A key part of love is unconditional acceptance. So work on loving who you are right now. Only then will you be able to change some parts of yourself – because you’re able to accept who you are at the core.

5. Trust yourself. You don’t have to please others, or to follow their dictates. Learn to trust your intuition and your own personal judgments.

6. Practice saying “no”. It’s okay to say “no” without feeling guilty. You have the right to decide what you’ll do with your life.

7. Practice receiving and accepting love from others. Know you’re worthy of love – and other people really mean it when they say that you matter, and they love and care for you.

6

Before, when you all confessed your feelings to me… I took advantage of your kindness and made all of you wait for my answer. But… I finally realize what it is. To think it took all of this for me to get it… I hate how clueless I was, but… I finally know now. I love Mutsumi-senpai.

An Inconvenient Circumstance

Word count: 4890
Genre: Smut
Warnings: Rough sex, slight domination, slight choking/breath play.
Summary: When you’re stuck in an elevator that’s stopped working, what else is there to do to pass the time?

You stood awkwardly in the elevator, stealing glances at the man beside you, his intimidating features making you look back almost every seconds. How long does it take to get to the ground floor??? You looked upwards, still on one of the highest floors, so you would have to stand here awkwardly a while longer.

The men beside you looked very handsome, intimidatingly handsome and it appealed to you so much and you didn’t understand quite why. He had snakebite piercings, and another piercing at his eyebrow, his hair was slicked backwards and black, his shoulders broad, he wore a tight black tank top with a leather jacket and jeans. His expression sported a resting bitch face, but a fucking hot one. You were completely opposite to him, you wore a blazer with a fancy top with skinny black jeans and black heels as you were leaving from a late interview you just had, you gave a slight wave to your hair, making sure you looked formal enough to please your interviewer.  

You would have been shocked if he couldn’t tell how much you were staring at him. You kept to one side of the elevator, while he kept to his. Not looking each other in the eye to avoid anymore tension in the elevator, there was already so much that you could cut it with a butter knife. You watched the floors slowly change. Was the elevator going in slow motion or something? You sighed as you checked the time on your watch and then suddenly you flung from the wall as the elevator came to a sudden stop, the elevator flung you to the floor and you gasped, but two arms caught you right before impact, the man lifted you back up and allowed you to regain your balance before removing his arms from your body.

“Thank you” you said to him, locking eyes with him for the first time and seeing how beautifully brown they were, you couldn’t help but stare down when his intense gazed locked on you for too long.

“You’re welcome” he said to you, staring up at the elevator, which was no longer moving. Once he realised it wasn’t about to keep going he started to get impatient.

“What the fuck” he said, as the lights flickered every now and then. The elevator was officially stuck, just fucking great. He attempted to press the emergency button but it gave him an electric shock back and he cursed in response.

“I guess it’s not working…” you sighed.

“No shit” You stared at him as his anger started to boil and the elevator started to get hotter every second.

“HEY!” he shouted out repeatedly.

“No one is going to hear you”

He ignored you, his anger rising as he started to bang on the elevator doors, punching them with enough strength that you actually saw a small dent left in the door.

“Hey! Can you calm down!” he ignored you again, ready to punch the door again so you quickly grabbed him arm, pulling him back.

“No! Who knows how fucking long we are going to be stuck in here”

“Yeah it sucks! but leaving dents in the door isn’t going to help either of us so stop!” He focused his glare on you, his angry gaze once again melting you and you had to stare away.

“Whatever” he said in defeat.

You both stood there in silence and frustration as ages past and it felt like forever each second you were stuck in there.

“There’s barely anyone in the building its night time do they even know we are here???” You broke the silence finally, expressing your worries.

He ignored you once again, his ignorance starting to frustrate you and you scoffed.

“We are both stuck here the least you could do is fucking talk” This caught his attention.

“What do you want me to say!?” he asked back, his tone filled with annoyance.

“Anything!” you waved your hands around in frustration, just signalling for him to do anything,
“Whats your name!” you asked him, trying to initiate any conversation, hoping he would take part.

“Jaebum”

“He speaks! I’m y/n”

“We’ll I might have said its nice to meet you but under the circumstances, it’s not.” His blunt honesty kind of made you laugh.

“That’s fair enough, ditto” He smirked back at you, the mostly friendly thing he has done this whole time.

You two finally started to make some small talk and he opened up, he asked about your interview and you asked him questions too, the time passing a bit quicker, but the elevator was heating up which was making the situation more unbearable.
You stared at the time on your watch and you were shocked.

