for a good clean feeling no matter what

anonymous asked:

i just relapsed aftr being only two days clean,,, i was rlly disappointed in myself for relapsing so fast,,, but then i decided 2 check ur blog and im feeling better now n realizing (for the first time in a while) that its ok 2 make mistakes ! tyvm ur a kind n gentle soul ily <3

hi angel I’m so proud of you for recovering, it’s really hard to make that choice and you’re 100% right it’s normal to relapse and it’s ok to make mistakes! what matters is you try again, you’re getting stronger each time you do that!! good luck friend ily 🌸 💖

Things I've learned since becoming ill...

• It’s nobody’s fault. It is genetic. It just happened.

• Do not be too proud or stubborn to ask for help. You need it.

• Brush your teeth and wash your face (even just with a baby wipe) everyday if you’re able to do so. It makes you feel more human.

• Shower or bathe whenever you are able to. Good personal hygiene is good for your mental health.

• Some people will leave. You don’t need those people. Others will stay and they are wonderful human beings.

• You are not a burden. You are not useless. Do not be guilty. Please. Guilt will eat your insides.

• You have not lost who you are. You just now have to make adjustments to accommodate this new thing.

• Accept the fact that you have an illness. Being in denial will only make your mental and physical health worse.

• Clean pyjamas are a divine gift. As are clean bedding and blankets.

• Self care is entirely subjective. If you want to do yoga then do it, if you wanna sit and eat takeout in front of the TV in a squirtle onesie then that’s fine too. Whatever makes you feel good, or at least better.

• If you are tired then rest. Do not burn yourself out. It doesn’t matter what time of day it is, if you need a nap then you have one.

• Talk. Write. Sing. Paint. Draw. Dance. Do something to express your feelings. Don’t keep them inside. You’ll explode.

• Don’t worry if you can’t adjust right away. It takes time. A lot of time.

• Do not feel ashamed or embarrassed. Unfortunately illness often has embarrassing symptoms or such. It isn’t your fault. People who allow you to feel embarrassed about such things are terrible people.

• Keep your sense of humour. Some days it’s the only thing that gets you through.

• There will be good days. Grab them with both hands and enjoy them. Savour them. Spend them doing things you love, things that you can’t do on bad days.

• Prepare yourself to the best of your ability. Like…always have a hospital weekend bag packed for emergencies, keep a bed day drawer or bag near to where you sleep, have food or snacks close by, always have a water bottle…

• Take your meds. Please. If you have a serious illness for the love of god don’t listen to the “big pharma” conspiracy theorists. You need your meds. They keep you alive. They enable you to function.

• Research your illness. Keep yourself informed. But don’t dwell on what might happen. Please don’t scare yourself.

• It’s okay not to feel positive all the time. It’s okay to feel down. It’s perfectly natural. But try to be as positive as you can. For your own sake.

• Your own health comes first. It’s not selfishness it’s survival.

• Be kind to yourself.

• The bad days can be horrific but the good ones are beautiful, and so worth holding on for.

• Don’t give up on love. Just don’t.

• You are a badass warrior.

The Incredibles  {Sentence Starters}

  • “I, uh, put it away.”
  • “The public is in danger!”
  • “That was totally wicked!”
  • “Coincidence? I think NOT!”
  • “Never heard that one before.”
  • “WHY do you NEED to know?”
  • “That man out there, he needs help!”
  • “Go, confront the problem. Fight! Win!”
  • “No? Well, he’ll look fabulous anyway.”
  • “Do you think I’m totally irresponsible?”
  • “Wait here and stay hidden. I’m going in.”
  • “I’ll be a bigger hero than you ever were.”
  • “You can’t be seen in this. I won’t allow it.”
  • “I was wrong to treat you that way. I’m sorry.”
  • “Normal? What do YOU know about normal?”
  • “Now I’m losing him! What’ll I do? What’ll I do?”
  • “Huh? Oh, come on! You gotta admit, this is cool!”
  • “See? Now you respect me… because I’m a threat.”
  • “I never look back, darling! It distracts from the now.”
  • “We’re dead! We’re dead! We survived but we’re dead!”
  • “What does ANYONE in this family know about normal?”
  • “And call me when you get back, darling. I enjoy our visits.”
  • “I can’t lose you again! I can’t. Not again. I’m not s-strong enough.”
  • “You keep trying to pick a fight, but I’m still just happy you’re alive.”
  • “'Greater good?’ I am your wife! I’m the greatest GOOD you are ever gonna get!”
  • “All I wanted was to help you. I only wanted to help! And what do you say to me?”
  • “I feel like the maid; I just cleaned up this mess! Can we keep it clean for ten minutes!?”
  • “No matter how many times you save the world, it always manages to get back in jeopardy again.”
  • “It tore me apart. But I learned an important lesson. You can’t count on anyone, especially your heroes.”
  • “Uh-uh! Don’t you think about running off doing no daring-do. We’ve been planning this dinner for two months!”
Help A Buddy Out

Words: 4066

So its a lot of words. but its a quick read cause its in sections. I just thought it was kind of a cute idea :D Not my best ever, but I still wanted to post it cause why not? It may make one person smile… maybe haha ;D


— You and Bucky are roommates and you ask for him to teach you to be better at sex so you can please another guy —

“Y/N!” You heard your roommate shout from across the apartment. “Have you seen my shirt?!”

“Why of course, I know exactly what you do with all your shirts. What type, what color, what brand are you looking for? Wait, let me just look into my Bucky Barnes archives…” You shouted back with way too much sass.

A shirtless Bucky poked his head around the door of your bedroom. “Hardy har har.” He returned before coming fully into the room. “You’re overly sassy for no apparent reason. What’s going on?” He strutted over to the bed and took the book from your hands as he sat down. “Chaucer?” he questioned. “You only subject yourself to Chaucer when you’re in a bad mood.”

“Yea, well I had a change of heart.” You retort as you try to snag your book back. He pulled it further from your reach. “Buck, give me my book back.”

“No, not until you tell me why you’re in full sass mode today.”

“Well, then I’ll never get it back.” You sighed as you crossed your arms in front of your chest and leaned back against the headboard.

“C’mon Y/N. I’m your best friend. You can tell me anything.” He spoke as he smiled one of his killer ‘your panties just melted’ smiles. Except, you knew when he smiled like that to you, it was merely platonic. Which sucked.

“Ok fine” you huffed out. “The truth is…” you began as you sat up. “Steve is my best friend.”

Bucky let out a frustrated groan and threw your book back in your general direction. “As if. You know you like me better.” He stood in front of you and stared down; His eyes traveling up and down your body. “If you don’t tell me then I’ll just tickle you until you do.”

You made a face at that. “Don’t do that.”

Bucky started to walk towards the side of the bed where you sat. “You’ve left me with no choice, Doll.” He got closer and grabbed your arm as you tried to scramble away.

“OK, OK!! Don’t do it. I’ll tell you, I’ll tell you!” Bucky released you from his grip.

“There. Was that so hard? Now spill, Doll. Whats going on?”

You sat up once again and brushed your fingers through your hair. “Fine, but stand over there.” Bucky’s eyes travelled to where you pointed.

“You want me to stand in the corner?” His ‘you-cant-be-serious’ look took over his face. “You cant be serious.”

You sighed as you began to explain. “I need you to be as far away from me as possible when I tell you this. Its embarrassing.”

Bucky crossed his arms and began to retreat to the corner. “Fine. Makes total sense, Weirdo.”

You ignored his comment and pulled your knees up under your chin. “Ok. There is no easy way to say this so im just gonna do it.” You sucked in a deep breath. “I don’t know how to have sex. Not well anyway. I have this date with this guy on Friday and its going to be the third date. Everyone knows the third date rule! I don’t want to suck.” You finished with a deep breath, recovering your oxygen levels from your intense rambling.

“You’re still going out with that guy?” Bucky demanded as he began to near you again.

You pointed your finger back at him. “Stay! And yes I am.”

“Why the fuck–?” he started but caught himself before he revealed too much. “Y/N, look, sex is sex. Its, uh, its not that big of a deal. Im sure youll be great.” He said as he rubbed the back of his neck.

“It’s a huge deal, Buck! HUGE! Its sex!”

“You’ve had, uh, sex before right?”

“Twice.”

“Twice.” He repeated.

“Yes, twice. I’m going to suck. I know it.”

“Youre not going to suck. It’s not possible”

“How would you know, Buck? Its not like we’ve had sex.” Bucky couldn’t argue with that, they hadn’t, despite how much he wanted to. “Which is why I’m asking you to help me.” You said, snapping Bucky out of his thoughts. “I want you to make me better at sex.”

Buckys head shot up from the direction of his feet, eyes wide. “WHAT?!”

“Please Buck, you said it yourself: sex is sex. Whats the harm if you teach me the ins and outs of it. No pun intended.” You smirked to yourself.

“You’re my best friend!” he spoke in an attempt to find an excuse.

“Friends have sex all the time. You’d just be helping a friend out.”

Bucky thought of another excuse. “What makes you think I can teach you anything?”

