for autistic people

anonymous asked:

I have a parent who has a lot in common with descriptions of what it's like to be on the autism spectrum. They've never been diagnosed & wouldn't want to pursue it. I've started giving them the kind of accommodations & understanding autistic people say are helpful, with positive effects. I'm trying to get other family members to understand that some things (leaving the room if sensory overload, etc) are not deliberately rude. Without a formal diagnosis, they are hesitant. I'm not sure what to do

Anon, you’re a really good kid, and I’m really glad your parent has someone like you in their corner.

That said, I’m gonna need a moment to let my incandescent fucking rage at your family’s ableist bullshit, because you asked for concrete solutions, not a rant.

Actually, y’know what? No. I’m gonna rant, at least a bit, because this is relevant.

Anon, here’s what I would tell your family members:

I would tell them that treating a formal diagnosis as a prerequisite to try to understand or accommodate someone–especially someone they claim to care about–is incredibly callous and shitty.

I would say that this is not about a formal autism diagnosis; it’s about making family spaces and activities accessible to and inclusive of a member of the family, and if they can’t handle the mild inconvenience of trying to understand someone who isn’t intuitively just like them, they may want to sit down and radically reassess their notion of family, because that is sure as fuck not how family should be acting. And I would also probably tell them that people who behave the way they are certainly don’t line up with my definition of family; and I am prepared to act accordingly.

I would point out that your parent is likely already bending over backwards to accommodate behavior that may seem invasive, uncomfortable, or unpleasant to them; because that is what society–and apparently your family–demands of ND folks. And that the fact that your parent needs to do this places unfair strain on them, and probably presents a pretty significant barrier to them being able to enjoy or really participate in family gatherings and events, because it takes a lot of attention and energy.

If it seemed useful, I might also point out the numerous and salient barriers to formal diagnosis, especially for adults. But what I’d emphasize is that it shouldn’t take a doctor’s note to treat someone you care about like a person.

(In the name of productivity, I would probably be marginally more polite in the actual conversations than what I’ve written above. But that would be the gist of it.)

anonymous asked:

iiaat to get overwhelmed by your own emotions? i feel like i'm constantly having breakdowns because everything happens too much and i can't not feel things to the nth degree and suddenly i just end up crying when someone tells me they love me.

Yup. Autistic people tend to experience emotions very intensely. This can lead to emotional overload which can be very similar to sensory overload and can lead to meltdowns or shutdowns. 

-Sabrina

anonymous asked:

when are people going to realize that there is a WORLD of difference between neurotypicals creating/headcanoning autistic characters as ace/aro to reinforce negative stereotypes and ACTUAL AUTISTIC people just looking for representation for themselves. I get how poorly done ace/aro autistic characters are BAD and desexualize/dehumanize autistic people, but this is not the fault of the autistic community!

^^^^^

–Mod Mercy

anonymous asked:

Iiaat to constantly be complimented on your "accent" or asked "where are you from"? I'm white, so it's not racism, and I've lived in the same town my entire life. I've had people /insist/ I'm not a local because of the way I talk.

Yeah, that’s common in autistic people. Some combo of using odd word choices, being a really good mimic, and mild speech impediments causes this.

-mod Ari

can allistic people please shut the fuck up about “aspec”? if I hear one more allistic say “but other autistic people say it stands for autism spectrum” I’m going to punch a wall stop using autistic people as a fucking token it takes literally $0 to go “hmph well I’m not autistic so I’m not going to add my opinion on this” please just fucking s t o p

anonymous asked:

Help my school's doing this whole wear blue for autism thing on Monday I want to like send them an email or something​to try and explain why it's bad but I don't know what to say ugh

I would like them to resources that explain why Autism Speaks is bad. You could format your email as such:

“Hello,

I’m writing today to ask that you reconsider the decision to wear blue to support Autism Speaks. Autism Speaks is widely rejected by the autistic community for many reasons including, but not limited to, the fact that they do not listen to autistic people, they employ abusive methods, and very little of their funding goes to actually helping autistic people. For more information, check out:

https://strangerdarkerbetter.com/2016/03/26/whats-wrong-with-autism-speaks-a-collection-of-resources/

https://thecaffeinatedautistic.wordpress.com/new-autism-speaks-masterpost-updated-62014/

http://goldenheartedrose.tumblr.com/post/89338501188/autism-speaks-masterpost-new-updated-4116.

