for them to see terrifying amount of neediness and fear in him

Waking up next to Cas that first morning is as terrifying as it is surreal, Dean decides.

Because Dean’s awake right now, but Cas isn’t. His head is pillowed on Dean’s chest and he’s got an arm stretched across his waist and hugging him tightly. Their feet and legs are tangled up together and Dean can feel Cas’ hair tickling the bottom of his chin.

Cas is absolutely beautiful like this. His breath is slow and even and Dean counts his exhales, feeling the gentle rise and fall of his chest. His face is free of the usual amounts of worry and stress it normally expresses. In fact, there’s a small smile ghosting his lips and occasionally he hums quiet, contented noises. Dean can’t help but wonder what he’s dreaming about.

His long eyelashes fan out across his cheeks, and Dean wants to kiss them immediately. He hadn’t done that last night.

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The bunker is so quiet, sound of Sam’s bare feet on the concrete almost impossibly loud in the silence.

He shivers a little as he pushes Dean’s door open, goosebumps pebbling the skin on his arms as he stands in the doorway. It’s cold, living underground. Chill in the air that’s hard to shake, no matter how much they run the heat.

It’s pitch black in Dean’s room and Sam hadn’t bothered to turn on the light in the hall, but he doesn’t need to see to know that Dean’s awake, can feel his eyes on him in the dark like it’s a physical thing, hear his ragged breaths in oppressive quiet.

He hesitates, and Dean hesitates, and they hang there for a second, suspended, and then Sam hears the rustling of fabric, sees Dean’s vague outline move on the bed, shifting the covers back.

Sam lets out a breath he hadn’t realized he’d been holding and shuffles over, slides under the covers and curls up on his side, not touching, but close. The bed is body-warm under him and he lets himself feel comforted, just for a minute.

“I don’t want the rocking chair to be empty, Dean.” He feels so old, usually, but tonight the terrified kid at the center of him is pushing at his insides, making his chest tight and his stomach heavy and his heart all achy under his ribs. He wants his brother, misses him so bad that his throat clogs up and his eyes prickle. It reminds him of being 14, Dean out on a hunt with Dad while Sam sat at home and hoped desperately that they came back alive, totally powerless to contain the terrible fear at the possibility of living the rest of his life without his brother and he hates it, hates how needy, vulnerable it makes him feel.

Sam hears Dean’s breath catch, throat working as he swallows it down. “I know. I don’t. Tell me what to do, Sammy. Tell me what you need.”

Sam’s hand slides across the sheets, closes the distance between them until his fingers just brush the bare skin of Dean’s hip and Dean sucks in a breath. It’s the first time they’ve touched for no reason in a long time. “You fucked up. I need you to understand how.”

Dean shifts onto his side, faces Sam in the dark. “I won’t apologize for saving you. I’m not sorry that you’re alive.”

Sam shakes his head. “That’s not what got us here, Dean.”

“Then-”

“You can’t decide for me. You can’t lie to me. You can’t-” Sam swallows. “You just can’t. Please, Dean. I can’t prove to you that you can trust me. I’ve been trying for years. I can’t force you to treat me like an equal, like a person. I know you want to protect me, but the things you do… they aren’t protecting me, Dean. They’re killing me. I can’t force you, but if you don’t-” He closes his eyes, breathes in slow. “I don’t want the rocking chair to be empty.”

Sam opens his eyes when he feels Dean’s fingers bump against his.

“I’m sorry.” Dean says, voice rough and wavering.

Sam brushes his thumb over Dean’s knuckles. “You fucked up, Dean. You fucked me up. Us up.”

“I know.” Dean’s voice grates on itself, bends and cracks and makes Sam’s chest hurt. “I’m sorry. I’m really. God, Sam. I never wanted this.”

Dean doesn’t make excuses. He doesn’t try to justify it or explain himself - Sam knows the reasons, and for the first time Dean seems sincere. Like he’s beginning to get it.

It’s a start.

