Whether or not a protest is “peaceful” is decided by the state, not the protestors.
There’s a reason the Women’s March wasn’t considered a riot, and it has everything to do with white privilege and nothing to do with how “well behaved” we were. Police show up to peaceful BLM protests already in riot gear all the time.
“The abuser’s problem is not that he responds inappropriately to conflict. His abusiveness is operating prior to the conflict: it usually creates the conflict, and it determines the shape the conflict takes.”
― Lundy Bancroft, Why Does He Do That?: Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men
An abuser doesn’t change because he feels guilty or gets sober or finds God. He doesn’t change after seeing the fear in his children’s eyes or feeling them drift away from him. It doesn’t suddenly dawn on him that his partner deserves better treatment. Because of his self-focus, combined with the many rewards he gets from controlling you, an abuser changes only when he has to, so the most important element in creating a context for change in an abuser is placing him in a situation where he has no other choice. Otherwise, it is highly unlikely that he will ever change his behavior.
Lundy Bancroft | Why Does he DO That: Inside The Minds of Angry and Controlling Men
“If your partner has not used any physical violence yet, how can you tell if they are likely to head in that direction? These are some of the rumblings that can tip you off that a violent storm may come some day:
When they are mad at you, do they react by throwing things, punching doors, or kicking the car? Do they use violent gestures such as gnashing teeth, ripping at their clothes, or swinging their arms around in the air to show their rage? Have you been frightened when they do these things?
Are they willing to take responsibility for those behaviors and agree to stop them, or do they justify them angrily?
Can they hear you when you say that those behaviors frighten you, or do they throw the subject back no you, saying that you cause their behaviors, so it’s your own problem if you’re scared?
Do they attempt to use their scarey behaviors as bargaining chips, such as saying that they won’t punch walls if you will stop going out with your friends?
Do they deny that they even engaged in the scary behavors, such as claiming that a broken door was caused by somebody else or that you are making up or exaggerating what happened?
Do they ever make veiled threats, such as “you don’t want to see me mad,” or “You don’t know who you’re messing with?”
Are they severely verbally abusive? (Research studies indicate that the best behavioral predictor of which men will become violent to their partners is their level of verbal abuse.)
Although these questions can help you determine the degree of your partner’s tendency to violence… the fact that you are even considering their potential for violence means that something is seriously wrong.”
– Lundy Bancroft, Why Does He Do That? Inside the minds of angry and controlling men.
(pronouns made neutral for wider applicability, “men” left in in last bullet to maintain accurate reporting of studies mentioned)
why are people still saying that henrik lundqvist is the nhl’s best dressed when it’s clearly been pk subban for ages. lundqvist just wears boring suits but pk is literally A Fashion God so I really don’t understand this
Physical aggression by a man toward his partner is abuse, even if it happens only once. If he raises a fist; punches a hole in the wall; throws things at you; blocks your way; restrains you; grabs, pushes, or pokes you; or threatens to hurt you, that’s physical abuse. He is creating fear and using your need for physical freedom and safety as a way to control you.
A[n abusive] man’s dramatic remorse shifts the center of attention back to him; his partner may almost forget his earlier bullying as compassion for his guilt and self-reproach washes over her. She may soon find herself reassuring him that she won’t leave him, that she still loves him, that she doesn’t think he’s a terrible person.
If they have children, she may find herself covering up what he did so that the children won’t blame him, because she doesn’t want him to feel even worse.
He thus reaps soothing attention as a reward for his abusiveness, and his actions have the effect of keeping the family focused on his needs.
Lundy Bancroft, Why Does He Do That?, chapter 5, “How Abuse Begins”
((OOC: Can I just talk about what a blessing Andy, KP, and TT are?
KP, it was soooo sooo wonderful to finally meet you in person. Your curls are out of this world wonderful and I loved your hugs so much. You have this wonderful spirit to you, being sweet and quiet; but that fiery piss and vinegar side to you that has no problems making itself known is something I completely adore about you. You’re the bees knees and you always will be, you wonderful being.
Andy, it was so nice to see you again. I just love you so so much. You’re such a handsome human and I love listening to your intensely animated stories. I love your boldness and your kindness. I also very much enjoyed the delicate procedure of replicating hugs from Lundy and Andy( @girlswillbeboys11@lundayy ), and I am in awe of your skills everyday. I’m so glad we are friends and I’m lucky to know you Andy Gray.
TT, I wuuuuv you! You’re so kind to have sheltered and fed us all. Providing endless entertainment is hard but you certainly have a knack for it (especially at all hours we should be sleeping). You’re so clever and kind and just straight up beautiful in all aspects of the word. You have changed my life in so many ways and I’m better for knowing you. It is my sincere desire that you keep loving life and yourself and what you do. Because you’ve more than earned it. You are spectacular, and I love you very very much.))