You chuckled “I think the plethora of random girls that scream their heads off in pleasure and beg for more is enough for me to know how good you are.”

Bucky blushed. “You hear that?”

“They’re like banshees, Bucky.”

“Are not.” He huffed

“Are too” You returned. Bucky crossed and uncrossed his arms before shifting his weight to his left foot. “Bucky, please. We are always there for each other when the other needs something.”

Bucky let out a sharp laugh. “Yea, but usually its when you want me to pick up your prescriptions from the pharmacy or fix the plumbing.”

“Buck, I need you. I know this is slightly different, but whats the harm?”

“I don’t know.” Bucky pulled his phone from his back pocket to check the time. “I have to go meet Steve. Just let me think about it.” He pocketed his phone again and turned to leave the room.

“Don’t forget a shirt!” You called after him.

Bucky opened the door to the café and scanned the room for his friend. When he saw the over compensating build and light hair he started towards one of the window tables. “Steve.”

Steve looked up from his view of the city and smiled as he saw his oldest friend. “Bucky, its good to see you.”

Bucky took a seat opposite of Steve and ordered a coffee when the waitress came around. “Hows things?”

“Great.” Steve began. “Sharon is great. We got a cat.”

Bucky chuckled. “A cat? Since when are you a cat person?”

“Since Sharon is a cat person.” He smirked. “But, whats going on with you? Hows Y/N?”

“Funny that you bring her up.” Bucky said before he smiled and thanked the waitress for his coffee.

“Oh yea?” Steve smiled. “Finally tell her how you feel, did you?

“Yea right. Cause that would go over soooo well.”

“Oh c’mon man, you’ve liked her since she moved in.”

“Doesn’t matter, she doesn’t feel the same. She, uh, asked me this morning to help her become a pro at sex.”

Steve choked on his coffee and reached for a napkin to clean the drops from his chin. “What!?”

“Yea.” Bucky signed and sipped his drink

“What exactly does that entail?”

“She wants us to have sex.” Bucky replied nonchalantly. “She wants us to have sex until shes good at it, apparently.

“Wow. Why?”

“Shes got this date on Friday. Says it’s the third date so they HAVE to have sex for some stupid reason.” He huffed.

“Well,” Steve started “Think of the Bright side: Youll get to have sex with the girl you love.”

“Smooth attempt at making me feel better, pal, but there is no bright side. She wants me for the wrong reason. Its not like she loves me back.”

“All the more reason to tell her. Maybe she just hasn’t thought of you in that way yet and telling her may open her eyes.”

“I don’t know, man. Shes pretty determined. I think if she liked me she’d know.”

“Just think about it, Buck”

“Its all I think about. Which makes me think I cant go through with this.”

“Oh, you definitely cannot go through with this.”

Bucky reentered his apartment after a long and thoughtful conversation with Steve. He had a very valid point: there was no way Bucky could go through with this, but the more he thought about it, the more he didn’t want to disappoint Y/N.  She felt insecure and that was the last thing Bucky wanted. So he could do this just once, right?

“Bucky?” Y/N called, stepping out of her bedroom. “Are you alright? You seem a little dazed.” She continued once she saw his facial expression.

“Yea well what do you expect?” Bucky mumbled to himself as Y/N entered the kitchen to put on a pot of coffee.

“Did you say something?”

“What? No.” He hurriedly spit out. Y/N returned her attention to the coffee maker. “So, I was thinking…” she met his eyes as he continued. “We could try what you proposed. Just once. I’ll tell you what you want to know from that one time, but no more. Deal?”

Y/N squealed in appreciation. “Oh Bucky, you have no idea what this means to me. Thank you so much.”

She jumped into his arms and wrapped her own around his neck. “Yea. I mean what are friends for right?”

“Right!” she smiled. She was so beautiful that he almost kissed her right then and there, but he quickly stepped away.

“So, uh, how do you want to go about this?” Bucky questioned as he rubbed the back of his neck.

“I say we just jump into it. I mean, this is practically for science. No need to beat around the bush.”

Bucky felt his heart crumble just a bit. Hearing her say those words was the last thing he wanted. If anything, he wanted this to mean something to her in the slightest. But clearly it didn’t. “Alright.” He spoke clearly frustrated. He reached for the hem of his shirt and aimed to pull it over his head, but was stopped by Y/Ns soft hand on top of his.

“Let me.” She lifted his shirt off for him and Bucky thought he had never been more turned on. Y/N pulled hers off and slipped out of her sleep shorts then turned and strutted off into her bedroom.

“Jesus.” Bucky mumbled as he followed after her.

When he stepped through the door, she was standing there waiting for him in just her underwear. He eased himself closer to her and she reached for the belt around his hips. ‘This is so bad’ he thought as he grabbed her shoulders and pulled her up to him. She looked into his eyes and down to his lips. Slowly, she reached up and pressed her lips to his in the softest of motions. Bucky fell completely into it and Y/N placed her hand on the back of his neck in an attempt to pull him closer, but Bucky pulled away. He couldn’t do this. It just wasn’t right.

“Bucky?” she whispered as she placed her hands on either sides of his face. “Whats the matter?”

Bucky gripped her hands in his own and removed them from his face. “I cant do this.” He spoke so quietly; it was practically to himself.

“What?” Her face twisted in concern.

“I cant do this.” Bucky said a little louder so she could hear him, but this time it was laced with a bit of frustration.

“Why?”

Bucky took a few steps away from her. “I just cant.” He grabbed for his shirt, but Y/N stepped up into his space and grabbed it from him before he could put it on. “Y/N, give me my shirt back.”

“No, Buck. Not until you tell me whats going on.”

“Fine, keep it.” He huffed as he headed for the door.

“Bucky!” Y/N yelled after him. “Bucky, wait!”

Y/N chased him out the door and into their tiny living room. She grabbed his arm to keep him from getting further away from her. “Y/N, Stop!” Bucky yelled as he tried to break free from her grasp. She was deceptively strong.

“Bucky, please just tell me whats going on.” He could hear the sadness in her voice. It almost broke his heart. “Please.” She whispered. Bucky turned to face her with a cold expression on his face. He figured it was better than showing her his true emotions in this moment. ‘Did I do something wrong?” He met her eyes in shock. That was the last possible problem. “Do you not want me?” Slowly, tears began to fall down her cheeks.

Bucky sighed. “That is not possible.” He whispered

“Which?” she questioned

“Neither. You didn’t do anything wrong and its definitely not because I don’t want you, OK?” He reached up and brushed the tears from her cheeks.

“Then what is it?”

“Nothing, Y/N”

“Youre lying.” She was starting to get angry.

“No, Im n-“ he started, but was interrupted.

“Yes, you are!” Y/N was a full on mix of pissed and distressed. “Tell me!” she yelled.

“Y/N” Bucky sighed

“TELL ME!” She screamed again.

“I LOVE YOU!” Bucky yelled in her face before he’d even realized what he was doing. He breathed heavily, eyes looking directly at her before he stepped back and looked to his feet. “I love you.” He spoke again, much quieter.

“Bucky..”

“No, just don’t.” Bucky rushed past her back to her room and put his shirt back on. When he got back to the living room, Y/N was still standing there in shock. “I have to go.” He grabbed his keys of the hook and slammed the door, knocking Y/N out of her shock.

Sharon opened the door to her and her boyfriends apartment to find Bucky standing in the doorway, his head hung low, soaked to the bone. It must’ve been pouring outside. “Bucky, come in.” When he didn’t make a move to enter the apartment, she grabbed him by his arm and slowly pulled him inside. “Steve!?” she yelled “Can you come here?”

Steve walked out from their bedroom. “Yea, babe- Bucky?”

“He just showed up. Im going to go get some towels and an extra shirt.” She said ask she walked Bucky over to the couch and helped him sit down before walking to the bathroom. Steve inched closer to his friend and sat down across from him.

“Buck?” he spoke, but got no response. “Bucky?” he tried again. “What happened?”

Bucky looked up from his hands, but refused to meet Steve’s eyes. “I told her.”

“Well, that’s good isn’t it?” Steve questioned.

“No, Steve, its not. We were about to have sex.”

“You were going to do it!?”

“Just once. She was doubting herself and you know how I get when she does that. I was only going to do it once and help her. I thought I could suppress my feelings for one time.”

“Bucky…”

“I kissed her once and I couldn’t do it. Before I knew it, I was yelling that I love her and now im here.”

Steve placed a hand on his friends shoulder as his girlfriend returned with the shirt and towels. She placed them next to Bucky to use as he needed.

“What did she say?” Steve asked.

“Nothing.” Bucky sighed. “She just stood there. So I left. Well, actually I started to leave the second after I told her.”

“You didn’t give her a chance to say anything?”

“I couldn’t, Steve. I just had to get out of there.”

“Oh, Buck.” Steve started “Just stay here tonight, ok?” he sighed. “But tomorrow you have to talk to her.”

Buckys eyes widened. “No, Steve. I cant.”