Sam shifts closer, hooks their fingers together between them. “I’ll let you prove it.”

Dean breathes out, ragged. “Okay.”

It’s the best he can do. Things are broken between them, and no amount of duct tape and safety pins is gonna fix it. It’s going to take time, and it’s going to hurt, but maybe this time they’ll get it right.

“Okay.” Sam says, and when Dean ducks forward to press a kiss to his forehead, Sam lets him.

SPN 11x22 Episode thoughts- A postivity post! :)

I loved today’s episode. It was fantastically paced, and the plot was amazing. I also loved the fact that we finally got some insight into Lucifer and Amara’s minds. Anyway, here’s what I really, really enjoyed in this episode-

Lucifer and God’s talk: Some super interesting things revealed here. So Chuck admits that the mark did corrupt Lucifer. He may have had a weakness already, but maybe if the mark had not been there, he wouldn’t have gone off the rails like he did. And then Chuck locks him away in a cage for abillion years? I kind of see Lucifer’s point. I mean in the SPN universe, are the other angels any better? They’re just as bad- so why did only Lucifer pay the price? It wasn’t because he hated humanity, the rest of them didn’t either, but because of the mark. Chuck probably feared he’ll somehow set Amara free, and so he locked him up. And by the sound of how bitter Lucifer sounded he probably prayed to his father for eons to no avail and now he’s randomly there for Sam and Dean?  Sounds mighty unfair to me.  

Also, theory about the mark. If indeed it was corrupting Lucifer, it might explain his changed attitude since he lost it. I mean, he’s still snarky and ruthless, but he doesn’t seem all that evil now.

I’m not saying it’s all puppies and rainbows now. But I’m glad they fleshed him out some more, he is a fallen angel after all. It is nice to see some motivations, not all Muhuhahaha I’m a villain just because.  

The random comedy with Sam and Dean was a little strange, I admit that.

The super cool montage of everyone joining forces: Wow I actually squealed when Rowena appeared. She’s just so badass!!!! Also, whiny Crowley was funny. He sounds a little bitter about his breakup with Dean btw. And of course, the most awesome person there-

Castiel, the most awesomelicious awesome angel to ever awesome. Cas is depressed, he’s been broken again and again and AGAIN. However we must remember that he didn’t say yes to Lucifer to get Dean’s and Sam’s attention. He’s not doing this out of spite or neediness. Cas is literally the most selfless person in the show. He’s willing to take any amount of risk, he’s willing to lose everything, to protect humanity (and Dean, of course) In Season 6, Dean might not have agreed with his plan, but that didn’t stop him. He was willing to LOSE Dean’s friendship and love to protect him and humanity.

I guess what I’m trying to say is that Cas never expects a reward or return for what he’s willing to do. He’s a warrior and master strategist, and when he said yes to Lucifer, he took on a huge burden upon himself for the world. I was blown away by his speech to the angels. I mean look at them! They’re still there, all petty and pathetic, failing to stop Amara. But Cas was the only one among them who took a concrete step to do something. Even if it meant them hating him even more.

Dean admitting his fear of Amara: I like how clearly he makes his point there. He wants her dead because he’s terrified she’ll escape again. Thank you Dean, for finally admitting to what is bothering you.  

Dean accepting Sam’s decision: Like fucking FINALLY. Thank you Dean, for treating Sam like an independent person who can make his own choices and respect them. This is bigger than either of them. Although my heart did break when he said he was damaged goods.

Amara’s motivations: I must say, I finally felt like I could understand her. She’s not good or evil. She just is. And for that, she gets locked away for eons. Not fair, really. I mean, it’s easy. God creates. She destroys. It’s what they are. It doesn’t make him benevolent, nor does it make her evil.  Why does he get to be free and she caged?

I mean, she was willing to be killed, she wasn’t going to fight. She just didn’t want to be locked away again like that, alone and afraid.  

