for when you absolutely positively need to punch a guy in the face a bunch of times

Wedding and pop-corn - Batmom x Batfamily

So I decided to combine those two requests, because they’re very similar, and it’s not my thing to write two stories that are basically the same thing :-). So here for Batmom and Bruce’s wedding and all of that ! IT’S SUPER LONG SORRY !! It’s been a while since I wrote such a long fic…I just didn’t wanna make two parts… Hope you’ll like it

(My masterlist blog :



The angry (or rather, annoyed), loud and deep voice of their father stop them all right in their track. It isn’t often your Bruce raises his voice like so, but sometimes, your boys just push him too far. 

Like right now. 

You were all in the biggest living room in Wayne’s Manor, enjoying some family time for the first time in ages ! It was rare that you could hang out altogether outside of the Batcave…

But things weren’t going like you wanted them to go. 


You had wished to spent some times with your sons, husband and the man you came to consider your father, Alfred. Watching movies, eating junk food, drinking too much coffee and soda…It started out so well. 

You guys were all sitting in a gigantic couch, with tons of things to eat and drink, and a movie to put on…Unfortunately, said movie was Dick’s favorite, and the young man seemed unable stop himself from saying every lines in the movie before they actually happened. 

You and Bruce were used to him doing that, as he’s been doing it since he arrived first in the house, when he was barely eight years old. The first time he said a line before a character would say it, he looked at you two worriedly, afraid to be annoying…And of course it was annoying, but he was so damn cute, that you let him do it. And some things never change. Even though he was know a almost a man, you still let him do it, because to you, he was still your baby boy, and he was still as cute as ever. 

Jason never cared either, because usually, when it was movie night, it meant cuddling against you or one of his brothers (rarely against Bruce, because of stupid pride), and he’d never admit it, but he didn’t care one bit about the movies you’d all watch, as long as he was with his family. Oh yes, of course he’d never admit it, it’d ruin his “tough guy reputation”.

Tim would usually doze off on your shoulder, or if your shoulder was taken by one of your siblings (only one shoulder available unfortunately, the other one was always automatically reserved for his father), then he’d fall asleep on one of them instead. The poor boy always had so much trouble sleeping, than when there were truly calm moments, like your movie nights, he just couldn’t stay awake. 

But Damian…Oh Damian hated Dick’s habit. And apparently, this evening, he was grumpier than usual, not even twenty minutes into the movie and he started to argue with his older brother about him “having to shut up because he’d like to enjoy the damn movie !”. Of course, because Dick loved the way Damian would get all worked up about something that silly (even though it really was annoying), he did it even louder. 

This sprout Damian lunging at Dick and yelling at him to be silent…the commotion he made woke Tim up, and when Tim got woken up from one of his rare peaceful sleep, he wasn’t in a good mood. So out of annoyance, he elbowed Damian in the ribs with a groan. 

It so happened that that particularly night, it was Jason’s turn to snuggle against you, and the fight their brother were starting made you straighten up to see what was happening, dislodging him from against you…And it wasn’t fair. it was his turn to be with his mommy (oh God he wished to everything he held holy that no one would ever know what he was thinking just now), and they were ruining it !  

All Hell broke loose as your four boys started to yell, kick, slap, damn even BITE each other ! All the while Dick kept saying the lines from the movie before it happened, as he was dodging punches and such. 

It lasted about thirty seconds before Bruce got genuinely angry that his sons were ruining one of their only family moments of the month ! It was so difficult to gather everyone together, and they were messing everything up ! 

Keep reading

Remaining Unpredictable

Requested by: @zlorac
A: Is that a threat or are you flirting with me?
B: Both. Neither. A mixture of the two. I like to stay unpredictable.

Carlos De Vil x Reader (Gaston’s Daughter)

A/N: I’m sorry if this sucks omg, I was trying to make this different from all of the other Carlos x Reader imagines out there. I also didn’t proofread so there’s that but I hope you guys enjoy!

(Y/N)’s POV

Why did I agree to come here again? Oh right, to save King Ben because the other VKs lost him. I can’t necessarily blame the others 100% because King Ben can be a little ditzy and naive at times, he believes that there is good in everyone. He’s not wrong about the last part, if you dig deep enough then you’re guaranteed to find good. The people on the Isle of The Lost aren’t all bad, the parents made some bad decisions but the kids shouldn’t have to pay for it. I was the 5th person that was invited to the school with the core four, the interesting part was that I’m the daughter of Gaston.

Back on the Isle I didn’t have many friends, I liked to keep to myself. There was the Core Four and then the pirate crew which my brother had joined. They wanted to take us VKs in small doses so when they chose me, I had to leave Gil behind. Gaston was the Beast’s worst enemy so they chose me, thinking that I’d be more open to becoming an Auradon girl. I had a mission of my own just like the others, I was supposed to get the wand and put the Beast away in the process. The others wanted to get the barrier down. Somewhere along the way we all became friends, our little tight knit friend group was like a safe haven. If there was one thing about the villain kids, it’s that we’re very good at keeping secrets. Mal, Jay, and Evie had been keeping a secret about me and I was dying to find out. Carlos was as oblivious as I was.

Speaking of Carlos, the boy made me crazy. He was so sweet that it made me sick. He was the toothache that the dentist had to take care of when you ate too much candy. He was the sunshine on a cloudy day, he was like a fireplace when it was cold. My life changed ever since we came to Auradon, Carlos started growing on me. I’m not too sure how it happened but he made me feel these unknown feelings. It was hard to breath around him and I wanted to throw up. I just figured that maybe he was repulsing me, maybe getting rid of him would make me feel better, these feelings would subside. I hated when he was with Jane, she was everything that he could’ve ever hoped for. She was beautiful, smart, shy, and helpful. I was loud, ambitious, sassy, sarcastic, and caring when it came to my close friends and family, this included Carlos.

Carlos’s POV

“Are you going to help us or not?” Jay was exasperated with the fact that (Y/N) hadn’t responded yet. “Of course, you need another person who knows the Isle and who can fight.” (Y/N) ran a hand through her hair, (H/C) strands poking out from the spaces in between her fingers. She was lovely even when she was angry. “I’m coming too!” The three of us turned towards the voice and were met with Lonnie, the daughter of Mulan and Shang. She eventually convinced Jay and I with the help of (Y/N).