“You can. And you will. She is the only girl you’ve ever given a fuck about, never mind the fact that she and Sharon get along great. You’ve made yourself a nice little mess and you’re going to fix it so we can all still be friends. Im too used to our little foursome now to have it fall apart at the seams.”

“Arent you the one who told me to tell her how I felt?”

Steve stood from his chair. “Yea. I was thinking more of a sweet scenario where you buy her flowers and don’t bolt after you tell her.”

Bucky grumbled and wrapped a bright, pink towel around his shoulders. “Well you didn’t specify.”

“I figured it was implied, Buck” Steve began to turn towards is bedroom. “Couch is all yours for tonight. Enjoy, stretch out, think of ways to get your girl. But im gonna turn in. My lady is waiting.”

Bucky made a face. “Steve, I swear if you guys have sex 20 feet away from me…”

“Chill Buck, Sharon and I are hardcore cuddlers.”

“That’s almost worse.”

“Oh please, Buck if you had Y/N you’d cuddle nonstop.”

“Don’t remind me that I don’t have her.” Bucky returned as he stretched out onto the couch.

“Goodnight Bucky.” Steve sighed and retreated to his bedroom where is girlfriend waited for him. Lucky bastard Bucky thought.

Bucky jolted awake at the sound of 3 sharp knocks. He could have sworn he imagined it and was getting ready to settle back into sleep when he heard it again. He grabbed his phone from his pant pocket which had long been discarded onto the floor halfway through the night. It was 3:30 am. What the hell. Bucky groaned as he sat up and walked his shirtless, underwear clad body into Steve and Sharon’s room. Sharon was nestled up against Steves side and their cat sat on his chest, rising and falling in rhythm with Steves breathing. Bucky shuffled forward to Steves side and nudged his shoulder until he woke up.

Steves eyes slowly opened and looked into those of his best friend. “Bucky, what the hell?”

“Little early for cursing don’t you think, Cap?”

Steve sighed and laid his head back on his pillow. “What do you want, Buck?” He whispered in an effort not to stir his girlfriend.

“Theres a knock on your door” Bucky spoke nonchalantly as he pointed in its general direction.

“What?”

“Theres a knock-“ Bucky started but what interrupted by the knock itself. “See?”

Steve sat up slightly, causing the cat to jump of his chest and Sharon to slowly shift in her sleep. “And you woke me because…?”

“I don’t know. Its 3:30 am. Its dark. Im vulnerable. It could be a psycho killer and im not in the mood.”

Steve pushed the sheets of his legs and sat up. “Are you kidding me, Buck? Youre the fucking winter soldier.”

Steve began to walk towards the door as the knocking continued with Bucky hot on his heels. “Yea, well you’re Captain America. We are equally as capable of opening the door, but this is your apartment so I figured id let you. Just in case it is a psycho killer, youd be able to say you defended your own domicile.”

“Gee thanks.” Steve huffed as he reached for the doorknob. The door opened to reveal a slightly disheveled Y/N in none other than her pajamas. Bucky and Steve stared at her for a moment before Steve turned to Bucky. “Well, it’s for you. Totally get why you were scared though. She looks like a murderous demon.” Steve sighed sarcastically. “Im going back to bed. Lovely to see you though Y/N. Sharon misses you like crazy. I mean it’s been like what, 3 weeks since we’ve seen you. Crazy how time flies, we should really-“ Steve continued before being interrupted by Bucky.

“Steve go to bed.” Bucky spoke without taking his eyes off Y/N.

“Oh geez, fine. Goodnight Y/N”

“Goodnight Steve. “Y/N returned with a feeble smile.

Once Steve was definitely in his room, Bucky turned back to face Y/N. “What are you doing here?”

“Bucky, we need to talk.”

“Look, Y/N if this is about earlier then theres no need. I-“

“I love you, Bucky.” Y/N interrupted.

It was Buckys turn to stand there in shock.

“Bucky?”

Bucky snapped back to his senses and was less than pleased. “Is this some kind of sick joke to you? That’s really low Y/N. I spill my guts and you have the audacity to make fun of me for it.” Bucky turned back into the apartment but Y/n followed him in, shutting the door behind her.

“Bucky, im not lying.”

“You are too. You are supposed to go out on a date this weekend. You don’t love me. If you did, you wouldn’t date that idiot.”

“Bucky you said you love me and you had sex 3 days ago. Not with me, I might add.” Y/N replied laced with a little frustration.

“So? I had to get my frustrations out somehow. I’m not the one who suggested we have casual buddy sex.”

“Bucky, I was just really confused ok? I really thought that if we had sex once that I’d get over you. I don’t even have a date this weekend. I broke up with Mike after he slapped our waitress’ ass as she walked by on our last date.”

“Prick” Bucky mumbled. “So you tricked me into sex?”

“Tricked is such a harsh word.”

“But an accurate one” Bucky finished.

“We didn’t even have sex Bucky. I didn’t even think id be able to go through with it. I just wanted to propose the idea to see how youd react. To see if you wanted me too. I almost died when you pulled away from me.”

Bucky looked up into her eyes. “Yea, well you got what you wanted didn’t you?”

Y/N detected a hint of anger in his words. “Are you actually mad at me? Bucky, we love each other. Or at least we did a couple hours ago.”Bucky refused to speak. It lasted so long that Y/N turned to leave. “Fine, Bucky. Ill just go” Y/N was stopped by a firm grip on her wrist. She looked up and Bucky pulled her to him, kissing her like his life depended on it. Y/N kissed back with as much ferocity as she could. It was passionate and sexy and melting. Y/N had wanted this for so long and it was amazing. They pulled apart only to breathe and Bucky brushed his fingers through her hair.

“We love each other?” He spoke as he rested his forehead on hers.

“Yea, we do”

“I cant believe it.” Bucky chuckled. “I’ve been in love with you since you moved in.”

“Two years, Four months, and eighteen days.” Y/N whispered.

“What?” Buckys head snapped up in shock.

“That’s how long we’ve lived together.”

“Wow.” Bucky stepped back from her embrace and rubbed the back of his neck with his hand.

“I know because that’s how long ive loved you too.”

“WHAT?!”

“What?”

“You’ve loved me that long too? You had a boyfriend when you moved in.”

“I know, which is weird now that I think about it because he let me move in with another man. He said he wasn’t worried, but he should have been.”

“I’m the reason you dumped that guy a month after you moved in?” Bucky questioned. Y/N only nodded in response. “I cant believe it.” Bucky sighed. “I hated that guy!”

Y/N giggled and moved to cup his face with both hands. “That’s what he told me.”

“Oh, yea right. How would he know?”

“I don’t know. I didn’t see it either, but he insisted that you liked me and wanted to kill him with your metal arm.”

Bucky chuckled and crossed is arms over his chest. “Well, the guy wasn’t as big of an idiot as I thought.”

“You’re ridiculous.” Y/N laughed.

Bucky grabbed Y/Ns hand and walked her over to the couch. He laid down and pulled her on top of him.

“Bucky what are you doing?”

“I’m getting ready to sleep with the girl I love.” He replied as he readjusted his pillow.

“Um, shouldn’t we go home? You know, since you aren’t mad at me anymore?”

“Oh please, doll. I was never mad at you. More just mad at myself. Also, Sharon and Steve miss you didn’t you hear? And all I want to do is take you home and stay in bed with you for days, but I figure I owe them a favor for letting me stay and whine. So, tomorrow we can all go out and they’ll stop complaining about never seeing you, THEN we will stay in bed for days.”

“Ah, great plan, Barnes.”

“Yea, I thought so.” He smiled his cheeky grin. “But for now we will sleep together and actually sleep.”

{ the act of empathy }

promptokay so could you do a poly!hamilsquad where like the reader came from a bad family and something happens one day that reminds them of it and the squad comforts them and they talk and it ends in fluff and stuff? you don’t have to if you don’t feel like it, it was just an idea

t/w: reader is a victim of emotional + some physical abuse, please read with caution. some hurtful insults. 

a/n: this was a little tricky to write. i hope this is what you meant when you said “bad family.” if not, just let me know and maybe i can write something else up.

if there are any other trigger warnings you think i need to add, please let me know! 

inbox || masterlist


For the first half of your life, you felt like you were trapped in a cage. You felt like a prisoner in your own home, a victim of an honorable thief. 

You weren’t familiar with the picture of the doting mother and father, willing to do whatever necessary for their child. You weren’t familiar with the idea of a mother who helped her child deal with their problems while being able to solve their own. You weren’t familiar with the promise of a mother who loved you no matter what you did.

Your mother didn’t always tell you that she loved you, but she did remember to tell you that she wished you were dead.

If you didn’t clean your room, she’d call you a failure. If you washed the dishes too slow, she’d insist that you’d never amount to anything good in this life. The smallest thing to you was the biggest infraction in her mind and if you told her how her words made you feel, she scoffed. 

“You’re too sensitive,” she would dismiss you coldly. “You know I don’t mean it.”