Dean’s continuing concern for Cas: I mean, even Lucifer can see it so clearly. He mocked him for it, but he does try to reassure(?) Dean by saying Cas is on board. He didn’t have to.

The moment Amara shows up, Dean is walking towards her like a sleepwalker. He doesn’t seem to be able to hurt her at all. She attacks Chuck, he doesn’t react. But the moment she attacked Casifer, he springs to action. To overcome the amount of pure mindfuck she causes him, and to break through it, all for Cas, is amazing.  

Finally, the Lucifer resolution: I’m glad that Cas saying yes did achieve the purpose that he intended. Lucifer does seem to have weakened her, and he did end up playing an important part, even though they failed at locking her away. I think she just banished him away though, I don’t think he’s actually dead.

SO this means Cas in the next episode! And a long overdue destiel hug. But I’m super interested to see how they’ll fix this, it’s quite exciting.

You're gonna regret that

Winter Soldier x Reader

requested by @comicimxgines : The Winter Soldier/Reader where the reader is one of his targets’ daughter and she’s Russian and he thinks she’ll be all sad but she kicks his ass so he takes her back to Hydra and they recruit her and then freeze her again w/ buck pls mom I’m needy (I changed the ending a little, dont hate me)

Word Count: 1,519

Warnings: someone gets stabbed, some mentions of blood, and while I’m at it, there’s some swearing. OH and maybe some teensy tiny Civil War spoilers :)

Authors Note: this is the first time I’ve written something this intense ;) I’m usually a very fluffy writer, so please, if there’s advice you want to give, send it in!

thank you to the wonderful @aya-fay for fixing my shotty google translate russian and making it better :D

Originally posted by amjeth

The sunlight shone into your Dad’s massive office. You were currently lounging on the grey sectional that was positioned in the center of the room, waiting for your dad to finish up for the day. His fingers were rapidly tapping on his keyboard and he had his phone wedged between his cheek and shoulder. From what your Dad was saying, you could tell that the conversation was not a gleeful one.

“Я хочу, чтобы пакет доставили завтра.” (I want the packaged delivered, tomorrow), He angrily shouter into the phone and then proceeded to slam it down onto its base, ending the call.

Keep reading

calum imagine / heartbreaker

i’m so sorry i haven’t posted anything new in a while, so here is something little to make up for lost time!

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Calum:

You weren’t sure what you and Calum were exactly. You had been friends with him and the boys for years, ever since primary school, back when you were still throwing clumps of dirt and mulch at eachother on the playground. 

However, years passed and feelings changed, and it was becoming harder and harder to deny your romantic feelings for him. You had grown to feel more for him than just friends as the years went by. You’d always been the closest to Calum, considering the two of you were friends before he even met Luke, Michael, and Ashton. You sometimes had hope that he would realize how much he cares for you and come running into your arms, however, you knew in your heart that this was not a fairy tale. The beating of your heart in your ears whenever he was around only confirmed to you that your feelings for him were not going to fade easily, either.

You had lost all hope of ever being with him. He was always searching for a new hook up, or a new exciting sexual endeavor. As he grew, he developed a personality that you never thought he would. He was more popular than ever, always attending parties and keeping a stash of alcohol and cigarettes hidden in his closet. You, however, were just an average student. You weren’t being pined over by many, or being constantly asked when you were throwing your next rager. You often wondered why Calum even continued to be your friend, considering that all of his other friends were so different from you. However, Calum never once considered ditching you, which he had to reassure you of many times.

One night when you were sitting on the couch with him in his basement with the 
TV flickering in the darkness, you’d asked him, “Why don’t you treat me like other girls? I mean, usually you would have been in and out of my pants by now.” Calum only took a deep breath and said, “You’re not like the other girls,” as he continued to watch the movie. He had said it in a way that made you wonder what he meant. What if he liked you too? What if he was always thinking about you, and wishing he could be with you? However, as months passed, you knew your earlier questions were irrelevant. He felt nothing for you, and he never would. He continued hooking up with almost every girl in your class except for you. Even though you did not want to be another meaningless hook up to him, you wondered why he hadn’t tried. Was there something wrong with you? Did he find you unattractive?