Thank you for your time and consideration,

[name]”

-Sabrina

anonymous asked:

Hi!! I'm a 14 y/o trans boy I recently found out that I've been misdiagnosed (add) and that I actually may have aspergers. while researching, I found that born female ppl w aspergers tend to experience some sort of gender dysphoria, but later on in life come to terms w being female. do you think I'm still valid? Is it worth it to go on T later in life? sorry if I worded this ask incorrectly. thanks!!

okay so first off, add/adhd and autism (asperger’s is a form of “high-functioning” autism but the term high-functioning is bullshit and ableist so yeah no i don’t use it) are not mutually exclusive !! lots of autistic people have add/adhd and lots of people with add/adhd are autistic, and sometimes they can be misdiagnosed as each other as well.

second off, i’m kinda wondering where “”born female ppl w aspergers tend to experience some sort of gender dysphoria, but later on in life come to terms w being female”“ came from because there are a lot of transphobes and ableists out there who try to invalidate autistic trans folks with that kind of bullshit. i’m guessing that what that really means is something more along the lines of “”there are many afab trans people who also happen to be autistic but they are eventually forced to hide their gender identity because of ableist and transphobic rhetoric, and then this victory for ableist anti-trans groups is portrayed as “these girls thought they were trans but nope they’re just autistic” even though they’re still probably trans””. believe me, as an autistic trans person, you end up with people telling you that “you’re only trans because you don’t understand social norms and so you don’t want to be a proper girl” or other bullshit like that.

in summary - yes. absolutely. you are valid. i can’t say right now if it would be worth it to start T later in life because i’m not you and i don’t know what it’s like to be you, and you’re 14 - you don’t need to have that figured out right away !! i’ve known for several years that i’m trans and i still don’t know what all i want to do to transition.

tl;dr ableist and transphobic rhetoric about autistic trans folks only experiencing dysphoria because of their autism is bullshit.

-rose

anonymous asked:

aphobes: "don't headcanon autistics as ace! it's ableist!" me, an autistic ace: "... ok."

FOR REAL

Like… autistic aces exist.

And also… Aces can ID with autistic characters, not because they’re autistic, but because they’re ace

Let autistic people have hcs. Let aces have hcs. Let autistic aces have hcs.

–Mod Mercy

anonymous asked:

ive heard that its common for autistic people to be under-expressive in terms of facial expressions. but its also been said that traits come in extremes, so i was wondering if an overly expressive face could be an autistic trait? could the same be said for body language and hand gestures? thanks

Yep, some autistic people have very over exaggerated facial expressions and gestures (especially older autistic people, since we overcompensate for past experiences).

-mod Ari

anonymous asked:

Is there a phrase/term that can be used in place of things like high/low functioning and mild/severe? People always ask me if I'm one of the two and i want something relatively short i can use to reply instead of a speech about why i don't use those terms

Unfortunately, the issue with functioning labels has to do with dividing autistics into two distinct categories when autism is much more varied and diverse than that. We can’t be separated into two groups as there is so much variance among autistic people. One autistic person may have a job and a family but be nonverbal and struggle with self care. Another may be unable to work and struggle greatly with executive function but speak eloquently and appear neurotypical in public. Who is high functioning and who is low functioning? What criteria are used to separate us? Is it the ability to speak? The ability to work? The ability to care for ourselves? Something else? It’s all so arbitrary that trying to divide us into two categories will always be problematic. These labels tell us nothing about a person’s actual abilities or struggles.

Rather than trying to find a way to replace functioning labels with another dichotomy, I would simply suggest saying something like “I am a unique person with my own strengths and struggles. Functioning labels do not tell you anything about who I am as a person and as such I do not use them. If you have questions more specific as to how autism affects me, I’d be happy to answer what I’m comfortable revealing.”

-Sabrina

2

I got 4 food grade silicone necklaces from Mercari, one to keep, and three for my next giveaway! I thought these were agreeable colors and I know chewables could help many people. Thanks to everyone who has used my code to sign up for the Mercari app with my code (RFMDYJ.) I receive $2 in credits each time and use them to buy stim toys, fidget and chewelery to give away to autistics and ND people in need!

anonymous asked:

Hey. So, this probably sounds really weird but whenever I'm listening to something (for example when I'm watching a tv show or someone's talking to me) and I'm eating at the same time, I very very often end up accidentally biting the inside of my cheek and I was wondering whether that could be an autism thing, for example linked to the inability to focus on different sensory input at the same time?

It might be. It could be you’re undersensitive to proprioception and so if you take your attention off what you were doing you mess it up. It could also be a poor muscle memory/tone thing, which is really common in autistic people.

-mod Ari

are people seriously trying to argue a term actively used by aro/ace people belongs exclusively to autistic people… despite the fact that it’s not even intuitive and the only reason why someone would be using it would be to strip aro/ace people of more words to use on themselves..? can you all maybe stop literally using a group to push for your bs antagonism and bigotry???

MYTH:

I see you did the thing you said you couldn’t do!!

REALITY:

- did suboptimal / substandard version of the thing

- considerably tearful as a result

- exhausted from thing

- feeling lousy

- internalised ableism having a party

- will need recovery time you won’t witness, therefore will be unable to do certain basic tasks

… but yeah, by all means, believe I did thing.