If you asked too many questions or even angered her in the slightest way, there was the underlying worry that she would hit you. This fear became a reality. She slapped you once. You remembered the night perfectly. You were sixteen years old and as you placed ice on your cheek, you realized that the physical pain didn’t hurt as much as the emotional pain.

She could apologize and kiss you the next day, but the dull pain was still there. The outline of her hand seemed to sink into your skin after she slapped you.

They say there’s nothing like a mother’s love, but if this was her idea of love, then you wanted nothing of it.

You moved out as soon as you could. You went to New York for college. Despite leaving your old life behind, her words rang constantly in your mind. She had shaped you into the person you were today and not for the better. 

When you first met your boys, you found yourself regressing to your old ways. For the longest time, you had trouble sleeping. For the longest time, you found yourself waking up into a constant state of fear. You remembered how many dates you canceled because you were on the brink of an anxiety attack.

Your boys were patient, but your mother still seemed to follow you to New York. 

Your boys had asked about your family. You never told them much. They learned not to ask too many questions. At the mention of your mother, you seemed to grow sad. Herc had noticed the faraway look in your eye when he first mentioned her and he made sure not to ask again.

Alex had noticed the confused look in your eye when he had first told you that you were beautiful. He figured it was just because you were surprised. He didn’t realize that was the first time you had been complimented since you left home. 

John and Laf noticed how you might get worried over small things. Laf remembered how once you freaked out because you hadn’t finished making dinner before he came home. John noticed if you were late, you’d apologize profusely until he reassured you that everything was alright. They were too focused on making sure you were okay in the moment to ask what you were really afraid of. 

You wished you weren’t this way, but your wishes weren’t always fulfilled. You just tried to appreciate the good days when they came. The days where you slept the whole night or the days where you didn’t hear the voice telling you how you were worthless were enough. Those quiet victories kept you going.

You woke up with that mindset. Today could be a good day if you let it play out in full. After all, you were in New York, far away from your mother, and safe with your boys.

You sat up in bed, looked at the time. It was a little past eight. You tossed your hair up into a bun and looked down at what you were wearing–an old sweatshirt from your college and a pair of shorts. You hummed as you headed to the kitchen. Your boys were up before you, scattered about your loft. You smiled at each of them, gave them a little wave, before going into the kitchen and making breakfast. 

“Did you buy eggs when you went out, Herc?” You called, pulling out the waffle iron from your cupboards. 

“Yep!” He called back. You rubbed your eyes once more, before opening the fridge. You pulled out the carton of milk, the container of eggs, and the waffle mix. “Did you find it, princess?”

“Yeah, thank you!” 

You boiled the water to make oatmeal and got a pot of coffee ready for Alex. Then, you pulled out a big bowl to put your ingredients in for your waffles. You cracked the eggs, poured in milk, measured your mix, and whisked it all together. You felt a little smile on your face once the mixture was smooth and the lumps were gone. You started to pour the batter into the hot waffle iron and patiently waited for it to cook.

“Morning, baby girl.” John hummed. He brushed some of the waffle mix off of your cheek, giving you a sweet little smile. Before you could ask why he did that, he kissed your cheek. “These for us?” He pointed to the waffles.

“Nope, it’s all for me.” You added another waffle to the top of your growing stack, slipping the golden waffle off of the spatula. You laughed a little. “Back off, Jack.” 

John chuckled, snuck his arms around your waist. “Will you at least save a couple for us?” 

“You can have the oatmeal. Why do you think I made some?“ You teased. When he pressed a few kisses to your neck, you felt your heart warm up a little. “You must really want some, huh?”

John’s kisses grew in number. “Want a little more than that.” 

You laughed a little. “Make up your mind. Me or the waffles.”

“You, every time.” 

You bit your lip a little, a soft tint of red filling your cheeks. You were flattered. Every time these boys complimented you or showed you how important you were to them, all you could do was smile. Accepting their compliments and love was hard at first, but it had grown a little easier with time.

“If you keep kissing me, I won’t be able to finish these. Some of us have to eat, you know.”

“I’ll kiss you later then.” 

“Promise?”

“Of course.” John pulled away, giving you one last kiss on the lips before he left the kitchen. 

You added a few more waffles to your stack before walking with them to the table. Your boys helped you set the table once you announced you were all done. Kisses were exchanged between the five of you as you started to eat. Alex kissed the back of your hand with sticky lips, but you still smiled at the gesture. 

Mornings like these, you felt normal. Mornings like these, you felt happy. They were so rare and so sweet. You popped another piece of waffle into your mouth before staring ahead.

“Love?” Herc asked, giving you a look. You looked adorable–he couldn’t deny that–but that zoned out look in your eye had been there for so long. “You there?” 

You looked up at him with a start, your chin in the palm of your hand. “S-Sorry.” 

Laf patted your knee from where he sat beside you. “Thank you for the breakfast, mon cher.” 

You beamed, biting into another big piece of waffle. “Yeah. Of course.” 

“Why don’t I clean up?”

You nodded, thankfully. Laf kissed the top of your head before taking his plate and yours once you were both finished. John stacked up the other plates to make it easier for Laf when he came back from the kitchen. You figured you could take it yourself. You didn’t mind. You took the three other plates and grabbed a glass while you were at it. 

Unfortunately, you turned and backed up a little too quickly. You dropped the glass on accident, flinching at the crash it made. The glass scattered along the tile in the kitchen. You cursed under your breath, quickly set the plates down on the counter.

“I-I’m sorry. I don’t know what’s wrong with me -” 

All the while, Laf was standing just in front of you. You started to pick up some of the larger pieces of glass, but you decided against it. When you looked up at Laf, he had his hand raised up slightly. Your eyes widened.

You suddenly felt sixteen again. You could feel your mother’s glare on you. You heard her invectives, heard the bitterness in her voice, heard her rant about all the pain you called her.

You tried to fight it. The scene felt too familiar. You remembered the hand that raised slightly with the intention to hit you. You remembered how your mother’s hand came crashing down across your face.

You tried to tell yourself, Laf wouldn’t do that. Laf wouldn’t hit you, but a louder voice told you that he would. 

You naturally recoiled, took a step back, and brought your hands to cover your face. 

Laf frowned at the sight of you. The other boys too looked confused as they watched your movements. 

Laf stepped around the broken glass, gently brought your hands down. You were shaking slightly. He bent down, trying to make eye contact with you, but you had your eyes shut tight. You hadn’t moved from where you stood. He heard you let out a quiet whimper and it broke his heart.

“My love?” Laf whispered. He swallowed. “I-I’m not going to hit you.” 

You looked up at him, a quiet voice telling you to be afraid. You took a tiny step back. Your hands were still connected, so sweetly intertwined, but you were still tense. You were still scared. Laf bit his lip. 

“I was just reaching for the broom.” He said softly. Your eyes followed to what he was referring to. You relaxed slightly. You just misunderstood what had happened. Laf’s not going to hit you. Laf’s not going to hit you.

You nodded slowly. You slipped your hands out of his. You didn’t realize you were crying until Laf asked Herc to get you some tissues. You felt the hot tears run down your face, rushed to wipe them away. You tried to pull yourself together. Your brain was already trying to think of a lie that would be enough for the boys to forget about what happened.

Herc approached you carefully and his voice brought you out of your thoughts. “(Y/N)?” 

You looked up at him, sniffling still. You warily took the tissue he offered you. You dabbed at your eyes before quietly saying, “Y-Yes?” 

“Can I ask you something?” He whispered, tucking a strand of hair behind your ear. His eyes were full of love and concern.

“Mm.” You said tightly and managed a tight nod. Herc took your hand, rubbed his thumb along the back of your hand.

“Did someone … hurt you?” He asked, a little unsure. “In the past, maybe?”

You looked around the room. Laf was holding the broom, but his eyes were on you. John and Alex exchanged nervous looks, but soon they looked at you in concern. You looked up at Herc nervously. He knew you well enough to know that meant yes. 

“What happened?”

You shifted a little uncomfortably. You could hear your mother’s words ring a little louder in your head.

“You’re too sensitive. I’ve done nothing but love you! H-How could you say that about me?!”

Herc watched you carefully. You had that far away look in your eye. 

“Don’t have to talk if you don’t want to. I’m sure it’s hard to talk about.”

He was right. It was hard to talk about, but you figured it needed to be said.

“My mom,” You began softly. “I guess, it’s, um, more emotional than physical abuse,“ You rubbed you hands together. “Well, it was. I haven’t seen her in … years.”

You bit your lip. “I know I should have told you sooner -” You felt your throat tighten and your eyes water again. “I just … d-didn’t know how you would take it? I guess? It’s hard to tell people about it because usually they don’t believe me. T-They look for scars or bruises and I don’t have any here -” You pointed to your skin. “But, they’re still there and it hurts just as much.”

You sniffed more until your vision was blurred with tears. The words got caught in your throat. You looked up at Herc once more. You opened your mouth and closed it. You tried to hold back a sob, but it still seemed to escape.

“Can I give you a hug, baby?” He asked you gently. 

You nodded, wrapped your arms around his torso. He wrapped his arms around you and you buried your face in his chest.