We made it to the Isle in matter of minutes and then ran to Mal’s hideout. “(Y/N)! What are you doing here?” Mal hugged our friend before (Y/N) said, “I’m here to help. I can take on Harry if you need me to because we all know that my brother won’t be a challenge.” Gil was a really nice guy and he was a good fighter but he was a bit dopey at times. I walked closer to (Y/N) and said, “I’ll cover you.” I was met with a sigh and an eye roll before she disappeared into the direction of the docks. I honestly couldn’t understand why she was so cold towards me. I’ve been nothing but nice to her, she makes me want to grab her and profess my love. The girl is absolutely gorgeous with her alluring eyes and lustrous hair. She was sassy and sarcastic, if I could compare the two of us to a legendary Disney couple it’d be Rapunzel and Flynn Rider. She was headstrong but always went out of her way to help people which I admired. Her hair had a coconut smell to it and her smile outdid the sun.
“Carlos, we have to get going!” Evie dragged me out of the hideout and towards the docks where we’d be met with the infamous pirate crew.

(Y/N)’s POV

“Hey, hey, hey, hey! (Y/N)!”
Carlos was running at an alarming speed towards the end of the docks to where I was. Before he was able to put on his breaks, he ran straight into me causing us to make a ruckus.
“If you weren’t so cute, I would’ve punched you in the face 20 times by now for messing up the plan.” I grabbed the collar of his jacket and pulled him behind a bunch of barrels as we hid from the pirate crew. We hadn’t gone into the circular entrance to the ship yet and we were supposed to sneak in so we had to lay low.
“Did ye hear that, Gil? I coulda sworn I heard intruders.” The one and only Harry Hook was talking to my brother and looking for Carlos and I, since we had made a scene.
“Hey, (Y/N). Was what you said earlier a threat or were you flirting with me?” Carlos had an intense look on his face as he stared you down, waiting for an answer.
“Both. Neither. A mixture of the two. I like to stay unpredictable.”
His eyebrows scrunched up as he looked down at the ground before whispering under his breath, “I could’ve sworn that she didn’t like me.” A kick to the barrel that the two of us were hiding behind caused me to place my hand over Carlos’s mouth.
Gil peeked behind the barrel to find Carlos and I in a somewhat compromising position since it was a tight space and we were trying to hide.
“(Y/N)? What are you doing back on the Isle? I should tell dad, he’d love to see you!”
I quickly took my left hand and covered his mouth while my right was over Carlos’s, “I know that you’re helping Uma but we really need King Ben back. You most definitely cannot tell dad that I’m back because he’d look for me and make me stay here since I didn’t get the wand 6 months ago.”
Gil nodded in response before looking behind him, checking to see if Harry was gone. “Please help us? You could come back with me to Auradon! We could be the brother-sister duo that we were before and you’ll love it there. Dreams surely do come true.”
Gil smiled goofily while removing my hand, “I didn’t know that my baby sister was such a dreamer. I’m only going to help you because you’re family and because Uma hasn’t been treating me nicely lately.”
So we formulated a plan and all Carlos could do was watch.

Carlos’s POV

So does she like me or not? I need answers and I’m not leaving the Isle until I get them. Everyone thought that I was a pushover and a sweetheart but not today, I was going to be as stubborn as (Y/N) was. She extracted her hand from my face before leading me to the pirate ship where we met the rest of the core four. “Where were you guys? We should’ve gotten started already. Who knows what they’ve done with Ben!” Mal whined at us before marching through the entrance and then began arguing with Uma.

(Y/N) and Gil made eye contact with each other and then let their captivating eyes travel towards my being. The plan was that once Uma got the fake wand, (Y/N) would take on Harry while Gil cut King Ben out of the ropes and got him to the limo. I was supposed to watch (Y/N)’s back and throw the smoke bombs when I needed to. Next thing you know, swords are clanging against each other, people are being thrown in the water, and (Y/N) has Harry pinned on the ground.
“It’s not that easy to defeat me, Lass.” Harry got up and went to knock (Y/N)’s feet from under her but I ran in between, grabbing his hook while he was distracted. “Here boy!” I yelled in Harry’s direction, causing him to stare at me with a horror stricken face before begging me not the throw it. “Fetch.” The silver hook was submerged into the water, sending Captain Hook’s son in after it.

“Why would you do something so stupid!?” All I could hear was (Y/N) yelling at me for putting myself in danger but if I didn’t then she would’ve gotten hurt. “I could’ve handled it!” She swung her sword at a female pirate, defeating her as I said, “The point is that you shouldn’t have to do everything yourself!”
“I could never let you get hurt because of me! I can fight my own battles, Carlos!” I blew up, “All of you guys really need to stop treating me like I’m a lost puppy! I can protect any of you when it comes down to it. I’m not incapable of fighting and doing different kinds of things just because I’m a pushover!”

Lonnie had sent the last pirate over board while everyone else stared at me with an astonished look on their faces. (Y/N) came over and grabbed me by the arm, whispering, “We’ll talk about this later okay?”
“Why later hm (Y/N)? Why can’t we talk right here and right now?” I was over everyone treating me like a little kid. If I wanted to protect (Y/N) then I should be able to do that. I love her and I don’t want her getting hurt. Her eyes began to glass over when she ran towards Gil, pulling him back through the circular entrance towards the limo. “Cmon bro. We’ve gotta go.” Jay pulled me off of the boat and into the limo.

“Get in the car, (Y/N).” I couldn’t see her but I was sure that she was shaking her head no. “I’m not going back with you guys.”
“Do I have to physically pull you into the limo?” Jay asked as she hummed in disagreement
“I’m not leaving my brother again.” Ben smiled and extended an invitation right then and there to Gil.
“Awe man, really? Thank you so much!” He got in and sat next to Evie and (Y/N) trailed in behind him, making no eye contact with me whatsoever. I felt bad, I didn’t mean to blow up back there but I did. I should’ve just waited until we were off the ship.

