for life ;v;

my dearest most sweetest little blades of freshly trimmed lemongrass,

your favest most yell-y pilot of the resistance and lil caps-locked cumulus cloud of cracky content is moving for grad school!! in a handful of hours!! and will probably not figure out internet service for a while bc she is Very Slow w such things and also a lot more interested in doing things like:

  • Exploring Her New Home and City
  • Unpacking the Boxes and Boxes of Things She Probably Did Not Need to Pack in the First Place
  • Foraging for Food in what will be New and Unknown Lands
  • Using Her Phone’s Service on Apps That Don’t Leech Data the Way This One Does
  • Getting Uni Things Sorted
  • Finding the Best Ice Cream Place In The City

in my absence, try not to weep yourself to an early death at the loss of my most delightful presence, and please Pursue All the Same Questionable Pleasures I would re: the star war (ง’̀-‘́)ง *: ・゚✧

How do I tell him?
How do I tell him that falling in love with him has made me the most fragile I’ve ever been?
Should I say his past haunts me and that he can break me with just a word?
How do I tell him that the past girls he’s fallen in love with look nothing like me and its terrifying?
How do I tell him that I’m insecure? That it takes everything within me to let things go, and that I’m trying to not scare him away?
How can I stop comparing myself to the way he treated the others? Do I admit that I need the validation?
Do I admit that his list of female friends intimidates me and that I need reminders hes happy with his choice? That He didn’t settle?
How can I protect my heart ?
How do I ensure that This. Is. Real.
That being fragile is okay, for it means I trust his rough hands enough not to break me.
That his past has shaped his heart into the only one I want to listen to beat in bed.
That though ive seen the power behind his words, with me theyve only whispered sweet poems.
And perhaps he hasnt experienced morning curls such as mine I know he’ll find a way to love their shape.
That it’s good that I’m different, cause though I may not have long blonde hair like the girl of his dreams, or a perfect body like the girl that broke his heart. And though I may not be as sexy as the girls he follows on social media he’s found something in me that made him stay.
That he can’t possibly know that I’m insecure and broken if I don’t speak up and there’s no shame in wanting to be shown off. That I must find comfort in knowing that he’s trying.
And above all It’s completely okay to want to protect my heart but it’s not okay to build walls.
This is REAL love
That real love IS vulnerability, it’s knowing that love is a choice. He chose me and has continued to choose me. What makes this love real is that I have no safety nets that a risk does exist.
So.
How do I tell him?
How do I tell him that I’ve always liked the nights sky but fell in love with it when we first kissed.
That just as it’s impossible to know the birth place of the stars how unlikely it is we were brought together by chance?
How do I tell him that I thank those stars every night they were there at that party.
That I’m grateful he was so persistent.
How do I tell him I’ve never been this uncertain yet so sure of something in my life. That I love him.
How do I show him I love him?
—  amb-v 
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