for once it's not a slap

me: i like wearing a hijab

some random man appearing out of the shadows, breathing heavily: um excuse me sweaty :)) i think maybe u dont know but u are oppressed :) it oppress u :) its an inanimate object? u fool!! *spit flying everywhere* u know nothing about ur own religion!!!!!! it is symbol of bad!! i learn this in my ninth grade english class so shut up ur hell mouth :) it take ur rights sweatheart :)))) it kill people :) when u sleep it strangle u :) it came 2 my house and slapped me in front of my bare children :)) i googled femimesisnm once so i know :) *reaches into fedora and pulls out a tank top* here sweaty, take this :) u can thank me later, my poor sweat sweat little grape :)

Boyfriend!Namjoon

A/N: DID U GUYS MISS ME IM BAAAAACK ITS RAINING N MT LAPTOP IS CHARGED IM HERE TO WRITE BABIES

Dating Namjoon would include:

- always getting hurt because he’s a clutz
- Like he’s constantly flailing n sometimes ur just like “why do u have 0 control over ur limbs bitch omg”
- Getting elbowed in the head when y'all are cuddling
- Slapped in the face when u play wrestle
- Everyone thinks u have a kinky sex life cuz u always covered in bruises but he once pushed you off the bed by accident cuz he was gonna nut too fast n he ain’t mean to shove u that hard
- being the perfect, overly ambitious, successful couple
- Lots of cute study dates during exam week where you two don’t really talk, just you biting your lip as you annotate notes and him pushing his glasses up the bridge of his nose cutely
- But every now and then he’ll pause and just reach over and grab your hand and you’ll look up and smile like omg
- tHE SWEATERS DEAR LORD
- He has the best comfiest sweaters that are just so big and soft and smell like him and you just wan t to drown in them
- He pretends to be annoyed when you steal them but has like 600 hundred pics of u in his phone sleeping in his hoodies
- Speaking of sleeping, he freaked out when he first found out you sleep with one hand down your pants
- Woke you up from your nap to inform you of his new discovery
- Nearly died afterwards for waking you up
- “Why do you sleep like that”
- “It’s warm”
- Insists on you shoving your hand down his pants to keep warm
- Him forcing you to take his Kim Daily pics
- “NAMJOON I TOOK LIKE 25 PICS CAN U JUST CHOOSE ONE PEOPLE ARE STARING”
- “Just one more I swear”
- Being needy is your favorite past time
- You’re forever crawling into his lap, resting your head on his shoulder, lacing your fingers together
- It’s hard to be needy when he’s constantly working!!!!!!
- Like sometimes you wake up in the middle of the night and look over to find him gone
- So you sleepily drag yourself into the living room and find him on his laptop or his phone or something
- You don’t even say anything just crawl into his lap and shove your hands up his hoodie for his warm
- He’s so used to it he just runs his hands through your hair and let’s you fall asleep while he works
- You putting your stuff in his purse
- Him getting pissed everytime you call it a purse
- “It’s a murse”
- “Purses have no gender”
- When y'all fight … omg
- He comes at you with logic and big words and snarky ass comments under his breath
- And there you are, on top of the couch so you can look him in the eye when you call him a dick ass bitch who doesn’t know what he’s talking about
- “You’re so mature”
- “You’re so mature” you mock in a high pitched voice
- Him child locking the car so your crazy ass will stop opening the door to leave whenever y'all get into a fight while he’s driving
- You child locking the car so he has to get out and open the door for you like a princess
- Baby proofing the house because he could trip on his imagination and get hurt
- Him trying to bring up the Pythagorean theorem during sex because your pussy reminded him of the fundamental relation among the three sides of the right triangle-
- “Will you shut up and finish eating me out you fucking nerd”
- Putting your fingers on his dimples
- The two of you making up the wildest stories about how you met
- “We met in a league of legends chat room”
- “So there I was… Bbq sauce on my titties”
- Making nerdy science jokes
- Everyone cringing at how fucking nerdy the two of you are
- “I hate this relationship”
- “No one asked u Yoongi”
- SO LONG STORY SHORT EVERYONE NEEDS A NAMJOON IN THEIR LIFE BECAUSE HE WILL DICK U DOWN IN THE DIRTIEST WAY POSSIBLE BUT ALSO BE THERE TO BINGE WATCH BIG BANG EPISODES WITH U AT 5AM AND MUTTER “RELATABLE” WHENEVER SHELDON IS DOING SOMETHING PATRONIZING