Before I could fully succumb to my self wallowing, we were back at Auradon Prep. Everyone slowly trailed out of the car but I pulled (Y/N) back before she could leave back to her room. “I didn’t mean to cause a scene like that back there. You just mean a lot to me and I didn’t want you to get thrown overboard or hurt badly or anything. I just wanted to protect you because the truth is that you’re my entire world and more. I’d personally talk to Hades and see if he could help me get you back if I ever lost you. Will you plea-”

Birthday cake. That’s what her lips tasted like. They were soft and molded into mine perfectly. She let me know that I was forgiven through the kiss as she deepened it. I tangled my fingers in her hair while she cupped my face. Her thumbs traced my features while I pulled her closer.

“Hey sis, I was wondering if you could- oh sorry for interrupting I’m just gonna-” Her lips left mine cold as she pulled away, breaking the firework filled kiss. “Um, I’ll see you tomorrow, okay?” She rubbed the back of her neck before I pulled her into my warm embrace. She dug her face in the crook of my neck and made me smile. “I hope that you know that you’re mine now.” I smiled down at her when she said, “okay.” She left my embrace once again as she went to go help Gil with whatever it was that he needed help with. “You owe me $5!” Evie said as she held out her hand towards Mal. The purple haired girl huffed before slamming a $5 in Evie’s hand. They had been watching from the sidelines but I was too caught up with (Y/N) to even notice, I’m assuming that the secret was a bet about the two of us getting together. I laughed at my two friends and let a huge smile takeover my face. (Y/N) was finally mine and I had no intention of losing her.

~And just like that they lived happily ever after~

anonymous asked:

Requests!!??? Insecure hammy being comforted by TJeffs jamilton

Here you go!!!

You’d think a man with the title General Major in the United States Military would be little more self confident.

You’d be wrong.

He had a presentation today. Of his debt plan. That he’d been working on for nearly a year. Months of work coming to a head today and they could all be for naught if he fucks this up.

He’s presenting in front of a bunch of republicans. Of all the people in the room, less than a fifth voted in support of immigration and even less for LGBTQ+ rights. So he, a gay immigrant, didn’t exactly have a leg up in this room. He may or may not be panicking in the restroom outside the the conference room he was about to have to dazzle some politicians in.

Alex was usually more collected than this but his job was on the line. The job he hard fought tooth and nail to get. Washington himself told him that he’d probably be demoted if he wasn’t able to get the votes on this plan.

He was splashing water on his face trying to regain control of his breath when he heard the bathroom door swing open. Fucking fuck the fire safety laws that didn’t allow these fucking doors to have locks.

He glanced up in the mirror to see who was standing behind him and sighed in defeat making eye contact with Thomas Jefferson. Just his fucking luck. The king of the fuckers that he was about to present to is here to bear witness to his fucking meltdown.  

“Look what we have here,” Alex saw Jefferson’s reflection smirk, “Hamilton himself. Giving yourself a pregame pep talk?” He asked with a self satisfied grin.

“Just fuck off, Jefferson.” Alex nearly pleaded, “I don’t have time for your shit today.” He turned around to face his- what- colleague? Political rival? Who knows at this point? They’ve been amicable before but friends was a bit of a stretch.

Alex had even admired him at one point. He was an incredible writer and undeniably charming. Incredible hot and fucking ripped. He was perfect at first glance. Then he and Jefferson had a conversation. And another. And it turns out they disagree on about every topic.

There was a mutual respect though. They both knew that they were the only ones in all of Washington that could outwit the other. Alex appreciated Jefferson for how he didn’t sit on the fence. He took a side and stood by it. And Alex knew Jefferson respected his ability to get something done by sheer power of will.

That didn’t mean they didn’t fight like a cat and a dog.

“You don’t have time to fight with me?” Jefferson kept his voice light but there was underlying surprise in his tone, “Well this is certainly a moment for the history books.”

“I said I don’t have time for your shit.” Alex gritted out, “Just leave.” He gripped the edge of the sink in an attempt to calm down. An argument with Jefferson wouldn’t help his chances with the proposal.

“What the fuck is your problem?” Jefferson asked.

“You!” Alex burst out, “You being in here. Just to fuck with me.”

“I actually came in here to piss but since the world apparently revolves around you I’ve been side tracked.”

“Whatever,” Alex punched the bridge of his nose feeling much older than twenty-seven. The fight suddenly leaving him. “Take a leak. Or leave. Just do whatever you want.” His shoulders slumped and he must have looked absolutely pitiful because when he looked back up Jefferson was looking at him with something akin to concern.

“Are you alright?” He asked.

“No,” Alex groaned, “Because you and your shitty little band of republicans are about to veto my plan. Thus rendering me jobless. And pissed. And I’m pissed that I’m going to be pissed because I won’t have an important position in the White House anymore so people will be less inclined to hear me yell at them.” He ranted, “So, no I’m not okay. This may very well be my final presentation. And it’s to you and those other fucks.”

“You’re afraid of a little presentation?” Jefferson laughed, “You Alexander ‘I’ve literally killed for this country, what the fuck have you done?’ Hamilton is afraid to mess up a little presentation.” He scoffed at the thought. “Sounds kinda ridiculous to me.”

“Your face is ridiculous.” Alex replied petulantly, “Dick.” He wasn’t exactly sure what to say before it was sounding a lot like Jefferson was trying to cheer him up. “And it doesn’t matter what I say in there. They’re going to veto it out of spite.”

“The Hamilton I know wouldn’t give up because it seemed impossible.”

“The fuck are you?” Hamilton snorted, “My mom?” He wasn’t a child and didn’t need a ‘go get em’ chat from one of the guys he was going to get.

“Whatever,” Jefferson rolled his eyes, “Fuck it up. Don’t fuck it up. It’s all the same to me.” He shrugged, “I’m just saying: the Hamilton I know is a force unto himself and doesn’t tuck tail and run away when it gets a little rough.” He shook his head and turned around.

Hamilton was silent a beat. Watching Jefferson leave before he called out to stop him.

“Hey, Jefferson.” The man paused at the door and tilted his head to indicate he was listening still facing the door, “Uh, thanks. I guess.” He said quickly.

“Don’t think this means I’m gonna go easy on you in that meeting.”

“Wouldn’t dream of it.” Jefferson chuckled at the response before leaving.

