for pammie

  • Damian Wayne loves Valentine’s Day.
  • No, seriously.
  • He thinks that the commercialization is a disgusting display of Western capitalism, that romance is pointless and distracting, and that anyone who likes to indulge in either is deluding themselves about both the contents of their bank account and the national divorce rate.
  • But every year on February 14, Wayne Manor almost completely empties out as Bruce and the older Batkids head out to either spend the day with their s/o or spend the day moping with their other single friends.
  • (Statistically, the latter is more common.)
  • So Damian has an entire 24 hours unbothered by his family to do with as he wants.
  • His first Valentine’s Day at the manor, he was puzzled by how quickly everyone cleared out, until it was clear that he and Alfred would be the only ones at home until the 15th. 
  • At first, he made an effort to avoid Alfred in his quest to have a day to himself. That is, until he baked a chocolate tart and left it out in the kitchen.
  • “Stop trying to entice me with sugary confections, Pennyworth. I wish to be alone today, as it seems that it’s the only day in this godforsaken household that I may be so.”
  • He snuck back to the kitchen later that evening and ate two slices anyway.
  • Since then, every year he and Alfred made it a tradition to bake and share a chocolate tart just like the first one.
  • “I imagine you appreciate the peace and quiet as much as I do, Pennyworth.” “Perhaps a bit more than that, Master Damian. After all, I have lived through all of you and Master Bruce.” “Yet today, they’re all out conforming to societal norms of romance. Delightful, isn’t it?” “Quite right, sir.”
  • Other preferred Valentine’s Day pastimes include taking all his pets, including Goliath, on a romp around the manor grounds (much to the horror of the gardener); researching important historical events that happened on this day (his favorites are the Saint Valentine’s Day Massacre and the assassination of Captain Cook); attacking training dummies with a sword; taking the Bat-vehicles for a joyride around town; and calling all of Grayson’s exes for the purpose of making rude noises down the line until they hang up.
  • As Robin is the only one on patrol that night, criminals and villains find themselves having to be extra-careful, because that kid is nasty when Batman and Nightwing aren’t around to restrain him.
  • Most of the Rogues just play it safe and reserve the one night for nice, legal dates instead. That way, Robin won’t beat you up, he’ll just lecture you instead.
  • “Tt. I don’t know what you’re thinking, Isley; adhering to a standard set by mass marketing, heteronormative sexual ideas, and American culture’s poor attempts to disguise their own inability to recognize lo–” “Kid, I’m gonna give you point-five seconds to shut the hell up before I feed you to a Venus flytrap.” “Aww, don’t get into it now Pammy; we haven’t even had dessert yet!“ 
  • He’s usually in bed at least two hours earlier than usual, Alfred the Cat curled up on his head and the original Alfred tucking him in after he falls asleep. He rests very peacefully…
  • …That is, until he wakes up the next morning on the 15th and realizes he has to deal with Drake’s constant presence again.
  • This aspect of Valentine’s Day Damian doesn’t know, but no matter how well his date is going, Dick always gets home before he wakes up so he can still give his little brother a goodnight kiss.