for the modern gentleman

Understanding the species Gentleman


You hear it everywhere these days: the term “gent” or “gentleman” has become ubiquitous in men’s magazines, blogs, and conversations. Videos welcome “gentlemen” and everybody seems to use the word for a wide range of men.
Some say that anything other than the traditional definition of a gentleman is a disappointment. Other claim that a gentleman must have staff and would never cook for himself.
Well I couldn’t disagree more – the definition of a gentleman has changed and for the better. Since the definition of a gentleman is so fundamental to what Gentleman’s Essentials stands for, I thought it was time to explain the way we understand what a gentleman is. For this excursion, I’d like to take you back…

The Origin
Hundreds of years ago, a gentleman was a man of high social position and wealth. Even dictionaries today point to this definition, as well as several others:
1. A chivalrous, courteous, or honorable man.
2. A polite or formal way of referring to a man.
3. A man of noble birth attached to a royal household
4. A man of good social position, especially one of wealth and leisure
5. A courteous title for a male fellow member of the House of Commons or the House of Representatives

So what does it really mean? There is much more to being a gentleman than mere courtesy; traditional acts of chivalry can come off as condescending, and “honor” is a highly relative concept.
These days, the title “gentleman” is no longer relevant as an indication of one’s refinement and character, as it was once assumed to be for men of wealth and title who didn’t have to work for a living.
In our opinion, the term is far more egalitarian, and these days, to say you are a gentleman means you have to earn it. Wealth and power are no longer enough, and in fact, they simply aren’t a relevant part of the modern definition. 

Money and position can’t buy you class or respect.

The Definition of a Modern Gentleman
The term is far more complicated, and we think it’s important to shed some light on why and how we use it, and why the definition of the modern gentleman matters.
We firmly believe any man can be a gentleman if he wants to be, but it’s not a small undertaking. It’s a journey, something that a man continually strives to be, rather than a destination. A gentleman is/ has:

1 A Gentleman Has Good Manners: Here, we agree with the dictionary. A gentleman is courteous, polite, and respectful. He says please and thank you, waits his turn in line, and treats others as they wish to be treated. He is an equitable conversation partner.

2 A Gentleman Has High Standards. High standards push people to do the best they can, and gentlemen set them for themselves. A gentleman expects a high standard of quality, value, and functionality from the things he buys to the things he does. He expects as much of himself as he does of other people.

3 A Gentleman is Well Dressed: This one shouldn’t be a surprise. A well-dressed man is appropriately attired based on the season, the occasion, and his own style. Dressing well isn’t a matter of money for a gentleman, but rather of careful curation of clothing and accessories based on his means, the occasion, and his tastes. His dress demonstrates that he recognizes the power of clothes the impression they make, and the role they play in society. Clothes are used to convey a gentleman’s respect for his host, his office, or for the host of an event, but not to shock, evoke jealousy, or show off. Dressing well is a point of pride for a gentleman because it demonstrates his personality and taste.

4 A Gentleman is Imperfect. This may be the most important characteristic on the list. The term “gentleman” isn’t meant to be an unattainable ideal; it takes into account basic human nature, in which we all make mistakes, choices, and judgments every day. The difference lies in that a gentleman does not believe himself to be perfect, but instead takes ownership and responsibility for the things he can control: his actions, knowledge, and approach to the world.

5 A Gentleman is Open Minded: A gentleman does not believe that his opinions and knowledge are complete and unquestionable. He strives to learn, is open to new ideas, accepts constructive criticism, and welcomes failure as a path to growth and self-awareness. A gentleman does not argue purely for the pleasure of being right but focuses on is able to put himself in other people’s shoes for the purposes of understanding an alternate perspective from his own.
he person who cut you off on the highway may have received bad news; a friend may not respond to your call because they are behind at work – a gentleman tries not to jump to negative conclusions about other people.

6 A Gentleman is Interesting and Informed: These days it is easy to get lost in the cycle of sleep-work-netflix-repeat that deprives people of anything interesting to say. An interesting man can successfully carry a conversation about a number of subjects, is interested in the world around him and how it works, and actively seeks to grow his knowledge for his own character building and enjoyment. Hobbies and personal interests reveal his passions and his engagement with activities that are meaningful to him.