REMEMBER THE ORIGINAL FURRY RACISM MOVIE

aaaahh so im doing a bunch more scenes but i just got too excited and had to post this one instead of all at once aaah so anyway Cats Don’t Dance, if you haven’t seen it please see it

i dedicate this doodle to @plagge for being able to decipher my stupidly cryptic clues as to which au i was working on :’) GOOOO PLAGGE 

here’s the book and here’s how she looked at me when i said its name as if i had slapped her. how the radio is static static static i can’t get her name out of my lips. no mom i don’t want to listen or look anymore. no mom i can’t be who you want me to be. 

once i was an angel and i could have struck the world down for touching me. just because the world forgot the dinosaurs doesn’t mean their skeletons didn’t petrify. i want to give you proof. the hands, mom, don’t you see the blood? don’t you see the fucking blood mom? mom i hurt instead of breathing and mom i think i’m starving myself like this and mom i really don’t want to live like this

how do you say it. i wonder if i am a fossil of some long-forgotten disaster only i remember. 

Does anyone else get overwhelmed with the sheer number of things they want to draw/write/whatever that it’s impossible to remember any of them once free time finally comes about? And you lose all your notes and lists because all of your file names are incoherent and post-its just seem to melt into surfaces? I’m to the point where I need to slap all my ideas into one ridiculous sprawling drawing and then use that madness as a visual list of ideas to pick from. Or I’ll just start drawing bean-lady-fruit-kylux-toomanyteeth all in one monsters and stick a fork in it. #drawingandorginzationfailure

The Darkness

Request: A one-shot in which the reader no-maj and credence are in love and “Percival graves” keeps her in captive to make Credence obey him”

Pairing: Credence Barebone x Reader

Word Count: 1028

Warnings: ANGST!! n violence n Credence being treated badly :(

Originally posted by the-devil-beside-you


“I’m growing tired of your reluctance!” Graves bellowed, slapping Credence once more. “Where is the child?”

“I d-don’t know.” Credence shook severely, shocked at the actions of his once admired hero.

“How about I help… inspire you to obey me.” A sinister scowl made its way upon the dark wizard’s face, as he wove his wand in the air, producing an image of you. You were deathly pale, and looked to be in a dark room, somewhere with no windows, made entirely of grey walls.

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night time selfie studies/self portraits are the best

for those of you who didn’t know….while i am firmly planted up niall’s ass, i also got liam balls deep in my throat at all times so….. dont be alarmed this is normal behavior. 

merpug  asked:

Every once in a while my dad pops up asking when Sherlock's coming back (the poor soul) and I have to patiently explain to him that nothing's certain at the moment, that it would take a while either way, and every single time the last episode is brought up and I just revel in how soundly he agrees about its terribleness, him being a casual viewer. Now, he wouldn't think of Johnlock if it slapped him in the face, but it's nice to know Johnlockers are not the only ones seeing something's wrong.

Wow, Lovely! Thank you for sharing. It IS comforting to know that even non-Johnlockers can see the flaws in the series. I think it’s cute your dad is low-key tinhatting, hee hee.

anonymous asked:

Howdy, I was wondering if I can ask about abuse? My mom used to slap me, grab my wrists/face, pour cold water on me, and made my father use the belt on me once. She used to make me keep my door open and took away my phone/computer, and threatened w/taking away my clothes, removing my door, and sending me to camps. She usually doesn't do these things anymore, and I don't have physical scars from these. I also live in the South, so this is common. Do u think this is physical abuse?-Morty💛💛

Its very obviously abuse. Im sorry you went thru this

-mod j

Salon Etiquette

Okay so we have all had a client or experienced a client who happened to be so rude it took everything you had not to kick them out of your chair. So this is for everyone so they know WHAT NOT TO DO:

- Don’t Spin or move my chair

- Don’t tell me how to do my job

- Don’t ask to use, touch or mess with my “SHEARS“

- Don’t Ask me if I “Know what I’m doing” (I went to school passed my state boards and paid over $15,000 to know what I am doing!)