“We have been in here for almost 2 hours! It’s almost midnight!” He just looked at you and shook his head, he didn’t bother trying to reassure you about getting out or anything like that because he knew it was useless, you two could be in there all night.

You started to fan your face and you noticed tiny sweat beads on his face across you, glistening on his forehead.

“Fuck its getting to hot, how you’re still wearing that leather jacket is beyond me” you said, you took of your blazer, you tight formal top showing underneath, and he stared at you as you took it off, your chest glistening with tiny dots of sweat and he couldn’t help but stare as you chest moved up and down from the rising heat. Watching you just made him sweat and get even more hotter so in response he decided to take off his jacket too. You watched him as he did so, his muscles flexing, and his arms toned and gorgeous as you stared at them, silently thanking for his choice in a black singlet. But you shook your head and discarded any inappropriate thoughts away.

The heat was getting to you both, your cheeks flushing, both of you breathing heavier, trying to keep up small talk but you were both just concentrated on fanning yourself. Sweat was glistening down the both of you and you both leaned on the walls off the elevator.

“Fuck I can’t do this anymore” He said, leaning his head up and you watched his neck as he swallowed, his adams apple moving up and down as he did so, his movements flustering you. He put his face back down and stared at you, catching you stare at him and you quickly turned away but he shot a smirk at you, such a cocky smirk that it sent a tingle down your back. You kept your place against the wall but he pushed himself off it it, moving towards you, his hands in his pockets. You looked up at his eyes, his pupils dilated so suddenly.

“What are you doing?” you asked him as he moved dangerously close to you.

“I can think of something to pass the time” he said, his deadly smirk making your face flush bright pink.

“Don’t be silly” you attempted to move away from him but his arms leaned on the wall, encasing your body and trapping you in the corner of the elevator.

“I see the way you have been staring at me, it’s not exactly subtle” you shied at his words, trying to stare at anything but his face. His hand came down to your chin, pulling your face upwards to look at him.

“We are going to be in here a while” was the last thing he said to you, you gulped as his lips came closer and closer to yours, but you weren’t moving away, you wanted this, you didn’t know what it was about him that made you want this so much but the urge was impossible to resist, so when his lips finally reached yours, you let him kiss you. You kissed him back immediately, his lips molding into your own and you felt his shit eating grin in the kiss.

“Knew you couldn’t resist”

“Just shut up” you said, bringing his face back down to yours. You both melted into each others lips. His tongue pushed into your mouth, and he dominated over you, licking around and nibbling on your bottom lip whenever he had to pull away to breathe. The hotness of the elevator made you two breathe even heavier, your chests rising up and down very fast as sweat trickled down your foreheads. His hands grabbed at your sides, pushing you back roughly against the elevator wall as his deep kisses became rougher, your hands grabbed at his hair and tugged roughly as your tongues battled together. You moaned into the kiss, the roughness overwhelming you and arousing you all at the same time and he was definitely living up to his intimidating appearance as he pressed you against the wall with his hips. You were trapped in him and you loved it. His hands dug into your hips, grabbing roughly at the hem off you shirt and pulling it above your head and throwing it behind him. You continued kissing and you grabbed at his shirt, discarding it from his body. You ogled at him for the shortest moment, taking in his broad shoulders and toned chest while he unclipped your bra, pulling it off your chest.

His lips moved to your neck, biting harshly and roughly while his hands grabbed onto your breasts, rubbing them roughly at the same time.

“Fuck Jaebum” you moaned as his teeth dug into your skin and your nipples hardened against his touch.  He bit down harder in response to hearing his name, groaning against your skin and you gasped as he left numerous marks and deep bruises all over your neck, the feeling so painfully pleasurable and you couldn’t describe it. The rising heat of the elevator just amplified the feeling of the situation and you could feel your arousal in your panties getting wetter and wetter by each second as his hands explored your body, squeezing on your hips, your breasts and tugging you into whatever place he wanted you to be and you let him have complete control over your body. Your hands grabbed at his hair tightly as his lips moved to your breasts, sucking on your breasts and leaving wet spots as he spread out his rough kisses, your breath hitched in your throat as he bit down onto your breasts, turning them into a perfect shade of purple and blue as he left bruises and marks on you.