Laf’s hands were shaking slightly. John noticed. He nudged Alex to go over to him. Alex complied and crossed the room to see Laf.

They spoke quietly in French while Herc and John comforted you. 

She thinks I would hit her. I-I wouldn’t. I’d n-never hurt her.” 

“I know, Laf. Give her a minute. It’s not your fault.” Alex bit his lip. “You didn’t know. None of us did.” 

When Laf didn’t seem to believe him, Alex took his hand. He tried to think of what Laf needed to hear in this moment. The words found their way to him like always.

“We know you’d never hurt us.” Alex said as firmly as he could. He knew it to be true.

That seemed to bring Laf back.

“Are you okay now?” 

“I’m more worried about her.”

Alex helped him sweep the broken glass up. By the time it was cleaned up, Herc had moved you over to the couch. You were in Herc’s lap, holding onto him until John sat beside you. He took your hand. 

“Can you call Laf and Alex, please?” You whispered. John was quick to go and grab them.

You curled up closer to Herc, closed your eyes. The couch sunk a little from the weight of John when he came back beside you. John kissed the top of your head. When you opened your eyes, Laf and Alex were in front of you, sitting on the coffee table. Laf looked nervous. Alex looked to you. 

“A-Are you okay?” Alex asked you softly. “Do you want to talk about it?” 

You sniffed, nodded a little. “My mom wasn’t always very … nice to me. She was, um, really manipulative and hurtful and I just never liked being at home. She would humiliate me publicly and insult me, but then she’d insist she didn’t mean it.” You shifted. “Um,” You felt your eyes water again. “There was this one time …This one time she slapped me and -”

You bit your lip and shook your head. “I-I just knew she meant it then.”

Tears rushed down your cheeks and you shook in Herc’s embrace.

Each of your boys tensed–-Laf especially. 

“Is that why you got scared when I raised my hand?” He whispered. 

“A l-little, yeah.” You said weakly. “But not of you! J-Just of what you could do.” Your voice was soft, still small, but the boys understood. 

Laf knelt down in front of you. “You must know I would never want to hurt you.” He whispered, his hand comfortingly on your knee. “I love you, mon cher. I would never d-do anything to hurt you.”

When you looked down at him, his eyes were glassy. You brushed away your own tears and tried to calm down. You managed to give him a little smile, despite the war between the two voices in your head. There was your mother’s and then there was Laf’s.

He wasn’t lying. He loved you. Laf wasn’t your mother. None of these boys were your mother.

“I-I know.” You let out a soft sigh. “I was just reminded of my mom and what she did to me.” 

“Baby girl, you didn’t deserve that.” John reassured you, pulling you into a tight hug. “I’m so sorry.” 

“I-It’s not your fault,” You managed a weak smile. “You all have never hurt me.” You looked down at your hands, rubbing them together a little nervously. “You’ve done nothing but love me and I love you for it.” 

“We’re never going to treat you how your mom treated you.” Alex promised you, looking you right in the eye. “We don’t want you to feel afraid of us or just afraid in general.” 

You just nodded, felt your shoulders relax, felt a huge burden roll off your chest.

Herc pushed your hair out of your eyes and you buried your face in his neck. “Is there something we do that triggers you? Or something other people do that reminds you of your mom?” 

“I’m not too sure, but I’ll let you know if something really bothers me.” You promised, sitting up a little straighter. 

“Just want to make sure you’re okay, darling.” Alex hummed. 

You nodded, looked at Laf.

“Laf?” You reached forward, brought his eyes to yours. You cupped his face, rested your forehead against his. “I know you won’t hurt me.” 

Relief washed over him and he visibly relaxed. A burden was removed from his heart and his mind.

Laf pulled you into a soft kiss and then into a tight hug. You breathed out a sigh of relief in time with Laf.

“I-I did not mean to frighten you, mon cher.” He said, holding you close to his chest. You snuggled deeper into his hold, relaxed in his embrace. “You must know that.”

“I do. I k-know.” You whispered. “I love you.” You pressed a kiss to his cheek and sat back in between John and Herc. You looked at Hercules, then John, and then at Alex who still sat across from you beside Laf. “I love you all.”

“Baby?” John kissed your cheek and took your hand. “Anything else you want to tell us?” 

You bit your lip and slowly shook your head. “I’m just sorry that I didn’t tell you sooner.” 

“No, it’s okay.” Alex insisted. “It was your place to tell us when. You don’t owe us anything, love.”

“We’re just glad that you did.” Herc reassured you. You smiled up at him and he kissed the top of your head. You closed your eyes and leaned into him a little more. “Now, we can love you better.” 

“You guys already love me so much.” You whispered, a little blush creeping into your cheeks. “H-How could you possibly love me anymore?” 

“Just let us show you.” John gave you a sweet smile.

“Y-You don’t need to do that.” 

“Too bad, mon cher.” Laf chuckled a little. He reached over and pulled you into his chest. You bit your lip, trying not to smile as you all squeezed onto the couch. You were on Laf’s lap. Alex squeezed beside Laf at the end of the couch and leaned forward to kiss your temple. “We love you very much.” 

“We won’t let anyone hurt you ever again, darling.” Alex rested his head on Laf’s shoulder, but he comfortingly rubbed your shoulder. “And we won’t hurt you. Ever.“

“That’s right.” John finalized. He rested his head on Herc’s shoulder but leaned over to take your hand. He squeezed it comfortingly. Your heart warmed as Herc pressed soft kisses to your neck and shoulder. 

You were tangled into each other in a matter of moments, soft kisses being placed all over your cheeks, neck, and lips as each moment passed. Your boys held you close and you nuzzled your face in the crooks of their necks, taking in everything about them, soaking up the love and security they brought you. 

Somehow you ended up curled into Alex. His heartbeat thumped softly as you rested your head against his chest. You kissed him, pulling him down shyly before pulling away and wrapping your arms around his torso.

“Thank you” was all you could find yourself saying. It felt horribly inadequate. You wished there was a better phrase that expressed how thankful you were, but they saw it in your eyes. They saw it in the way you looked at them. 

And for the first time in a long time, you found yourself free of the cage that your mother had you trapped in. 

The Chocobros + Their Glasses-Wearing S/O

This is just a quickie imagine I thought up bc I didn’t get to write anything today! :(

Prompto:
- Thinks your glasses are cute af
- You wake up and your glasses are missing from the side of the bed, only to find Prompto modeling and taking pictures in your glasses
- Definitely puts them on a stuffed chocobo in one picture
- Touches them carefully because he knows you need them and knows how to care for glasses since he wore them as a kid
- Tells you about when he used to wear them and even confides in you about the spare pair he keeps in a drawer even though he doesn’t need them anymore
- Laughs when your glasses get all fogged/steamed up
- Will hold them for you any time you need
- When you lay down in bed at night or fall asleep with them on, he’ll gently remove them and set them aside and give you a little kiss on the nose/forehead
- When you say you want new frames, he gets enthusiastic and actively looks for ones that’ll look rad on you–especially recommends the thick geeky ones

Ignis:
- Like Prompto, knows how to care for glasses, and will offer to clean them for you if they get all dirty
- Probably wipes them for you anyway
- If they get scratched or break he’s going to want to take care of that for you right away because your eyesight is a priority
- Urges you not to stare too closely at screens and strain your eyes, especially the poorer your vision already is
- Makes sure you have regular eye exams
- If you’re doing something tedious or potentially dangerous and he sees you straining without your glasses, he’ll pull them right out of his pocket and hand them to you cause he always holds onto them just in case!
- Hands you a cleaning wipe or handkerchief if he catches you cleaning them with your shirt or something
- Will let you know which ones flatter you most and prefers thinner frames like his but ultimately it’s your choice and he loves how you look no matter what

Gladio:
- Takes your glasses off and holds them up high to tease you
- A pair was lost to him when he accidentally sat on them and he still feels really bad about that
- Affectionately calls you “four-eyes”
- Slides your glasses onto your face in the morning
- Has a habit of accidentally smudging them one way or another and apologizes
- You look so good in them that you make him consider getting reading glasses and he starts sporting some aviator sunglasses
- Talks you into getting a pair of prescription sunglasses for when you’re out and about
- “How many fingers am I holding up?”
- Kinda wants you to get the cateye glasses because they make you look like a sexy teacher

Noct:
- Another offender of taking your glasses and putting them on, asking how he looks
- “Damn, you’re blind!”
- Thinks it’s cute when they get all crooked
- Takes them off of you in private to appreciate your face and be affectionate
- Offers to buy you new ones if you ever need it
- Makes sure you have your glasses before getting behind the wheel
- If they get knocked off your face, he’ll quickly pick them up and hand them to you
- Sometimes just flips them around and looks at them, wondering how they make these things
- Occasionally forgets that you can’t see very good without them
- When you try on different pairs, he just nods because he doesn’t know and whatever you pick is fine because it’s your eyes, not his

Signs your fucking with a fuck boy

1. Favorite music artist are Bryson Tiller, Tory Lanes, Travis Scott, Drake, Big Sean, Kanye West

2. Dabs alot

3. lives in either NY, ATL, DMV, Chicago and maybe Florida or Toronto (or pretends to be from those places)