7 A Gentleman’s Actions Match His Words. Quite simply, a gentleman makes promises that he intends to keep.

8 A Gentleman Treats People with Respect: When we say people, we mean everyone – women, colleagues, superiors, waitstaff and customer service people. This reflects a gentleman’s belief that all people are created equal; he does not claim to have more or fewer rights than those around him. He is compassionate with those less fortunate than himself. He doesn’t believe that the world is a zero-sum game, nor does he believe that putting someone else down will lift him up.

9 A Gentleman Recognizes the Difference Between Arrogance and Confidence. If an arrogant man who believes himself to be of superior importance relies on his opinion of himself relative to others. A gentleman believes in himself and his abilities independently of other people. An arrogant man must always win to feel validated while a gentleman self-validates from within. 

10 A Gentleman Wields Power Purposefully. Though there are many potential sources for the statement “with great power comes great responsibility,” there is an inherent truth in it for a gentleman. If he is in a position of power, he combines all of the above traits to utilize that power purposefully and not selfishly. Not for revenge, not for his own personal gain, and not in a way that tramples the rights of others.

So why does this all matter? It matters because being a gentleman sets a high bar for men, us included, to actively work towards every day. Rather than being a destination, it’s an aspiration that comes from the lifetime pursuit of personal betterment, self-awareness, and motivation.
The highest achievement is to be recognized as a gentleman by those around you, since at it’s core it is an honor conferred only by other people. We use the term gentleman frequently, and we think it should mean something. It’s not just a way to address other men; it’s a statement about who we are and who we want to be.

The Challenges of Being a Gentleman in Everyday Life
While all of this sounds admirable, living up to those ideals day in and day out can become quite challenging at times. When a man is in a bad mood, stressed or tired, he may say or do things that are out of character. In those situations it is important to apologize to others and if it is sincere people will accept it. I know what I am talking about because I certainly have my fair share of ungentlemanly failures.

BEING A GENTLEMAN IS A CHOICE

Being a gentleman isn’t a pompous attitude or expensive clothes. Nor is it suave talk and standing tall. It’s the best mix of your character, treating others well, and presenting yourself as a man others want to follow. This is the essence of how to be a gentleman.


Chivalry isn’t dead

It may seem like it, so you’ll need to revive it.
This not only applies to the lady in your life, but other people you meet as well. Going out of your way to treat people well is important. Carrying yourself in an accommodating a “serving” way is rare, valuable, and will make you stand out.
Here’s what you can do: Open the door for people. Holding the door open for an old lady or a young man still makes you stand out as a gentleman. Go out of your way to be considerate of people.

Talk gooder

Being a gentleman is more than cleaning up the cursing, but sounding intelligent without coming off as arrogant. We each have our own unique style and personal vernacular. But improving and expanding your vocabulary will make you into a better communicator. The ability to paint elaborate pictures in your acquaintance’s minds is a sought after trait.
Find what you’re willing to die for
Don’t go through life living only for today or tomorrow. Find an aim bigger than money. Seek out a purpose, and run hard after it. I find that people that I respect as gentlemen have something to live for.

Improve your recognition of social cues

Whether or not you’re a social butterfly doesn’t mean you can’t improve. People that are extremely introverted sometimes need to take pause and read social cues. Am I stepping on anyones toes or making people feel left out? Do I move from one person/group to another so fast people think my substance is paper thin?
If you’re of the more chill temperament, it doesn’t mean you can’t grow. My name, Todd, in Middle English (spoken about 1,000 years ago) means “the watcher”, “watchful one”, or the “fox”. I actually consider myself by nature a more reserved person. But by observing other’s social cues, I’ve been able to pick up on how to interact with a wide array of people. Most people upon first meeting me would think I’m pretty extroverted, whereas I’m pretty introverted to the core.
People who are awkward or come off as rude have one core problem in my mind. And it’s not that they aren’t able to be cool people. It’s that they think of themselves and are absorbed in their own world so much they don’t listen and pay attention to people’s words and body language. Learning what people mean by more than what they say will help you go further in your friendships and professionally.