You moaned and moaned as he returned the pleasure to the other breast while licking and rubbing at the same time. Your breasts perked for him and boosted his ego as he hardened his treatment, rubbing both of your breasts roughly in his hands while licking in between.

“Fuck they’re so perfect” he said to you and you moaned at his words, his face came back to yours as he started kissing you again. He grabbed both of your hands with just one of his, pinning them above your head and against the wall as he nibbled on your bottom lip. His other hand came up to your neck, squeezing very lightly lifting your head up to face him. His lips crashed onto yours as the grip on your neck didn’t loosen, making it harder for you to breath but the feeling excited you and you wanted more. Your tongue explored his mouth as his did the same and you both groaned into the kiss, his grip on your neck getting the littlest bit tighter, your hands struggled in his, wanted to touch him and run them through his hair but he didn’t let you, keeping your hands above you.

His hands finally let go of your neck and your own hands, moving down your body on to the floor, looking up at you as he took your shoes off, sliding them behind him, he moved back up, towering in front of you and staring straight into your eyes as his hands slid down the zipper of your jeans but not sliding them down your legs just yet. One of his hands gripped your hips, making sure you were pushed into the wall while the other slowly slid into your pants, your head rolled back as he rubbed you tormentingly over your panties, allowing you to acknowledge just how wet you have become and you sighed at the feeling.

“Already so wet for me” His hand on your waist grabbed your chin, lowering your face down to look at him and you kept your eyes on each other as he rubbed you slowly and deeply over and over again.

“Keep looking at me y/n, don’t look away, I want to see your face as I pleasure you…” you did as he told, keeping your gazes on each other and trying your best not to look away when his thumb ran rougher over you. You chest breathed heavy, your breasts bumping into his own toned chest every time you breathed. He moved his hand into your panties, rubbing his thumb slowly but deeply over your clit and you hissed at the feeling, cursing under your breath as you continued to stare at him, yours and his eyes dilated with lust, the mirrors in the elevator officially steaming up.

As his thumb rounded your clit his fingers rubbed you up and down, coating your wetness all over you before sliding two fingers inside of you.

“FucK!” you almost tore you gaze away as he started pumping inside of you, sticking with a slow pace that roamed around inside you, feeling your walls from side to side as his fingers moved round and round inside you and all you wanted to do was roll your head back, but instead, you settled with gripping his shoulders for dear life.

“Good girl, keep it up” he said to you as you continued to follow his instruction. As he pushed his fingers in as deep as possible he continued to roam your insides, fingers slightly curling inside you which made you writhe in response to him, barely being able to stand still from all the pleasure. You could feel his ring as he pushed his fingers in and out of you and it just amplified your pleasure by a million. More and more curses started to leave your mouth until Jaebum came to a halt, removing his hand from your clit and you inside, bringing his fingers up to your lips and you took them in your mouth straight away, sucking and licking his fingers as you tasted yourself on him, keeping your eyes on him as you did so, the look you’re giving him making him groan and the bulge in his pants starting to grow.

You released his fingers from your mouth with a lewd pop and licked around your lips. You both stared at each other deeply as he started dragging your pants and panties down you legs, as they reach the floor you kicked out of them and he pushed them behind him. You reached for his jeans, undoing the button and zip and dragging his jeans and boxers down to the floor, discarding them also. His erection sprang free and you only tore your eyes away for a second to glance at the impressive length before concentrating your look back onto him. As you were about to get down onto your knees he stopped you.

“Not yet baby” he said as he kept you trapped against the elevator wall. The small space in the elevator was heated up and the mirror was officially steamed out, sweat was running down both of your skin and you couldn’t help but admire the way it made him glisten. Jaebum dropped onto his knees, looking up at you as his hand returned to your core, pushing three fingers now inside you and you almost screamed as he immediately settled for full speed, the coarse feeling of his ring making your walls clench around his fingers. As his fingers continued their sins his face moved to your clit, and his tongue started to lick you, at a complete opposite speed from his fingers. His tongue slowly lapped at your clit, little kitten licks that were driving you absolutely insane and you wanted more but you couldn’t say the words. You kept your stare at him, trying your very best not to look away, but it was getting harder each second.