Alex turned back around to face the mirror and looked at himself in determination.

He could do this.

iamapandaa01  asked:

Sneak Peak 🙈🙌🏼😂

Sneak Peak 1:

Alex trekked up the stairs while Maggie continued to get a slight telling to from her mother and father. She felt like a teenager sneaking around and out of trouble. Opening the door to the bathroom, she let out a small shriek seeing her reflection. She covered her mouth with her hand to avoid any other noises. Her black tank top looked like a Jackson Pollock of flour, eggs, and something that smelled suspiciously of syrup. She didn’t even remember that getting brought into the fight. Her short hair was thready with large clumps of pancake mixture and egg. It dripped slowly onto her shoulders and cheeks, making gooey lines down her body. As a DEO agent, she was used to getting sprayed with all sorts of random fluids but this combination was making her especially grossed out. She took both index fingers and wiped them under her eyes, flicking the goop into the sink.

She tried to get some of the egg shell out of the top of her hair but she only managed to infuse the mess with syrup. She was so focused untangling the white flakes, that she barely registered the small brunette leaning against the door. “You look ridiculous.”

Alex glared and flicked a piece of shell at her. “You don’t look much better over there detective.” She pulled her in front of the mirror so Maggie could take in her reflection. Although there were less egg and syrup particles on her, the dark hair was basically dyed white, a result of the entire powdered sugar bag being poured on it.

“I’ve looked worse,” she deadpanned, wrapping her hands around Alex’s waist from behind. “You know,” she moved red hair to the side and kissed her neck in the only clean spot, “We could both use a shower.”

Alex rolled her eyes and elbowed her in the side. “You do not get rewarded for this disaster.” With Maggie backed away, she turned around facing the woman. “Anyways, you’re the one who said I am ‘too injured for intimacy.’” She put the last part in quotes.

“Can I take that back?” Maggie cocked her head and grabbed onto Alex’s waist, inching her shirt up. She gave Alex her most devious smile and it was starting to work.

Needing to take back control, Alex leaned in close, breathing hotly at her ear. Maggie tensed up instantly waiting for some sign of permission. “No,” she whispered shoving Maggie out of the bathroom.

Outside the door all she could hear was a muffled, “This is homophobic.”


Sneak Peek 2:

Alex was happy that she finally got to wear something from the European shopping trip. The orange and pink flower print dress fell right below her knee and made her the brightest person in the room. The matching orange wedges also made her the tallest. It was haltered and modest because she needed to get all the innocence points she could with the sisters. Maggie opted for fitted navy slacks and a long sleeve blouse that billowed in the arms. It took about ten minutes for Alex to stop looking at only her. It didn’t help that the brunette pulled up just the front of her hair in a messy bun and let the rest fall at her shoulders.

Alex didn’t understand why they needed a bridal luncheon before the rehearsal dinner that night, especially since they had the bachelorette party a few days before. Maggie explained that they had a lot of aunts, cousins, and distant relatives that wanted to do something but Angie couldn’t find enough jobs. Instead, she just let them take over these activities.

“Why didn’t they just give money for the honey moon or something?” This caused Maggie to scoff and laugh. She helped Alex out of the truck and led her into the small restaurant.

“Alex, we’re Catholic. Unless there are receipts, photographs, and public acknowledgement of the deed, it didn’t actually happen.”  

“I heard that,” her mother scolded.

“What part isn’t true?” Maggie defended. She waited but her mother just shrugged. “See…even Saint Angie Mother Superior can’t argue.”

Alex stopped mid-way through the door and looked over her carefully. Maggie’s shoulders were tense, her brows furrowed and her tongue was rolling around her teeth in the way she did when she wanted to punch something. “You seem extra peeved about this particular event.”

Maggie crinkled her nose and let out a deep huff. “Do you know how many dumb games they are about to make us play?”

“A lot?”

“All of them. All of the games. We are probably going to have to make a wedding dress out of toilet paper or place bets on when they’ll have their first kid.”

Alex gave her a sympathetic smile but then added, “Suck it up buttercup,” with a light slap to her ass. 

Maggie was about to comment something back when her cousin came barreling through the hallway. “Oh my god Maggie, thank Yeezus we have a problem!”

She went into detective mode instantly and focused in asking, “What’s wrong? Is anyone hurt?”

“Everything is ruined,” she said dramatically, real tears making their way down her face.

Maggie grasped her shoulders trying to calm her down. “Waverly what in the world is wrong?”

“Kar- an Ste er sup- bu- bu- they,” Maggie looked to Alex to see if she could understand anything that was being said but she gave her a I have no clue look.

“Waverly, Im going to need you to take two deep breaths and then speak English.”

“Or French or Spanish or Russian…” Maggie looked at Alex like you’re not helping. “I’m just saying I could translate any of those. Not all people speak English.”

In the meantime, the college aged girl got herself together. “Karen and Steve were supposed to play the newlywed game with Erin but Becky just told me that Allison told her that Ashley saw Steve with Katie Donahue making out at a barbecue last week.  So of course Ashley tells Lucy who goes to Pilates with Kim who does the Wednesday morning spin class with Jackson who cuts Karen’s hair.”

“So…” Maggie really just wanted to get to the end of the story.

“So obviously Karen told Steve she wants to go to couples counseling with that guy that Elle-“

Maggie held up a hand. “Please stop the name game.” Waverly nodded wide-eyed. “What can I do for this obviously traumatic and dramatic event?”

“I need you and Alex to play in their place.” Maggie let off the loudest internal scream her body could muster. She stared at Waverly calmly waiting for the dying breaths of her inner self.  

She took one deep breath to compose herself before saying as politely as possible, “No, thank you.”

“Maggie please, you and Alex are the only other couple here. It was supposed to fill up the whole time before all the food came out. We even have a stage and lights and everything.”


“Babe, they have a stage and lights and everything,” Alex mimed.


Waverly grabbed onto her hand and squeezed impressively tight. “Please please please. I’ll guarantee that my mom doesn’t do anything for your wedding.” This piqued Maggie’s interest.

“Nothing at all?”


Between the brown and blue puppy eyes she was getting it was impossible to say no. “Fine but I want that agreement in writing.”