Be Quick to Forgive

A man who is slow to forgive is…well, less of a man. Be quick to show mercy. Give people grace for mistakes. Be understanding. Show compassion. Don’t have a heavy hand with your kids or other family members.

Say “No” more

People respect someone who knows what they want—and what they don’t. Saying “no” makes your “yes” mean so much more.
If you haven’t learned to say “No”, you might be living as a Yes Man. Who wants to be that guy? Especially when you are so overcommitting yourself you’re known as a flake. If you find yourself saying “yes” to overextending yourself, it’s time to summon the will to say “no”.

Saying “Yes” more

If you’re afraid of commitment, it’s time to take the dive and start giving more of yourself to people. Whether that’s saying “yes” to helping a friend move, just getting out more, spending more time with friends, or gaining different experiences, it might be time to step out into the wild a little more.

Say “Hello” more

We admire people who exude confidence and aren’t afraid to reach out and connect with people. Saying “hello” to a stranger you rub shoulders with on the train, in an office, or at the grocery store is a great way to increase your social skills—and meet new people.
Have you ever wanted to introduce yourself to a cute girl in the most random of places? If you’re not in the rhythm of shooting from the hip and building rapport with random strangers, it’s gonna be hard to summon that off-the-cuff confidence to get talkative with a hot stranger.
Practice saying “hello” and showing yourself friendly. You’ll be surprised by some of the cool people you’ll meet along the way.

Travel more and expand your experiences

Expanding your experiences and where you’ve been gives you great stories as you grow being a gentleman. Growing more cultured widens you’re understanding of the world–and others–and helps you to be less assuming or quick to judge.
And it’s always nice to tell people about that one time you jumped off a moving train in India.


Speak Well of Others

When learning how to be a gentleman, it’s less about “me” or “I”. It’s about others. Them. Carrying yourself in a way that esteems others will earn you esteem.
Want to stand out? Speak well of others in their presence, and away from them as well. People will take note. The man who can give specific and exacting praise is worthy of receiving it himself.
Talk about their interests, not yours

Again, learning how to be a gentleman is about others. Growing your listening skills is paramount to being regarded as a gentleman. But learning to ask great questions that draw a person out of their shell is important as well.

Tell stories with a point

Everyone loves a good story teller. And just because I suggest you guide conversation by asking people about them, rather than talking about you, doesn’t mean you should be a hard nut to crack.
People love good stories that share some adventure, and insight about who you are. Know what stories about yourself people are most interested in. When telling a story, remember that you’re not telling your life story. Share stories that have a point and an end.
Have you ever felt trapped in a conversation with someone telling a story that really wasn’t a story? They weren’t actually even talking with you, they were talking at you? That’s a person telling a story with no point or purpose. I’m guilty of this. And I sometimes wonder if we do it for our own catharsis–to process aloud with someone in the hopes of “feeling better”. It’s cool to do that with your therapist or close friend, but don’t use the random stranger at a party to have a cathartic moment. Be a gentleman!


Stand up straight

Now onto how to be a gentleman in how you carry yourself. No man wants to be regarded as a slouch. Standing up firm and strong isn’t just good for your health, but good for your confidence. There really is a physical/mental connection with posture. And people can see it. A person cowering or hunched is viewed as weak. A man who stands tall is regarded as having confidence.
Pay attention to your posture, and stand up straight.


Wash your clothes

Back in poor days of living in a dorm, I ran across an expert in the laundry room who had sage wisdom for me. He let me in on how to cut my laundry coin usage in half:
“You don’t need to wash your clothes, just put them in the dryer with a dryer sheet. I mean, when I take them out they smell just as clean as when I wash them as when I don’t.”
And I don’t remember who that charming young lad was. Nor do I remember anyone thinking he was the sharpest dressing gentleman out there either.
Gross. Wash your clothes. Clean stains–including the collar of your neck. And iron those shirts man! Be a gentleman!