- Don’t be creepy and friend me of facebook after I cut your hair once

- Don’t tip in the form of mix tapes, old costume jewelry, ½ eaten sandwiches, or anything like that. We understand you don’t always have the money to tip, and that’s okay. But doing stuff like the above makes us feel bad as well as cheep and its like a slap in the face.

- Over all just DON’T be rude.


You have to remember we do our job because we love it, on average I see more that 5 clients a day so please don’t get upset if I ask you the same question twice or forget how you like your hair cut. My biggest goal in this industry is to be able to make you fee the best you can and its hard sometimes when clients forget that I am only human.

Headcanon #75

Hanzo once said to Jesse that he thought that Clint Eastwood was overrated. The cowboy gasped at that and felt greatly offended. His face quickly turn into a scowl and he immediately pulled off his prosthetic arm, then slapped Hanzo in the face with it.

Jesse: “How dare ya, ya heathen!” He somehow got his metal arm to point its finger at Hanzo while still holding it in his other arm.

He stomped away from the archer, leaving stunned and confused as to what just happened.

HAVE YOU EVER BEEN SO MAD AT A CARTOON THAT YOU JUST HAD TO RUN OFF AND MAKE SOME FUCKING PESTO?

(maybe that’s just me…)

ANYWAY, HERE’S A RECIPE FOR SOME OFF-POINT PESTO BECAUSE GODDAMN IT THESE CARTOON MOMS NEED TO GET THEIR SHIT TOGETHER.

RUN OFF TO YOUR LOCAL BASIL BUSH AND GRAB A SHITTON OF LEAVES. LIKE, 5 CUPS OF LEAVES. FILL YOUR FISTS WITH LEAVES AND SCREAM AT THE HEAVENS FOR DARING TO LET THIS SMALL CHILD WATCH HIS MOMS BE MAD AT EACH OTHER.  

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Tutorial Time!!!

Greetings I am back for another tutorial for that tf2 game!

I will be showing you all how to Style hair for Miss Pauling!

(Everyone knows the struggle of that awkward bun thing)

So first: Start with a semi-long wig

(Mine goes down to about there)

Second: Slap that thing on a wig head and take two equally thin strands from the front of the wig and pull them out for later

Third: MAKE SURE YOUR WIG IS NICE AND COMBED SO ITS EASY OT WORK WITH

Now put it in a pony tail; This is where it gets tricky. 

Wrpa the hair band around the pony tail until its almost as tight as it can go, then pull the hair through once more so its nearly through all the way, but not quite, forming a messy bun looking thing.

Like so!

Next: Take a tON OF BOBBY PINS, IT TOOK ME A LOT

Hook them onto the open sides of the bun you made and attach them to the rest of the wig so the bun fans out nicely

TADA!!! And this last step is if you want to hide that pesky hair tie :P

Take the two strands of hair you left out in the beginning and wrap them around the bun

Style up those bangs and presto! You are finished with the hair! :D

Happy cosplaying! (ღ˘⌣˘ღ) ♫・*:.。. .。.:*・

Sometimes its hard to let these guys go. I put a lot of effort into every one of them - they travel to me from all over the world just for me to slap some paint on them and send them away. Some were once childhood gifts, some spent most of their years tucked into boxes and hidden in warehouses, some were pristine but most had deep scratches or obvious wear. They all come to me with their history and I try to do them justice. 


Pictures like this one are my favorite. This is a day or two before mailing day, where I get all the finished cards together and get them ready to ship. Its very blissful seeing all the different colours and cards and histories piled up on my desk. If cards could talk, I’d love to hear their stories.

The Mad Trio

New OUAT fanart!  One of my favorite things about the show is its ability to slap together bizarre and mismatched team-ups, like this one from season two.  Rumplestiltskin, the Mad Hatter, and Dr. Frankenstein in cahoots?  How awesome is that?!  Sadly, it was an underutilized combo in the show, but it doesn’t change how much potential it had.