Waverly jumped excitedly and ran back down the hallway to the room to tell everyone it was still on. Maggie stopped Alex from following with a tug at her hand. “Is this still punishment for last night and this morning?”  

Alex pecked her on the cheek. “Absolutely.”


They sat down in their respective seats and grabbed the whiteboard and marker provided. The rules were simple, Gabrielle would ask a question and one partner had to answer it about the other. If they got it right they got a point. Get the most points and your coupledom is secure.

“So all of these questions were submitted by all of you lovely ladies here today and I will pick one randomly to read. We will start with the Sawyers guessing first about their partner.” There were loud cheers from the crowd of about twenty-five.

Eric looked about as comfortable as Maggie in a high seated chair above a bunch of women they knew their whole lives. On the other hand, Alex and Erin looked absolutely giddy about the game. Before everything got started, Maggie leaned into Alex’s space. “If you don’t know the answer we’ll just use morse code on our thighs.”

“That’s cheating!”

“Do you want the straights™ to win?”

“Ugh, fine…but at least try.”

They separated again at the insistence of the host. She dramatically snatched a piece of paper out and waved it to the crowd. “First question, what is your partner’s favorite position in bed?” There were hoots and hollers from even the prudish of ladies in the crowds.

Maggie instantly stood up and started for the stairs. “We aren’t doing this.”  

“Oh come on Mags, it’s just a game!” Erin pouted her lip and ushered her back over.

They all looked to the agent who had actually started to flush a little bit. “Alex if you aren’t comfortable we will of course stop.”

“I’m sorry guys but I can’t answer that question.”

“See,” Maggie held out a hand. “Y’all always take it too far.”

Alex stood up, interrupting what Maggie was going to say next. “It isn’t because I’m uncomfortable.” There was a sudden hush over the room. “I’m not answering it because my favorite position doesn’t involve a bed.” She turned her board around and scrawled on it was The Wall.

Maggie’s jaw literally dropped and her mouth went dry. While everyone else was cheering her answer, Alex gave Maggie a simple shrug and a wink. With reluctance, Maggie made her way back over to her chair and plopped down. She moved closer, whispering in Alex’s ear. “The wall, really?”

“When I’m not ‘too injured for intimacy’, I’ll show you.”

Maggie licked her lip, dying internally. “I’m not going to live that down.”

“Not today.” Alex pushed at her arm, so they could start the next round.

process of elimination

westallen wedding week. day one: wedding preparations. intended for general audiences.

“… Tracy?”

Iris squints, lifting her head back she finds Barry equally stumped. He doesn’t know why he’s said her name either, well aware Iria hasn’t spoken to Tracy since Larkin offered her a position.

“Or not.”

Barry’s thin lips stretch into an adorable delicate smile, and easily reminds her we’ll figure it out.

No matter the current state of her social circle.

Keep reading

anonymous asked:

that prometheus cliffhanger tho

I’m going to level with you. I’m trash. I have two essays due. I haven’t done a retelling in a long time. The myth of Prometheus was only halfway finished. It’s a perfect storm for the retelling of the Trick at Mecone, aka Prometheus part 2, aka the one with all the beef (both literal and metaphorical).

If you don’t want to read a badly retold story about a pair of gods with infinite power arguing over prime cuts of ox rump, then press J on your keyboard to skip as this is a long post! More information about this myth and its context / meaning under the cut, as usual.

Zeus and Prometheus have major beef

So, the last time we caught up with Prometheus and Epimetheus, they’d just managed to perform an incredibly eloquent fuck-up with regards to the creation of mankind, forgetting to give them any positive attributes altogether, and leaving them defenceless in a world full of animals with sharp teeth, plants with poisonous barbs, and geese.

Our saga continues a little while later, and we have to imagine that for this short period, humans have just been having the absolute worst time. Half of them are probably being eaten by dingoes, and the other half are just eating poisonous berries for breakfast and keeling over before brunch. In short, it’s a shit-show. They’re cold, miserable, and the gods don’t think very much of them at all. It’s basically like living in North Wales.

One day, a group of humans finds themselves on a hill at a place called Mecone. They’ve managed, against all odds, to hunt down an ox, probably by throwing shoes at it and hoping for the best, and they’re totally planning on going all Masterchef with it. One of them has managed to procure a few apples to make a rudimentary sauce, and they’ve sent another dude off to find some rosemary and thyme to baste it, and they’re all frothing at the mouth in preparation for their delicious beefy feast. They’re just about to start cooking when suddenly Zeus shows up.

He takes one look at the ox, and he’s like “I’m presuming that the entirety of that delicious four-legged thing is for me?” and the humans look at each other, then at the ox, and then they look back at Zeus and they’re like “well, we were sort of hoping to actually eat dinner today, actually,” and Zeus folds his arms across his imposing chest and he says “look, we’ve discussed this. I’m a god. You’re a bunch of small, stringy things that Prometheus made. I can create entire worlds just by snapping my fingers. You’re alarmingly prone to indigestion. The ox is mine.”

At that, Prometheus appears, and he’s like “what’s going on here? Why are you all fighting over an ox? I made way better things than that. You should at least be fighting over a gerenuk. Those are my all-time favourite monstrosity,” and a human tugs on Prometheus’ sleeve and she says “Zeus keeps stealing all of our best food and making us sacrifice it to him, and we’re getting really sick of eating nothing but worms in grass sauce,” and Prometheus looks at Zeus and raises an eyebrow, and Zeus blushes a bit and says “they’re all a bunch of nerds, Prometheus, why do you even care?” and Prometheus is like “aren’t you tired of your reputation as a locker-room jock? Aren’t you sick of instilling fear? Don’t you ever want to show a little empathy, a little kindness, a little raw divinity?” and Zeus is like “sometimes, but then I get hungry and they have an ox,” and Prometheus just rolls his eyes.