4. Between the ages of 16-26

5. Supreme, MCM, adidas, Vans, Jordans, a book bag(even tho he not in school)

6. Did some dumb shit 2weeks ago but don’t remember why you mad

7. You liked him first (he feeling himself)

8. His lies are too intense and exaggerated(like that did not happen)

9. Kind of shy

10. Can’t hold a deep conversation 

11. Not very educated about past or current world events

12. Expects you to do wifey things without being his girl( Cook, clean, always pick up, be there whenever he needs you, faithful)

13. A pretty boy but ig captions are #younguglynigga #younghitnigga

14. Jealous of drug dealers, scammers, rappers (insecure about his own life)

15. Doesn’t have the best relationship with his mom

16. Confused as to why you even like him

17. Doesn’t support feminism ( big no no)

18. You suck his dick for 20mins, he eats you out for 3mins

19. Favorite position is backshots

20. Stroke game is 80mph not deep long strokes(important) 

21. Awkward after sex

22. He always nuts, you cum sometimes(dub)

23. Pays more attention to his phone than you

24. Talks about his ex often(the thot who cheated, let him tell it)

25. His friends say he’s the sweetheart out of the group

26. Jokes about your appearance to be funny(check that nigga, don’t laugh back)

27. “believe what you want”

28. Claims he doesn’t want an instagram model or bad bitch(to insecure to get one)

29. Follows all the bad bitches and instagram models tho

30. Doesn’t ask you questions about your childhood, hs experience 

31. His parents weren’t surprised or excited to meet you (they’ve met a thousand girls)

32. Doesn’t know much about the vagina (how its cleaned, what’’s up there, what feels good)

33. Told you you are weird( you probably are just more educated)

34. Anger issues( punched holes in his walls, aggressive voice)

35. Nothing unique about him

36. Claims to be an intellect but is dumb af

37. He hasn’t txt you in 3 days but you’ll get a txt tomorrow saying “you moving real funny” since he didn’t hear from you

38. You sweating him and he tells you to fallback(lowkey)

39. You stop sweating him and “You acting real funny”

40. No matter what he will never believe he’s a fuckboy because he was a good guy to his thot ex who’s dating another fuckboy 

41. But he is one also(its levels to it)

I could go on but ima stop here, feel free to add on girls!!!

anonymous asked:

What about a headcanon about Shouto as a husband? (If you havent already done so)

A GOOD IDEA THANK U ANON. I decided to do something besides the fluff starters bc I feel like it’s getting a little stale here. Lowkey want to write some smut but the amount of smut requests in my inbox and drafts is exactly zero so maybe I’ll write something just on my own. Also had a rough night of sleep bc my leg pain started acting up and I kept having nightmares so I’m a little down today ; m ;



Husband hcs for Todoroki Shouto:

  • For a while he tried his hand at making cute little bentos for his s/o but after a while he realized he wasn’t the best at it and just stuck to making regular ones and leaving a little hand written note for his s/o to read when they would open it. The notes vary from being short and sweet to long and full of emotion so every day it’s a pleasant surprise for his s/o. It’s unsure how he can think of a different one everyday but it’s impressive and heartwarming regardless of how he does it. 
  • On slow days he sends really sweet and thoughtful text to his s/o to read later when they end up checking their phone. He doesn’t mind if they don’t reply because he knows they’re probably busy but more often than not, if it’s a slow day for him it’s usually going to be a slow day for them as well. When this happens he might even call them up while sitting in his office and chat idly for a bit until either he or his s/o gets pulled away to do something else. 
  • If he gets come before his s/o he goes to draw a bath for the both of them to enjoy when his s/o gets home. It’s super nice and relaxing to be able to take baths together and he really enjoys them a lot tbh. Long days easily melt away in the bath water and it’s just an added bonus if the two of them get to doing something else besides just taking a bath. ;) 
  • When his s/o is having a bad day he’s on the ball about them coming home to a nice home cooked meal and quiet house. Along with a bath together he’ll also offer them a nice massage if they’re feeling tense or sore. Secretly gives the best massages so his s/o would be in for a real fucking treat. Occasionally takes the day off with his s/o if they’re feeling really bad or down and makes sure they’re absolutely getting taken care of if they’re sick.
  • Really enjoys those super domestic type things like going grocery shopping, cooking, and even cleaning the house. Just really likes that feeling of togetherness especially since he was pretty isolated from his own family for most of his life. Insists that they have some sort of pet(s) in the house since he also wasn’t really allowed that sort of thing growing up.
  • Both he and his s/o save a good amount of money in the summer and winter because they won’t have to crank up the a/c or heater bc he tends to act like both especially when they go to bed. Always has the best cuddling temperature no matter what it’s truly a blessing to his s/o. Though sometimes it back fires and neither of them want to get up in the mornings for work. Lazy day Sundays are very common with them and it’s usually a day of just staying in bed with each other. 

Aqours’s Gallery (April 2017)
Caption: Drawn by the lovely spring sunshine— there’re nice days for reading like this every once in a while♪

Yawn, mumble mumble—
Aah— what should I do.
When did I—?
Start getting sleepy, zura—.

Monday, after school.
I was waiting here for Ruby to finish her cleaning duty but…
But.
The library filled with the early spring sunlight streaming in was— warm.
Warm as if it was a greenhouse♡

It was different from the cold main hall of my temple home, which was full of holes and openings.
So, even when I was reading a book, it was snuggly warm.
Aah, it feels so good, no matter what, my eyelids are drooping zura—.

Maybe it was because I was reading a book till late last night?
It’s been a while since I last took out “Ningen no Unmei” —.

It’s an old story set in Izu, and it’s a long, long coming-of-age story that spans six volumes.
When I read it, I think of all the terrible hardships the people of old experienced. “They’re working very hard every day,” I would think.
When I read, I would always get concerned about the protagonist’s dramatic fate, my heart pounds and my chest hurts— continuing on makes it quite hard to stop reading.
Even though I knew it’s already past midnight, I just can’t stop, books are really troubling zura.

Ruby-chan still isn’t here huh?
If that’s the case, then it’s alright if I keep reading just a little bit…
No.
I wonder if it’s alright for me to continue dozing off just a little bit?
Ehehe♡
This sleeping beauty of the book kingdom— hopes you can forgive her for this zura.

Source: Dengeki G’s Magazine April 2017 issue
Translation: XiantheMiguel
QC: LuciaHunter

anonymous asked:

Do you have any tips to make line art look better, whenever I draw the lines end up looking like I'm making a 2nd draft when I just want clean lines 😧 if not that's okay, anyways how's life going for u?

my lines are actually… really messy LMAO but there are some things i do to try and make it look a little better !

  • draw big + scale down. i usually start with an 8x11″ canvas and then zoom out to around 25-50% to draw. when it gets resized, the lineart looks smoother and stray pixels are less noticeable
  • tinker around with the stabilizer/stabilization. if you have a shaky hand, this helps make your strokes less jittery. good rule of thumb is to work in quick, long strokes. if it’s too sketchy, you can always go back and erase the stray lines (tho you can tell i clearly don’t lmao)
  • brush settings matter, at least for me. if it doesn’t have the right ~feel~, i have a hard time getting used to it www/// it all depends on what kind of “look” you’re going for. if you like clean sharp lines with tapering ends and dynamic line-weight, you’d use the pen tool. if you want to emulate the “traditional” look, you’d use textures. if you like the simplistic/minimal doodle style, you’d use pen tool without pressure-sensitivity. i like my lines soft/sketchy and fading out in opacity (instead of tapering out in size), so i tend to use customized (air)brushes. experiment and play around with the settings to find the right one for you ovo)b
Fever

Requested:  Sick Shawn      

Shawn Mendes x Reader

words: 771



Shawn and you had planned to go on a date today, since the last time you two were out together was already some time ago. You two are going to go to one of your favourite restaurants and enjoy time together, before Shawn´s tour will start again next week. While you were standing in front of your closet, thinking of what to wear tonight, your phone rang. 

You expected that it was Shawn who called you, but it was Aaliyah, Shawn´s sister. You were confused at the beginning because she normally would text you if she needed something, but of course you answered anyway. 

She told you that Shawn wasn´t feeling very well and if you would be able to come, since her parents weren´t at home and she was worried about him and didn´t know what to do. So instead of spending another hour in front of your closet, you drove to Shawn´s place.

As you arrived Aaliyah let you in and welcomed you with a hug. As you walked in Shawn´s room and saw him rolled up in his bed, covered in sheets, eyes closed, you know why she called you. He really didn´t look good. His eyes were closed and you could see his pale, tensed face, covered in sweat. He didn´t noticed you, so you lightly knocked on his door. He opened his eyes and when he recognized you, he looked confused at first but after a second he smiled, happy to see you.