“OhHH ~ Fu-ck!” his licks on your clit started to get deeper and you felt your legs starting to tremble and shake, I guess Jaebum felt it too, so he used his spare hand to hold you up. His fingers curled inside you and he started to nibble and suck on your clit and you couldn’t stare at him any longer, your head rolled back in pleasure hitting the elevator wall and you moaned and groaned and cursed, lewd noises spilling from your mouth and if no one knew you two were stuck here, they probably know now…

Your hands tugged at his hair roughly, pushing his face further into you. You rolled your hips back and forth for more friction but he stopped you immediately, firmly placing his arm across you to keep you still on the wall when all you wanted to do was move. He nibbled and sucked at your clit roughly while his fingers continued their ministrations, curling and pumping in and out of you. His licks became long and his sucks rougher and the sounds coming from his tongue and his finger fucking filled up the elevator. He licked up and down your clit and you screamed in pleasure, the pleasure knot in your stomach starting to tighten and you couldn’t hold your orgasm much longer.

“Im– so close- Fuck!” Jaebum quickened his speed, his muscles tensing and going into overdrive as he pushed you towards your orgasm, but he decided to change it up, removing his fingers from you and replacing them with his tongue as his thumb now roughly traced deep circles around your clit and you mewled in delight, his tongue licking around your entrance before sliding inside you, licking around your walls, pushing in and out of you and licking up and down, the feelings making you see stars, your breath started to get hitched and you were almost choking from barely being able to take a deep breath.  With a few more clean licks and rubs and tugs at your clit, your orgasm hit you like no other and you screamed his name over and over as your back arched off the wall, your body shaking as you orgasm ripped through your, your eyes clenched shut and your mouth wide open, not able to release a noise. Jaebum continued his actions as you rode out you high, and when you finally started to relax against him he removed his tongue and his fingers from you, licking his lips and his fingers as he lifted himself off the floor. You opened your eyes and he was staring down at you, a smirk planted across his face at your messy state.

As your breath started to become even again he placed a gentle kiss on your lips.

“Ready for round 2 princess?” You didn’t have the strength to reply so you nodded weakly at him. Ready for a fuck you knew you were going to remember.

He placed his hands underneath your thighs before lifting you up, you cradled you legs around him as your arms held tightly around his neck, he left soft kisses to your breasts before aligning himself with your entrance and sliding into you, the feeling causing an immediate response to you as your head tilted back in a deep groan.

“Fuck you’re so tight and wet-” he groaned as he entered you to the brim, giving you only seconds to adjust to his length as he started slowly pulling all the way back out. You cursed under you breath as he slowly pulled in and out of you, setting a tormentingly slow pace and you just wanted more from him. Your hands tightly gripped the nape of his neck.
Jaebum continued his torments, pulling out all the way to the tip and then slamming back into you hard, filling you to the brim and deep throaty groans fell from your plump lips.

As he continued his slow but hard pace it was starting to get to much for you and you needed him to go faster, but the pleasure he was giving you was stopping you from formulating any kind of english word.

“please–UGH” was all you could muster out. Somehow he knew what you meant and started to increase his speed, slamming his dick in and out of you, the faster pace making your back scrape against the elevator wall. His hands grabbed your hips, lifting them up and down rapidly to match the movement of his thrusts and you knew you would have bruises on your hips tomorrow from his tight grip. Your fingernails dug into his shoulder blades and you almost drew blood from digging so much.

“FUCK! Jaebum!” you writhed against him, his thrusts so powerful. He thrust harder and deeper and started to hit your g-spot every time and your body shook and trembled from his merciless thrusts.

“Keep moaning my name baby-” Jaebum’s face in front of you was scrunched up in concentration and pleasure from his thrusts, sweat running down his forward, his teeth clenched and his eyebrows furrowed together. You knew your face was just as sweaty as your hair stuck to your forehead. As his thrusts started to become more powerful by the second he sunk his head into the crook of your neck, biting down as he thrusted up into you, you could feel the pressure of his teeth in your neck and it just amplified your pleasure as you groaned his name again, over and over. With each passing thrust he hit you in all the right spots and your walls clenched around him making him curse under his breath.

You could feel scratches forming on your back from being shoved into the elevator wall with each of his thrusts but feeling was nothing compared to the pleasure he was giving you and you couldn’t care less. He removed his hands from your hip, placing them on your ass and lifting you higher to try and reach deeper in you, and he did, making you cry in pleasure, tears starting to form in your eyes as the knot in your stomach started to reappear, he squeezed and messaged your cheeks in his hands and his lips went back to your breasts, kissing and tugging on your nipples roughly.

“Fuck I’m so close!” you mewled in delight, your walls continued to clench around him and he increased his speed to get you closer to your high.