You sighed and shut your eyes, desperately wishing that one day, he could see you the way you see him. 

-

Around the time of September, Calum had been walking across the quad with you, your books clutched against his chest as he tried to sneak in a quick smoke. 

“You coming to my party on Friday night?” he asked. You instantly said no, knowing that you would have no one to talk to. Parties were not your thing, and none of your friends went anyway. Calum frowned.

“You never come, Y/N. Come on, it will be fun, I promise.” He said almost pleadingly, as he took a drag of his cigarette. You looked into his eyes, and found yourself telling him yes without thinking. 

He smiled in satisfaction and tossed his cigarette into the grass before telling you goodbye and heading to meet up with Luke, Michael, and his other friend Noah on the opposite side of the courtyard. You watched him as he left, your books suddenly feeling extremely heavy in your arms. 

-

“Y/N!” Calum shouted to you as you walked into the living room. The party had been going on for a couple hours. You had decided to come a little late, so that you wouldn’t have to stay long. 

Calum stood up from the couch where he was sitting between two girls who you did not recognize. You paid them no mind as Calum stood up and guided you into the kitchen where the counters were overpopulated with alcohol of many varieties. The music was not as loud as you remembered it to be, having only come to one of his parties before. 

Calum poured something into a cup and handed it to you. You looked at him questioningly before shaking your head. You were a lightweight, and the last thing you wanted was to get drunk and do something embarassing. 

“Just one. Let loose, Y/N,” he said. Calum kept his hand extended, signaling that he wanted you to take it from him. You sighed and took it, before taking a sip. 

Calum smiled and took a drink of his own, before stalking off in the direction of the living room. You glanced around and noticed that there was once again, absolutely nobody that you knew. You sighed and went up to Calum’s bedroom to hang out there. You knew it was a mistake to come here as soon as you walked in, but you had to keep reminding yourself that this was what Calum wanted, and that you could not go back on your word.

You sat on his bed and pulled back the blanket, before scrolling through your phone absentmindedly. 

Your mind drifted back to Calum. You hadn’t seen him since he had gotten you a drink almost an hour ago. You wondered what he was doing. Was he downstairs looking for you? Was he currently searching for a new girl to fuck tonight? Was he in the kitchen, taking a shot off of some girls stomach? You did not know, and you didn’t care to know. Your last assumption had made you sick.

You locked your phone and pulled the blankets up under your chin. You took one last sip of the drink Calum had gotten you, and curled up comfortably inside his sheets.

You had not even realized you’d fallen asleep until about three hours later, when the opening of a door woke you. You sat up, almost forgetting where you were, until you glanced around and saw the familiarity of Calum’s room. The posters, the comfort of his sheets, and his dirty clothes scattered on the floor.

Your eyes snapped to the doorway where Calum stood, rubbing his eyes tiredly. You were slightly surprised to see him without a girl attached to him, yet happy nonetheless. He looked up and grinned when he saw you.

“Hey, there you are,” he said. “I wondered where you ran off to.” You grinned tiredly and ran your fingers through your hair. Calum shut the door behind him. You glanced at the clock to see that it was 3 am. The party sounds seemed to have greatly died down, so you figured Calum was coming to bed for the night. He plopped down onto the bed next to you and nuzzled his head into your neck. You let out a shaky breath and ran your fingers through his hair.

Calum stayed silent for a few minutes, before looking up at you. You noticed his eyes on you and glanced down to see him staring at you. You smiled and he kept his eyes on yours.

You hadn’t even noticed he had been moving closer until your lips met his.

It was like no kiss you had ever experienced before. Everything seemed to come together perfectly, and you couldn’t deny how great it felt to move your lips against his, and run your fingers through his hair. As things grew more heated, Calum flipped so that he was hovering over you. You kissed him with all that you had, tasting the smoke and alcohol on his lips.