“What are you doing here? Wasn’t I supposed to pick you up?” he said with a hoarse voice but still a light smile on his lips. “Aaliyah called me. How’re you feeling?” “Better, now that you’re here”, he answered smirking. “Shawn, I’m serious.” you said with a smile. “Okay I’m not feeling very well.” You raised an eyebrow and eyed him. “Okay. Honestly? I feel awful. I´m cold and warm at the same time and my whole body hurts. My head hurts like someone´s beating against it and I feel like I´m the weakest person on earth right now”, he admitted. 

“Aaliyah said you already took medicine?” you asked. “Against the headache yes, but it didn’t really get better.” You touched his forehead with your hand. “You feel quite warm. Do you have a thermometer?” “In the bathroom” he answered. “Of course you don´t feel good, you have fever.”

You cooled down his head with a towel and cold water, made him a hot cup of his favourite tea and after you made sure he took something antipyretic you cuddled up next to him. After a while you mumbled against his bare shoulder: “Get some rest. I’m sure it will get better when you sleep.” You placed a peck upon, before you got out of his bed. “But what about our date? I promised you I will take you out before I’m on tour again, and tonight would be perfect”, he said disappointed. “The most important thing is that you get well as soon as possible. We can go out another time, but you have to be fit until next week.” You took his hand, while he began to speak again: “I’m really sorry, I know you looked forward to it.” “Don´t apologize. I just want to spend time with you and if it is at a restaurant or here doesn’t matter” you reassure him, and when you let go of his hand, you noticed how his eyes already got heavier.

Meanwhile, you cooked dinner and when Shawn went downstairs after his nap, you were laying the table and dinner was ready to eat. “What did I do to deserve you?” he asked with a hungry look at the self-made Spaghettis’, which made you laugh.  

“Dinner was great, thank you for cooking, I already feel a lot better.” he told you after you finished cleaning the kitchen. “No need, to thank me. I think it was a good replacement for our date, wasn´t it?”, you smiled. “It was perfect.” He hugged you tightly and after minutes he began to speak again: “I will miss you, when I´m on Tour.” “I will miss you too, so much.” You said, while looking him in his eyes, one hand on his cheek. “Thanks for taking care of me so well. I would love to kiss you now but I don’t want you to get sick too.” “I see. No, you shouldn’t kiss me.” “I mean, I already feel a lot better, but you´re right, I really shouldn’t” “You will do it anyway, won’t you?”, you said with a grin. “You know me way too well”, he said smirking and kissed you gently.


Thank you @snows-os for helping me. :) <3

anonymous asked:

threesome with shownu and changkyun please

Threesome with Shownu and Changkyun

Warning: NSFW

  • Shownu would start out by sitting across the room, slowly stroking himself,
  • watching you suck Changkyun off
  • “If either of you fail to follow my instructions, I’ll punish the shit out of you”
  • “Grab her hair”
  • you’d feel a hand roughly pull your hair
  • “Thrust faster”
  • you felt his cock hit the back of your throat
  • tears would start to form 
  • “Don’t even think about cumming”
  • small whimpers would be heard from above your head
  • while low grunts would sound off from across the room
  • “Turn her over so i can have a turn”
  • as soon as you were turned over, two long fingers were shoved into your pussy
  • “H-Hyunwoo”
  • “What is it, baby girl? Do you like it when daddy finger fucks you while somebody watches?”
  • more whimpers come from the boy jerking off next to you
  • he could feel you getting close
  • “Get over here and get ready to clean her up, Changkyun”
  • he’d eagerly lean over your cunt as you start coming undone 
  • he would waste no time licking at your sensitive clit just like shownu told him to
  • no matter how much you shook and whined
  • “Good boy. Now start stroking your cock and watch closely”
  • as you started to come down from your high, you’d feel a tin wrapper press against your lips
  • Bite
  • once you bit down, he’d tear the condom wrapper open
  • “What a good girl”
  • after a couple seconds of silence, you’d instantly feel his cock pound into you
  • he didn’t even give you any warning
  • “Look at him, baby girl. Look at how horny he is”
  • you’d open your eyes to watch Changkyun stroke his cock quickly
  • his hand was a blur as he panted and watched you
  • “Are you close Changkyun?” 
  • “Y-Yes”
  • “Start cumming so y/n can see”
  • low grunts, small pleas, and soft whimpers would mold together to make straight up music
  • soon a thumb would frantically start rubbing your clit so you could cum even harder
  • you didn’t even care who it belonged to
  • you’d watch Changkyun’s cock twitch as he finished cumming all over his thighs
  • all that could be heard afterward was heavy breathing
  • “What do you two say?”
  • “Thank you”
  • “Now come lay down”

Originally posted by wonkyuns

- J 

luxalae  asked:

YoooooOOo I love your blog, you're badass and take shit from no-one, And Uh, i be needing some tips .3. See, i'm about 5 years into my Pagan craft and loving it, but most of the time i don't feel very witchy. I've lost my flair. Any,, advice?? I'm just not as inspired as i used to be.

I hear this a lot. More than you’d expect, really. I ran into a similar problem five or six years into my own practice, and I’ve gotten similar messages from other witches at around the same general period in their own journeys. (I think The Fifth-Year Slump might be a thing, but really it can happen anytime.)

We all get to a point where we feel like we’ve stalled somehow. We’ve learnt the basics, we’ve run out of Witchcraft 101 books to read, we’re looking for the next step and not finding it, we haven’t had a reason to cast a spell in a while…it could be any number of things. And it’s very frustrating. Makes a witch want to hang up their boots.

For those of us with mentors or a local witchy community to offer guidance, it’s a little easier. There are extra resources and knowledgeable people to turn to, and that can help buoy things along until the slump passes.

For solitary practitioners, even with an online support system, we can be left feeling like, “Well….now what?”

What I’ve found to be helpful is getting back to my roots. By this I don’t necessarily mean starting over, but instead, going back to the things that made me want to be a witch in the first place, the things that made me turn my face to the autumn wind and wonder if I could fly.

Here’s a short list of suggestions to help you work through your slump:

Try something new. If your current line of study isn’t doing anything for you, branch out! Curious about the history of magical practices? Always wanted to try divination? Go for it! There are lots of places like Sacred Texts and Project Gutenberg were you can read books for free. See if something new grabs your interest. Nothing revitalizes a practice like having something new to explore.

Play in the dirt. For witches whose practice revolves around plants, getting into the garden and working the soil can make a world of difference. Go out and pull weeds for a bit, or plant something new, or just sit and soak up the sun with your plants. Pick up a potted plant or some kitchen herbs that are easy to grow. Tend them and harvest them. Seeing little bundles of drying herbs and flowers hanging about always makes me feel better.

Get out of the house (if you can). Stir things up with a little fresh air and a mini road trip. Go visit a local park. Take a stroll through the woods. Visit a sacred site. Is there a particular spot within easy travel distance that makes you feel witchy and powerful? Go pay it a visit and see how you feel.

Attend a gathering. If time and energy and finances allow, see if there’s a pagan (or at least pagan-friendly) festival in your area. The largest concentration of gatherings usually happens in spring and fall, so these might be the best times to go looking. It doesn’t have to be a full-on rite or anything elaborate; it can be as simple as a local street fair. Sometimes just seeing and interacting with other practitioners, even on a momentary basis, can give us a helpful and refreshing boost.

Curl up with an old favorite. This one is going to sound silly to some folks, but I swear to you, this is probably the most effective method on the list. If you’ve hit a slump and nothing else is helping, pull out the books and movies and music that make you feel witchy.

Doesn’t matter what month it is, it’s always a good time for The Worst Witch or Halloweentown. Loved Practical Magic or The Craft? Watch them again. (Don’t be ashamed, I love them too.) Reread that book that made you want to cackle over a cauldron. Harry Potter? The Abhorsen Series? The Enchanted Forest Chronicles? The Discworld Witches? The Black Jewels? Do it. Put on a playlist with a witchy feel while you’re running errands or cleaning or chilling on the computer. Anything that floats your broomstick. There are plenty of them to be found on Spotify.

Whether it was hearing “Seven Wonders” at just the right time, or a poignant remark from Granny Weatherwax that really hit home, or that one episode of AHS: Coven, these things affected you in a profound way for a reason. Revisit them. Say hello. Don’t be surprised if the magic is still there. Because it’s still in you too.

You just need to find it again. :)

Shannon’s Birthday Fic Challenge!

HELLO FAM. in honor of almost reaching 3k followers and my 20th birthday coming up next month, I’m hosting my first fic challenge!

your fics should be posted BY MY BIRTHDAY, MARCH 12TH! obviously you can send them in before that, but if you need an extension, please message me. because the next day (march 13th), I’ll be making a masterpost for all the fics.

the fic theme is BIRTHDAY and there are ONLY 50 SPOTS OPEN, FIRST COME FIRST SERVE!

HOW TO ENTER:

1) send me an ask (asks ONLY guys!)

2) tell me what character you’re writing for

3) pick a prompt and a backup prompt in case your first pick is already taken!

RULES AND LIST OF PROMPTS BELOW THE CUT!