You removed one of your hands from his neck, your hand was in between the two of you, moving down to your core and you rubbed fast circles around your clit, moans and curses spilled from your mouth as you received pleasure from yourself and Jaebum.
“Fuck that’s so hot y/n” he said, seeing you pleasure yourself and seeing you face so concentrated on reaching your high turned him on so fucking much he almost reached his own then and there. You started to see stars and you orgasm was inches away, so you roughened your hands to match the rhythm of Jaebum’s powerful thrusts. Seconds later you felt your orgasm wash over your body and you screamed as your back arched off the wall, your other hand slamming onto the mirror of the elevator, leaving a nice big hand print in the steam. He continued to thrust into you as you rode out your high, leaving more marks on your breasts as his hands dug into your ass, squeezing tightly. All your muscles tensed as the pleasure came through your body, your whole body shaking, your chest heaved up and down rapidly and you soon started to relax from your high, removing your hand from your core and relaxing your back onto the wall. You took heavy breaths as you tried to re-catch your breath. When you finally relaxed, Jaebum dropped your feet back to the floor and you almost lost balance as your legs felt like jelly.

He removed himself from inside you, and you grabbed him, pushing him and shoving him into the wall as you dropped to your knees, immediately taking his length into your mouth, sucking around his tip as your hand rubbed and pumped the rest of his length.

“Fuck!” he groaned as his head tilted back to lean on the wall, his hands grabbing your hair, keeping a tight grip on it.

Your tongue lapped around his length, flat tonguing him from bottom to top, and releasing his dick with a lewd popping noise every time. You hollowed your cheeks around him when you sucked deeply. As you brought your mouth back up to hip tip, you licked around his tip. You could feel his dick pulsating and his hands started gripping your hair more tightly.

He started to thrust in and out of your mouth, the feeling of his going at the back of your throat making you gag on his dick, the vibrations from your mouth sending waves of pleasure through him. You rested your hands on his thighs for support, feeling them tense every time he fucked your mouth. You tried your best to keep up with his rhythm, licking around him best you could whenever he thrusted back into your mouth, but he chased his high and took control, he bragged all your hair into his hands, bobbing your head back and forth to match his thrusts.

He moaned repeatedly and numerous swears fell from his lips each second as he came closer to his high. You could feel his cock throbbing inside your lips and knew he was close.

The lewd sound of sex filled the elevator and you eyes teared from the intensity of him filling up your mouth. Your groans and gagging getting him close to his orgasm so you continued to moan against his dick, the vibrations running through his body, his face was scrunched up in pleasure and his head rolled back as he moaned your name.

“Fuck y/n!” he groaned as his orgasm crashed through him, his warm seed filling your mouth, spilling from your lips as he continued to thrust, riding out his high. His heavy breaths filled the room and his chest was going up and down at a fast rate as he was trying to catch his breath, his thrusts becoming sloppy as his body started to relax. He let go of your hair and removed his dick from your mouth, he opened his eyes and looked at you as you swallowed his seed, licking around your mouth to taste him around your lips. When he finally relaxed he bent down and grabbed your arms, pulling you back up with him to lift your off the floor, he gave you a small kiss on the forehead as he moved aside to gather his clothes and re dress himself. Once he did he started to gather yours one at a time, your panties first. He smiled up at you and you returned the gesture as he slowly slid the panties back up your legs, he did the same with your jeans.

He grabbed your bra, letting you do that once yourself before placing your top back over your arms for it to rest on your body.

“Thank you” you said smiling up at him.

“You’re welcome” he replied as he pushed aside the hair on your face, tucking it behind your ear. You looked at the elevator mirror, no bodies could be seen through any of the steam besides where you had left your messy had prints.

A few short minutes past and then suddenly the elevator doors opened up and three men were outside the elevator.

“Are you guys okay!?” they asked with concern.

“About fucking time, do you know how hot it is in here??? How long we have been in here!?” Jaebum answered, his frustration evident.

As the youngest man looked around the elevator, his eyes settling on the messy prints on the mirror.

“I guess you guys found a way to pass the time at least” you stared away, not wanting to look the man in the eye to confirm his accusation.

Jaebum grabbed your hand, rushing you to walk out of the elevator.

“Thank you for finally getting us out” you said as you both walked past. Ready for you and Jaebum to go you separate ways, but he walked you to your car, making sure you were safe before making your way home.

