for lyndsey

I’m Loosing Control

A/N: So this is actually based off a song (not pvris related) but it use to be one of my go to songs and with me going through some things right now it popped up back in my life again. I have been in a very angst mood a lot here lately and figured i should write something angsty. So with that being said hope you enjoy.

You had checked your phone over a hundred times in the past hour and a half, your heart racing and you telling yourself to calm down. Your mind not letting you. She told you she would be back in an hour, it was two hours later and nothing. You were trying so hard to not let your mind overthink but it was and it wouldn’t stop itself.

You paced the floor of the living room, your eyes looking at each picture frame that sat on the tables and on the walls of both you and Lynn smiling. A small smile on your face as you played the memories but the smile fading as your thoughts went back to the current situation. Your shaking fingers going to your mouth as you began to chew on your nails.

Your instant instincts kicking in as you grabbed the frame that held the first picture as a coupe of you and Lynn in your hand, your fingers running across it as if it would send some kind of message or feeling to Lynn. You tossed it to the floor and every single emotion you tried to hold on to came out.

You fell to the floor and brought your knees to your chest as you leaned up against the wall behind you, sobs and screams leaving you as it filled the silent room. Your eyes going to the picture as it laid on the wood floor, covered in glass. It was almost like this was a sign as to the relationship, you knew the emotions were just your mind overthinking but you couldn’t help it.

Lynn knew how you were, you were still damaged from the last relationship. Your ex girlfriend screwed you up and as much as Lynn promised she wouldn’t hurt you, you didn’t believe her even though you tried too. You stood up and walked to the kitchen grabbing the broom and began to sweep the mess you had made.

You checked your phone after cleaning the mess checking for any sign of Lynn telling you what was going on, nothing showing any signs. Your heart breaking even more, this is what sucked about love and even falling when you tried so hard to not do so. You grabbed your phone and headed to the bedroom, your sobs being muffled by the pillows.

Footsteps waking you up from the deep sleep that you didn’t even know happened. The light from the bathroom giving just enough light as she smiled at you and made her way to press a kiss to your forehead. She undressed herself and crawled into the bed beside you pulling herself close to you, “I’m sorry.”

You nodded your head and snuggled into her embrace, your eyes looking everywhere but hers as she tried to explain why it took so long. You listened, her meetings taking longer then usual and the interview went on longer then it should have because of camera issues.

Her hand going underneath your chin and pulling your eyes to hers waking you out of the daze you had managed to go too, a natural reaction as you played out the worst possibilities she was trying to hide from you.

“I’m not gonna cheat on you.” She told you.

Your eyes trying to avoid hers scared of what they would tell you when you did look to hers again, “Look at me Y/N. Please.”

Your eyes locking to hers as she let out a small smile, “I love you. Two plus years and you still don’t trust me. I get it i really do but i’m not gonna hurt you. Let me in baby please. I’m trying here.”

You nodded and smiled at her. A small sound leaving your lips, “Why didn’t you call or text me?”

“I left my phone in the car baby and by the time i got to it, it was dead.” She whispered as she pressed a kiss to your lips.

You snuggled into her touch as you listened to her heartbeat, tears strolling down your face. One of these days, she was gonna leave you over you not trusting her. Over the fact you always overthought every single thing. As much as you hated it, you were loosing control over how you felt.

Broken Dreams

A/N: So obviously here is another one of my own writings, this is actually gonna be posted as is. So if there are mistakes i’m sorry. I hope you enjoy!

Lynn got off the stage, sweat dripping from her face as she opened the water bottle and took a sip. Her eyes searching the crowd for her face, the one that would always make her smile and her stomach flutter. Her mood changing instantly as she replayed the memory in her head.

“I got signed Y/N! We got signed!” Lynn shouted as ran through your yard holding up the paper.

You jumped up off the porch and ran to her grabbing the paper from her as she danced around and screamed. Your smile turning to a frown as you read the paper. Your eyes locking to hers as she still had the biggest smile on her face.

“I uh.. I gotta go. Congratulations on being signed Lynn. I’m proud of you.” You told her before walking back into the house.

Her smile disappearing as she looked around like somebody would tell her what just happened, a hand going to her brown hair as she just shook her head and ran down the street back to her house.

You laid on your bed and put your hands to your mouth, sobs leaving your body as you sat back up and pulled out your phone scrolling through facebook. You clicked on your name and read the line in a relationship over and over like it would help the decision.

“Lynn come on we gotta go.” Alex said sending her out of the daze she had been in.

Lynn shook her head and ran a hand through her blonde hair as she nodded and followed behind the rest of the band as they went to the tour bus.

It was a usual routine for Lynn, she would lay in the bunk scrolling through the facebook photos of you, the smile on your face as you traveled the world, the exact thing you left her for. It was like the sound of your voice replayed in her head every time she looked at your photos.

“I can’t be with you. Lynn you go and do this. I am not gonna let you give this up. I just can’t be with you, i really am proud of you but i can’t do this.” You shrugged as you walked back into the house shutting the door behind you.

Lynn wiped away the tears as she looked down to the tattoo she had gotten for you, a small heart on her thumb that she had gotten covered up. She loved her job and she would never give it up, but if you would have asked her to give it up. She honestly would, this life wasn’t the same without you, cheering her on from the sidelines.

She hated she did this knowing it wouldn’t happen but every single night as she sang to the new places she hoped in the crowd you would be there. You would have changed your mind about her that you would be the cheering her own like the old times. You were her home and this whole dream wasn’t the same without you.