Suddenly, you realized that the only reason this was happening was probably due to his current state. He was tired and desperate. You knew him better than anyone else, and when he consumed even the smallest amount of alcohol he became extremely horny and needy. You wanted with everything in you to pull away from him, to tell him that you were both going to regret this tomorrow, and that this could ruin your friendship forever.

However, you didn’t.

You woke the next morning feeling different to say the least. You opened your eyes and struggled to adjust them to the light pouring in the window behind the bed.

That was when you remembered you didn’t have a window behind your bed. But Calum did.

Memories of the night before came back to you. Calum kissing you, his hands gripping your hips, and running across the curve of your skin. The overwhelming scent of cigarette smoke and cheap booze. It sent a chill down your spine, and you turned over to see Calum sleeping soundly, his lips slightly parted.

“Shit.” you whispered, as you rolled out of the bed. Your phone signaled that it was nine in the morning, and that you had to be at work in an hour. You scrambled around his room as fast as you could, gathering your clothes and sliding them on yourself. You glanced back at Calum sleeping soundly and decided not to disturb him. You were terrified that he would not remember what happened last night and that if he did, he would reject you. Your worst fear was him regretting sleeping with you, or ignoring you afterward. You only hoped he would wake up and recall all that had happened.

With one last longing glance at the bed, you walked out and silently shut the door behind you.

- It was now Tuesday, and Calum had not made an effort to contact you. You called him twice since Saturday morning, but he never answered or returned your calls or texts. He was not even at school on Monday. Your worst fear was coming to life in front of you. Calum was ashamed of what he had done with you and he didn’t want to speak to you.

You walked across the quad silently, struggling to hold your tears in. Your assumptions had been true. Calum had remembered and he was too disgusted with himself to bother contacting you.

You suddenly stopped walking when you spotted him.

Calum stood on the opposite side of the courtyard with Luke and Michael, Noah being absent from he group today. You trained your eyes back on your shoes and silently prayed no one would notice you. You didn’t think you could handle any further embarrassment or anyone finding out that Calum had completely dumped you.

You kept walking with your heart heavy in your chest, and you knew what you had to do. You needed to clear your conscience and sort through this with him once and for all. You did not want your cherished and fragile friendship being thrown away just because you had hooked up once out of the many years you’d been friends, and if you knew Calum as you thought you did, he wouldn’t either.

You sat on Calum’s bed nervously, memories of the night before slowly creeping up on you, intoxicating your senses. You took a deep breath and tucked your hair behind your ears, trying to formulate what to say to him once you saw him. Ever since you had let yourself upstairs a half hour ago, you’d been nervously tapping your foot on the floor and waiting for him to return from soccer practice. You were admittedly terrified of what he would say, but you knew this was a conversation the two of you needed to have.

Your heart fell into your stomach when you heard a stir from just outside the door, signaling that Calum was home. You felt your throat grow tight and you suddenly felt nausea creeping up on you.

The door swung open. You’d expected to see Calum standing in the doorway coated in sweat, with his sports bag slung over his shoulder. You would have expected him to grin, frown or have some sort of reaction when he saw you. However, you were the one with the reaction.

Calum was still clad in his soccer uniform, tightly gripping onto another girl’s hips. Her fingers were running through his hair just as yours had. His hands were running all over her body just as he had done to you. His face was contorted in pleasure just as it had been on the night you’d both shared, which you thought had been full of love and passion.

You never knew seeing Calum with someone else could hurt this much.

Calum slowly fluttered his eyes open and instantly shoved her away when he saw you standing at the foot of his bed now, with tears forming in your eyes. A panicked expression instantly came across his face as he tumbled over his words, desperate for an explanation. However, you didn’t need one. This was exactly what it looked like, and none of his filthy words could get him out of this situation. The look on his face confirmed that he had remembered everything that happened between the two of you.

“I thought I wasn’t like other girls,” was all you managed to choke out before shoving yourself out of the door.