You entered your car and opened the window to say bye to him. You didn’t expect such a gentlemen like behaviour from him as he grabbed your hand and placed a gentle kiss on it. As he was starting to turn away you rushed to speak.

“Wait!–” he cut you off before you could speak further.

“Don’t worry y/n, we will see each other again”. He smirked back up at you, before disappearing into the early morning, and as you made your way home, all you could think about is the next time you would see him, and you hoped it would be soon.



Masterlist

Other Jaebum:
Limitless
                           I Missed you

♏️ Scorpio in the houses

🏠1st house (= your ascendant)

  • you want to shock people with your appearance 
  • there’s a tendency to create a physical mask with your appearance that hides all your inner feelings 
  • may have give some seriously intense sex vibes 
  • you want to come off as mysterious, passionate and sexual, there’s a huge want to control people’s perception off you so that they don’t find out the real you
  • extreme self control, you are self aware that your own intensity can be overwhelming
  • controlling your emotional expression equals strength to you 
  • approaches new things with suspicion
  • can make people uncomfortable due to their intense presence
  • may have a bitter or resenting attitude 
  • it’s either all or nothing cause you’ll die trying 
  • projects powerful, magnetic and almost mysterious energies

🏠 2nd house

  • you have intense feelings about money, you either love it or hate it
  • very possessive about your earnings 
  • can treat people close to them as objects or possessions if they feel insecure and avoids bonding emotional with people close to them
  • might get jealous over others amount of money or possessions
  • doesn’t like talking about their money situation with people, very private about their money 
  • why should people get to know about the things you have or don’t have in life?? 
  • collects or buys things that others might think are strange or bizarre
  • you might use unconventional ways to earn money

🏠 3rd house

  • you prefer to hide your most private and inner thoughts
  • sarcastic!!
  • small talk wth you quickly turns into a deep conversation, like one minute it’s about the weather and then you hit them with the frightening reality of climate change
  • you can easily obsess over things in your head and become engulfed in new interests and passions, you need to investigate and get to the bottom of things
  • very frank and honest about things
  • everything that you think and say are beliefs and opinions that you strongly believe in
  • you have a very creative and different way of thinking 
  • may dominate conversations too much and be a bit too intense with how you communicate
  • you judge people very hard when they don’t do as you tell them to

🏠 4th house (IC)

  • wanting to be in control at home
  • might end up in extreme or unconventional home situations with family/the people you live with
  • you are comfortable with the extreme, possibly a person that’s very comfortable in their sexuality and dealing with strong emotions
  • when you go home you kind of like to hide away from the world, because of this you want to create the perfect home environment for yourself 
  • never mess with this person’s family!! they will hunt you down for it
  • private about family matters
  • may be the dominate or one of the dominate people in the family/household

🏠 5th house

  • you seek out intense experiences that makes you feel deep things
  • a freak in the sheets, aka you like to experiment and explore with sex
  • you are attracted to the emotional complex, these people intrigue you
  • emotional intensity!! you are super down for that
  • very sensual
  • you want to solve mysteries in life, might enjoy hobbies where you research a lot
  • might try to change your partner and be a bit too possessive and intense 
  • can have a hard time letting go of loved ones, especially if you have kids and they start to grow up and become independent

🏠 6th house

  • serious about work, aka obsessed with it
  • might be too intense for others to work with which is why you usually work best alone
  • coworkers might find you intimidating
  • maybe working with research, science or finance would be good for you?
  • everything in your daily life is about finding intense depth both emotionally and spiritually 
  • might be extremely focused on details, but this obsession you prefer to keep to yourself
  • you don’t like showing people the process in how you get shit done or achieve things you just like to showcase the final result so you don’t reveal anything in between or any possible struggles you’ve dealt with 
  • has a strong need to control your own life
  • you help people by snapping them out of self pity and bringing them back to reality, this may make you come of ass cold 

🏠 7th house (Descendant)

  • you are attracted to power and status
  • might get jealous and possessive with romantic partners
  • you want a partner that’s so strong that not even you can control them
  • can have a hard time treating your partner like an equal
  • having a successful relationship is something that you value and feel like you need in order to feel fulfilled in life
  • you fall hard for people and truly understand the depth of love but can become insecure when your jealous and possessive instincts become too much
  • you attract very dark and mysterious relationships that are full of emotional depth and intimacy

