for women who are difficult to love

whew anyway lesbians who have been with men before are still lesbians and bi women who have only ever been with men before are still bisexual. compulsory heterosexuality is demonic and it’s so particularly egregious to wade through because it’s a systemic phenomenon, not an internalized one. i’m proud of every lesbian and bisexual and otherwise identifying wlw who knows that she loves girls and i’m proud of all of you regardless of your past experiences or individual interpersonal relationships. it’s incredibly difficult to realize that you love women, whether that means realizing that you’re mga or exclusively attracted to women. stay strong!

6

“It started from my interest in actually discussing this idea: little girls and their fairy tale worlds that get destroyed, when they get to know who men really are. It’s really kind of brutal to be a girl, and then have to deal with actual men whose only interest is sex. Wanting to talk about that, and also about the fragmentation that happens with how women are treated by men — especially beautiful women. How do you negotiate an authentic self as a woman? It’s very difficult. A lot of girls who seem like they might be crazy, or sociopathic, or just stupid, they’re actually trying to negotiate all that and they may not know how. And that’s what drives them insane. So I wanted to make that kind of character: somebody who has never been valued for her brains, for her personality, for anything that she has to offer, but who only really gets valued for her beauty.” - Anna Biller (The Love Witch, 2016)

i love bi women and most especially bi women who are still working through internalized homophobia/biphobia, and who are still struggling to allow themselves to fully realize how much they love other women!

i love bi women who want to prioritize other women in their lives but are still working through trying to imagine themselves dating or marrying other women because society has made it so difficult for us to do so

i love bi women and i love bi womens’ love for women and i hope all you lovely ladies find yourselves gfs and wives someday and that you’re able to feel happy and safe loving other women 💞

And you tried to change, didn’t you? Closed your mouth more. Tried to be softer, prettier, less volatile, less awake… You can’t make homes out of human beings. Someone should have already told you that. And if he wants to leave, then let him leave. You are terrifying, and strange, and beautiful. Something not everyone knows how to love.
—  Warsan Shire, For Women Who Are Difficult To Love
What I like about Charlize Theron is

That all the male actors that work with her claim she’s so difficult! They obviously don’t like her when asked about her. Yet all the women who work with her genuinely seem to love her. She must be super opinionated and takes no shit on set. So men used to women fawning over them don’t like it. Women admire her for it and she gets along with them great.

you are a horse running alone
and he tries to tame you
compares you to an impossible highway
to a burning house
says you are blinding him
that he could never leave you
forget you
want anything but you
you dizzy him, you are unbearable
every woman before or after you
is doused in your name
you fill his mouth
his teeth ache with memory of taste
his body just a long shadow seeking yours
but you are always too intense
frightening in the way you want him
unashamed and sacrificial
he tells you that no man can live up to the one who
lives in your head
and you tried to change didn’t you?
closed your mouth more
tried to be softer
prettier
less volatile, less awake
but even when sleeping you could feel
him travelling away from you in his dreams
so what did you want to do love
split his head open?
you can’t make homes out of human beings
someone should have already told you that
and if he wants to leave
then let him leave
you are terrifying
and strange and beautiful
something not everyone knows how to love.
—  Warsan Shire, “for women who are ‘difficult’ to love.“

you might completely embrace the lesbian label one day and reject it the next. being a lesbian doesn’t mean always knowing who you are; it’s about finding yourself one step at a time. the roots of coercive heterosexuality and internalized homophobia are so, so difficult to rip out.

you’re so brave for admitting to yourself you don’t know who you are, and I love you so much ♡

shoutout to nonbinary people loving women who are not sure if they relate to womanhood and feel a connection to women or not

it’s okay not to be sure about your gender identity! it’s okay not to know if you have a connection with womanhood or just share your experiences with women!

it can be especially difficult because nonbinary people loving women are often pressured to identify as sapphic and to relate to womanhood, and it might be hard to tell your own feelings from what it seems you ‘should’ feel

nonbinary people loving women who don’t know if they relate to womanhood or not are wonderful and lovely and will definitely figure it out if they want to!

And you tried to change, didn’t you? Closed your mouth more. Tried to be softer, prettier, less volatile, less awake… You can’t make homes out of human beings. Someone should have already told you that. And if he wants to leave, then let him leave. You are terrifying, and strange, and beautiful. Something not everyone knows how to love.
—  Warsan Shire, For Women Who Are Difficult To Love

Dedicated to @thatsvicchan - a very special lady who has overcome one of the most difficult trials one can endure. And through it all, she came out of it with a beautiful and endearing view on her life, of who she is, and of how beautiful every part of her is. Her strength and perspective are awe-inspiring!

Also, a very special recognition to the following strong women who have each overcome difficult trials of their own and come out radiant and gorgeous! @kanarenee @squisherific @chanting-to-u @sarapyon @dooshiedoosh @rieriebee

And to all the ladies out there who have suffered heartache and pain! I may not personally know your suffering, but you are loved! Stay strong! You are stunning and so lovely!! Hold these truths tight in your heart!

You tried to change, didn’t you?
Closed your mouth more,
tried to be softer, prettier,
less volatile, less awake
You can’t make homes out of human beings.
Someone should have already told you that.

— Warshan Shire, For Women Who Are Difficult To Love 

“I’m not Barack Obama. I’m not Bill Clinton. Both of them carry themselves with a naturalness that is very appealing to audiences. But I’m married to one and I’ve worked for the other, so I know how hard they work at being natural. It’s not something they just dial in. They work and they practice what they’re going to say. It’s not that they’re trying to be somebody else. But it’s hard work to present yourself in the best possible way. You have to communicate in a way that people say: ‘OK, I get her.’ And that can be more difficult for a woman. Because who are your models? If you want to run for the Senate, or run for the Presidency, most of your role models are going to be men. And what works for them won’t work for you. Women are seen through a different lens. It’s not bad. It’s just a fact. It’s really quite funny. I’ll go to these events and there will be men speaking before me, and they’ll be pounding the message, and screaming about how we need to win the election. And people will love it. And I want to do the same thing. Because I care about this stuff. But I’ve learned that I can’t be quite so passionate in my presentation. I love to wave my arms, but apparently that’s a little bit scary to people. And I can’t yell too much. It comes across as ‘too loud’ or ‘too shrill’ or ‘too this’ or ‘too that.’ Which is funny, because I’m always convinced that the people in the front row are loving it.” 

– Hillary Clinton, Humans of New York

…and you tried to change didn’t you?
closed your mouth more
tried to be softer
prettier
less volatile, less awake
but even when sleeping you could feel
him travelling away from you in his dreams
so what did you want to do love
split his head open?
you can’t make homes out of human beings
someone should have already told you that
and if he wants to leave
then let him leave
you are terrifying
and strange and beautiful
something not everyone knows how to love.
—  Warsan Shire, “For Women Who Are Difficult to Love”