He walks over to the ox and he says to Zeus “I have an idea as to how we can get around this little problem of playground bullying,” and Zeus pouts and says “I actually really like playground bullying, but I guess I’ll hear you out, one bro to another,” and Prometheus does that thing he does with his jaw that makes it look really regal and he says “you turn around and I’ll sacrifice this ox myself, and I’ll divide it into two parts. You get to choose which part of the ox you want to keep before the humans get their pick, and from this day on, you’ll be given that part of every sacrifice that humans make. Does that sound fair?” and Zeus says “does that mean I get to keep the butt? I cook a mean medium-rare rump steak; I do it with this really delicious roux sauce and crispy potatoes,” and Prometheus raises his hands benevolently and says “if you choose the pile with the butt, then the butt is yours,” and Zeus punches the air and agrees to the plan.

So, Zeus turns around so that he can’t see what Prometheus is doing, and so do all the squeamish humans and the humans who are members of fledgling animal rights groups, and Prometheus sacrifices the ox. He starts to divide the parts of the ox into two piles, but because he’s more cunning than all the animals who were given ‘cunning’ as their positive attribute back at creation, he takes all the best parts and puts them into one pile, and he takes all the gross parts, like the bones and the inside part of the butt, and he puts them onto another pile. When he’s done, he has one pile that wouldn’t look out of place in a Michelin star kitchen, and one which looks like Donald Trump’s face made out of old ham. As a finishing touch, he covers both piles with the ox’s hide, and he takes some of the ox’s fat and drizzles it over the nauseating pile of bones and gristle, making it look like the hide is covering a pile of delicious fatty meat, and he takes a bit of gristle from the gross pile and places it on top of the good pile, so that it looks like it’s a pile of inedible offal. The end result is that the pile that’s full of more bile than a Red Piller’s blog now looks appetising and appealing, and the pile that’s full of meat more tender than Hera’s love of vengeance looks like absolute shit.

When he’s done, he calls Zeus back over, and he’s like “OK, I’ve finished – take your pick! I’ve tried really hard to make it incredibly fair. This is fairer than Aphrodite’s ankles, this is,” and Zeus just blinks and says “you did a very bad job, because one of those piles looks like something Cerberus might pass after Hades gets too crazy with the dog treats,” and Prometheus is like “I’m kind of upset to hear that, because my plan was that both piles would be pretty much equal. I was aiming for total fairness. That was my goal all along, from beginning to end. I’m devastated to hear that I’ve failed. An honest man like me, just trying his hand at butchery, and I’ve really gone and fucked it up. Well, I’m a man of my word, so you’d better get it out of the way and just choose. Gods, I’ve really screwed someone over here! I feel like such a fool,” and Zeus points at the pile of delicious meat, which has been disguised to look grotesque, and Prometheus’ heart just plummets, and Zeus says “that.”

Prometheus is like “can you elaborate on what you mean by ‘that’,” knowing that if Zeus picks that one, the humans will be left with just the bones and eyeballs for all eternity and they’ll never know the joy of a really good beef hotpot, and Zeus looks at it and wrinkles his majestic nose and says “that looks absolutely vile, I wouldn’t even feed that to Hephaestus,” and Prometheus is like “so, just to be absolutely clear, does that mean the humans can keep it?” and Zeus is like “I mean, I’d recommend you seal it in a biohazard bag and dispose of it sensibly, but yes, they can keep it. Now give me my juicy rump steak,” and Prometheus just shoves the pile of slime and bone to Zeus and says “here’s your rump steak, I think you’ll agree that you really got a prime cut of bum deal,” and Zeus rips off the hide and sees that he’s been tricked. With a deafening roar, he holds his fist to the sky and shouts “Prometheus!” and his voice echoes all around the hills, and Prometheus is like “shit, shit, shit, he’s so fucking angry, I need to find a cave or a hole or the bosom of a kindly woman,” but before he can make his daring escape, Zeus has got hold of him, and he’s clearly more than a little pissed off. 

In the background, the guy who was sent off to find some rosemary and thyme comes back, and the humans all feast on braised ox shoulder and oxtail soup and they never have to eat worms again, unless they really want to, which is absolutely fine, because appearing on I’m a Celebrity, Get Me Out of Here! is a valid career choice, 100%. 

Zeus storms over to Prometheus and puts him in a headlock, and, gulping, Prometheus tries to talk it off, like “look, bones can be really useful! You can make a really good stock with bones! And hey, I love ox spleen, don’t you? Even the anus can be saved with a decent slow cooker and a bit of patience–” but Zeus just isn’t having any of it, and without saying anything, he carts Prometheus off to a high rock. When they get to the summit, where the vultures circle like geometric patterns of doom and the eagles cries pierce the thick silence like the world is ending, Prometheus is like “look, can you just tell me what’s happening? I want to know how scared I should be right now on a scale of one to ten, and I’m currently settling at about five, which is using up valuable energy if I should really be aiming for around three on the aforementioned scale,” and Zeus just smiles wolfishly, baring his perfectly white teeth which manage to look a little sharp in the dying evening light, and says “well, put it this way; after I’m done with you, you’ll be praying for deliverance,” and Prometheus is like “please clarify, because that sentence was terrifying and I’ve swiftly moved up to a seven, and I only brought one pair of pants with me,” and Zeus is all “I hope your human friends have fun with their prime cuts of meat, because they’ll  have a hard time using them without fire!” and then there’s just an awkward silence for a few moments.

After the silence has stretched on for just long enough to be excruciating, Prometheus is like “so, that’s the punishment? You’ve taken away their fire?” and Zeus nods sagely and says “I think I’ve made my point,” and Prometheus is like “it’s just that you way you said ‘deliverance’ with emphasis on the first three syllables really made it sound like you were going to do something horrible to my liver,” and Zeus furrows his mighty brow and he’s like “I don’t know why you’d think that at all; I’m just taking away their fire, that’s all. Nothing to do with anyone’s liver, especially not the ox’s, because the humans got to keep that part,” and Prometheus says “I mean, cured meat is actually still incredibly delicious and flavoursome, but I guess I see what you’re doing,” and Zeus is like “I’m trusting you not to give them the fire back, by the way. I’ll let you have the ox anus if you promise me you won’t betray me again,” and Prometheus smiles thinly and thinks about his liver and says “I have no idea why you’d trust me at this point, but great, I have a really neat slow cooker back at my place. It’s a deal,” and they shake hands on it, and then they go off to have a hearty meal of bone marrow stew, and Zeus doesn’t even realise that Prometheus’ fingers were crossed the whole time.