🏠 8th house

  • you have a hard time opening up about your feelings/opinions about other people
  • people might think you are stuck or in a serious low but you always manage to get back up no matter how many times you fail or fall
  • you don’t like sharing money and finances with your partner
  • you get power and control by making money, owning things/people and with sex
  • very intutive and can be very good in bed because you pick up fast on what your partner likes
  • but you can also use sex as a weapon in relationships and use it to control or manipulate people
  • you provide a super intimate, loyal and sensual intensity for your partners

🏠 9th house

  • unconventional beliefs and practices intrigue you
  • you love educating yourself on subjects that really interest you and showing people how to be in control
  • your emotions are very connected with your spiritual and philosophical beliefs
  • can have issues with being practical because you communicate in such a abstract and deep way
  • might manipulate people into doing bad things 
  • you look for people that are open to your beliefs and your intellect, which can make your views and beliefs quite narrow because you don’t surround yourself with new and different beliefs which can enrich/transform your own

🏠 10th house (Midheaven)

  • very ambitious and workaholic tendencies
  • success is very easy with your amazing focus and strong will, as long as your extreme emotions and destructive behaviors don’t get in your way
  • comes across as powerful and strong in the public eye
  • will do almost anything to achieve their goals and to make an impact
  • can easily become drained when they give too much energy into their work and don’t take time to relax
  • they can go through difficult or challenging situations and still be able to deal with them because they know that no matter what they will survive 
  • taking risks and changing in life can be a great way for these people to heal emotionally
  • thrives when they learn to balance intellect with their feelings!!
  • becomes easily frustrated when they aren’t allowed to indulge or get what they want in life

🏠 11th house

  • you want to/try to surround yourself with dynamic, powerful and energetic people
  • you want friends that share the same views as you
  • very picky about who you befriend, but once friends you are super loyal
  • obsessed with your dreams and will work hard to reach them
  • you prefer facing your problems with other people in a group setting than by yourself
  • you don’t like to focus too much on your own feelings, instead you want to experience hardships with others so that the feelings becomes more relatable and even generalized so they are easier to handle because then they don’t feel so personal anymore
  • however you don’t like the things that you share with your friends to reach people outside of your social circle, you are private and secretive with your group of friends
  • can have issues with their own identity and because of this they might have issues relating to other people when they can’t even relate to themselves
  • strays away from too deep and personal subjects, they like it easy and breezy
  • can be possessive of friends and too dominating and not letting them be or become who they truly are!! 

🏠 12th house

  • you can find strength in things that other people might look past or shy away from
  • are all your feelings on lock down?? cause I mean they are very much locked away, with like 3 or more locks. you might wanna unlock at least one or two just a friendly tip
  • somewhat of an underdog because people really don’t know how powerful you are and you might even miss it yourself
  • you have a mysterious aura
  • has issues separating your own feelings with other people’s feelings, they can easily get mixed up
  • very open to other people’s emotions and energies
Post Ticket Sale Self-Care Masterlist

To all of those of you who have managed to purchase tickets: CONGRATULATIONS! I have so much happiness for you and your opportunity to see our boy in person. Now, it’s been an absolute emotional rollercoaster these past 24 hours, so please, please please please: TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF!!!

By all means, celebrate. Hoot and holler. Dance in your room in your underwear. Blast some Sign of the Times and air band the fuck outta the jam (I personally know the drum part like the back of my hand). Post to your Facebook about how thrilled you are. 

But afterwards, please give your body some time to relax and recuperate from all the adrenaline. Your body loves you and has held you together during this hell of a ride, and it’s time to care for it as well. Please scroll down to see a list of more self care tips and helpful websites. x

To all of you who did NOT get ahold of any tickets: I’m really, really, really, so very sorry, my love. It’s absolutely devastating to miss out on this opportunity, and you’re absolutely 100% validated in feeling angry, upset, or any other emotions that you need to feel right now. Please remember that your ability to see him live does not in any way affect your value as a person or a fan. It was a real ass-kicker, this one, and the chances were low for all of us. Our boy really loves us a lot, and that doesn’t change if you couldn’t buy a ticket. Please, please, PLEASE take care of yourself, my dear. Here are some tips and things you can do to care for yourself today:


  • Take a bubble bath. 
  • Go for a long drive.
  • Listen to music. Listen to something other than Harry, if you need to.
  • Call/talk to a friend.
  • Buy yourself a treat from the grocery store (or any store)!
  • Go see a movie.
  • Buy yourself that book that you’ve been wanting to read for a little while.
  • Light a candle.
  • Write. Write out all your feelings, every single thought, until you cannot write anymore. It helps to write it out physically so that it’s tangible. After you’ve written everything down, do whatever you need to do to rid yourself of it, whether it be burying it, crumpling it up and throwing it out, or giving it to someone you trust who is understanding and loves you.
  • Give a stranger a smile.
  • Go for a long walk.
  • Go to the gym.
  • DRINK SOME WATER. I MEAN IT. RIGHT NOW. BEFORE YOU KEEP READING.
  • Eat something, please.
  • Read your favorite fanfiction (again, if what you need is to distance yourself from H, might not be the best option)
  • DON’T FEEL GUILTY FROM NEEDING TO GIVE YOURSELF SOME DISTANCE. We all do sometimes, and your health comes before anything else. Log off of Tumblr, stop checking your Twitter for updates, maybe turn off your notifications. We will all be here when you return, but your health comes first.
  • Bake!
  • Treat yourself to a meal at your favorite restaurant.
  • Treat yourself to a meal at the cheapest restaurant. For me, there’s very little that a large fries from McDonald’s can’t fix.
  • Buy yourself something cute online.
  • Take a nap.
  • DANCE.
  • Reread your favorite book.
  • Watch your favorite movie.
  • Watch your favorite Netflix show.
  • Talk to someone. Anyone. If you don’t have anyone to talk to, my ask and messages are ALWAYS open.

Here are a few more resources:

Self care websites masterpost:

 https://changeforhappiness.tumblr.com/post/159476432769/guys-this-is-very-important

Self care masterposts:

http://thegrangersapprentice.tumblr.com/post/159612539530/all-things-pertaining-to-self-carede-stressing

http://catladykhaleesi.tumblr.com/post/157471955395/self-care-masterpost

http://little-red-studies.tumblr.com/post/147555847368/self-care-is-one-of-the-most-important-things

Mental health apps:

http://recoverywarriorx.tumblr.com/post/90481616356/mental-illness-apps-one-reblog-could-help-or-even

Alternatives to self harm:

https://especialty.tumblr.com/post/150042977232/alternatives-to-self-harm


Now I don’t usually ask of this, but please, if this post comes across your dash, reblog it. You don’t know which of your followers could need it.

Take care of each other, take care of yourselves. Much love. x

How to let go of your ex once and for all (even if it feels impossible)

It took me nearly 3 years to get over my ex boyfriend. If you have ever been through a breakup, you know it is one of the hardest most heart-wrenching things to go through.

After weeks of fighting, the day came where there was no other option than to break up. When he left my house that day I felt like he had ripped off a piece of my soul. I had loved this man with all my heart, it was a raw all consuming intense kind of love. I couldn’t grasp the reality of what had happened. My best friend came over and I was just lying there with lykke li’s song possibility on repeat. I had cried for hours and there was no life left in my eyes. 

For the first few months after the breakup I was in denial and I went into party mode, but not dealing with the pain slowly started to take its toll. And eventually (also because of some other factors) I fell into a deep black depression that would last for about a year. After the depression it still took me a long time to completely let him go.

It was the hardest and most valuable experience of my life.

So what helped me to let him go?

Keep reading

Darling age of 20, 
you are honey sweet
and dangerously tender.
You are not a kid anymore, 
you are bold enough to
wear high heels,
you are adventurous
enough to let God in
your heart.
And your past wakes up
at night and watches
you sleep and it forgives you.
You have good hands
and less friends.
You bathe in oils
and clean the house.
You are about to
get married
and you keep your phone
conversations long while
you keep
the towel wrapped around
your head.
Your poetry is not just poetry
but statements ,
marriage vows,
legacies.
Darling age of 20,
you haven’t always
been modest,
you haven’t always been
thoughtful with him.
You are still a cage of tigers.
And when he loves
you good,
really good,
you are a mermaid
with beautiful long legs. 
You have an alluring 
voice and it consumes him. 
It makes him want to marry you.
You are not a scandal anymore
in this town, 
and you’d have
given all your ages,
all your youth to feel like you feel now.
Darling age of 20,
you are still exquisite 17,
and romantic 18,
and curious 19
but you are his 20 now.
You are a decade older.
You are a revolutionary era.
You are the queen
coming to
the throne. 
And if they
don’t adore you anymore,
you will close your empire on them. 
Dear darling of 20, 
you’ve never been more 
in love than you are now.
—  Dear Darling Age Of 20 by Royla Asghar