for tired

this is a long, heavy post, but ive wanted to make it for a while. i hope if you or someone you know has been in an abusive situation, it may help.

when you are abused, the true ramifications of this abuse do not manifest themselves until you are much older.

when you are abused (in any form) as a young person, your first gut instinct will be to turn down therapy/counselling. you might do this because you do not feel you need it, or you do not want to talk about what happened. you need to push past this.

when we experience abuse as young people, we may feel like it was ‘no big deal’. we may compare ourselves to other victims and feel that we are not as bad as them, so that means we are okay. you may feel okay. you may be a young person reading this right now, thinking ‘well, i feel okay.’

i know you do. we all feel like that we’re younger.

you will get older and your untreated abuse will manifest in your life, your body and your emotions. you may develop terrible habits. your body may start to react in strange ways. you may have to struggle with seemingly unexplained bouts of nausea and vomiting as a reaction to ‘normal’ events that have connections to your abuse. you may develop mental health issues and will not understand why. you may grow angry and withdrawn, or deeply depressed for seemingly no reason.

then on one terrible night, you will connect the dots and realise that although you felt invincible as a young person, your abuse affected you.

if therapy is offered to you or you can find it, go to it. abuse does not go away or magically resolve itself. no amount of pretending you are okay will take away what happened. it may hurt to revisit our old wounds, but it is the only way to heal.

it is never to late to heal. if you are an adult who refused therapy and you are struggling, get yourself there, find help, and heal. and if you are a young person reading this, please strongly consider therapy, even if you do not feel you need it.

even if you feel like your abuse did not affect you, let people in. give yourself the chance to heal. do not let your abuser take even more of your life than they already have.

let yourself heal.

all of the shit i was feeling and thinking in my previous relationship was so fucking jacked holy shit