My other retellings can be found here; my mythology blog is here; and my Mythology Mondays Facebook page is here. Thrilling.

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You’re Welcome

[Prompt: abused!pastel!dan and punk!phil, dan gets badly hurt and flees his abusers’ house only to run into scary phil, but it’s okay because phil is nice to dan and makes dan feel safe [do you have any fics like that? like multiple fics or even a tag?]

damn this is long as f (2.8k words daMN MAN) but we got like 3 genres in here wow

dan says thank you about 39 times oops (also: that massage fic is nearly finished!!!)

[Contains: abuse, mentions of rape, blood, asphyxiation (being choked), punk phil wow,  fluff ooh, flirty dan, phil taking care of dan!!!!!, literally the fluffiest smut ever :DDDD]

Dan cowers in the corner of the dark bedroom in a dingy apartment, hearing the yelling voice get closer to his room. His boyfriend, Kurt, got drunk yet again and he’s on his rampage, as usual. Dan bites his lip as he hopes and prays to any God that he can think of that he doesn’t come in here-

Well, that didn’t work.

“Dan?! Get your fucking ass over here!” his boyfriend yells after he kicks in the door.

Dan flinches, he doesn’t want to move. Dan literally can’t see anything else that could save him from this other than death.

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Fast Lane // Part 2

It’s finally here! Thank you all for being so patient. To be honest, I was pretty shocked that people liked Fast Lane so much. I hope you enjoy part two as much as the first!

Part 1 // - // Part 3

Warning: Alcohol, mild violence/blood, and strong language.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

You relaxed on a leather couch in the humid club, drink in hand as you took slow sips. The night was typical; another race concluded meant another $25K in your pocket after winnings were split. It was easy money, especially when you took it from rookies. Although your mind was currently hazy, the image of EXO’s faces when they got absolutely murdered on the track last week was still freshly imprinted in your mind. You swirled your liquor around, downing the last of it without even realizing. Excusing yourself, you made your way over to the bar.

“Kamikaze, on the rocks. Put it on my tab.”

The bartender nodded, preparing the cocktail. You aimlessly swiveled back and forth in the bar chair, contently receiving the drink when it was ready. A hand came down on the table, making a loud clink as money was put down.

“I’ll have what she’s having.”

You rotated around to see Zitao smiling vaguely.

“Back so soon?” you taunted.

“We need to talk.”

* * *

“So you want us, to help you guys?” Adelaide questioned with her eyebrow raised.

“We just need a little advice, that’s all,” one of them stated.

“And what’s in it for us?” you asked.

“How about a date?” Zitao suggested.

“How about something that I actually want?” you countered.

“A quarter of our wins for however long this takes us,” the one with shaggy brown hair proposed.


“Half?! Don’t be ridiculous.”

“Then don’t beg us for help when you lose another 90K.”

After more quarrels they bitterly accepted the deal, agreeing to start next week. Zitao was hot on your heels, badgering you over a date, no doubt, but you weren’t paying too much attention. Part of you wanted to give in and accept his offers, but there was a tiny voice in the back of your head that told you he was nothing but trouble; that being said, you decided to make your position clear.

“Look, I’m not going out with you. Stop asking me.”

“Give me one good reason why.”

“You’re not my type.”

“How do you know that? You haven’t gone out with me yet.”

You sighed in frustration. “You asked for help, and you’re going to get it. And that’s all you’re going to get. Got it?”

“You’ll come around.”

“Says who?” you challenged.

He smirked, leaning down so that his lips barely brushed the pinna of your ear. “Says me.” You stiffened, feeling his hot breath skim over the skin of your neck. Quickly regaining your composure, you nudged him away, assuming a hard facade.

“Whatever. Now, go lap around the fencing. Remember: modern racing line. Late apex or you’re not going to make the turn in time.”

“Whatever you say,” he sing-songed, winking and getting back in his car per your orders.

“You like him, don’t you?” Adelaide inquired, coming to stand next to you. “You look at him the same way you used to look at you-know-who.”

You scoffed. “And we all know how well that ended.”

“Just give him a chance; I have a good feeling about him. But if he does end up breaking your heart, I will personally break his neck for you, okay? I got your back.”

You chuckled, weighing her words. Your heart said one thing but your mind another, so which one were you supposed to listen to?

* * *

“28, 29, and 30K.” The boys counted out the money, obediently placing it in your hand.

It was another celebratory night; word was getting around about the new rookie team who was wiping out the competition, which meant more races and more cash flow. You unwound in the main garage, chatting with some of the boys while the rest were outside, probably performing tricks for the crowd to enjoy. You perceived Adelaide in your peripheral vision, and she grabbed your arm, clear alarm in her eyes.

“Dallas is here.” Those three words were enough to make you pale. Why is he here? You racked your brain trying to think of alternatives to facing the situation but knowing him, he wasn’t leaving until he got exactly what he wanted: a fight.

“What’s wrong?” Zitao asked.

“Nothing. I’ll be back,” you informed, shakily following Adelaide outside. You could hear the rest of the boys behind you, but you were too lost in your own thoughts to stop them. Exiting the garage, you locked eyes with the piece of scum who called himself Dallas, and his crew.

Electric Angels, always a pleasure to see you again,” he purred.

“What do you want?” you questioned bitterly, arms crossed while approaching him.

“Hey princess, I missed you too.” God, you hated that nickname. It was what he used to call you when you two were together, but now he did it just to spite you. Frankly, he did everything he could to spite you, to get under your skin, and the worst part was, he succeeded every time. “We came to watch the supposedly amazing rookies, but they’re nothing but a bunch of wannabes looking to make a few bucks.”

You ignored his latter comment. “Fine; you’ve seen them, now you can go.” You tried your hardest to restrain yourself, not wanting to make a scene.

“Babe, don’t be like that,” he patronized, placing a hand on your arm. You swatted him away, taking a step back.

“Don’t touch me.”

“That’s funny, because you sure wanted me to touch you when-”

You spit in his face. At this point, you didn’t even care. He was a disgusting piece of shit and you were tired of dealing with him.

“Fuck off, Dallas. And don’t come back.”