Get a grown-up email address

Wildstallion1999@hotmail.com isn’t the way to present yourself when applying for a job. It’s also not the most savvy way to interact with new friends.  Being sharp and looking on your game sometimes takes putting away some childish things. Go ahead and keep your fave teenage email address, but for those people you’re aiming to be a gentleman around, keep it classy.


Make a man out of your online social imprint

A man’s online social profile reaches far and wide. When potential employers want to know more about you, do not doubt that it’s likely they’ll look you up on your favorite social network. Having a goofy profile picture with your family is great. But looking like a drunken sailor or a Jersey-licious club rat won’t score you extra points with the classy young lady you want to pursue, or those that you want to recognize you as being a gentleman.


Give your word and keep it

Being a gentleman requires your yes meaning yes, and your no being no. When you tell someone you’re going to do something–do it. Even when it costs you.
Improve your penmanship

I’m an absolute hypocrite on this point. My handwriting has not changed since 6th grade. Considering I barely handwrite anymore, considering all the tech we use, my scribbles are probably in severe decline. It is so bad more than once I’ve asked an assistant to handwrite a post-it note to the president of my organization so I wouldn’t have to hand him something illegible.
Thinking about it still makes me smirk today but probably isn’t the most gentlemanly practice.


Mind Your Manners

I’m not the most savvy when it comes to perfect etiquette. What side of your plate does the big fork go on? How do I tie a cummerbund? How do you impress really old rich people??
What I do try to pay attention to is being accommodating. If you’re with people you’re familiar with, be warm to the new persons and make them feel included. Are you around a new group of people? Don’t pull out your latest gag routine. Keep things simple until you’ve figured out the the personalized subculture of the group you are hanging with. Find out what’s important to them, what behavior is appropriate to the situation, and present yourself in the best light.
I hope it’d be needless to say, but belching in front of ladies you want to show respect rarely garners you some.
Using words like “Excuse me” and “Thank you” go a long way. Ask before taking. And instead of ordering someone to do something, ask them if they’ll do you a favor.
On a note that I’m sure any restaurant servers out there will appreciate, showing kindness to those in any service industry will distinguish you. But don’t do it to be distinguished. Show kindness and patience to those making your coffee, serving your food, installing your cable, or fixing your car.


Nix the my way or the highway attitude

People who are adamant and demanding they get their way almost always sound like alpha-douches. Or large babies. Instead of being pushy and consistently trying to get what you want, concede to what others want.
Nothing spoils chilling with a group of people more than the whiner who’s only going to be happy if the crowd does what they want. If that’s ever been you, take note. I guarantee people remember that moment you had to have your way.


Mind the details

It’s easy for any of us to be forgetful. And it’s easy to forgive ourselves when we are. When others are forgetful? We’re not so merciful. Show others you care by remembering not only the big things–but the little things. Doing this at your workplace as well will only help your touted reputation as knowing how to be a gentleman.


Give gifts

If you’re chief love language isn’t giving of gifts and connecting with people through acts of service, it will take repeated mental note-taking to give more effort in this area.
But few things shout “gentleman” more than a thoughtful note or gift to a lady love or friend. Whether it’s a special occasion or they need a pick-me-up. Don’t neglect to think about your bros too. If a buddy is down, make sure to be there to cheer them up. You can get them some gentleman gifts as well.


Being a Gentleman

This is only the beginning on our path to being a gentleman.
Improving yourself doesn’t happen overnight. As we’re already a couple of months into 2017, have you probably decided on any areas you want to focus and improve on this year?
It’s a great aim to look better, talk well, and dress sharper. But making yourself into a better man is more than just improving the physical details. It’s about cultivating your core. Find what you’re passionate about, and run after it. Find who you want to become, and chase it. Find out where in your character you’re deficient, and work on it. Let’s face our fears and grow into better men this year. Not everyone can be a hero, but everyone can be a gentleman. It’s a choice.

Summer trends for 2017

Staying on trend might be difficult, even for a modern day gentleman. But good news for you: summer is coming, the time of the year when men fashion breaks out into a big party of different colours from bright to pastels. 