Keep reading

in the bathtub - Joji

Request: you’re feeling stressed because of college and Joji is there to help you, of course: by having sex in the bathtub. NSFW

***

“Babe,” Joji says to you, watching you from the kitchen. “You look like shit.”

You lift up your head after untying your shoes—and glare at him. “Thank you for the compliment, honey.” You respond sarcastically, not in the mood for Joji’s shit. You stand up, throw your bag roughly on the floor, uncaring of the stuff inside it. You take off your coat and put it messily on the rack—you don’t even care that it fell to the floor, as you’re already moving towards the living room.

“Something happened?” your lover asks you, watching you warily as you jump onto the couch, face stuffed into a pillow. And obviously not in the mood to talk as your back is facing him. But he doesn’t take your annoyed grunt as a sign to back off: in fact, he can’t leave you alone. He needs to know in order to make you feel better. “Hey, babe.” Joji starts poking your head to make you attentive. “Talk to me.”

Keep reading

anonymous asked:

Odd question I know but just had sex and we switched between anal and vaginal sex and I was wondering if my vagina is okay? I really have to poop now but like I don't want my vagina to like have bits of poop in it? How do I clean it? He wore a condom.

Alright, this is a perfect opportunity to talk about some vaginal health stuff. But first thing’s first- stop reading this and get in the shower. Wash your vagina with water.

Peeing After Sex

First of all- every person with a vagina out there in the world should be peeing after sex!

Some people choose to also shower after sex, but this is more of a personal preference. Peeing after sex greatly decreases your risk of getting a UTI or “urinary tract infection”. This is a painful vaginal infection that is caused when bacteria from the anus gets into the urethra and travels up to the bladder. Even if you are not switching between vaginal and anal intercourse, vaginas still run a high risk of contracting a UTI during sex because, in layman’s terms: “the holes are right next to each other”. 

Penises can also contract a UTI, but vaginas are more prone to them because our urethra are naturally shorter.

So obviously, you’ll run a greater risk of getting a UTI if you are switching between anal and vaginal sex. What I would recommend you do next time is to do vaginal sex first, and then move to anal. Think about how you wouldn’t wipe your butt before your vagina- the same rule applies here.

That said, UTIs are super common and super treatable! You will at one point in your life get one, and once you start your antibiotics you’ll be feeling 100% within 24 hours. 

Symptoms of a UTI include: excessive peeing, painful urination, bloody urination, and abdominal spasms after urinating. If you feel any of these symptoms I would recommend visiting the doctor immediately. It doesn’t have to be OBGYN, you regular doctor will do. Cranberry juice also helps, but trying natural remedies will not kill this infection. You need actual antibiotics!

In summary: It does not matter if your boyfriend cums in you, or if you’re pegging your girlfriend… pee after sex! This is the first step to a healthy and happy vagina.

Cleaning Your Vagina

I see posts on Tumblr all the time about “conditioners” and “special body washes” that you can use to clean your vagina. Please don’t. Your vagina is naturally one of the cleanest organs in your body, and does not need anything other than plain old water to get it sparkling and fresh.

In fact, another extremely common female ailment called a “yeast infection” is caused by a soapy vagina. Vaginas are naturally acidic, and we use a PH scale to measure a specific vagina’s acidity. Normal PH levels are around 3.5 to 4.5. Yeast infection PH levels are upwards of those numbers. Literally your vagina will be burning and painful.

Say it with me: Soap + vagina = yeast infection. 

Symptoms of a yeast infection: Thick discharge, swollen labia, painful urination, literal itchy vagina. 

Once again, since they’re so common, they’re also treatable. But yeast infections aren’t cured over night, and often last upwards of a week. So although it may seem tempting to give your vagina an extra spruce up with some excellent smelling body wash, please refrain from it!

Use your hands to part your vagina’s lips and allow the water to fully permeate. This part of the vagina tends to be the stinkiest, because it includes your urethra opening (your pee hole) as well as your clitoris. Then use your hands to slightly open your actual vaginal hole, and allow water in there as well. Don’t worry, it won’t get stuck in there- it’ll pour right back out! 

I usually wait until the end of my shower to wash my vagina, to ensure that on the odd chance I did accidentally get some soap down there, that it gets washed out. It generally takes me about three minutes to clean. Sometimes I just hang out in there longer because water pressure on your clit feels awesome. If you’re uneasy touching yourself down there (and many of us are), run yourself a plain bath.

In summary: No matter what sort of intercourse you’re having, you should never wash your vagina with anything other than normal shower water. Even if there is lube everywhere and you’re panicking. A yeast infection is never worth it!

Please feel free to private message me with any more questions! I hope this helps and good luck. 

anonymous asked:

nsfw hcs for mirio? kinks favorite positions etc

my good beefy boy, what a man

- shower sex is his fave cause he doesn’t have to clean up

- and his s/o just looks SO DAMN hot with the water pouring down their body

- he’s dom 90% of the time but would happily give it up if his partner wanted it

- would!!!do!!!anything!!!!to!1!!!please!!!his!!!!partner!!!!!

- doesn’t matter if it’s some weird ass fetish he’s down for it cause he just wants them to feel good

- expect he doesn’t fuck w furries

- gets really sweaty,, but he still somehow smells good like wtf???

- really into spanking 

- down for threesomes as long as he knows and is comfortable ( and of course his s/o is comfortable in it) with the other person 

- voted most likely to be in a polyamorous relationship 

- just what a good beefy boy, my kind of man 

- D (I’m actually in love with him like what a damn man)

anonymous asked:

For the prompt request, what about a Coldatom AU where Ray's also been seeing a hallucination/time ghost/whatever of Snart?

“Ya know, Raymond?” Leonard says, leaning on the kitchen counter. “For someone with a body like yours, I thought you’d stay away from processed foods.”

“We live off of food that’s made in a fabricator, I don’t think it even matters anymore. And for the record, I never really ate clean. Just two hours in the gym every morning and good genes.” Ray can’t believe he’s not only bickering with a hallucination of his dead teammate, but also feeling the need to justify himself.

“So modest,” Leonard snarks back.

“You’re not even real,” Ray puts down his favorite box of synthetic cereal that he was unceremoniously eating out of. “You are a figment of my imagination, a hallucination.”

“We’ve been over this, Raymond.” Leonard turns to lean forward over the counter on his crossed arms. “You’re not hallucinating, I’m a ti-”

“Time ghost, yeah, I know,” Ray says crossing his arms over his broad chest. “Not only does that sound ridiculous - and given that we’re on a space ship traveling through time, that’s saying something - but if you’re a ghost, then why are you only haunting me? You have an entire ship full of people you could be bothering.”

Leonard just shrugs. “Believe me, I’ve tried. I actually promised Stein I’d come back to haunt him, and I always keep my promises.”

Ray just scowls at him.

“Besides, I think I got lucky,” Leonard says, leaning up and forward so he’s level with Ray, “Who wouldn’t want to be the fly on Ray Palmer’s bedroom wall?”

The familiar drawl makes heat travel down Ray’s body, settling low in his belly. This is not happening, Ray Palmer is not going to be turned on by a time ghost or hallucination or whatever of Leonard Snart. He had a hard enough time keeping it in his pants when the bastard was alive.

“You watch me sleep?” Ray asks backing away from the counter, putting some space between them.

“Oh, I watch you do more than sleep, boy scout.” Leonard throws him a wink and Ray knows he’s blushing, can feel the heat at the tops of his ears and on his cheeks.

“In fact, I’m pretty sure my ears were burning last night while you were in the shower.”

Ray just shakes his head, and backs completely away from the counter, standing at the opposite side of the room. He has his arms crossed over just chest, trying to look offended, but only feels embarrassment.

“You can’t do that, Snart,” says Ray, but his words are weak. “You can’t keep showing up, letting me see you - or whatever is happening. It’s cruel.”

“No matter what this is, it hurts.” Ray’s eyes never leave Leonard’s. His gaze burns right through Ray, searing him completely.

“It’s not like it matters now anyway,” Ray says, softly, finally looking away from the other man, casting his eyes downward.

There’s a silence that hangs for a few moments, before Leonard breaks it.

“I know this won’t make things any better, but… I wish we had more time, Raymond. You and I.”

Ray looks up, but Leonard is gone, leaving nothing but an echo and a hollow feeling in Ray’s chest.

anonymous asked:

How do I know if I am actually aroace? I've been identifying that for a few months but lately I've been thinking. What if it's just me being emotionless and cold-hearted? Like I usually don't feel anything. I'm just 'empty.' And I don't want to claim being aroace if I'm not. I don't want other people tell me that I'm faking it or that it's not real, that I just don't feel emotions...

Does your gut tell you so? Do you see ace/aro jokes and think ‘lol that’s me!”?
Generally in cases like this the answer isn’t a clean cut answer you are x and not y. It’s very possible you not feeling certain (or several) emotions does play into your asexuality or aromanticism. And there is nothing wrong with that. 

The truth is no matter what you do, some asshole is going to tell you it isn’t good enough. Ignore them, focus on what you do or don’t feel and in what ways that can bring you peace and happiness.