Communicating with autistic people

In light of April & autism acceptance month I thought I’d make a post about how autistic people communicate, because understanding and accepting our communication styles is one of the most important parts of autism acceptance. The things listed here are from my own experience and from information I have gathered from talking to other autistic people, it is by no means exhaustive. If you want to add something on I have missed feel free :+)

  • Lack of eye contact doesn’t mean we aren’t engaged, oftentimes maintaining eye contact is actually more distracting than not. 
  • Our body language is different. Trying to assume how we feel from your knowledge of body language will often lead you to wrong conclusions.

  • Our tone does not always indicate our feelings, it’s often more telling to listen to the words we are saying themselves then try to guess what our tone means
  • We will likely have difficulty reading your body language and tone. The subtleties of communication don’t come easy to us, if you want us to understand what you are feeling or offer support it is most useful to communicate your feelings thoughts and needs directly.
  • Things we say may come off as rude or overly blunt, even if it is not intended this way.
  • We have varying degrees of understanding sarcasm. Some of us struggle to understand any of it, some of us actively understand and employ it and everything in between. We are also prone to literal-mindedness in general meaning we may have trouble with taking other forms of jokes or figurative speech literally. 
  • Our communication abilities often vary with things like stress and sensory input. For example, under little stress or a good amount of sensory input I can communicate enough to explain detailed thoughts as in this post, form sentences and employ tone and cadence to my speech. At varying levels of sensory input I may begin to speak in monotone, take several minutes to put together a single sentence, or be unable to access most of my vocabulary aside from sounds and simple words like “yes” and “no”. 
  •  It is very common for autistic people to empathize by comparing similar experiences. (for example: person a: “My dog got sick, I’m worried about him.” autistic person: “Oh, my cat got sick last year too.”) People who do not empathize like this often see it as ‘one-upmanship’ when the intent is only to empathize or express sympathy. 
  •  We may interrupt you before you’re done speaking. It’s very common for autistic people to have difficulty telling when other people are finished speaking. If we interrupt you it is almost never out of rudeness but we genuinely cannot tell when is the right time to speak.
  •  We may occasionally take over the conversation especially with info-dumping. When I info-dump I’m very excited and I feel like I can barely keep the information I want to talk about down. Being so excited, I tend to ramble for a long time, elaborating unimportant details as I am unaware to whether the listener is bored or even listening. I’m not saying you have to stay completely engaged and remember every detail but at very least don’t get angry with an autistic person for their infodumping.
  •  A lot of autistic people also have auditory processing problems. This means that what you say might not register for a few moments or you might have to repeat yourself. Please be patient with somebody who has poor auditory processing, as it’s not really something we can help. 
  •  If you are asking the autistic person to do a task or activity of any sort (giving them directions to somewhere, asking them to come to a party, asking them to help you fold your laundry) we usually need very clear and precise instructions or plans.

These are all common parts of autistic communication styles but it’s important to remember not every autistic person is the same or will have all of these traits. We are as varied in personality, thoughts, and behaviors as allistic people, but we are tied together by shared experiences. Being aware of these traits and unlearning them as inherently bad communication styles is helpful to autistic people as a whole, but if there’s a specific autistic person in your life you want to better communicate with, the best thing you can do is ask them how you can do that and honestly discuss differences in communication and needs to best understand each other.

Different types of allistics

The Autism Mom™: constantly talks about how hard it is to have an autistic kid, highkey abusive but gets away with it because her child is autistic, is fueled by people telling her how BRAVE she is to deal with an autistic child

The Openly Ableist™: doesn’t try to hide their hatred of autistic people, used the R slur every other sentence, posts videos of autistic people having meltdowns to reddit for the Lolz

The Know It All™: has a friend who’s cousin is autistic nd somehow thinks this makes them an expert on autism/autistic issues

The Autism Savior™: helps out at one “special needs” program and suddenly believes they’re the best person in the world, that they are the most humble and selfless person to exist because they were in a room with an autistic person and weren’t actively abusive

The “Ally"™: says the support autistic people, actually just supports Autism $peaks, uses person first language, uses functioning labels, speaks over actually autistic people, gets angry when an autistic person asks them to make accommodations for them (usually also The Autism Savior™)

An Actual Ally: tries to listen to what autistic people are saying and not speak over them, happily helps autistics with sensory things and gets them what they need, haha lets be real this type doesnt exist lmaooo

(allistics don’t go anywhere near this post)

i really hate clickbait posts about people with autism that are like “someone sat with this autistic boy who usually sits alone every day” or “two autistic people are dating and are in love” like 

thanks

glad to know allistics still think autistics are fragile deerpeople who can’t date or be in love or have friends and when we do it’s some sort of “miracle”