You turned around to leave but next thing you knew, he yanked you back, hard, by the hair, sending you to the hard asphalt. Your head collided with the bumper of his car, a sharp pain radiating from your temple. Your hands were badly scraped from trying to break your fall, and your vision blurred as your head throbbed relentlessly.

“You little bitch-” he began, about to assault you again when suddenly, someone was on him: it was Zitao. He fiercely slammed Dallas onto the car hood, punching him square in the face.

What ensued was absolute chaos. Bodies surged to the center of the tumult; your girls rushed to your side to help you up, Dallas’ crew held him back, EXO held Zitao back, and a mass of people had already crowded around, observing the commotion.

“Who the hell are you?!” Dallas yelled, blood flowing from his nose.

“Touch her again and I won’t hesitate to kick your ass,” Zitao growled, and he would’ve lunged at him again if the boys hadn’t had a firm grip on him.

“What, are you her new boy toy?” He laughed, roughly wiping the blood from his face. “Nice to see you’ve downgraded,” he commented, looking back at you. “Don’t waste your time with her; she’s not even worth the dirt I race on.”

You bit your tongue, looking down at the floor. You didn’t want to fight anymore. This was exhausting; this was humiliating, and all you wanted to do was get out and get away from him.

“Screw off while you still have the arms to drive,” Zitao threatened.

Dallas sneered. “Is that a promise? I’ll see you around ______.”

His crew sped away as the crowd dissipated. EXO and the girls frantically clustered around you, asking if you were okay.

“I’m fine, I’m fine, please…”

“You’re bleeding so badly; we need to take you to the hospital!” Adelaide exclaimed.

You touched the side of your head, wet with blood that ran all the way down your neck. Your palms were already uglily marred with gravel and dried blood from the scrapes. To be honest, you hadn’t even noticed, and wouldn’t have if she hadn’t pointed it out.

“I’ll be fine, I just need to clean up.” You took a few steps towards the garage but everyone else followed suit. “Alone.” Knowing how stubborn you were, the girls gave you your space, but that didn’t stop Zitao.

“You’re hurt; please let me help.”

“I’m fine.”

“______.” He stopped in front of you, inspecting your head. Sighing, he lifted you up onto the trunk of his car before you could protest. “Stay here.” He grabbed a small box out of someone else’s car and came back. “I always thought Junmyeon’s first aid kit was useless until now.” He began gently but efficiently cleaning your wounds, sweeping a moist cloth over your skin that turned crimson as he progressed.

“You don’t have to be doing this.”

“But I want to,” he insisted. He hesitated for a moment as he cleaned your hands. “So… Dallas is your ex?”

“My douchebag ex, yeah.”

“I can’t believe you used to date him.”

“What do you mean?”

“You deserve better than that asshole.”

You smiled morosely, recalling past events. “I wish I would’ve realized that before… it went downhill, I guess.”

“What happened?”

“It’s a long story.”

“Tell me; I’ve got time,” he replied, placing bandages on your hands. He continued to wipe away at the blood that ran down your cheek.

“Basically, I met him fresh out of high school. We clicked right away, and he told me he loved me. I was young, and I shouldn’t have trusted him. He would ask me for money, and it wasn’t a big deal at first, but then he started asking for thousands at a time. I had a trust fund that my grandparents gave me, so I just took it out of there. I doubted him for awhile, but he always said that it was for family problems, and that he’d pay me back. And I believed him. He ended up sweet-talking me into giving him… probably 350K. I know, I know, I’m an idiot, but I guess I was blinded by love. That was all the money I had; I gave him everything. And when I told him that I didn’t have anymore, he left me. And that was the end of it. I had to drop out of college and almost sell my house. Things were pretty hopeless for awhile, and I was desperate for money to support myself. When we were together, he would bring me to races over here, and honestly I didn’t know anything about racing but that it paid, and fast. So I learned the trade, and well, here I am.”

“He scammed you,” Zitao iterated in disbelief, more so to himself.

You nodded. “And you want to know the worst part? I actually thought he was the one.”

“That's… horrible. I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be; I was just stupid.”

“You’re not stupid.”

You sighed, thinking back of your resolution. “After that I kind of promised myself I wouldn’t get involved with guys like him anymore.”

“Guys like him?”

“You know, the racer type. Cocky, arrogant… you get what I mean.”

“Guys like me,” he concluded. You remained silent, avoiding his gaze. Hearing him actually say it made you realize it was wrong of you to generalize based on one experience, but whatever it took to protect yourself, right? “I’m not that bad, am I?”

You shook your head. “No, just cocky,” you answered, a little teasingly to lighten the air.

He smiled, placing the last bandage on your temple. “I can be less cocky, if you want. Less arrogant, whatever you want me to be, if you let me.”

“If I let you?”

“If you let me take you out. Just once, that’s all I’m asking for. One chance.”

You looked at the floor, evading his proposal. “I-I don’t know.” Dissatisfied with your answer, he tilted your chin back up so that his piercing gaze matched yours. For the first time, he didn’t have that signature smug expression on his face; it was replaced by a certain stern countenance, an intense hardness that you couldn’t quite describe, but certainly conveyed a level of pensive sincerity that you didn’t think he was capable of having.

“Will you let me prove to you that you can trust me?”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Note: Please leave me some feedback if you liked it! I’m currently working on part 3, so sit tight! Next up is a Luhan scenario. Requests will reopen a week from today, in case anyone was wondering. Have a great weekend. ~

PDA: Public Displays of Antagonization

Fandom: Satan and Me

Ship: Natan

Word Count: 3411

Rating/Content: PG 13 for some questionable language, voluntary and involuntary alcohol consumption. And does purposely inflicting jealousy count as emotional abuse?

Summary: In which Natalie is apparently a good actor, and Satan’s idea of helping is cruel, but ultimately successful.

A/N: Um… Hi again ^^ My Lailix fic went over so well with everyone (thank you all by the way, you have no idea. I had a grin from ear to ear all day when I posted it. I’m glad it was well received) I decided to write another one with an idea I got today. This one’s for orange-plum this time since she ships Natan right? (I mean, she’s drawn it so it must be true). And she told me to write more, so I did. (because I totally needed an excuse to write Natan *cough*) Again, trying my best to stick to canon, so, this is what I got. Woot!

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