This summer the trend includes a lot of timeless colours like black, grey, navy, green and burgundy.

To make sure you have a clear vision of what the trends are going to be, we will inform you with the new and latest style for summer 2017.

Pastels

The new trend which was already upcoming last year are pastels. These are always nice in summer, especially when worn in suits. See the images underneath for inspiration.

Bright colours

One thing about summer is that we men are able to wear all kinds of bright colouring (like African prints) in our clothing. This is almost the trend every summer – because we can. Check out the images underneath for inspiration.

Trousers

This summer the trend will mostly be timeless coloured trousers, like grey, black, white and navy. Most trousers are wide, which makes it good and comfortable to wear in hot weather. Also in these trousers we see the summer-pastels.

Lightweight Parkas

These light and comfortable coats are one of the new trends as well. They are a relaxed, cool and light type of jacket – they are not as hot as they look, so you won’t sweat your balls off.

Embellishment

Embellishment is something we see more and more, and probably a lot this summer. It’s a creatice and standout type of style – a bit rebel as well, but we like it. Check the following images for inspiration.

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20 Things That Characterize Modern Gentlemen


1. A gentleman never tells
2. A gentleman knows that anything worth having, is worth working hard for
3. A gentleman knows how to dance…at least a little bit
4. Every woman comes with baggage, a gentleman helps her to unpack it
5. A gentleman always RSVP’s
6. A gentleman knows the difference between confidence and arrogance
7. A gentleman is open-minded, but firm in his beliefs
8. A gentleman is proof that chivalry is not dead
9. A gentleman ruins his lovers lipstick, not her mascara – the only tears he should make her cry are that of joy
10. A gentleman never lies to a woman, unless it is to surprise her
11. A gentleman always makes the first move
12. A gentleman means what he says, and says what he means
13. For a lady, a gentleman will always offer his seat and open a door
14. A gentleman never judges
15. A gentleman is always well presented, regardless of company, situation or occasion
16. A gentleman has a firm handshake and always makes eye contact
17. For a lady, a gentleman will always offer his coat
18. A gentleman knows how to cook at least one good meal
19. Regardless of motives, a gentleman always walks a woman home
20. A gentleman always offers to pay

Three types of suits.

A modern day gentleman knows what to wear. But does he know what he wears? Here are the 3 types of suits: the Italian, the British, and the American suit.

Italian suit

The Italian suit is probably the most classic suit there is. Elegance is the keyword. It is a slim and very stylish suit, with a sleek silhouette, made of lighter material and containing higher gorge lines and less overall padding. Italian style can be further divided into Neapolitan, Milanese and Roman style, but we will tell you about those in a subsequent article.

The Italian jacket are shorter and fit more tight than common than British and American jackets. They have a clear V-shape. The pockets don’t have any flaps. The pants are tight and snug to the body. The back traditionally has no vents, but these days they sometimes have one or two.

Photos above show examples of the Italian suit 

British suit

The British suit is the most traditional suit. The jacket is cut close to the body and made of more heavy materials, the shoulders are narrower and suited with higher armholes. Also the jacket has more structure than Italian and American suits.

The pants have higher waist and have a tight shape, but not as tight as Italian trousers. The keyword to British suits is fitted. They are most suitable for average built men, for they fit from slim to heavy. The back has traditionally two vents.

Photos above show examples of the Italian suit

American suit

The American suit contains straight lines, and is more boxy than other suits. When tailors developed these popular suits in the 19th century, the suits were even way more boxy, but it became more and more cut to the body through time.

They are more comfortable, for they are single vent in the back, contain soft shoulder padding, high armholes and flap pockets. The coat has two or three buttons. The trousers aren’t slim. The keyword is cut loose.

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Imagine Hook helping Henry out for his big date with you.

“This shall do, Mate.” Hook exhaled.

“No offenses, but I want better than ‘shall do’.” Henry said with a stern look. “I want it to be perfect.”

Hook sighed, grabbing a tie and putting it up to the collar of his shirt. He raised his brows and nodded. “Here. Look like a modern gentleman.”

Originally posted by someone-like-robsten